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It was hot outside in Atlanta, Georgia, and Shelby and Xavier were walking alone. Xavier had a pistol held loosely in his hand and Shelby had her katana. The streets around the CDC didn’t have many walkers, since the group had cleaned them all out. Xavier walked in the middle of the road, looking down at the faded white lines. Shelby watched out for walkers and didn’t make a sound, despite very badly wanting to. They avoided the remains of the CDC like the plague.
“I’d like to take a walk, if you don’t mind,” Xavier told Shelby early that morning, before the sun was up. Shelby frowned. She didn’t want him going off alone after what happened, and after noting the way he was acting. He’d been quiet since the CDC fell, not speaking unless spoken to, his head not all the way there. Shelby understood why, but she was afraid of what he might do alone. So she went with him and let him lead the way. He knew the streets; Shelby knew the stories about how he lived around the CDC, worked there for years. She asked him how his accent was still so strong once when she was in quarantine, and he laughed it off and didn’t give her a straight answer. Not even Jin knew exactly where Xavier was from. He just said, “Europe,” and went back to work.
Jin. Shelby felt a pang of sorrow and pity and she looked over at Xavier. It was tough to think about how he lost his best friend like that. And Gray too, Jesus. From what she understood, Gray was practically his husband. “Hey, you alright?” she finally asked. Xavier shook his head no and rolled up his sleeves. He’d ditched the lab coat a while ago. “Sorry.”
“That building,” Xavier said, pointing with his gun. They both stopped and stared up at it. It was an apartment building with boarded up windows and a chipped clay color. Xavier walked up to the front door and opened it, Shelby tailing him cautiously.
“We’ve looted this place before, there aren’t any walkers,” Shelby said, and Xavier nodded. He started walking up the stairs. “Professor. Xavier. Xavier wait.” Xavier stopped and looked back, his blue eyes startlingly blank. Shelby hesitated.
“Why are we here?” she asked. “I’m sorry, I can’t take not knowing.”
Xavier took a deep breath, some emotion coming back into his eyes. “Jin’s apartment, before he moved to DC,” he said, and he kept walking. “Don’t be sorry.”
Shelby nodded solemnly and followed him up two flights of stairs, then down a hall, then to a door. It had “227” on the front and when Xavier tried to turn the knob he couldn’t open it. He kept trying, jiggling the doorknob, a scary intensity welling up in his eyes and his demeanor. “Xavier move,” Shelby said, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder. He sighed and stepped back. She stood in front of the door and kicked it full force. It swung open, the side splintered, and it hit the wall. Xavier raised his eyebrows.
“Thanks,” he said, and Shelby smiled at him.
“Do whatever you need to do.”
Xavier nodded and walked inside, looking around. Shelby took one step inside and stood by the door, watching warily as Xavier’s eyes danced across the apartment. “Jin left in a hurry, a lot of his stuff is still here. He wanted to get away from Ross,” he explained, looking back at Shelby. He touched a brown couch. “This is his. The paintings are his too, I remember them. He invited me over once.”
“He wanted to get away from Ross,” Shelby repeated, feeling worse. Xavier scoffed.
“I know what you’re thinking. I think the same.” He walked to a closed door and tried that knob too. After a bit of effort, Xavier was able to open it, dislodging a chair from underneath the knob. “Someone used this place to hide, looks like. I don’t think Jin would’ve minded that,” he said.
“Yeah, uh, Xavier, I’m glad you’re getting closure and all but this is starting to freak me out, what if there’s someone here,” Shelby said sternly, her gaze sharp. Xavier stood there for a moment before he shook his head and covered his eyes with his hand.
“You’re right. Nick will probably be mad about me taking you out here, whether he comes out and says so or not. I’m putting you in danger. We can go, I just, I don’t know what I’m-”
Xavier froze when he heard a groan. Shelby perked up and held her katana tight. “Sounds like a walker,” she whispered, and Xavier took a second to hold his pistol properly. “The closet.”
“I know.” Xavier inched closer to the closet door, one hand holding a gun and the other reached out towards the door. It was one of those doors that slid to the side. Xavier hesitated, and Shelby figured he was afraid to shoot.
“I can-”
“I got it.” Xavier unlatched the closet and pushed it to the side, stumbling back and pointing his gun. The walker had long brown hair and pale skin and Xavier made the mistake of looking into its eyes as it lunged at him, jaw hung open. He pulled the trigger and the bullet went right between its eyes. It fell to the ground, and Xavier kept the gun pointed at it, his eyes wide.
And he fired again. And again. He took the gun in both hands as a chorus of gunshots pierced his ears. One for Jin and one for Gray and one for whoever the hell this walker once was and one for everyone else. His eyes narrowed and they stung and his hands started shaking more and more and his finger cramped and his breathing became labored and then there was a click, and a couple more, and no more bullets came out. He gasped and dropped his gun, as if suddenly shaken out of a trance.
Shelby, who was covering her mouth, slowly stepped closer to her friend. She held out a hand to him and he grabbed it. “Shelby I’m sorry,” he said. He blinked and a couple of tears fell. Shelby shook her head.
“I understand,” she reassured, offering a hug. Xavier accepted, and she hugged him, dropping her katana. Xavier let himself cry for a while, and Shelby didn’t budge. Finally, Xavier took a deep breath and then let go, wiping his eyes and picking the pistol up from its spot on the ground. “Xavier, I think you need a moment to sit,” Shelby said.
“I’m- I- maybe so,” Xavier said, looking down at the corpse and rubbing the back of his neck. Shelby grabbed his arm and pulled him out of the room. They both sat down on the couch. “I’m sorry. If that attracted walkers.”
“Don’t worry about that right now.” Shelby rubbed Xavier’s back. “I know it’s hard, and I know you lost a lot. Just know that it’s okay to go a little… apeshit.”
Xavier laughed, but Shelby saw the pain in his eyes. “That’s an understatement, Lynx, if I ever heard one. I don’t know what happened, I’m not- I’m not a violent person,” he said, looking over his shoulder.
“Don’t look. Xavier, quit this. You’re okay, and if you’re not, you will be. You’re grieving, by the way, and I think everyone has emptied a mag or two at least once for reasons like this,” Shelby said, sounding sure of herself. Xavier looked at the empty pistol and sighed.
“You’re right, I, I think I just need some time. I think I just need to stay somewhere away from all the action and process…” he trailed off. “Jin died. Gray died.” his voice cracked and Shelby wrapped an arm around him.
“Let’s go back and I can talk to Nick. Is that alright?”
“That’s good, yeah,” Xavier said as he stood up. “Let’s just go.”
Shelby walked out first, and Xavier hesitated at the door. He looked back, inhaled, and shut the door behind him. “Xavier,” Shelby said.
“Coming.” Xavier let go of the doorknob and turned his back to Jin’s apartment.