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“Where are we going?” Isa asks dryly as Lea leads him forward, out of the comfortable warmth of Radiant Garden’s castle. Lea glances over his shoulder and winks, sending butterflies into Isa’s stomach.
“I told you, you’ll see in a minute. Just trust me.” Isa wants to be offended, but the tenderness of it all holds him back. He trusts Lea, probably too much, but it still doesn’t answer his question.
“Are we going off-world?” Isa tries again to pry, but this time he gets no response, just a squeeze of Lea’s hand in his. The thought suddenly occurs to him that this is some kind of surprise, and he’s not sure if he can take it. It’s just like that cocky redhead to do something wild and outrageous. He stops walking and Lea nearly trips over his own two feet, turning back to him with a frown.
“Isa, come on. We’re already running late.” Isa notes that Lea looks nervous, foot tapping against the ground incessantly and eyes darting all across Isa’s face impatiently. It’s not like Lea to be anxious, and Isa’s struck again by just how peculiar this whole situation is.
“Lea. I know you don’t really get it, but some of us still struggle with…” Isa gestures vaguely with his hands. “Emotion. Too many people. Whatever this is, I can’t.” Whatever Lea has schemed up Isa wants no part of it. He turns to leave but Lea won’t let go of his hand, so he settles for sighing dramatically.
“Isa, just trust me. You’ll like this. I promise.” The last time they made a promise it resulted in them becoming nobodies. Lea still has that sense of child-like wonder, that delusion that he’s invincible. Despite being wary of Lea’s plans for the night, Isa doesn’t have it in him to tell Lea no again.
“Alright.” He murmurs, barely a whisper, squeezing Lea’s hand and walking once more. Lea flashes him a grin and picks up the pace, a bounce to his step. Usually, Isa wouldn’t be able to shut Lea up, but now he has fallen silent. He has half a mind to ask why, but then they are pushing through the front doors to the outside. Dilan offers them a wave from his post, and Lea waves back enthusiastically. “Lea, it’s cold. What are we doing out here?” Isa knows he’s whining, knows he should just shut up and let Lea show him, but he’s struggling to come up with any reason to be outside this late.
Lea just wraps an arm around Isa in response, still walking. They could walk much faster if they were apart, but Isa isn’t about to pull away, even if the close contact is making his heart go crazy. “It’s not much farther. Promise.” They’ve walked well away from the castle courtyard, closer to the surrounding forest. Isa’s stomach twists with a new surge of anxiety.
Lea pulls away and dashes ahead suddenly, and Isa has to run to catch up. “Hey!” He starts to yell at him for leaving him alone, but the words die on his tongue at the scene before him.
“Ta Dah!” Lea is making jazz hands, gesturing to what looks like a blanket and a few assorted snacks on the ground by a small bonfire. Isa stares and tries to speak, tries to will words to come forth but he’s too blown away. When he doesn’t say anything, Lea lets his hands fall to his sides in a huff. “It’s the longest night, remember? We used to stargaze every year.”
Of course Isa remembers. He always dragged Lea out to look at the stars and the moon on the longest night of the year. Lea always complained how cold it was, but Isa never cared. He just enjoyed spending time with Lea and the night sky. He also recalls that their last longest night was their first kiss. Isa had been so in love and so painfully unable to talk about it, he had just given Lea a peck on the cheek while Lea was blabbing about something. He remembered how nervous he had felt, and how much worse it had gotten when Lea just stopped talking and they had stared at each other. Lea was the one who leaned in, Isa had been too busy panicking and having a near heart attack to do anything.
It was one of Isa’s most precious memories, but he had pushed it back into his mind, certain that it was just that: a memory. Lea knows what this means to Isa, knows the implication of starting the tradition up again. Heat rises to his cheeks as he struggles yet again to find the words to tell Lea. Lea speaks for him, voice quiet.
“I’m sorry. We can just go back, this was stupid.” Isa’s heart skips a beat when he sees how dejected Lea looks, hands shoved into his pockets and eyes on the ground.
