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Brock had never been alone.
From the moment his eyes touched the world he had been with someone. Her name was Brooke, or at least that’s the name Brock gave her.
She had appeared suddenly and without warning. She helped him navigate his early years. Keeping him out of the way of danger mostly. She was gentle and strong. She held him accountable.
For the first chunk of his life it was just the two of them in Brock’s head. They became fast friends. They liked all the same things. Had all the same fears. It was comforting to have someone know you so completely. To understand.
Brock knows that Brooke will always have his back.
But they didn’t stay the only ones for long. The voices in his head only increased as time went on.
…
Yvie was the confrontational voice.
She wouldn’t start shit, but she sure would finish it.
She got Brock in trouble more times than he could count, but he never minded. She always made sure he was right.
She was also so strange. So bizarre. She wore torn up couch cushions on her handmade dresses. Streamers in her hair. Red dye on her shoes. She was a sight to behold.
She saw the world differently. They saw life completely different. Yvie saw it as a waste of time to do anything other than exactly what you want to do. Brock saw life as a long road that had no clear path.
They respected one another in a way that Brock could definitively say he had never respected anyone more in his life.
…
Nina was the kind voice.
The one that stroked his hair and told him to take a long shower. She was the one that ripped the pills out of his hand that one night. Nina kept him safe.
Nina also was incredibly funny.
She made Brock laugh so hard his sides hurt. She made him forget how much he was hurting.
When he realized he was gay, she was the one that held him close and told him that he wasn’t deviant. He wasn’t messed up. He was just Brock.
…
Silky was the loud voice.
She spoke her mind, unapologetically. She and Brock got on like a house on fire. They could sit and talk for ages about anything and everything. They hardly ever agreed, but they never fought about it. They would articulate their reasons. Build an argument. Verbal spar until the sun came up.
It was wonderful to have all his ideas challenged. How boring would it be if everyone thought the same? Very, Brock reasoned.
He enjoyed Silky’s company and her smart ass comments she couldn’t keep to herself. She always made him smile.
Sometimes though, she got it wrong. She read the room wrong, or she didn’t care enough to do it in the first place. She was headstrong. Brock admired her for it, but sometimes, when he just wanted to be alone, he could do without all the dramatics.
…
Scarlet was always horny.
She pointed out men left and right. Whispered seductive things into their ears. Made them weak in the knees. She was so powerful. Brock envied her for it. She was so unbothered. So aloof.
Untouchable.
Well…
Maybe untouchable isn’t the right word.
…
A’keria was the best friend voice.
A’keria read Brock for filth every day of his life, but it came from years and years of mutual love. And Brock gave just as good as he got. Their banter was epic, and always made Brock feel warm on the inside. A’keria never coddled him. Never made him feel smaller than her. They were equals in everything.
They had each other’s backs.
She was there to offer a pep talk, or a shoulder to cry on, or to tell him to stop moping like a fucking idiot.
Their love showed itself in many colors, not all of them pretty, but they made it work. Not out of necessity, Brock certainly wasn’t friendly to all the voices in his head. But they made it work out of love. Out of compassion.
A’keria was a hardass, but she was Brock’s hardass.
…
Vanessa was the honest voice.
She told him what he was feeling. Straight up. No question about it. She was a no nonsense kinda girl….but she also really loved a bit of nonsense every now and then.
Like when people called him ‘baby’ or got him flowers. She would always take them to her room in Brock’s head and look at them a while. She would try to suppress smiles and fail miserably. She represented his emotions. His propensity to fall into things too fast and give too much of himself.
Brock didn’t like Vanessa.
He wouldn’t go so far as to say hate, but it was pretty darn close.
Vanessa couldn’t hide her feelings for shit. She made Brock weak. She made him vulnerable. She made him everything he had taught himself not to be.
He ignored her most days. Left her alone to do whatever it was she does when Brock isn’t with her.
But on some nights.
When the world feels big and Brock feels empty
She comes to him with hesitant steps. She cautiously holds his hand in hers. She puts tears in his eyes and in the next breath she wipes them away. The aching in his chest that forms whenever she is around dissipates for a moment.
And it is just the two of them in Brock’s head.