Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

      I remember the first time I killed an animal, a grey squirrel I had managed to capture in my backyard. The power that I held in my 9 year old hands gave me a rush of adrenaline, it gave me the sense of entitlement, knowing I had been the one to end it's life. I was thrilled, my mum flipped when she saw the red liquid from the squirrel dripping from my hands unto the white carpet that covered the living room my family home.

"Jesus Christ Jeno, you're going to stain the carpet." She exclaimed, "why are you covered in blood?"

"I killed a squirrel."

My mother shook her head as she grabbed a damp paper towel and wiped my hands, the red liquid leaving behind a red stain.

"You shouldn't joke about that sweetheart, people will think you are some sort of a psychopath."

Psychopath is a word I use to describe myself I guess. The final thing that clicked in my head that would cement that label, was when the day my mother died almost a year later and my father told me, I didn't even really care. His tear filled eyes, puffy face and crackly voice didn't even make a dent in the steel wall that enclosed my brain. At the funeral people patted my head and turned to my dad to say how brave I was being. It's not hard to be brave when you don't feel anything.

Animal killing had sustained me for a bit, killing anything I could get my hands on eventually got boring. I have set my targets on something bigger and better. The hum of the cafeteria I'm sitting in is blocked out by the music flowing through the AirPods my father got me on a random day in the summer. Having a dead mother really comes in handy when guilt tripping you're father. It's not like I care about school, why would I when I already know everything I need to know. However I don't want any suspicions raised and no one ever notices the quite kid in the back when trying to solve a murder. I don't really have any friends and never cared to, they will only get in my way. I almost made it another day without drawing any student who is trying to be the school hero and befriend the sad looking kid when a lanky boy in a red cardigan stops in front of the table I'm sitting at, his hands crossed over his chest.

"Are you one of those people who think listening to The Beatles makes you superior to everyone else?" He says once he sees I've removed an AirPod.

"I don't think so?"

"Good," he paused for a second and looks at the skateboard in the seat next to me, "I've seen you skating and I think you're pretty shit."

"Excuse me?" Who is this kid and why does he seem like he's trying to pick a fight?

"I said you're pretty shit at skating but I guess I'll just have to deal with it because you're my only option right now."

"What do you mean?"

The kid standing in front of me breaks into a small grin, he looks like a good enough person to kill.

"Well you see, while you were sitting over here I just smashed my phone in front of that cult over there." He motions his head to a table where a group of preppy dressed girls were sitting, texting away on their phones.

"So you don't have a phone?" Him not having a phone would make it one step easier on disposition of his body.

"Not anymore," he sat down in front of me, "is that an issue?"

I shook my head before holding up my iPod touch that I only carried around to play music. The boy smiled and the bell rang to dismiss us from lunch. He rolled his eyes before jumping out of the uncomfortable cafeteria bench and throwing his backpack onto his back.

"I'm Jaemin by the way."

"Jeno."

He nodded his head before turning on his heels and starting the walk to his next class. Definitely a good target.

I sat on the bench, scanning the crowd of kids exiting the building after the last bell rang. It didn't take long before the red cardigan stopped in front of me.

"You waited for me, how romantic." He said before taking a seat next to me. I wasted no time, taking his face and pressing it against mine. Luckily it didn't take too much energy as Jaemin took over the whole exchange in a few seconds. Grabbing my hand he stopped for a second.

"Why is you're hand like that?"

"I was in a fire." That's a lie. I stuck it in a deep fryer when I was 7. I guess that kinda killed the mood because Jaemin started to get up to leave. I couldn't let him leave, who knows the next time I'll get a victim so easy to get rid of.

"Wait." I said before he left. "Do you want to go on a date? Tonight at like 5?" I'm assuming that's what people in relationships do, spend time together. The more believable the better.

He seemed to think for a bit before saying "Okay I'll met you at the diner." Jaemin looked back at Jeno one last time before starting his walk home.

It was 5:15 and Jaemin still hadn't shown up, I was starting to think maybe he had ditched me. That would suck, who else in this down doesn't have a phone that isn't elderly. I have already decided against killing an old person, more hassle then it's worth. I must be spacing off because suddenly Jaemin is in front of me, snapping his fingers in my face.

"Hello anyone in there?" Jaemin shouts in my face.

"Sorry I must have been daydreaming."

"That's a weird, lets go inside I'm hungry." He takes my hand, plopping down in a booth by the window where two menus were set out. It didn't take long for a waitress who was dressed in an uniform that they wore in the 50's came to take our order, her white teeth creating a sharp contrast between the red lipstick that filled her lips. It was a too orange toned to be blood, which probably was fine considering most normal people don't want bloody lips.

"Excuse me is this true?" Jaemin broke the silence, pointing towards the menu that read 'Britain's best Burgers!' In a bold font. The waitress nodded her head and Jaemin seemed to accept that answer.

"What could I get you and your friend?" The waitress asked while taking out a notepad.

