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It hadn’t been intentional. It never had been every time it happened before. It just happened, and then it was as though she threw every bit of commonsense into the wind and watched it scatter to lands far away; only to return upon her mournful cries of friends lost.
You see, Hecate was not always the distant, collected witch many knew her as today.
Once, many years ago, before she settled at Cackles, she was different; free.
She grew up in a home where she was taught the importance of control, of both her magic and emotions. But when she left home for her studies, she left that behind, wanting to be open with those around her, wanting to have the ever lasting bonds with people outside her family like the characters in her books. She worked hard, making sure her grades were the highest they could possibly be, often times being the top of the class, but for the few friends she’d made, she made time so they could be together. As she grew, some friends faded away, others came into her life, but one always stayed.
Pippa Pentangle.
An extraordinary witch who was just so free with everything that Hecate couldn’t help but full in love with. She knew the second Pippa landed beside her in the courtyard at the beginning of their final term that she was in love with her and when her friend moved in to hug her, she had turned and pressed a firm kiss to the pale pink lips she’d been dreaming of since the previous term.
Hecate’d had no fear of Pippa’s reaction, knowing even if her feelings weren’t returned, they’d never be held against her, at least by Pippa. But as she’d soon learn, once she fell, commonsense would flee.
She’d been right about Pippa of course, while she didn’t return her feelings, she made sure it changed nothing between them. They still spent as much time together as they could, even sneaking into each others dorms for sleepovers after lights out.
However the other girls who’d been in the court yard had seen, and every chance they got to tease and torment her about the kiss they did, but only when she was alone. After weeks of the constant reminder of her actions, Hecate finally gave in and sat down with her friend and told her of everything, crying without shame as she repeated some of the things her peers threw at her almost daily.
The next few weeks were much nicer for Hecate, no one said anything to or about her, and she thanked Pippa by baking her favourite cake. Only she’d never managed to give it to her. She had been cornered by Pippa’s other friend and told rather bluntly to leave Pippa alone, that she couldn’t handle being around someone so obsessive any more. They’d up ended the cake on to her uniform as a final act of horridness and left, leaving her angry and confused with tears rolling down her face.
She’d been heart broken, and wanting to not believe a word they’d said, she’d fled for Pippa’s room, wanting reassurance that everything they said was a lie. Only when she got to the door, she could hear the laughter coming from within from none other then the three girls who’d cornered her mere moments before.
That night as she cried into her pillow, blankets twisted around her tightly, the wind blew in her open window.
The next day, she decided to focus on her studies for the remaining months and cut off all contact with Pippa Pentangle. She vowed to herself that next time she fell in love, she’d be more careful.
If only she’d managed to do so.
Her first year into witchy college and she fell for another student in the year above her. Annette. At first it’d been wonderful and wild and she forgot all about her promise to herself. But as the months flew by, she found herself falling more and more and Annette pulling away. It finally came to a head when not even four months in to the relationship she found Annette in bed with another and her world ripped to shreds by the uncaring words from dark purple lips.
“It’s not like we’re in love Hecate, it was only ever a bit of fun.”
After that she returned her focus to her studies, her pain only ever escaping at night after she’d set as many spells as she could manage to prevent others from hearing.
Her senses returned to her and for the following years after that, she stayed just a step back from everyone, not truly shutting herself off from her friends, but keeping her away from them, lest she go and fall in love again. With her attention shifted, she graduated at the top of her year and set out to enjoy the world before taking her place as Potions teacher at Cackles.
She travelled that summer, rarely staying in one place long enough to settle, always looking for something new. The longest she stayed with anyone, which she regrets to this day, was with a witch she’d started travelling with after falling into bed with her.
Bridget was different from everyone else she’d ever been with, both emotionally and physically. Bridget was older, and not looking for something permanent, which worked perfectly for Hecate as she had no wish to either. But as they moved from town to town, Hecate felt herself slip, just slightly. She should have payed more attention to it, but the affection and kindness from Bridget soothed the feeling of wrongness she felt and she forgot about it.
