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A splash drew your attention off your book. Javier grunted softly as he struggled with his fishing rod. He pulled it firmly from left to right in an attempt to tire out the fish he’d just hooked. You watched the trajectory of the splashes, admiring the skilled handiwork of your companion. The instant the splashing stilled, his fingers leapt to the reel, moving so fast it was a blur. In no time at all, he claimed his prize. It was a small but fat little fish that would no doubt be spoiled by Pearson’s cooking later that night.
After carefully removing its hook and inspecting the fish, Javier added it to his stock of earlier catches. You clapped in a small celebration, offering him a friendly cheer.
“I can’t wait to see how Pearson ruins that one.” You laughed.
“The same way he ruins them all.” Javier grinned as he baited his hook once more. “Might as well cook dog shit.”
“Might even be an improvement.”
“It might. Don’t give him any ideas.”
The conversation ended as he recast his line. It hit the depths of the little pool, sinking slowly down as Javier shifted on his feet. Your attention lingered on the sight of him for a few moments. His sleeves were rolled up above the elbow, his jacket long abandoned because of the Lemoyne heat and his collar raised up to protect his neck, a red ‘kerchief tied around it to keep it in place. He looked fantastic. It took all your self-control to look back down at your book.
While you weren’t into fishing, being free from the prying eyes of the gang and iron fist of Miss Grimshaw was a blessing. Quiet times were hard to come by, especially in the life of wanted outlaws. Your presence was both for companie’s sake and for practicality. It gave Javier time to let his guard down and focus. The gun at your side was always within reach should unwelcome company decide to join you. While the heat and sunshine of Lemoyne was enjoyable, the people were less so. Especially to dark-skinned outsiders.
“I came fishing here with Kieran the other day.” You mused idly, finding your book no longer held your attention.
“You told him about my spot?” Javier looked over, a thin line between his brows.
“No. He took me here on his own.”
“I didn’t know you fished together.”
“He asked me since he heard I fish with you.”
“You don’t fish though.”
“I don’t have to. You catch enough for both of us.”
These precious moments were stolen ones. If anyone ever found out you had no clue how to fish, you’d be in some serious trouble. The whole reason you were allowed out of your chores to go off fishing was they believed half the fish you brought back were yours. Javier had initially offered to teach you, but you never got into it. Standing around waiting for a bite bored you quickly. Instead, you spent your fishing trips enjoying nature, basking in the sun and reading, as well as watching Javier. Admittedly, the latter was your favourite aspect of these fishing trips.
Having an excuse to admire Javier Escuella was your favourite gift. For a long time now, a love for the man held a sturdy place in your heart. Especially at his most relaxed, which happened to be when he fished or played one of his favourite songs. Thankfully, both times offered an excellent excuse to stare.
Despite your closeness, you had never shared your feelings. Javier liked and cared for you, but he had never shown you any attention you would deem romantic. At least, that’s what you told yourself.
“How was he when you told him you don’t fish?” Javier asked, a smirk tugging at his lips.
“Disappointed. He really wanted me to be into fishing.” You chuckled as you recalled the look on the man’s face.
Kieran usually wore the expression of a kicked puppy, but it had been on a whole other level that day. You felt bad for disappointing him. While you had your reservations about his past with the O’Driscolls, you enjoyed his company and were unhappy about the way he was treated. Kieran had more than proven himself to the gang, working harder than many of the members.
Not sharing his favourite hobby had been a huge let down for him, but he had appreciated your company, regardless. With your promise to protect him while you sat by and watched, Kieran had finally relaxed for the first time in God knows how long.
“I’ll take him again. I think he enjoyed it even if it wasn’t what he expected.”
“Are you interested in him?” Javier asked casually. He flicked the tip of his rod impatiently in hopes it would encourage a bite.
“Interested?”
“As a man.”
“Oh.” His unexpected question took you aback, raising and then knitting your brows fluidly. “I… well…”
You hadn’t considered it. You liked Kieran well enough. In camp he was poor company, jumping at every shadow or sound, always on high alert. Even in the relaxed hours he’d stumble needlessly over his words and slink away if another man approached. But when you had taken him out alone, he became a whole other man. Sweet, soft-spoken and eager to impress. There was a subtle romantic charm to him that you hadn’t appreciated until now.
Unfortunately, if courting you was his intention, someone else already had a firm grasp on your heart and it would take more than fishing trips with Kieran to loosen that.
“I suppose he isn’t so bad.” You concluded casually, plucking a daisy from the grass. “Could do with a bath though…”
Javier didn’t respond. He focused on his line, staring at it as though intensity alone would draw a fish to the lure. As the seconds passed, you started to wonder if he had even heard you. With a small shrug, you looked down at the daisy you were slowly shredding apart in your hands.
The sound of him reeling in the empty line made you look up. He detached the now dead cricket and tossed it into the water, setting his rod down to rest on the rocks. Then, with a stretch he headed over in your direction.
Javier took a seat beside you on the grass, his palms splayed behind his back as he leaned his weight on his arms, legs outstretched. You looked at him, admiring the fall of his hair and the rolled-up sleeves of his shirt. He kept his gaze level with the horizon, deep in thought.
“Want to head back soon?” You asked, tossing the remnants of the poor flower and rubbing your hands on your skirt to clean them.
“Not yet.” He shifted his hands slowly, lowering himself down to lie on his back. He tugged his bowler hat lower to shield his eyes from the sun. “Let’s relax together, chica.”
“Sure.”