"Actually he's my boyfriend." Jaemin said while rolling his eyes. I guess we are together, I mean making out on a bench and going on a date seem like things you do when you are dating. Jaemin and the waitress just gave each other fake smiles for a few seconds before I decided to break the silence.

"I" was all I could get out before Jaemin interrupted me.

"I will have a coffee, black, a bacon hamburger, a side salad, an order of chips and a banana split with the largest bloody banana you have." Jaemin's voice had a hinge of disrespect in it which I guess made her upset because she stopped writing and put her hands on her hip.

"Listen here young man, you treat me with respect." She said with a threatening tone. Apparently Jaemin wasn't happy with this because he looked her right in the eye before saying,

"Make me you old hag." Adding a grin at the end. This made the waitress go ballistic as she grabbed Jaemins collar and yanked him up, screaming for someone named Marvin to come take care of him.

"Jeno help me I'm your boyfriend." Jaemin yelled once he noticed I was just sitting and watching the whole ordeal. I decided I should probably help and I pushed the waitress back, she let go of his collar as she hit the counter. She was now loudly screaming for someone named Marvin.

"Go grab Marvin you bitch." Jaemin yelled and grabbed my hand, leading me out of the diner that was most definitely not home to the best burger in Britain.

"Did you see how she looked at us Jeno?" This had been the topic of discussion since we had started the walk to my house. The tree lined streets were empty except for the lady walking her poodle, which Jaemin had stopped to pet. I had came to the decision not to pet the dog after considering that my history with animals may mean I have the blood of one of its doggy friends on my hands.

"That's how everyone in this goddamn town looks at me and I'm sick of it." He was trying to the stay balanced on my skateboard after stealing it from my hands, proclaiming that "I was so bad it hurt to watch."

He was probably worse than I was at skating but I kinda need him not to be mad at me, he's my target remember?

We pulled up to my house, it's white exterior was slightly grey after not being power washed in god knows how long.

"It's cute Jeno."

Jaemin gave me a smile before following me into the front door.

"It's probably a bit messy, I'm sorry." I said before taking off my shoes and leading him into the family room, the walls a puke green colour and my couch lumpy after many nights with my dad sleeping on it.

"No I love it." Jaemin said while examining the pictures on the mantle, he picked up a white frame that held a photo on my mother and I on a swing set that used to be in our backyard. One day a tree fell and split it right in half, the swings where I spent summers flying through the air laid tangled on the ground.

"Is this your mum?"

"Yeah. She's in Russia. Like permanently." I hope he believes me because I don't need another person taking pity on the fact that I never had a date for the mother son dance in primary school.

Jaemin nodded his head and gave a slight "ok" before asking where the kitchen was.

When my dad got home Jaemin had scavenged the kitchen, finding a bagel and coating it with peanut butter. My dads slightly awkward presence filled the room, stopping in his tracks when he say the black haired boy standing at the counter, licking the peanut butter off of the knife. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Jaemin threw up a peace-sign, further confusing my father.

"Jeno who is this?" My dad turned to me and said.

"That's Jaemin. My boyfriend."

My dad raised his eyebrows before quickly turning and shaking Jaemins hand and telling him about how nice it was to meet him and leading him to take a seat at the table

"It's so nice to meet you Jaemin, you know for a while I was worried that he was unable to have a real relationship. You know I never heard him talk about any urges." He ended this statement with a laugh, Jaemin turned and gave me an annoyed look.

"Maybe we don't have a real relationship and I'm just a hooker he paid to get him off." Jaemin said in a monotone voice, filling the room with an awkward silence as my dad tried to process what he just said. Jaemin broke into a laugh before telling him he was kidding, he grabbed my thigh and gave it a squeeze. Who is this kid?

"You know I think we're are gonna go." I said to break the tension, leading Jaemin out of my kitchen and up the stairs, he gave my dad a wave before disappearing behind the enclosed staircase.

"Your dads a prick." Jaemin said once we had climbed out my window and were now sitting on my roof.

"I know, sometimes I just want to punch him in the face." I admitted, this statement was true.

"You should, he didn't even laugh at my joke." Jaemin said with a pout.

We sat in silence until the silence was broken by Jaemin asking a question very loudly.

"So you ever done it?"

"Done what?"

"Jeno don't act like that, I mean IT, like hookup."

What kinda question was that for a Friday afternoon the day you meet someone. I mean no I hadn't, I never had been in a relationship. I couldn't let Jaemin know this or he'll think I'm some prude probably.

"Of course I have." It came out sounding confidant. Almost too confident but I don't think he noticed.

"No, you're lying."

"I promise I'm not lying." I am very much lying.

"Fine I'm coming over tomorrow at 11 and you can prove it."

Shit. I can't let my dna be all over a dead body.

"I don't know Jaemin I just met you."

"Why you scared? I thought you've done it before?"

There's no way I'm getting out of this, so I guess my plans are going to have to move up a bit.

"Okay 11 is fine."

Jaemins face showed surprise that I agreed and he got up and climbed through my window after giving me a kiss on the cheek.

