Archive of Our Own

“Why exactly do I have to work with you again?” The woman clicked her tongue in distaste, her arms crossed over her chest while she frowned at the redhead in front of her.

“The pleasure is all mine,” the man responded sarcastically, rolling his azure eyes as he kept a hand on top of his beloved hat – it was quite windy today and he definitely did not want to run after his flying hat.

“How about instead of complaining, let's just fucking do the job. I wanna get this over with quickly, damn it.”

Ayana snorted in response, “I just prefer working alone, is all.”

At that, Chuuya laughed. Not having expected such a reaction, her frown deepened as she watched the man's shoulder shaking visibly from laughter, before he calmed down, a big grin spread wide across his face.

“Oh, believe me,” he retorted, still chuckling a little, “after having worked with the stupid mackerel Dazai,” he spoke out his name more venomous than possibly any snake could be, “for three years, I prefer working alone as well. But team work is important. Especially you need to learn that.”

Ayana didn't respond to that. His grin vanished from his gaze, the serious “I'm-a-Mafia-Executive,” expression replacing it.

“Let's go now and nail those thugs' asses to the wall. Nobody messes with the Port Mafia under my fucking watch.”

Chuuya thought that Ayana simply couldn't stand him, just like she despised practically every human being. He didn't saw how a small smile crept on her lips after he had said those words.

“Yes, Nakahara-san.”

He did not know that she tried to distance herself from him as good as possible because she could stand him.

Ayana didn't like to work with other people. She was an introvert. She only talked if it was necessary to. She only worked with others if it was necessary to. But sometimes, she could swear that Mori wanted to annoy the hell out of her.

The mission with Chuuya was completed without any major problems, it was as if they were made to be partners. Which was pretty strange for two people who both rather worked alone. There was something lying between them, Ayana could feel it. She wished she didn't feel it, but every time the executive grinned or swore or even just fought – her mind went blank, her eyes only focusing on him and him alone.

‘Damn those feelings, so hard to deal with…’

“I'll call my underlings to deal with the rest,” the redhead said, interrupting Ayana's thoughts, “Good job, Ryuuko-san.”

“Well, it wasn't that freaking hard, anyways,” she responded coolly, running her fingers over her wavy hair.

Chuuya chuckled lowly. “That's the spirit.” He turned to face her properly. “I guess we're finally done, then. You submit the report by tomorrow. I’m too busy for that crap.”

‘And I'm not, or what?’

The grey haired nodded nonetheless, already turning on her heel in order to leave the scene, when Chuuya’s voice resounded once more.

“Ryuuko-san!”

Sighing, the woman turned around once more, frowning at him, “What is it, Nakahara-san?”

“You have big potential to become a great Executive, Ryuuko-san,” he said, staring into her yellow eyes intently. “Keep working hard.”

She froze, only able to nod as an answer. Chuuya nodded back, waving shortly as a goodbye, before she turned around and vanished from his sight.

Ayana had a lot of pride, she knew that she possessed great abilities that had allowed her to climb the ladder of Mafia authorities up quickly – but somehow, hearing that from Chuuya made her chest swell with more than just pride. It was happiness.

However, this happiness was doomed to be her downfall into disaster.

Being in love was the last thing that Ayana needed in her life. Preferably not at all. What was worse was the fact that her “special someone,” as most people called it, was one of the five Executives of the Port Mafia. And what was even worse than that was the fact that she was, too.

Being in the Port Mafia and having feelings was the same as suicide. But she was in that situation now and she had to deal with it somehow. If she wanted to or not.

“Gosh, I did not sign up for this!” Ayana exclaimed angrily, staring at the document in front of her with deadly eyes. She was working on the report that Chuuya was too lazy for. Having made herself comfortable on the couch with her computer sitting on her lap, she sipped on her glass of wine before putting it back down on the table. She wasn't going to write a long-ass report in the late evening while being sober. Thankfully, she had quite the high tolerance when it came to alcoholic drinks.

Still, having to spend the night in front of her computer was annoying. But the report itself wasn't the hardest thing for her to deal with. It was her mind which zoned out way too often, showing her inner eye several images of a certain executive member. His grin. His sexy body.

The sudden beeping of her phone brought Ayana back to reality before thoughts could invade her mind that she should not be having. At all costs. Looking at the screen of her phone, the woman realized it was a message of Tachihara.

Tachihara: Wanna come over to the bar we went to last time? Black Lizard Squad needs to reunite!

Ayana had been in the Black Lizard ages ago, and she could not remember when was the last time she had hung out with Tachihara and the others. She did not like to meet up with others. But seeing old companions again couldn't be that bad, now could it? Moreover, the bar served nice drinks. And it could distract her from certain other thoughts.

Me: When?

Tachihara: 9 P.M. See ya! :)

This would turn out okay, surely it would.

It did not. Ayana had forgotten just how much Tachihara talked. Way too much for her liking. Along with Tachihara there was also Gin and some other people that she could not remember the names of. Not that she really cared, anyways.

“We really miss ya, you know?” Tachihara said, already half-drunk after only two drinks. Good thing that he paid for everything, so Ayana could at least enjoy free drinks. She had changed her outfit for the night, wearing a neat red dress that complimented her bodily features and reached a little above her knees. Normally, when working for the Mafia, she dressed a lot more formal, wearing a brown vest over her white blouse, brown colored pants as well as white boots that reached up until around her thighs.

But this night was supposed to be fun. The emphasis lying on supposed.

“I left the Black Lizard one and a half years ago,” Ayana responded shortly, sipping on her drink.