Following his example, you laid down on your back beside him. There was enough distance between you to relax comfortably without touching each other, but close enough that you could feel his presence. The sun shone down on the pair of you, warming your bare skin pleasantly, the occasional cool breeze preventing it from being too much. Birds sang high in the surrounding trees, lulling you into thoughtlessness. The seconds passed into minutes and time seemed to fade away. You could lie beside Javier like this forever, just silently enjoying each other's company.
Slowly, you became all too aware of his hand laid barely an inch apart from yours. The urge to take it swelled in your chest. Such a small physical space it was, but the emotional distance as vast as the night sky. Even if you had the guts, your friendship ran so deep that the gesture would go misunderstood. In an attempt to dispel your tension, you let out a long, slow sigh.
Javier turned his head to look at you, his hat slipping off in front of his face. He seized it and readjusted it.
“Something on your mind, Cariño?”
“Not really.”
You kept your eyes firmly closed. One look at his face and you’d lose your composure. Yet even without doing so, the pain in your chest bored ever deeper. It was the same emotion you felt whenever he looked at another woman, laughed or paid them any special attention. A feeling of hopelessness and longing. Javier was handsome, charismatic, and cocky. He could easily charm any woman he wanted and that terrifies you. Javier terrifies you. The way he makes you feel, the way he risks his life, the power he has over your mood. It all makes you feel so helpless. You were at the mercy of his whims and it was an unbearable feeling.
His fingers drummed against the earth beside yours. Finally opening your eyes, you saw his bent leg bouncing impatiently, his face still angled towards yours. You turned and met his gaze with your own. His dark eyes kept focus on yours, peering into them with an intensity that made you uneasy.
Perhaps Javier was angry at you for going off with Kieran. You’d never considered that it might be seen as a problem. While ‘fishing’ was something you had only ever done with Javier, you weren’t under the impression it was an exclusive activity. If that were the case, it was an easy fix.
You opened your mouth, about to apologise or explain, you weren’t completely sure, when you were cut off.
“Are you interested in any man?” Javier questioned.
You stared back at him in surprise. This wasn’t what you had expected to be on his mind. You struggled to process the question, thoughts racing through your head, stumbling over each other in desperation. Your first instinct was admit you were, but that would involve revealing your feelings to him. Telling him how you felt risked rejection. You couldn’t bear the thought. On the other hand, without answering him honestly you risked breaking what you had. If he never knew you loved him, he could never love you back. But that was only if he loved you, and you doubted it was even possible.
The silence grew ever louder as you stared at him incomprehensibly. Fear and excitement battled it out in your mind, each vying to champion over the other. But each moment you delayed, the harder it was to speak. Javier’s expression began to shift. He was drawing inwards and you could see it. His fingers stilled and his leg halted its bouncing, his face slowly turning away.
“I don’t know, Javier.”
His head snapped back around to look at you again. It was his turn to be silent now, planning his response carefully.
“You don’t know?” He quirked his brow in both surprise, disbelief, and something you couldn’t comprehend.
“It’s complicated.” You sighed, turning your head away from him to stare up at the blinding, cloudless blue sky.
“Who?”
“Please don’t ask me that, Javier.” Your voice wobbled dangerously as you hissed and brought your hand up to pinch the bridge of your nose.
“Who is it?” He pressed, urging you to be open with him.
You could sense his eyes watching you closely, reading every single motion and every expression. You were so close to telling him. So close to laying everything he’d ever made you feel out into the open. Laid out for him to inspect and reject. Tears bit your eyes threateningly. It was too much all at once.
Javier rolled over until he was flush beside you. His elbow pressed into the dirt by your shoulder to support him as he cupped your cheek with his other hand. You gaped at him in surprise as he brushed a strand of hair off your face. Your eyes locked for a tense moment before he leaned downwards.
His thin lips were soft, although slightly chapped. He brushed them carefully over yours as though testing the waters. When you didn’t pull away or push him, he pressed more assertively. His actions petrified you, unable to process that he really was kissing you.
He pulled back slowly, his eyes opening to peer into yours. His expression was as vulnerable as you had ever seen it. Questioning, curious, and afraid. Could it be possible that all this time he had been feeling the same? Lingering on every touch, every laugh, calculating every possibility.
“I’m in love with you.” You breathed without thinking, unable to hold back your feelings.
His eyes fell closed, and he whispered a prayer under his breath. Fingers tangling in your hair, his lips reconnected with yours. This time his kiss was passionate and urgent, yet chaste. You entangled him in your arms, wanting to feel every part of him you had been craving for months. Perhaps even years.
“I’m in love with you too, Hermosa.” He whispered between kisses, making perfectly certain you understood every word. “... for a long time.”
Your heart felt fit to burst with the revelation. All this time and he had felt the same. You were certain that any moment you would wake up and discover it was all a dream. It couldn’t be real.
“Javier… I-”
“Shh, Cariño.” He kissed away the tears that had unknowingly slipped from your eyes. “I know.”
He pulled away from you to allow mutual loving smiles to be exchanged. He looked like an angel, framed with the sun behind his head as he smiled with enough warmth to challenge it. If it were not for the life you both led, you could have sworn he really was one.
After just one more stolen kiss, he laid down beside you on the grass again. His fingers curled between yours, the very hand that had been burning to hold his mere moments ago. Somehow you knew that the feeling had been mutual. You squeezed his hand firmly and smiled wide as you gazed up at the vast sky. It no longer reminded you of the distance between your hearts. Now it symbolised the love you now shared; vast, beautiful, permanent and yet ever changing.