It's 11:15 and either Jaemin chickened out or him being late is a habit. The knife I had hidden under a throw pillow was burning a hole in the back of my mind. How would I do it? Slit his throat while his back was facing me? No, the angle may be kind of awkward.
Stab him in the chest once he starts to get close? No it would probably take a lot of work to get past his ribcage and I'm not exactly in the best of shape. Stabbing him in the back would be too cliche. I'll probably just decide when the moment is right.

I hear the door flying open downstairs and heavy steps running up the staircase. By the time he reaches the doorway his button down is unbuttoned and hanging off his lanky body. It looks strange to be wearing a button down and dress pants on a Saturday afternoon.

"Sorry I'm late my mum was having a garden party for her book club to showcase her new home and new family, which I am not part of so I had to serve middle aged women who peaked in high school shrimp cocktails all day."

He takes a seat on the couch and I start to grab the knife that was concealed behind the pillow when he starts talking again. I should probably listen, last words of my first victim may be something important to note.

"Jeno we're running away."

Okay not what I was expecting. I guess the killing could wait a day or two.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, aren't you sick of this place. You have a car how about we run away like forever?"

"It's actually my dads car."

"Details aren't important right now Jeno lets go." Jaemin rolled his eyes and exited the room. Rushing down the stairs and out the front door to where my dad had just gotten home.

I don't know what overtook me because I walked up to my dad and sucker punched him in the face.

"That felt good." I confessed towards Jaemin who was standing behind me with a small back pack on his shoulders.

We hopped into the front seat of my dads, Well I guess it's mine now, car and took off. Swerving down the windy roads of the town that I had grown up in and spent my whole life in.

Chapter Text

"Hello world!" Jaemin was screaming out of the sunroof of the car. His voice echoing through the empty countryside. He had changed into a pair of distressed jeans, a bomber jacket that was slightly too big and a pair of combat boots. I could see the wind whipping through his hair as we drove father away from town. The farther away the harder it will be to find his body.

"We can do literally whatever we want Jeno."

"Please put on your seatbelt." I told Jaemin, I don't know why I care to tell him but I do.

"No seatbelts are for losers." He says while unbuckling my own seatbelt. "Can we pull over I'm hungry?"

"Yeah sure." I don't think I had much of a choice, Jaemin seems like the type to get his way.

We pull into a strip mall that contained a shoe shop, a barber shop and a Red Lobster restaurant.

"Please tell me you like sea food." Jaemin was looking at me like this was the most important question in the world.

"I like it." I don't really like it but Jaemin is pushing my buttons. Why can't he just sit there quietly while I drive him to where I'm going to kill him? Is it really that hard.

Lunch is spent with a lobster looking up at as I just picked at my food. Jaemin was devouring his shrimp kabobs and started to eye the biscuit sitting on the napkin beside my lobster.

"Can I have that?"

"Sure."

Jaemin looks excited over his biscuit victory when he reaches across the table to grab the piece of bread.

"Sorry I like food and mum refuses to buy anything with high carbs, says I'll get me fat but what does she know anyway."

"I'm assuming you don't have a good relationship."

Jaemin shakes his head while taking a sip of the martini he convinced the bartender to give him even though he very clearly is underage.

"I'm the thing standing between her and a perfect family, I don't blame her. Who wants to take care of a son who looks a bit too much like your ex-husband who apparently couldn't take fatherhood and walked out the day after Christmas. She remarried a perfectly fake man who is a lawyer and represents the most horrible two faced clients I've ever met. But that salary allowed her to move into her dream house so I guess she ignores the sly comments about how I need tighter jeans from her Prince Charming at breakfast every morning, or she's too busy feeding the twins she had to replace me, although I must admit they are cute but it's kinda funny how she tried so hard to have another kid, got two for the price of one in fact, when she always complains about how she wished I was never born. So yeah I guess our relationship is less than perfect. On the bright side she's not gonna report me missing, speaking of that do you think your dads called the cops yet?"

Okay that was a lot to digest and the silence that followed it was getting increasingly awkward so I was thanking God when the waitress brought the bill to the table.

"Did u bring any money?" Jaemin leaned in and whispered across the table.

Of course I didn't.

"No, I thought you did."

"Why would I have money?"

"I don't know maybe because you suggested we go here?"

"You know I don't appreciate your tone." Jaemin says, still leaned over table.

"How are we gonna pay?"

"We're not, you barely touched your food and anyways this is a chain. It's okay to steal from a chain, that's what my dad used to tell me." Jaemins face slightly feel when he mentioned his dad.

“We can’t just leave Jaemin, it’s stealing.”

“Is it because you’re scared Jeno?”

No. I’m not scared. Why would I be, if anyone Jaemin was the one who should be scared of me.

“No.” I say before walking out of the restaurant, leaving a shocked Jaemin at the table.

We begin to drive again, Jaemin and I sit in silence for a while. I am scanning the woods, looking for a place to pull over and kill him.

“You never answered my question, has your dad called the cops yet?” Jaemin breaks the silence.

“Nah, he probably thinks I’m coming home.” It’s true I could literally leave a note saying I’m never coming home again and he would still set my place at dinner.