“I know that! You know, I've always looked up to ya!”

“Ah, I'm flattered.”

No she wasn't, but she could at least play nice in front the person that paid for her drinks. Tachihara then continued reminiscing about their past when they still worked together as Black Lizard.

Ayana sighed. This was exactly why she was fond of Gin. Because Gin didn't talk and didn't expect you to talk. She just sat there, had her drink and stayed silent.

“Ryuuko-san? Are you listening?”

“Yes, of course I am,” she lied, sipping on her third drink by now. If that was how this night was going to be until they left, she would rather have written the report. She would rather have written two reports.

‘Dealing with people is so annoying.’

When the next song in the bar was played, however, Ayana's legs moved on their own accord. It was one of her favorite songs. She left her drink on the counter and immediately headed for the dance stage, her body unconsciously moving to the rhythm. Tachihara didn't even notice that she had left, instead babbling on, telling old stories to no one listening.

Within seconds, Ayana had mingled in between the other dancing people, moving with elegance and running her fingers through her hair every now and then. She attracted attention quickly. A man approached her, he wasn't too tall and had quite a charming face, his reddish brown hair was around shoulder-length and ruffled and a grin spread across his face. He moved close towards her, the distance between their bodies not more than an inch. She danced with her back turned to him.

Ayana loved to flirt, especially when she was quite drunk. A glass of wine and three drinks were a little much even for her. She turned around so they were facing each other, staring intensely into each others eyes. He had blue eyes, which reminded her of a certain pair that she was familiar with.

“I like the way you move your body,” the man whispered into her ear, his voice dangerously sexy.

“You do?” She whispered back, keeping eye-contact while still moving in synch. His azure eyes held a dark glow as he scanned her thoroughly.

Ayana couldn't help but think of how much his eyes reminded her of Chuuya's. He was only a few inches taller than him, too. For a moment, the grey haired closed her eyes, imagining how it would be if it was indeed Chuuya that was dancing with her.

“Yes, I do.”

His voice sounded similar to Chuuya's when he was drunk. His hand found his way to Ayana's hip, and when she looked at his face again, all she could see was Chuuya.

It was this very moment when she realized that she had always wanted to be this close to Chuuya. Wanted to feel his breath on her skin. No matter how afraid she was of her own feelings, she felt safe when Chuuya was with her. If she was ever going to be willing to let somebody break down the walls that she had built up around her, it would be Chuuya. It had been Chuuya all along. She couldn't deny it anymore.

The song ended. Ayana’s movement went completely still. And along with it the little dream she had been dreaming until now.

“Hey? Is everything okay?”

This wasn't Chuuya's voice. She looked at him, but she could not find any resemblance with Chuuya anymore. He had icy blue eyes, not the azure ones Chuuya had. His hair was a different shade of red and way shorter than Chuuya's. He was taller than Chuuya. He was not Chuuya.

Ayana slowly stepped back. Chuuya didn't dance with her. He never has. Never probably will. He was a workaholic. He lived for the Mafia. He had no room for anything or anybody else in his life. No room for her.

How could she imagine this for even a moment? This wasn't a teenage romance movie. This was the real life.

The man tried to grab her wrist but the woman quickly turned around, on her way out of the bar.

“Ryuuko-san!” Tachihara's voice made her stop in her tracks, pausing to look at him. He seemed very concerned, his expression worried. “You wanna leave already? Didn't even finish yer drink.”

“I have to go, Tachihara-san. Thanks for inviting me,” she turned around quickly and left the bar. Even though she was quite drunk, her mind was clear enough to find the way back home.

This was what happened when you got too attached to another person. You become vulnerable. And even if it, on the outside, didn’t look like Ayana was vulnerable at all, she was more vulnerable than anybody else. She had denied affection for so long that she had forgotten how it could feel like. She hadn't noticed how empty she had become. After having been lonesome for so long, even the smallest bit of affection could remind her of how much she actually needed it. Affection from the person that she might never get it from.

When she went to rest in her bed that night, she felt like she was suffocating. Her breathing was shallow, her chest was hurting painfully from the inside. That is what heartbreak must feel like, she thought before she fell asleep.

Little did she know that this was the start of her downfall.

Sighing, Ayana brushed her temples. Last night had been a rough night for her – and the amount of alcohol was the smallest problem. Jazz music was being played while she was riding up the elevator. Her head was hurting awfully – the meds had yet to show their effect. Thankfully, she had already overcome the part where it felt like her brain was exploding.

The doors opened, and Ayana professionally managed to appear like a tough executive towards the guards standing before the Mafia Boss's door. She walked over to them with an almost bored expression as if meeting up with the head of the Port Mafia was not a big deal. She came to halt right before them, noticing how they scanned her from head to toe. She was still a newbie, after all.

“Ryuuko Ayana, the Boss ordered me here,” she spoke coolly, shooting them a dangerous glare before they stepped to the side, making room for her to pass while opening the door.

“Ahh, Ayana-kun, I've been expecting you!” Mori exclaimed in a too happy mood from behind his desk. Ayana was glad the distance between them was big enough so he couldn’t see the bags under her eyes. Her hair was more ruffled than usually, too. But if anybody dared to say anything about her appearance – or even worse, her height – then shit would go down quickly.

“I got the report concerning the mission Nakahara-san and me were assigned to yesterday, Boss.”

She stepped in front of the desk, putting the folder with the printed report next to his other huge amount of papers. Somehow, Ayana had still managed to complete the entire thing in the early morning.

