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"It's been a year."
"I know."
They haven't talked about it the whole day, although it was still present, somewhere, in the air, probably. They didn't dare to mention it, careful not to bring up the painful memories which the other, as they both hoped, had already forgotten. And so they avoided any eye contact as if the look of their eyes could betray them today as if Ivan's green eyes had the final score written all over them. He noticed that. Whenever Luka talked to him, he was either staring at the ground or fidgeting in his seat, eyes darting around the room.
Ivan knew it wasn't a sign of anything good. Luka in any kind of distress was causing him physical pain; that was something he'd found out playing all the El Clásicos together. At the same time, he was well aware of the captain's pride, and he would never hurt it by making Luka feel like a helpless child. What was he to do? He sneaked out of the bed early in the morning to prepare a nice breakfast - nothing extra, no waffles with fresh fruit from local market (because Luka would feel like that's out of pity), no pancakes with homemade jam (because Luka would say 'Oh, so you're trying to console me with this?'), nothing that would seem like a too special gesture.
No, instead, he drove down to the village, which took him only about five minutes, and stopped at the bakery there to get some fresh bread and baguettes. The old man behind the counter watched him with a very suspicious look on his face; Ivan could practically hear his brain working at the full speed. Well, this was a good thing about the forgotten seaside towns and villages. God knows if this guy even has a TV. Ivan smiled at him, leaving an absurdly big tip. Anyone who sells this lovely fresh bread at half past six in the morning on Monday deserves that, he thought. Luka and he wanted to spend their holiday as private as possible, which led them to a simple solution - the did most of the shopping beforehand at once so they wouldn't have to bother to go to some big supermarkets where it could be hard to go unnoticed. Instead, they could enjoy the real calm and quiet life of the Dalmatian seaside with all the perks of local specialized stores, which Ivan especially loved. He could spend the whole day just walking across small towns, untouched by any tourism and madness of people from big cities wanting a vacation at the seaside, destroying it in the process. In fact, Luka preferred lazy mornings and sunny days in their beach house and on the neighboring beach. Their holiday had to be a compromise between those two ideas, and it worked wonderfully well so far.
He stopped to buy some oranges and strawberries as well; the lady was just setting up her stand, probably with the intention to start her business at seven, but she still sold him everything he asked for. He smiled, leaving an absurdly big tip again. Well, this would never happen in a conventional store, right? He loved Dalmatia, and deep down in his heart he loved it even more because it was Luka's, it was his Dalmatia; he saw the sparkle in Luka's eyes when he sang Dalmacijo, more moje with the other guys on the stage after they -
Yes. After they'd lost and come home.
The memory was present everywhere, even now, on a sunny July morning, one year after. Ivan stopped, taking a deep breath, convincing himself it was because of all the fruit and vegetables he carried in one bag which he didn't expect to be so heavy.
We're not in Moscow anymore, he said to himself.
We're not in Moscow, and Luka mustn't stay mentally trapped there, under the heavy rain clouds over Luzhniki. It's been a year and Luka has been very well since then but this date was doomed, and Ivan wouldn't be surprised to find Luka curled up in bed with a very depressed state.
To his own relief, Luka was still asleep when he came back. He smiled to himself and stroke the messy blond hair that was already getting warm thanks to the sun that had crept into the room through the open curtains and window shutters. Luka mumbled something and moved his head a little. His lips parted; Ivan had to tame his own urges to kiss him immediately. He left the sleeping beauty in the bedroom and came back downstairs to cut all the pastries and fruit and vegetables in smaller pieces. He noticed he was smiling at all the pieces he'd cut. Is this what preparing food with love feels like? He was touching the pieces of bread as if they were sacramental bread, and he always gave a special little pat to the strawberries. This one, this one, and also this one; the ripest ones, dark red and sweet just by look - they had to be for Luka.
He arranged everything on plates with obsessive precision and prepared some olive oil for the bread in a small bowl so it would all be ready to be brought out on the terrace once Luka gets up.
Luka was taking his time; an hour has passed and he still didn't come downstairs. Ivan has already scrolled through all the new posts on Instagram, laughing at Dejan and Šime having a holiday of their own (maybe they all could go on a double date one day?), and he was slowly becoming a bit bored which was something he always wanted to avoid, and especially now, on this day. Boredom brings back memories and thoughts, and that was exactly what he didn't need today. He needed Luka to keep him company - and he needed to make sure Luka's mind is too busy to go back to what has happened one year ago.