“We did it Jeno!” Jaemin screams as he bounces up and down in his seat, slightly screaming in my ear but I’ll allow it.

“You wanna do it now, hookup?” Jaemin looks at me, staring to see my response.

“Um should I pull over the car?”

“No keep driving, I’ll help you take off your shirt.”

I’m is seriously considering if Jaemin is madman, which is a lot considering I, myself is a psychopath.

“Um ok.” I take my hands off the wheel, trying to maintain my eyes on the road. I starts to slip my shirt over my head, I feel Jaemins hands help guide my shirt over. I am now completely blind as the shirt I am wearing is stuck over my head.

“Jaemin I can’t see, I think it’s stuck.” Jaemins laughter fills the car.

“Jaemin for real I can’t see-“ I feel a sudden jerk forward and the car stopping. My head slams the back of the drivers seat as I suddenly pulls off the shirt completely. In front of me, my dads car has driven straight into a tree, the front badly dented and smoking a bit.

“Oh my god Jeno.” Jaemin can’t hold back his laughter, having to bury his face in his hands after seeing me give him an angry look.

“Holy shit this is my dads baby.” My dad worked forever to pay for this car, I hop out of the car to see the damage. It looks worse when you are outside the car, the front is completely mangled.

Jaemin stands by my side, looking at the car.

“Do you think it’s going to explode?” I ask him.

“This isn’t a film, if it was I would be running away with Harry Styles and not someone who can’t ride a bloody skateboard.”

“Do you think we can fix it?” As I finish asking that the car bursts into flames, with it my hope of killing Jaemin in the woods, I can’t have a car linking me to the crime.

“Well Shit.” Jaemin says, looking at the ball of flames in front of us.

“Should we go back home?” I ask.

“No absolutely not, if you want to go back you can but I would rather walk then go home.” Jaemin says, turning and beginning to walk away.

For some reason I follow him.

“You look crazy no one is gonna pull over and pick up someone who looks crazy except for someone else who is crazy.” Jaemin is hiding his face with every car that passes, standing very far back from the road where I am trying to hitchhike and failing.

“I don’t look crazy.”

“Yeah you do, you got your tits out.” Jaemin says referring to my lack of the shirt which was unfortunately left in the burning car. My torso was covered in scratches after walking through the woods, stomping down plant life in our way after I had taken the lead to stop Jaemin from complaining about how the plants were scratching him.

“My hero.” He said throwing his arms around me into a hug after I said I could go first to clear the path.

As I am reliving that recent memory a minivan pulls to the side of the road, a middle aged man pulls down the passenger seat window.

“You going down south?” He asks

I turn to Jaemin, his hands covering the bottom half of his face.

“Yeah.” I answer for the both of us.

“Well hop on in.” He pushes a button and his van door rolls open. Jaemin is still standing by the woods, not moving.

“Go on Jaemin.” I motion to the opened door. After seeing him still not moving I pull him by the arm and he finally starts moving.

“If we get murdered it’s all your fault.” He says as I slam the van door and climb into the passenger seat.

“Why do you get the passenger seat, it smells like dog in here.” Jaemin says as soon as we start driving.

Before I can answer the stranger driving us reply’s that,
“He’s a feisty one.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes at this remark.

“So what have you two been getting up to?” He says, probably referring to me being shirtless.

“Nothing.” I reply.

“Oh come on, I know that’s not true. Tell me I’m not gonna snitch to the police.” He tries to tell us.

“He said we’ve done nothing.” Jaemin says from the back in an annoyed voice.

The man glares at Jaemin before telling him to get a sweater for me from the back. Jaemin folds himself over into the backseat, I notice the stranger watching him as he fishes around the back. When he reappeared with a white sweater in his hand, he leans forward to give it to me.

“Why is the back full of cages?” Jaemin questions.

If I get murdered tonight I’m gonna be kind of upset. I was the one supposed to be doing the murdering.

“Don’t worry,” the man laughed, “it’s just for the dogs.”

“Dogs?” I question.

“Yeah those fighting dogs can be kinda vicious, just how I like em.” The man says with a grin.

“You fight dogs?” Jaemin says with disgust in his voice.

“Yeah, make a lot of money off it.”

“You know you’re a murderer, you literally have dogs that kill other dogs.”

“Everyone’s so sensitive these days.” The man leans over to me and says, probably a bit too loud because Jaemin gasps in shock.

“Are those your kids?” Jaemin is referring to the picture of a women with two young kids that sits on the dashboard.

“Yeah, that’s my wife Liz, my daughter Amy and baby Jack.” He says pointing to the people as he describes them.

“Well Jack looks like a potato.” Jaemin says very loudly before crossing his arms and laying back in the seat to look out the window.

“You should probably climb back and talk to him, he’s pretty upset.” The man whispers in my ear. It’s kinda a strange request but I guess it’s what you do in relationships. As I climb into the back seat the man slaps my butt when I am crawling over the cup holders.