“Ah, thank you kindly, Ayana-kun,” Mori replied with a small smile on his lips, putting the folder onto of his other piles of paperwork. “How was working with Chuuya-kun again? Did everything go smoothly?”

His smile was taunting her.

‘You can just read the report, damn it, that’s why I freaking wrote it!’

“Everything went according to plan, Boss. No incidents worth to mention,” she responded, trying to sound as formal as she could.

“That was not my question, Ayana-kun.”

For a moment, Ayana's yellow eyes held a dark glow, but she regained her composure quickly.

“It was a good experience, just like last time we worked together. We were in synch so to say, no communication problems either.”

“I see, that’s good to hear.”

“I still prefer working alone, though, Boss.”

The raven haired chuckled lightly at that, causing Ayana to wince slightly in place. He rested his chin on his folded fingers, staring into the woman's eyes as if reading her mind.

“I see.”

“Am I allowed to take my leave then, Boss?”

He grinned. “Of course you are, Ayana-kun. Keep up the good work,” there was a dangerous glint in his red eyes that made her shiver unconsciously, “I expect a lot from you, newest executive member of the Port Mafia.”

“I will do my best to meet your expectations, Boss,” she replied, already doing her best at making sure that her voice didn't waver as she spoke. Then, she turned around and left.

Walking through the hallways of the Port Mafia headquarters had been a struggle when Ayana started out working for the organization. It was like a maze – if you weren't familiar with the place, you could get lost easily.

By now, the headquarters have become a second home for the grey haired woman. She knew every single wing, not even having to think about the way. It was natural for her to be here and walk around, greeting others that she encountered on her way. As she was walking, a certain voice calling out for her made her abruptly stop in her tracks.

She turned around, seeing a familiar redhead approaching her from behind, greeting her with a short wave. Ayana had to do her best in order to banish the negative thoughts from last night into the tiniest and most far away corner of her mind. She had to appear strong. She was strong.

“Did you hand the report to Mori-san?” He asked once he stood beside her. They continued walking on through the hallway side to side.

“Yes, I did,” she replied shortly, putting a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Ah, that's good to hear,” he said, seemingly relaxed now that he had one thing less to worry about. He turned to look at her. “I'm on my way to Ane-san. Wanna come with me?”

Ayana's eyes widened for a second.

“Uh… I'm not sure whether I got the time for this. Moreover, I'm sure you and Ozaki-san will have important things to discuss, don't you?” She did her best to hide her face from him through her grey locks, since it was heating up with each passing second.

A hand clasping her shoulder made the woman wince for a second.

“Ah, meeting up with Ane-san always means chatting with a cup of tea for the first ten minutes. You have only met her a few times, didn't you? I'm sure you two will get along just fine.” He grinned widely. “You’re both women.”

Ayana frowned at him. “What kind of dumb conclusion is that?”

He simply shrugged. “Just sayin’.”

She snorted, “What do you expect? That we will have small talks about the newest fashion? Maybe we're gonna braid each other's hair tomorrow?”

Now it was Chuuya’s turn to frown at her. “You’re both women. Anything is possible. Now, stop making fun of me.”

“Someone's sulky now?” Ayana grinned evilly. “Aw, poor Chuuya.”

“I'm not sulky, alright?!” He seemed quite aggravated.

He was cute when he was angry.

“Sure, sure, you're not,” the woman replied with a sarcastic undertone.

“So, are you coming now or what?” He asked, trying to move the conversation into another direction.

Sighing softly, Ayana agreed to his suggestion. They walked in silence for the next few minutes. Normally, Ayana would cherish every minute of quiet peace, however, next to Chuuya, it made her feel utterly uncomfortable.

“Ah, Nakahara-san,” she started, but was interrupted shortly after.

“Just call me Chuuya. We've worked together a lot now, it's okay for you to call me by my first name, Ayana-san.”

The light blush that formed on her cheeks was inevitable.

“Okay, Chuuya-san,” she started again, finding it strangely comfortable how his first name rolled off her tongue. “Did your subordinates manage to deal with the rest, yesterday?”

“Ah, don't remind me of it,” he said, bringing his hand onto his forehead in shame. “Sometimes I wonder how many Mafia members actually possess intelligence.”

“Apparently, the number's not that high,” she replied with a smug smirk on her face.

“You hit it spot-on,” he sighed softly. Then, he let out a low chuckle. “And yet, I can’t imagine not working for the Port Mafia.”

Ayana could understand that very well. The Mafia had become her home, too. “You're very loyal to Mori-san, no?”

“Damn well I am,” he responded, a fire of pride flaming up inside of him, “My loyalty belongs solely to Mori-san and the Port Mafia, and nothing else. This is the life that's made for me. I can't imagine living any other lifestyle than this.”

For some reason, hearing this made Ayana's chest hurt. It's not like hadn’t known before. She had known from the start that Chuuya simply lived for the Mafia, and that was it. No room for anything else. Let alone romance.

“Guess we're here,” he brought her back into reality, before knocking on the door in front of them.

That's just how he was.

Ozaki Kouyou was a nice woman. This much Ayana could already tell during their first meeting. She was kind and friendly, surrounded by a comfortable atmosphere.

“Sit down, you two,” Kouyou said, motioning for them to take a seat in front of her. Next to her was a table on which stood a tea pot. Chuuya had been right. “Tea?” She offered with a friendly smile.

Chuuya said Yes, Ayana declined. She was not made for little tea parties. She wasn't one to regularly chit-chat with others, either. But if Chuuya was there, she could enjoy it at least a little.

“Sometimes, a nice cup of tea is all you need,” the red haired woman said before sitting down herself.