“No!” Isa’s voice is too loud to be considered normal, and Lea meets his gaze with questioning eyes. “I love it. Thank you.” He sits down without invitation, unwilling to just stand there and have Lea mope any longer. Lea follows suit, sitting beside him but not touching him. The air feels heavy between them, and Isa chooses to ignore it for the time being and let his heart beat regulate once more. He takes the opportunity to look up at the sky, at the twinkling constellations. It feels nice to just be together, without anyone else’s lingering eyes.
Isa gets lost in the silence and in his own thoughts. Recompletion has been exceptionally hard on him. He’s been trying to apologize to everyone, but it never feels like it’s enough. He knows that they’re all too good hearted to hold a grudge, but that doesn’t mean he’s as easily able to let go of the past. Having a heart hurts and he’s thought a few times about how blissful it would be to go back to feeling nothing, if only for a few moments.
Lea has been smothering him with attention, constantly just being there. It’s nice, but too much. Lea is just so smooth, so in control of his feelings, it makes Isa feel weak in comparison. He pulls his knees up to his chest, buries his face in them as tears begin to prick at his eyes. He doesn’t deserve everyone’s forgiveness, he doesn’t deserve Lea.
Lea just takes his hand and entwines their fingers, squeezing. “I’m sorry. I thought it would be nice to start the tradition again.” His voice is quiet, soft. Isa lifts his head to see Lea looking thoughtfully up at the stars. “I know you’re having a really hard time with your heart. I am too, I just have friends I can talk to about it, so it’s been a little easier on me.” Isa straightens his legs out and squeezes Lea’s hand.
“It is nice. Much nicer than I deserve.” Beside him Lea makes a show of untangling their hands and groaning.
“Cut that shit out, Isa. You deserve this whole world, ok? You’ve been through more than most people ever will, give yourself a break.” Isa doesn’t expect the outburst, but doesn’t have it in him to argue. Lea is right, it doesn’t do any good to dwell on the past, but it’s still hard to forgive himself. He presses himself into Lea’s side, taking his hand again.
“I’m sorry,” He offers, squeezing Lea’s hand as he does. “I know all of you have already forgiven me, but it will take longer for me to forgive myself.” Beside him Lea is nodding just slightly. If anyone could understand what Isa is feeling it’s Lea, but Lea seems to be handling it much better.
A comfortable silence settles between them, and Isa takes the opportunity to look up at the stars again. The moon is full in the sky, and he recognizes a few stars and constellations. It’s been a long while since he last star gazed, and he’s certainly had no time to read on the stars like he used to. Lea wriggles his hand free of Isa’s grasp but Isa doesn’t mind, just shifts to have his arms rest on his knees while he stares up at the night sky. He’s biased, but Radiant Garden has the most beautiful views. Namely the redhead beside him, but the night sky is a close second.
The telltale click of a camera pulls his attention away from the stars and onto Lea, who is pointing his gummiphone’s camera in Isa’s direction.
“You missed the sky, you dork.”
“I can see the sky anytime,” Lea answers easily, pausing briefly to pocket his phone. “Seeing you happy, now that’s something worth photographing.” Isa must have looked ridiculous, smiling up at the stars and thinking about Lea. He rolls his eyes, but he can’t hide the blush on his cheeks or his widening smile.
“I didn’t realize you were so sentimental,” Isa teases, just to try and make this feel normal, to ease his nerves. Lea responds by roping an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close to peck his cheek.
“Yeah, well, I just don’t want to miss anything. Sue me for having feelings.”
Isa’s cheek burns where Lea’s lips just were, and he’s reminded again how much this really is like their first kiss. Both of them a little shy, a little unsure. But with Lea’s arm around him Isa feels safe, feels certain that all they went through was worth it. Isa has so many things to say to Lea and turns to do so only to see Lea staring at him. Isa knows what Lea wants, but Lea doesn’t budge. Ever the gentleman, he wants Isa to make the first move.
Isa closes the distance and kisses Lea. Kissing Lea tastes like sea-salt and smoke, and it’s more comforting than anything Isa can imagine. He’s not sure how long they spend like that, but when they finally break apart, they’re both flushed and smiling. Isa still doesn’t think he deserves Lea, or forgiveness, or anything, but in this moment, he forgets all that and just soaks Lea in. Nothing is going to be easy for them, but when has it been easy for anyone? He curls himself into Lea’s side, sighing contently. If this is what having a heart will be like, well, it won’t be so bad.