“You piece of shit!” Jaemin jumps up from his laying down position once he sees this happen. Maybe this is what he will sound like when I kill him?

“Go back to sleep darling, let the real men have their fun.” The man is trying to get Jaemin to shut up.

“You can’t do that you creep.” Jaemin is now screaming at the man.

“Oh calm down he enjoyed it I bet.” The man is mistaken, I didn’t enjoy it but I’m not very confrontational so I remain quiet.

“Pull over.” Jaemin demands

“I said pull over or I’ll do it myself.” Jaemin says again once the man doesn’t fill his demand.

The man pulls over to a rest-stop that contained a run down motel. He opens the door and tells us to get out.

“Give me your wallet.” Jaemin demands.

“No you bitch.”

“I said give more your wallet, it would be a shame if the wife and kids find out what you do with teenage boys in your car.”

“You wouldn’t”

“Oh I would so I suggest you give me your wallet.”

The man sees that Jaemin is totally serious and hands over this wallet before speeding off.

“Go to hell.” Jaemin screams as he flicks off the minivan.

The wallet contains £2000, Jaemin hands me the money as he walk to the motel. Inside the lobby is gaudy and dark. A television is playing an old rerun of law and order and the women at the desk eyes us as we walk in.

“Can I have a double room please?” Jaemin asks.

“A double room?” The women questions.

“Yeah a double room with a double bed for double the fun times.”

The women looks at me with a disgusted look on her face. I hope my face isn’t red, it’s gets that way when I’m embarrassed which I very much am.

“You heard him.” I say to her. She slides the keys over the counter and Jaemin takes them.

The room is worn down, the walls have stains of something I don’t want to know, the lock on the door is broken and the bathroom definitely has a bug infestation but I’m not really in the place to complain. Jaemin and I lie on the bed, side by side, on top of the duvet cover that has definitely not been washed in a hot second. I am flipping through the channels when the adult channel flashes across the screen.

“Go back and turn on the porn.” Jaemin instructs me.

“Okay.” I’ve learned not to question Jaemin.

“Turn it up.”

The sounds that you would associate with that channel fill the room. I look over to Jaemin and I see his eyes are wet.

“Are you crying?” I ask him.

“No, I need to use the bathroom.” He runs into the filthy bathroom and slams the door.

This is my chance, the knife I had taken from home is hidden in my sock. If I kill him in the bathroom it would be much easier to clean up. I go to the door, I’m about to kick it down when I hear quiet sobs coming from behind the door. I can’t kill him when he’s crying, he might be too chocked up to scream. I go back to the bed and put my knife back in my sock.

I pretend to watch the tv for a bit until Jaemin comes out of the bathroom, telling me that he’s going to the vending machine. Once he is out of room I quietly stick my head out and see that he is at the end of the hall, taking on the payphone with his back to me.

“Can I talk to my mum?” He asks into the phone.

“What do you mean she doesn’t want to talk to me?” His voice cracks while saying that.

“Well okay just tell her I’m not coming home.” He hangs up the phone and bangs his head against the wall that holds the booth. I go back in the room, making sure to quietly close the door so he doesn’t know I was listening.

After 15 minutes he returns to the room, he clearly has been crying and his hair has the indents of his fingers in it. He comes back to the bed staring at the porn on the TV.

“Can I turn it off?” I ask him.

“Yeah.”

Jaemin lays his head on the pillow and turns his body to face the door. His back is facing me, now would be a perfect time, just stab him while he’s off guard.

“Jeno can you cuddle me?” Jaemins voice is the smallest I ever heard it.

This request catches me off guard, what am I supposed to do?

“Ok.”

I slide close to him, snaking my arms through his own and pulling him closer towards me. His back is against my chest and my face is in his hair. My hands hold his chest which is slowly moving up and down, Jaemins own hands grab my arms and pull them tighter.

“Goodnight Jeno.”

Chapter Text

“We are going to find my dad, you in?” Jaemin says while we are walking in a large empty field. We had checked out of the motel a few hours earlier, £80 was thrown at the lady at the desk, it was only supposed to be £60 but apparently we checked out late.

“Okay, should we get a train?”

“No are you crazy we just robbed a guy Jeno we shouldn’t go be hopping on trains.” Jaemin looked at me like I was a madman. Okay I kinda am but I’m not the one who is suggesting we walk to god knows where.

“But he hurt me.”

“I know but I just think we should find a place to lay low for a bit and think of a plan.” Jaemin was looking around at the surroundings, still just miles of empty grass.

We walked for what seemed like an eternity but based on my wristwatch it was only around 2 pm. The sun was beating down on my neck, surely I was going to get sunburnt but I wasn’t about to tell Jaemin that we should take the proper sun safety precautions. We finally stumbled upon a large hedge, it was perfectly trimmed and the houses it guarded looked grand and luxurious. I went first, pushing a hole in the hedge, it caused my hands to get cut with the branches inside the the plants, my blood streamed down my hand, I wiped my blood on the white sweater that I got from the creep in the van. On the other side of the hedge we landed in the backyard of a modern and big house, it has a swimming pool in the back and windows lined the entire back of the house.