“I'm delighted to see that Chuuya-kun brought our newest executive with him. It's a pleasure to meet you again, Ryuuko-kun.”

“Ah, it's a pleasure for me, too, Ozaki-san,” Ayana replied.

Kouyou chuckled lightly, hiding her lips with the sleeve of her kimono. “No need to be so formal. You may call me Ane-san, like Chuuya-kun does.”

“Oh, sure…” She forced out a small smile.

“So, how were your last missions together? I heard you are a good team,” Kouyou said, looking into Chuuya's direction with a knowing expression.

“It’s okay for the start, but she still has a long way to go,” the male replied, causing Ayana to frown at him. As if reading her mind, which said “What-the-heck-are-you-talking-about", he went on, “she's good, but she could be better. Her movements are a tad too slow and unsure.”

“You're the best martial artist in the entire Port Mafia, compared to that I'm doing perfectly fine with my movements!” She defended herself, glaring daggers at him. “Or are you actually just jealous?”

“What could I be jealous of? That you stole my title called “Shortest-executive-in-Port-Mafia-history"?” He grinned like a devil.

“You did not-!”

Kouyou watched with a smile how the two of them argued in front of her while sipping on her cup of tea. In a way, they reminded her of a certain former pair that she had kept watch over. The pair that was known by the name of Soukoku.

Once the argument had died down, Kouyou spoke up again.

“You two harmonize very well. Even though both of you have quite the big mouth. Since Ryuuko-kun has been in your care, she has developed a good sense of teamwork.”

Upon hearing those words, Ayana's chest swelled with glee. Chuuya seemed happy to hear that, too, smirking widely.

“Of course, I'm a good teacher. Ayana-san, you should call me your senpai.”

“No, thanks,” she retorted without batting an eyelash.

“If she continues the way she does, you two will make a great team,” Kouyou declared, sipping on her tea.

“Ah, once Ayana-san has gained enough experience, we won’t need to be partnered up anymore,” Chuuya said, not knowing that this stung Ayana’s heart badly, “I like working alone. She does, too. And having a partner in the long run is a big No-No for me.”

Something inside Ayana shattered. She could feel it. It was a stab too much.

Kouyou's eyes narrowed slightly, “Is it still because of your past with Dazai-kun?”

“Don't mention that damned waste of bandages! Gives me the headaches…”

“Ah, maybe we should start discussing the matter I called you to me for,” Kouyou changed the topic, turning to look at Ayana who tried not to show anything of the turmoil she was dealing with inside. “If you would be so kind, Ryuuko-kun…”

“Ah, sure, no problem,” she replied, standing up quickly and practically dashing out of the room. “Goodbye, Oza- I mean, Ane-san, Chuuya-san.”

The pain inside her chest was unbearable. She felt like she was suffocating, her breathing barely functioned. As the woman struggled to get her breathing under control while dashing through the Mafia’s hallways, the hurtful words didn't leave her mind. She knew that Chuuya didn't mean to hurt her. The problem was herself. She was the one with those feelings. She shouldn't have had feelings for him in the first place. This was the Port Mafia, she recalled to herself. And yet, there was nothing she could do.

She couldn’t help but enjoy every single one of their conversations, even when they argued. She enjoyed being with him. But the fact that he didn't feel the same for her wrecked her emotionally. Tears were staining her cheeks before she knew it. The sobs came out uncontrollably. Everything was hurting, and there was nothing that could make it stop.

And then, the coughing started. From one moment to the next, Ayana felt as if she was dying and the only way to survive was to cough up whatever was suffocating her lungs. Everything from her chest to the throat hurt, and when she finally finished coughing up, she was shocked to see what fell onto her hands.

Rose petals.

Her vision went blurry. She lost consciousness before she could feel the impact of her head hitting the ground.

The insides of her head felt like they wanted to go places where they shouldn't. Again.

Slowly, Ayana managed to open her eyes, only to have them closed again due to the light blinding her awfully. After a few seconds, she tried again, steadily getting used to the light until she was able to make out her surroundings. She appeared to be in the nursery.

“Oh, you're awake!” A female voice resounded in the room. Ayana turned around to see a young woman in a white coat with shoulder-length brown hair and a bright smile on her face approaching her.

“Who brought me here?” Ayana asked in a serious tone, ignoring the constant ache in her chest while struggling to sit up. Her last memory was that she walked down the hallway and then suddenly lost consciousness due to a sharp pain inside her chest.

“Be careful!” The nurse warned, attempting to help Ayana to sit up. She refused help, instead managing to sit up by herself, even though the pain was physically draining her. But she would never accept somebody's help. The brunette didn't seem to mind too much, knowing that Ayana had become an executive for a reason. “It was Akutagawa who found you.”

Ayana frowned at that. She wouldn't have thought that Akutagawa could be nice at all. Though, if she thought about it longer, he had seemed quite fond of Chuuya. And Ayana was Chuuya's partner for the time being.

For the time being.

“I see,” she finally breathed out. The pain in her chest slowly subdued until she could barely feel it anymore. She didn’t want to think about Chuuya anymore. She just wanted to get the hell out of the nursery.

“How long have I been here?”

“Just a few hours.”

“Okay.”

Then, she made an attempt to get out of bed.

“Ryuuko-san, are you sure that's a good idea?” The nurse seemed doubtful about Ayana's plans, but didn't make any move to stop her.

“I am,” she responded firmly, getting up and slowly walking towards the door. Her legs were a little shaky and her heartbeat was slightly out of control, but other than that she was alright. That's what she told to herself.

