Work Text:
Grizz was maybe panicking a little. It’d been 3 months and the repetition of the worklist, Guard duty and staying on his fucking toes had worn him thin. Smoking and drinking had been novel in the beginning and semi-helpful but you couldn’t keep your mental health right relying on weed and beer alone.
So here Grizz was, head shoved in between two pillows shouting nonsense into them. Shouting definitely helped release a lot of tension. But maybe that wasn’t particularly useful when say, you’re in a meeting in the church trying to convince everyone that everything is great. He’d never needed many coping mechanisms, even with being in the closet and having heart palpitations anytime he looked at Sam Eliot’s face he had managed to keep his cool calm chill nothing bothers Grizz demeanor in the old world.
This is how he ended up in his parents’ office looking at all the meditation tapes his mom had bought when he was younger when she went through her New Age Mom phase. Maybe something here would help clear his mind, center his shit and help him keep it together. Thankfully his parents didn’t throw stuff away if it still worked, so he found his old Spongebob cd/cassette/radio on a shelf in the garage where he’d left it years ago. Always prepared, the Visser family motto.
Sitting cross legged on the floor of the office with wind chimes and singing bowls filling the room Grizz could imagine things were okay. As the guided meditation program began he felt his body sinking into itself, his jaw unclenched and he could feel that he was breathing out some of his stress. After the session was over he felt like crying. It had helped. Maybe they should add this to the class list, he couldn’t be the only one who needed wind chimes and occasional wisdom from the Dalai Llama.
That next week Grizz was carrying the tape
player to the gazebo in the town green. The committee had allowed the addition of the meditation group and Gwen had announced the first session at the last town meeting. When she had announced Grizz would
be leading it no one seemed surprised; he supposed he should take that as a compliment.
Ten minutes went by and at 2 pm a group of 20 people had gathered including Allie, Becca and Sam.
“Uh, Hi everyone. We’re just gonna circle up, I’ve got some tapes that have helped me keep a handle on this whole...anti-universe thing. So yeah...just get comfortable” he looked to Sam and felt a stab of embarrassment, this was auditory guidance and he hadn’t thought how to make it accessible for him. Grizz went and sat next to Sam, he’d listened to this tape several times, he could make this work.
“Alright so first we’re going to take some deep breaths in and out on my count. Close your eyes if you want or look at something in the landscape around us or the sky. Whatever makes you feel relaxed” Grizz smiled at Sam and mouthed “I’ll say what you need to do if you want”. Sam tilted his head a little to the side and chuckled before nodding his head.
“On my count of three breathe in then hold for three then breathe out for three. We’ll do this five times, like a warm up stretch” Grizz locked eyes with Sam and counted, breathing in and holding and exhaling and counting. Being sucked into the bluest eyes he’d ever seen made it harder to count in uniform time.
“Great so now get into whatever position is most comfortable for the next 10 minutes”
Grizz opted for folding his knees up to his chest and draping his arms over them while waiting for everyone to get situated. “This is uh...guided meditation tape 1 for relaxation” and without further explanation Grizz pressed play. The wind chimes and singing bowls started up before a gentle voice filtered out of the speakers bidding them close their eyes and think on a clear blue lake.
Grizz did his best to sign what he could and mouth what he couldn’t to Sam, trying to focus on looking at the freckles on his cheekbones or the hairs brushing against his forehead rather than his eyes. It felt so intimate, even though he was just repeating the instructions from the tape, trying to keep the same soothing cadence and rhythm. It felt like they were their own island. By the time the 10 minute tape was over he felt like he was on fire. The slow easy smile Sam gave him while he stretched his arms above his head struck Grizz as so sensual he thought he might die.
“So that’s guided meditation. My mom has a bunch of tapes so we can meet once a week without any repeats for a bit. I like to stretch after meditating. That sort of locks the mental work into your body.”
He grinned at Sam and then got up to get some feedback, definitely not to run away from his very strong urge to straddle Sam and kiss him on the green in front of everyone.
“You did a great job, this was a great idea”
Sam said from behind him.
“Oh, thank you so much!” Grizz pushed his hair behind his ears and attempted to look calm and relaxed. “I’m glad you liked it”.
“I liked it a lot. Thank you for the one on one guidance, I really appreciate it” Sam’s eyes didn’t leave Grizz’s for a beat longer than usual while he reached out and squeezed Grizz’s hand “really, thank you”.
“You’re welcome.” Grizz replied to the air before collecting Spongebob and heading to his next Guard shift, thoughts of clear blue eyes reflecting the clouds and pale freckles centering him.