“Let’s go in Jeno.” Jaemin ushered me to follow him.

“What if someone is home?” I find myself once again questioning Jaemins intelligence.

“Look,” Jaemin pointed to the dust lining the ledge of the house, “no housekeeping has been here in at least a month,” he brings me around to the front of the house, “and the mail hasn’t been brought inside in a least a week.” When he says this he grabs a large rock and walks behind the house, positioning himself in front of one of the circular windows.

“I don’t think breaking and entering is the best thing to do.”

“It’s not like anyone is living in the house at the moment.” Jaemin rolled his eyes and threw the rock at the window, the glass shattered and Jaemin entered. I mean he is right, no one is living in the house at the moment, but I feel like that logic is flawed

The house was decorated in a modern Art Deco way, the walls holding paintings of various colourful shapes, the staircase lead to at least 4 bedrooms, the largest holding a king bed and wardrobes that lined the entirety of one wall.

“I guess it’ll do.” Jaemin says in a sarcastic voice, flipping his hair out of his face.

Back downstairs books on psychology lined the walls of the in-home library. I picked one up and scanned the title “Asserting Dominance.” Even for me that’s a bit creepy.

“Jeno come look at this.” Jaemin calls from the family room.

“Someone’s a little vain.” He points to the large portrait that is hung on one wall of a man with an obviously fake hair piece and wearing a stiff suit. I turn over the book that I’m holding, on the back an identical picture of the one hanging on the wall. Jaemin sees this and gives a grossed out face.

“Very vain.” Jaemin takes out the piece of gum he had been chewing and sticks it on the picture. “You can’t tell me having photos of just yourself all over your house isn’t a bit strange.”

“Like if you’re gonna hang photos of yourself at least be the slightest bit attractive, like Jeno I could accept you hanging photos of yourself but this guy, hell no.” Jaemin was scavenging through the alcohol cabinet. Did he just call me attractive?

“Jackpot baby.” Jaemin holds up a bottle of clear liquid, I can tell by the label it’s an expensive vodka. He smiles as he drinks it straight from the bottle, scrunching up his face as the burning sensation falls down his throat.

“You dance?” Jaemin asks that night after we eat dinner. By dinner I mean instant meatloaf I found in the freezer and a glass of red wine.

“Not really.” I’m kind of uncoordinated.

“That’s lame.” Jaemin has finally managed to find a record He is satisfied with and turns up the player. The beat of an old country album fills the room.

“It’s Hank Williams.” He lets me know before starting to move up and down, his hips swaying to the beat. He turns his head to face me as the voice starts singing the lyrics. He moves around the room swaying his arms in the hair, he’s dramatically pretending to play the guitar. He looks at me sitting on the couch watching him dance an pouts. He motions for me to join him, his face making an even larger pout when I don’t move.

“Listen if you get up and dance, I’ll close my eyes and I won’t open them. Promise.” He sees that I don’t believe him because he then dramatically covers his eyes. I don’t know what overtakes me because I get up and start moving to the beat, closing my eyes as I stand. I can feel my arms awkwardly flailing and I’m pretty sure that I’m off timing to the guitar but I don’t care. I jump up and down, completely forgetting about how I must look right now. I haven’t danced in a while and it feels good to let out all my tension to the record that Jaemin put in. My eyes are still closed and I feel a pair of hands guide my own and Jaemin leads my arms to his hips.

“You’re honestly not that bad Jeno.” He try’s to get me into the grove that he is dancing in but even his natural rhythm can’t seem to help my lack of natural ability. He laughs as he sees me slightly trip, grabbing onto him for balance.

“I thought you promised not to look.” I say as I open my eyes.

Jaemin then leans in and gives me a kiss, except instead of the quick pecks he has given me in the pass this one is deep and loving.

“Sit down.” He says, pushing me to the couch, shaking his head. “I hope I’m good at this.”

“Good at what?” I question him as he sits on top of me.

“Sometimes you can be so clueless Jeno.” Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Undo your belt.”

Oh shit that’s what he’s talking about. I can’t believe this is happening, I mean I’m fine with it, in fact I’m kinda happy, it’s just that that photo is staring at me, the man who’s house we have broken into is judging me. His eyes are looking at me over Jaemins shoulder.

“Jaemin wait, I don’t like how he’s looking at me.” I point to the picture, slightly pushing him back, I must have underestimated my strength because he has to stand on his feet to avoid falling off my lap.

“Excuse me?” Jaemin looks hurt.

“That guy is looking at me.”

Jaemin turns his head and looks at the photo before turning back to face me.

“That’s all you can think about right now, were you even paying attention to me?”

“I was just that photo was creeping me out.”

“Creeping you out? Where you even paying attention to me or were you too busy looking at his terribly fake hairpiece? Do you even care about me?” How did Jaemin jump to this conclusion?

“I guess-“ I knew I used the wrong choice of words when Jaemin interrupts me.