“Alright, it's your decision. But I advise you nonetheless to rest for today.”

In front of the door, Ayana turned around one last time, nodding shortly, before turning back and opening the door, leaving the nursery.

Ayana disliked the idea of staying at home, but after losing consciousness, she found it just for once reasonable to rest at home for a day. That and maybe also because she didn’t want to run into Chuuya again. She was lucky enough she didn't encounter him on her way home.

She made herself comfortable on the couch, exhaling shakily. The pain in her chest was still there, even if it wasn't as bad as it had been a few hours prior. To check her phone for messages, she reached into her pants, only to find something else that she hadn't expected to see at all.

It was a rose petal.

All at once, her memory from shortly before losing consciousness was back. She had been coughing up rose petals as if her life depended on it. Which probably was the case. Ayana had no idea what kind of disease this was supposed to be. She had never coughed up freaking flowers, or heard of anybody else coughing up flowers.

She gripped the rose petal tightly, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation. She just couldn't find one. Turning her head towards her computer, she found the solution. Google would surely know more about this.

A few clicks later and Ayana found herself reading an article about a rare disease, which was apparently called the ‘Hanahaki disease’. There had only been few cases of this disease, and it isn't known much about it. It seemed as if unrequited love was the cause of the disease, and the symptoms were exactly the same she had experienced: Coughing up flower petals.

Ayana felt dumbfounded. How could a disease be triggered by unrequited love? This had to be a joke. A really really bad joke. It couldn't be that the reason why flowers were manifesting inside her lungs was that Chuuya didn't reciprocate her feelings. Or… was that actually true?

“Goddammit, this is the worst,” she mumbled, supporting her head with her hands as she stared at the computer screen. She definitely needed a drink. Many drinks. Now.

As she was about to open another wine bottle – wine was the only liquid that would be strong enough to calm her down – her phone beeped. Curiously, she put the bottle on the table and grabbed her phone, only to see that Chuuya had messaged her. Immediately, her heart skipped a beat, and she unlocked the screen, tapping on the unread message.

Chuuya: Hey, I heard you were in the nursery and went home for today. Are you alright?

The fact that he cared about her current condition made her chest swell with glee. She actually mattered to him. He normally would not ask about one's health. Everybody had to look after themselves in the Mafia without anyone else mothering them.

As she tapped her answer into her phone, she noticed her fingers shivering slightly.

Me: I'm okay, just feel a little drained. No worries. I'll come back tomorrow.

Chuuya: That’s good to hear.

Maybe she meant more to Chuuya than he wanted to admit? Maybe he was trying to distance himself from her because he actually felt something for her? Like she did until now?

Hope was settling deep inside her heart. He had been longer in the Mafia than Ayana was. He knew how dangerous a relationship could be. Was he… trying to protect her?

Her heart beat faster than before at that thought. If she wanted to stop the silly disease, she needed to confess her feelings to Chuuya. He had to know. And maybe, they would have a chance. Things could get better. She just had to make it happen.

Me: You got time to come over? I was about to open a bottle of wine.

If there was one thing that could seduce Chuuya, it was wine.

Chuuya: You know the right words to say, Ayana. I'll be there in an hour. Or do you need more time? Showering and stuff?

Tch. Him and his prejudice against women's preparation time.

Me: One hour is fine. I think you might need more time to do your hair?

Chuuya: See you in half an hour.

A small grin masked her face. Half an hour it was, then.

Faster than the wind, Ayana changed her outfit. She decided to wear the same red dress as yesterday night, hopefully this time with some better memories. The wine bottle and two glasses of wine were prepared on the dining table. The grey haired woman didn't want to make everything look overly romantic – as long as her home looked neat and tidy, it was perfectly alright.

When the bell rang, Ayana did her best to calm her excited heartbeat down as she walked towards the door – she had to prevent herself from rushing, Chuuya surely could wait a little. As she opened the door, she was greeted with an annoyed huff.

“Took you long enough,” he said grumpily, and as he was about to enter, Ayana simply shut the door closed again with a bored expression on her face. Not even Chuuya was allowed to be rude to her.

“Hey! I didn't mean it that way!” His outrageous yelling from the other side of the door caused a smirk to form on her face.

When she opened the door yet again, he had forced himself to a sweet smile. “Good evening, Ayana-san.”

“Good evening, Chuuya-san,” she responded with a pretentious grin before studying the redhead's outfit. He was wearing a nice black suit and of course his fancy hat.

She might have imagined it, but Ayana could swear that Chuuya's cheeks grew a little red upon seeing her in the red dress.

“You, uh… look nice.” He rubbed his neck while avoiding eye-contact.

“You do, too,” she responded, smiling a little. “Wanna come inside?”

He looked back up at her in slight surprise, as if he had completely forgotten why he had come here in the first place and that he couldn't just stay before her doorstep forever.

“Ah, yes, yes.”

It was the first time that Chuuya was inside Ayana's apartment. Sure, he had brought her home a few times before – mostly on a ride on his motorbike. But he had never actually entered. He scanned his surroundings with great interest, following Ayana into the living room where he could already make out the sweet bottle of wine.

“Well, make yourself comfortable, I guess,” she said, the nervousness barely audible as she motioned toward the couch, the soft pillows already in place. Chuuya sat down, leaning against a pillow, Ayana joining next to him shortly after. Sitting beside him like this roused a great feeling of excitement inside her chest. Still, she could not suppress the nervousness taking over her mind. That meant that it was time for the wine.

As she handed Chuuya's filled glass of wine, he immediately started sipping on the liquor, only to hum in content shortly after.