But like all things, it came to an end, much worse then she’d previously experienced.
She slipped up, her thoughts falling past her unwilling lips in a moment of passion.
“I love you.”
She wasn’t even aware she’d fallen for a third time until that moment. It shocked her, but not nearly as much as the hand connecting with her face with a resound crack of skin on skin. She’d reeled back, her own hand coming up to cover the flaming area as tears stung her eyes. She said nothing as Bridget packed her things and left. She stayed standing, refusing to let any of the tears she felt gathering fall as she had done, until the sun rose the next morning. When there was enough light to fill the room she’d rented for the week, of which they’d only spent two nights, she turned around and waved her hand. In moments all but her quill and paper were packed, and she was left to sit at the small table and write a letter to her employer, alerting them to the fact that she would be their a few days early.
It surprised her when she found herself at Cackles that evening. It was an even bigger surprise when she was greeted by not the Headmistress, but her daughter who had just taken up position of Deputy Headmistress, Ada Cackle.
The hand print from Bridget was still visible, a bright red against her pale skin, but Ada said nothing of it, for which Hecate would be eternally grateful for; she knew if even one word was said about it, she break and that would not do, not anymore.
Years later, she would realise that that was her first misstep with Ada Cackle.
The second was allowing her to join her that evening for a cup of tea before bed.
The third was letting her do it again the following night, and the one after that and the next.
It set a routine. One they rarely deviated from.
It grew of course, with Ada slowly chipping away at the wall Hacate had built up the morning of her arrival at Cackles with occasional walks around the school grounds and shared desks in the library for research. Hecate came to anticipate the times they spent together. She grew fond of Ada and her oddly endearing love of cream cakes.
It took her years of patiently waiting for Hecate to talk about anything other then her personal life. But when she did, the night after Ada took over as Headmistress officially and Hecate as Deputy, it was with an openness she hadn’t shown since Pippa. She thought for sure she’d find herself receiving the cold shoulder from Ada the following morning, she’d prepared herself for it, but it didn’t happen. Ada acted as she always did, warmly and with an honesty she had yet to see anywhere else. Throughout the day and into the night, Hecate was racked with nerves, wondering if it was now that Ada would come to her senses and realise that she was a mistake waiting to happen. But when it came time for their usual cup of tea, Ada came and sat, already talking a mile a minute about the budgets and how the numbers were dancing on the page once more, and Hecate relaxed. Nothing had changed between them.
Another chip fell from her wall.
It continued like that, every so often with Hecate opening up and regretting it, only to accept it when Ada continued on as though nothing had happened. And every time, another piece fell form the wall that surround Hecates heart.
On the night of her tenth year at Cackles, Hecate was sitting in Ada’s private lounge, enjoying the warmth of the fire, when she realised, mid way through her sentence that she was in love. With a horrible excuse, Hecate fled, transferring herself to her own rooms. She paced and paced and paced until the sun rose and paced some more after. She only left her rooms upon remembering she had students to teach.
The poor dears didn’t know what happened, but she swore to herself she’d make it up to them.
Just as soon as she figured out how to stop loving their Headmistress.
She avoided Ada as much as possible, and she knew the only reason she managed it for as long as she did was because Ada herself was allowing her to get away with it. However, she knew soon enough even Ada’s patience would run out and she would come looking. So come Friday evening a week later, she set out the tea, and a plate of cream cakes, and waited for her guest to come knocking.
When she opened the door, she was very conscious of her actions. She reached out, taking hold of her hand as gently as she possibly could, just in case Ada wished to pull away, and pulled her inside her rooms. Without hesitation she shut the door, nudging her friend back to rest against it and leant down.
The kiss was short, barely a press of the lips, but it made Ada sigh so happily that Hecate found herself doing it again.
When she pulled back this time, she nervously waited for Ada’s reaction.
“I love you too Hecate.”
It was the first time someone had said it back, and Hecate couldn’t have been happier that it was Ada who did it first.