“You guess? You know what, I don’t know why I wasting my time one someone who doesn’t want me.” Jaemin looks at me before storming off and up the stairs. I try to follow him but he is flying up them two at a time and I’m having trouble keeping up.

“Jaemin wait I didn’t mean it.” Why does my heart feel like this? I’m not supposed to care about him or anyone in fact.

“That’s what they all say Jeno.” Jaemin storms into the master bedroom and locks the door.

“Hey let me in we can talk about this.”

No response. Maybe I should just give him his space and I can try to apologize in the morning. I don’t want to leave where he is but I force myself to walk down the stairs and take a big swing of the vodka left forgotten on the table. I feel my heart is feeling a way I’ve never felt before. It hurts and I just can’t take it. It feels like a knife is stabbing it right through the middle. Maybe it’s the meatloaf?

“Shit.” I scream as I punch the bookcase, when I do an album containing Polaroid’s and a video camera falls off the shelf. I grab the photos and the contents surprise me.

Women are tied up, rope burns, bruises, blood. Under each photo a name. Peggy, Ruth, Anna, Gwen and Lila. I open the camera and almost throw up when I see videos from what suppose are the same events that made those photos. I slam the camcorder screen closed. Suddenly I feel an eerie presence fill the room and I decide that Jaemin and I are leaving the next morning.

After an hour I make my way up the stairs and to the white doorway that encloses the master bedroom. I remember what I learned in a survival class my father made me take when I wanted to camping when I was 5 and I carefully work the knife that I still carry around in my sock so that the lock comes undone. I enter the room to see a sleeping Jaemin curled up in the sheets, his one arm is hanging off the side of the bed. My heart is hurting, it’s a strange feeling that I’ve never experienced. I don’t really know why but I lay down on the floor beside the bed where Jaemin is sleeping and grab his hand. I don’t know why but it just feels right.

I didn’t notice that I had fallen asleep until I hear the slamming of the front door.

“Shit.” I look up at Jaemin, still fast asleep. I sit up, contemplating whether I have time to wake him up, but the sound of footsteps are at the bottom of the stairs. I kiss his hand and slide completely under the bed just as the footsteps are running up the steps. A pair of expensive shoes enter the room, stopping when they see Jaemin in the bed. Jaemin must have woken up because I feel the bed dipping above me, and I hear a small ‘oh no.’

“You scared me, I thought someone dangerous had broken in.” The voice that belongs to the shoes says, I see a baseball bat being set on the floor.

“I’m sorry, I think I’ll just get going.” Jaemin’s voice is small in comparison to the man with the expensive shoes. His voice is a sharp contrast to the strong, confident voice that I associate with the Jaemin I know.

“No, No, No stay, are you in trouble?” A posh sounding accent asks him.

“No.” Jaemin is stirring on the bed above me.

“Are you here alone?”

“Yes.” I hear Jaemin say after a small silence.

I see Jaemin’s feet touch the floor and he sprints to the door. I want to come out of my hiding spot when I see his wrist being grabbed roughly.

“Where do you think you’re going, you can’t just break into my house and eat my porridge Goldilocks.” The man pulls Jaemins wrist closer.

“Please just let me go.” Jaemin is now crying and trying to pry the hand that is stopping him from leaving.

“Aw, are you a virgin?”

“Yes.” Jaemin reply’s quietly. The sound of the mans hand hitting Jaemins face fills the room, he is pushed onto the bed, kicking and screaming.

“You can’t do this.” Jaemin screams.

I don’t think I just act. I roll out from under the bed, grabbing my knife from my sock, burying it deep into the attackers neck. My adrenaline has caused my vision to blur but I know I’ve hit a vital spot when I see the mans neck instantly open and start pouring blood. The blood drenches Jaemins face and white shirt, Jaemin is trying to stop the the liquid from hitting his face by creating a box with his arms. It’s no use as Jaemin sits up and screams as he realises he is wearing the mans blood like face paint. The man with the knife in his neck stumbles off of Jaemin and faces me. A look of surprise and rage fills his face, he walks around a bit disorderly before finally collapsing onto the floor. He try’s to grab me one more time on the way down but I step back so he can’t grab me. He’s laying on the wood floors, the blood flowing around his body, his eyes staring at nothing.

I turn to Jaemin who is sitting up on the bed, the sheets have an in print of where he had been held down a mere seconds earlier. He jumps up and runs to my side, staring at the body that now lays in the middle of the floor. He’s looking at little shaky so I try to grab him and support him. He swats my arm away, his face shows no sign of emotion.

“Are you really a virgin?” I ask him.

He doesn’t answer just nods his head in response.

“It’s okay, I’m a virgin to.” I say to Jaemin, my poor attempt at comforting him is clearly not taken well.

“Yeah no shit Jeno.”

Chapter Text

I felt my dinner traveling up the back of my throat as I looked at the body that lay in front of me. The blood was slowly making a larger puddle around the owner of the house we had broken into.

“I think I’m going to puke.” I said, the killing had not been what I had expected. The look in his eyes as he turned towards me at the realization at the knife in his neck was running through my mind.