“You have a good taste, I’ll give you that.”

Ayana snorted softly, sipping shortly on her glass too, before responding, “Of course I have. How could you doubt me?”

“How could I, huh?” He took another sip from his wine before putting it back on the table. “Say,” he started, “Why did you invite me?”

The female almost choked on her wine but managed to avoid it at the last second. “I just… wanted to have you around. Is all.”

He didn't seem satisfied with the answer at all. “How come? I thought you hated to spend your time with other humans.”

The female sucked in a sharp breath, before glaring at him the way she does at pretty much every human being. “You don't know me.”

“True. I guess now's my chance to get to know you better, huh?” He was a real smooth talker, especially when he drank wine. It was part of Chuuya's charm Ayana was weak against.

His eyes suddenly narrowed, he seemed to have been focusing on something, staring at Ayana's shoulder.

“Is that a rose tattoo?” He asked, genuinely curious. The grey haired looked shortly at the tattoo on her shoulder, which was visible now that she wore a dress, before turning back to face Chuuya again.

“Ah, yes. They're my favorite kind of flower. I like them.”

“I see,” Chuuya sipped on his wine again, leaning back against the cushions. He looked around the apartment again. “I’m quite surprised to see not a single cat in here. I would've expected at least twenty, after you told me how fond you were of them…”

“What did you think? That I'm some old cat lady or what?” Ayana retorted flippantly, to which Chuuya responded which a low chuckle.

“Kinda, maybe.”

“Now listen you-“

Just like that, their friendly chattering went on, both of them finishing at least two glasses of wine. Ayana felt truly happy, sitting besides Chuuya and simply talking to him. She wished the night would never end. But deep down she knew that as soon as Chuuya would leave her apartment, she would feel empty again. Time was not a friend of hers. Their time was limited. Ayana knew what she had to do if she really wanted to stay with Chuuya like that for the rest of their lives.

“Hey, Chuuya,” by now they had started to completely leave out the suffixes of their names (which was to a great part thanks to the alcohol), “I have to tell you something. It's important.”

“Yes? What is it?” He asked curiously, having to strain his eyes in order to look at her properly.

“It's… very hard for me to say that, ya know…” Despite the fact that she really wanted to speak out her feelings, she still felt unsure about it. The risk of being rejected was too much for her.

Chuuya looked at her directly in the eyes, azure meeting yellow.

“You can tell me anything, Ayana.”

Ayana exhaled shakily, gathering every last bit of courage to voice the next words.

“Chuuya, I… I have feelings for you.”

Silence.

Upon hearing those words, Chuuya seemed utterly dumbfounded.

“Pardon me?”

“I'm in love with you, dammit!” She finally exclaimed, causing Chuuya to wince slightly in place. As soon as she spoke those words, it felt like a huge weight fell off her shoulders. She felt free, free from any kinds of burdens. The secret was out.

From one second to the next, it was as if Chuuya had miraculously become sober just through those very words. He frowned at her.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

A sting.

This was not the reaction Ayana had hoped for. “Well, I- “

“You know that this is a bad thing, right? This is- this is awful.”

Sting. Sting. Sting.

“I can’t help it, Chuuya,” Ayana tried to explain herself, “it's just how I feel.”

“This is wrong,” he said, standing up from the couch, running his fingers through his hair. He turned around, then back towards Ayana, who was still sitting on the couch, wishing all of this were but a bad dream. “We're executives of the Port Mafia, dammit!”

Now, Ayana stood up, too, even though her legs were shaky and her breathing started to become more and more difficult with each passing second.

“I know that! But it's how it is! I love you!”

As he stared at her, his azure eyes seemed colder than they had ever before.

“But I don’t love you.”

A stab right through her heart. Ayana's eyes widened in shock, not believing- not wanting to believe what she had heard.

‘He doesn't love me.’

The pain inside her chest was becoming unbearable.

‘He never loved me. And he never will.’

Run. She simply wanted to run away. And that's what she did in this very moment. Even though her legs were shaky, it didn't stop her from dashing towards the door, past Chuuya, and outside. She couldn't hear him yelling for her to wait. She just wanted to go away.

While she was running, tears began to form in her eyes. Ayana could not remember the last time she had cried. She felt suffocated, not only physically but also emotionally.

Her heart was broken.

After a few more seconds, breathing became impossible. Something was suffocating her lungs again. She had to stop running, her sight was getting blurry, and she began to sway from side to side, not being able to go a straight line anymore. As the pain grew worse, she started coughing up again, this time way more painful than last time. When the last bit of strength left her, she fell onto her knees, before finally falling onto the ground, into the pool of rose petals beneath her.

Slowly but surely, she lost the ability to assess what was around her. Her vision darkened, until it was completely black. The last things she could hear was a voice screaming, sounding far far away, until she lost consciousness.

“Shit! Yes, this is an emergency! Send a fucking ambulance, it's serious! I need help as quick as possible… Hurry up… this… emergency… … help… … … Ayana!”

“Goddamn it, tell me! Is she going to be okay?!”

“We can't tell yet, I'm afraid. You will have to be patient, Sir…”

Voices invaded Ayana's mind once again. She felt too weak and exhausted to do as much as open her eyes, instead, she took in whatever she could hear. Where was she again?

“Listen, I know some weird shit happened to her, I saw how she coughed up those fucking roses. You better tell me what's that shit about.”

“It's a complicated issue, Sir…”

Her head hurt. Thinking alone hurt. She could not remember anything. What was the last thing she had done? And whom did those voices belong to?

“If you won't tell me, I’ll make you.”