“Don’t you dare Jeno.” Jaemin’s voice was shaking, “We need to get rid of the body.” His eyes were darting back and forth from the body to me at a million miles a minute.

“Don’t worry everything’s gonna be okay.” Nothing is okay but I’m not going to tell him that, getting rid of the body can’t be hard can it?

Apparently cleaning up a murder scene is a lot harder than the internet had made it seem. Even with both of us lifting we couldn’t move the man so we made the mutual decision to just keep him in his place. I pull the knife out of his neck and go to dispose of it, throwing it into the pool filter. When I get back to the room Jaemin is slipping on a pair of yellow dish gloves and filling a bucket full of water from the master bathroom. His face is still drenched in red and his oversized white t shirt is now definitely stained. His eyes are staring at the mirror.

“You okay?” I ask him once the bucket starts to overflow.

“I don’t know Jeno you just killed a guy and I’m wearing his blood on my face so yeah you can say I’m not doing that well right now.”

“I’m sorry.” I mentally slap myself as soon as those words leave my mouth.

“You know what I’m getting a shower, we can bleach it after you just clean the blood.” He says before handing me the bucket and slamming the bathroom door.

I clean everything in the house, making sure to erase any trace that we had been in the house. I’m finishing scrubbing the floor around the body when Jaemin exits the bathroom, his oversized shirt replaced with a button down and loose pair of pants.

“Isn’t it a bit messed up to be wearing his clothes?” I ask Jaemin. My brain is definitely not working today.

“Isn’t it a bit messed up to bury a knife in someone’s neck?” He snaps back. Ok fair enough.

“He was trying to hurt you.” I tell him but he shakes his head and starts to gather the sheets from the bed.

“We need to burn these since I slept on them, we can start a fire in the woods and get on our way. I already bleached the bathroom.” Jaemin tells me as he strips he sheets and struggles to carry the heavy duvet cover.

“Do you need help?” I ask while starting to move to grab it from his hands.

“I can do it myself.” Jaemin snaps at me, my heart slightly breaking as he makes his way down the steps.

An hour later Jaemin and I are standing in front of a flaming pile of fabric, in it the covers, Jaemin and I’s old clothes and anything else we couldn’t clean. Jaemin is standing beside me and staring at the fire slowly eating up the stained linen while his arms are crossed over his chest, his jacket being tightly clenched against his body.

“Jaemin shouldn’t we burn your jacket.”

“No, the jacket stays.”

“But it has blood on the sleeve.”

“It’s my dads, I’ll give it back to him once we see him.”

“Jaemin I don’t know if we should still go to your dads.”

“For the love of God Jeno just shut up, my dad will know what to do.” Jaemin says, I notice his eyes start to fill with tears.

“Are you sure you’re alright?” I ask him.

“Yeah, lets go, we need to change our looks.” Jaemin wipes his face and takes off, leaving the fire still lit.

I never thought of myself as someone who would be good at hair but considering that I managed to dye Jaemins hair a bright shade of pink in a gas station bathroom with box dye and it doesn’t look half bad I’m proud of myself. The pink hair is bright and cheery, which is ironic since we just disposed of the body. I’m not as adventurous as Jaemin so I only allow him to cut my bangs a bit too short. I look the same but I guess it will have to do. We rummage through the thrift shop, trying to find something that will fit us. I end up settling on a orange Hawaiian shirt and a pair of too tight skinny jeans that are low key cutting off the circulation to my legs. It’s better than Jaemins assemble which consists of an oversized t shirt under his dads jacket. We ran out of money half way through so he is wearing the shirt as a dress, it’s long enough to hit just above the knee. We definitely get stares as we enter a diner and order a plate of fries. Again we have no money but considering we just committed murder I think stealing is a lesser evil. We sit in an awkward silence as we wait for our food. Trying to pass the time I pour out the sugar packets and start to sort them. I must be really board because I sort them by color, by ingredients, by thickness, by which one Oprah Winfrey’s weight watchers would recommend the most. Jaemin looks at me as I do this.

“Is something wrong with you?” He breaks the silence.

“I don’t think so, why would you say that?” Something is definitely wrong with me but the less he knows the better I suppose at this point. Trust is something I guess two accomplices in a crime should have. Do you think Bonnie and Clyde mutually agreed to start murdering people or was it more of an opportunity that arose?

“Why did you have a knife on you Jeno?”

“Um my dad got it for me, it’s for hunting.” Okay I lied to him but I don’t think telling him that I was planning on killing him was a smart idea. I can’t believe I actually intended to kill him, serial murder is not what it cracks up to be.

“Yeah like hunting is such a big hobby in our area.” Jaemin is clearly unconvinced.

“Why do you care so much?”

“Well you know it’s a tad suspicious you just so happened to have a knife with you.”

Yeah it definitely looks bad.

“I need to use the bathroom.” Jaemin says and makes his way away from the table.

It takes me 30 minutes to realise he isn’t coming back. The fries he ordered sit in front of me, untouched, unlike my heart which is aching.