“To be honest with you, Sir, we also aren’t entirely sure. We have a guess though that she's been suffering from the Hanahaki disease.”

“Hanahaki disease?”

Somehow, hearing that term set strange, uncomfortable feelings inside her free. That alone made her feel fuzzy and tired all over again.

“Yes. It's very rare.”

“I see… Take good care of her.”

“We will do our best.”

For some reason, Ayana imagined one of the voices to belong to Chuuya. But what did she really know at this point?

She slipped back into the land of dreams.

Waking up with headaches seemed to have become normal for Ayana. As she strained her opened eyes to take in the light, she registered her surroundings. White tapestry everywhere. The smell of sanitizers.

“Goddammit, I'm in a fucking hospital,” she whispered in shock, looking down at herself to see herself covered in a plain white blanket, wearing a plain hospital gown.

She let her gaze drift across the room, noticing her red dress lying on top of a chair next to her hospital bed. Rubbing at her temples, Ayana sighed, trying to remember what had happened before she came here. Apparently she must have passed out again. But… why?

All at once, all the memories from the last evenings flooded her mind, reminding her of the emotional and physical pain she had to endure. Unconsciously, she brought a hand to her chest, above where her heart was, feeling the organ beating quite quickly. A sudden sharp jab inside her chest made her wince in pain, almost crying out.

Right… Chuuya had rejected her. And he hadn’t been very sensitive, either. Her mood dampened immediately.

“Ah, Hasegawa Yasuko-san, you're awake!” A doctor appeared inside her hospital room. The grey haired examined him closely, on the verge of asking him why in the holy hell he would call her Hasegawa Yasuko, when she realized something. This was a public hospital. Whoever had brought her here knew of her true identity and registered her in this hospital with a different one. Mafia members weren't exactly welcome, after all. At the very least not without a bunch of police officers guarding outside the door.

“Are you feeling better, by any chance?”

Ayana frowned at him. She didn't like being here at all. “Who brought me here?”

“Ah,” he replied, a shy smile on his face, “a nice red haired gentleman called the ambulance. You were quite lucky, Miss. We were able to stabilize you for now.”

Chuuya brought her here. This explained her alias. Ayana sighed.

“How long do I have to stay here, Doctor?”

“About that,” his expression grew serious. He was about to tell her something that she didn't want to hear. “We know that you suffering from the Hanahaki disease. None of us could believe it at first, but there was no other explanation after we… found the flowers manifested inside your lungs through a scan.”

As if on signal, the grey haired started coughing again. With every cough, her chest jabbed over and over again. It was a horrible experience. Nevertheless, she stared at him with a deadly glare. “What are my options?”

“Well, there aren't many, I'm afraid,” he began, looking at the papers in his hands. “You have two options, to be exact. Either, the person you are in love with reciprocates your feelings- “

‘Which is not going to happen.’

“or you go through a surgery. We would then be able to remove the flowers from your lungs, and you could live normally again.”

Relief suddenly washed over her, yellow eyes brightening as light as the sun.

“Surgery? It can be this easy? Why didn't you tell me this first?! Of course I’ll do the surgery!”

The doctors expression did not seem hopeful at all. Could that mean… that the surgery was risky? Could she die?

“There is a problem with the surgery, Hasegawa-san…” He almost seemed as if he had deep sympathy for the undercover executive. “Once the flowers are removed by surgery… you will lose your feelings for the person you are currently in love with.”

Ayana's heart stopped beating for several moments, only to beat twice as fast right after. She would… lose her feelings for Chuuya? Because they fucking removed the flowers? This couldn't be. Surely, loving Chuuya turned out to be a very hard thing with extreme negative effects. But she had come to accepted it at some point. She had realized it more than ever after she had spoken it aloud. But just giving them up… seemed so utterly wrong.

“This can't be,” she breathed out.

“I'm sorry, Miss. But we got into touch with doctors who had treated patients with this exact disease, and that was the outcome of the surgery. Once again, I'm sorry, Miss, but there are no other options.”

So it was either a miracle happening and Chuuya suddenly loved her back or she agreed to the surgery but would lose her feelings for Chuuya in the process. Ayana shut her eyes tightly.

“I need some time to think about it.”

“Of course, take your time, Miss.”

With these words, he left her alone in the room. The white tones surrounding here were a stark contrast to the darkness that filled her inside. What was she supposed to do? What was the right answer? Ayana didn’t know.

All of a sudden, she had to cough again, this time more painfully than ever before, so that she felt as if her throat was exploding. When she was finally done with coughing, she saw that – besides the usual rose petals – she had coughed up an entire rose. With an amazed expression, she picked up the rose from her lap, looking at it closely.

She had always loved roses. Who would have thought that the recent events would turn her view on them so drastically? Now, what she saw in roses was nothing but melancholy and heartbreak.

She ripped off one of the roses' petals.

“He loves me.”

She ripped off another one.

“He loves me not.”

Again. And again. And again.

“He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me…”

She went on and on, until there was only one petal left to rip off.

Ayana's heart stood still. She stared at the last remaining petal, a beautiful shade of red, reminding her of the color of wine. A tear ran down her cheek when she ripped it off.

“He loves me not.”

Chuuya had known for a very long time that women were an enigma to him. But Ayana was a whole other caliber. He had been so sure that she was anything but interested in him. And suddenly, she confessed to him! Not to mention they were Mafia Executives. How was that even supposed to work?!

For several days he had now tried to not think of Ayana at all. He already had been busy explaining the situation to Mori (without the Hanahaki disease part). But at some point, he could not suppress it anymore.

Chuuya could simply not comprehend her. And to think that she was suffering from a disease like that… First, he did not want to believe Google, but then again, it made a lot of sense, actually. For some reason, it made Chuuya feel really bad. To think that it was his fault that Ayana was in such a bad condition… he couldn't forgive himself. He never wanted her to be sad.

‘Wait, what the hell am I thinking?!’

Shaking his head, he tried to force the thought out of his mind – the thought that the grey haired woman actually meant a lot more to him than he himself realized. It could not be. He had given up on romance long ago. Romance and feelings were out of the question. Or that’s what he had told himself for years.

If he was honest with himself, he knew one thing: When he saw Ayana lying almost lifeless on the ground, not moving at all, he was truly terrified. The slightest chance that she was dead had scared him like nothing else had.

Maybe he was feeling something for her? Just a little bit. When he saw her in the hospital a week ago, completely pale and drained, he had felt bad, but he was relieved to know she was alive and well.

But… she wasn't going to be alive and well for long, according to the rules of the shitty disease. Chuuya wished that the evening had played out differently. It had been very enjoyable for him to sit next to her and just have their usual arguments. He enjoyed her presence.

Something inside of him must have been set to motion, because he was starting to feel strange things, all of a sudden. He liked Ayana, he was sure of that. She was important to him. He didn't want her to get hurt. And he wanted to stay with her somehow, even though the Mafia was a tough place.

Chuuya sighed.

‘Damn it, I'm such a fucking idiot. Of course I love you, too.’

He had never before ran at full speed like he did now.

“Ha-se-ga-wa. Ya-su-ko,” Chuuya emphasized every single syllable of the fake name he had bestowed Ayana with for the time she had to stay in the hospital.

The secretary looked at the computer screen in front of her, before responding, “Oh, she has left the hospital yesterday.”

“What?!”

“Yes, Sir. Apparently, she has completely recovered.”

Hope was set free inside his chest. Could it be… that Chuuya's self-realization made Ayana’s disease vanish? He had to find her at all costs! This was the start of it all, a new chapter of his life, a life with new experiences, a life he actually was looking forward to. The only thing he wanted at this point was Ayana.

“Thank you very much for the information!” Chuuya said, bowing down a little before turning on his heel and almost running into a doctor.

“Oh, it's you!” The doctor said, looking at Chuuya as if he were familiar with him. The redhead scanned him with a frown before coming to realize it was the one who had taken Ayana into his care. “I guess you came to look after Hasegawa-san? Then, I have good news! The surgery was successful!”

Upon hearing that, Chuuya’s frown deepened. “Surgery…?”

“Yes,” the doctor seemed very delighted, “I wasn’t sure whether the surgery would really help, since it was our first time dealing with the Hanahaki disease, but yes, it worked!”

“I-I see…” Chuuya mumbled, utterly confused. He hadn't known that Ayana had gone through a surgery. But either way, it seemed as if things have gotten better. “Thank you, Doctor.”

The doctor smiled, “Anytime!”

But of course, fate was cruel.

The redhead was sprinting once again, this time, to Ayana's apartment. When he reached her door, he knocked for so long until the door was opened.

“What the hell, Chuuya-san?!” The grey haired frowned at him like she used to do, and Chuuya noticed that she looked a lot healthier than when he had seen her the last time.

“Ayana!”

He practically threw himself onto her, hugging her tightly. Ayana clearly had not expected such aa reaction from him, tearing at his clothes in an attempt to get free.

“Let go of me, dammit! You wanna choke me, or what?!”

Chuuya chuckled lightly, letting go of her nonetheless. He knew he was better at martial arts than her, but he also knew that he wouldn't get out of a fight without at least a broken nose.

“Can you let me inside, please? We need to talk.”

Ayana's frown deepened, and for a moment, Chuuya was reminded of the former Ayana – before all those feelings started confusing everything. She let him inside anyway.

“So, what you wanna talk about?” Ayana asked as she sat down on the couch, looking up at Chuuya expectantly.

“Well I thought about our last conversation. That you have feelings more me, y’know…”

“Wait, wait,” the female interrupted him abruptly, staring at him as if he were insane. “Me and feelings for you? You gotta be kiddin' me, for God’s sake.”

“What?” Chuuya looked dumbfounded. He must have misheard her.

“You have shit in your ears?” Ayana mocked him with a lazy grin. “I don't feel anything for you, idiot.”

“But you confessed to me a week ago?” Was she trying to mess with his feelings, now?

“Ah, no idea why I did that dumb shit. I've been quite out of it the last few weeks, I guess. But I'm completely alright now – Fresh outta the hospital,” she smirked, folding her fingers into a peace-sign.

Chuuya was about to ask whether she was kidding him, but he had known her now for quite a long time – he had a hunch that she wasn’t lying to him. But why had her feelings changed? Or, moreover, vanished? As if they had never really existed in the first place.

Then, it occurred to him.

The surgery.

All of a sudden, Chuuya had begun to laugh, startling Ayana slightly.

“What's so damn funny, now?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” he replied, a grin masking his face. “I guess everything's normal between us again, then?”

“I guess so.”

“That's good,” he whispered, barely audible for Ayana. He turned around. “I’ll be looking forward to see you at work, tomorrow.”

“Bet on it.”

He left. Outside her apartment, Chuuya let the tears slide down his cheeks. Of course it had come to this. How else could it have turned out? As soon as Chuuya permitted his feelings, he got hurt. He had known, in a way. Romance was no good.

He gazed up into the sky.

“That's how life works, after all.”