He walked back upstairs, opening the bedroom door as quietly as possible. Luka was sprawled across his side of the bed in what seemed to be a very uncomfortable position but apparently he didn't mind; as it was hot and sunny he wasn't even covered with the thin blanket, he must have kicked it off in his sleep, and now he was lying there on his stomach, with one leg thrown over the blanket and the other underneath it, and his bum in a plain white boxers was the first thing Ivan had actually noticed upon walking into the room. Luka was a sleeping angel, so peaceful and calm, lost in a dream world, and something about this image made Ivan's heart feel heavy and full, overflowing with emotions. He walked towards the bed as quietly as possible, and then he sat on its side, by Luka's body.
It's been a year since he'd found him in a similar position, though back then it was in his full kit and with wet hair, in the hotel room. He still remembered their conversation vividly; sometimes, the image of Luka lying in an empty and cold room haunted him in dreams - it was something he never wanted to see, something that would probably haunt him for the rest of his days. There was no place for sad Luka today in Ivan's plans, and he was decided to start with that practice right now. He climbed back onto the bed, crawling as close to Luka as he could.
"Good morning," he whispered just before pressing his lips against Luka's neck. "Good morning," he repeated, inhaling the scent of Luka's skin.
Luka sifted a little, frowning in his sleep as if he wanted to protest this gesture of love. Ivan just smiled and buried his nose in the crook of Luka's neck, knowing the captain will surely awake in a few minutes of him being pressed so close up against him.
He wasn't wrong.
"Ivan?" Luka spoke, still sounding half-asleep.
"Yeah?" Ivan asked, voice as innocent as it could be. This was Dalmatia for him - Luka's warm skin, steady calm breathing, and messy hair that was getting in his face.
" ' morning."
Ivan smirked, not even surprised by Luka's laziness. He was always like this after waking up, and Ivan loved it. It gave him a perfect opportunity to snuggle up closer to him and wrap his hand around the smaller man's waist. "I prepared something for breakfast," he mumbled, closing his eyes. He moved his hand, looking for the place on Luka's chest where he could feel his heartbeat the most. "We can have coffee or just juice if you want." He pressed his palm there. Once Luka was in his embrace like this, there was no chance of Ivan letting him out of the bed.
"You don't seem like someone who's hungry for breakfast," Luka pointed out slowly, probably still in the process of waking up. He yawned and tried to stretch his arms and legs as far as possible, just to slumber back into Ivan's embrace again. "What are we having?"
"I was in the town... bought some fruit and fresh bread and baguettes."
"Great."
Yes, great indeed. There wasn't a sign of Luka thinking about anything else than a lazy summer morning and breakfast that was waiting for him downstairs.
It all has changed though as the day went on. Once Luka had a shower and breakfast, served on the cozy outside terrace, and he took the phone in his hands, his cheery mood seemed to drop. Ivan noticed the change in his behavior immediately, he knew his body language perfectly and the slightest change in his gestures and voice, or even the choice of words, gave him a signal - something is not right. It was clear enough what exactly wasn't right this time. Luka must have seen today's date and remember. Ivan had a plan though - no lazying around and especially no Instagram posts reminding him of the last year's finals; just a nice, summer day spent outside. Luka agreed, though there was something forced in his smile and emotionless "Yes, that would be nice."
His mood was still melancholic when they walked on the beach, by the sea, letting occasional stronger waves of the tide wash over their feet; he didn't talk much, and to all of Ivan's attempts of starting a real conversation, he just answered with a simple word or two. There was something magical about him glancing into the distance or at the sea, and Ivan loved that sight, although he realized that Luka was in fact not fascinated by the rolling waves nor the mushy sand; he was simply trying to avoid an eye-contact, fearing that it might betray him and not knowing that Ivan knew his body language so well he could read him like a book.
Ivan was not at all discouraged by Luka's behavior. The more Luka bowed his head down and the more intensively he stared at the ground, the louder and cheerier tone Ivan chose until he was getting overly excited for everything that was in the sight. Look, a wave! Look, a bird! Look, over there, a fish just jumped out! He knew it had to be annoying; thankfully, Luka never complained.
"It's like your natural habitat in here," he joked. "Can I take a picture? I'll be like those fans, you know? Luka, Luka, can I take a picture?"
Luka managed to put a tired smile on his face. "Yeah."
"Perfect. Just stay there - right there." He touched Luka's shoulder lightly and then pulled out his phone, making a few steps away from Modrić. "Look at me now - yeah, that's perfect. And smile a little, please - "
"You don't need to do all of this - "
"Come on, smile a little. It's a beautiful day!"
"Ivan." He said calmly. "I know what you're doing."
"Yeah?" He could read Luka like a book, and still, he forgot Luka could do the same with him.
Luka just nodded and covered his eyes from the sun. "It's been a year."
"I know."
"I know that too." A hint of smile raised the corners of Luka's lips. "You don't need to act like an idiot to try and hide it from me."
"Hide what?" Ivan asked, as innocent as he could be. "It's been a year since you won the Golden Ball."
Luka's relieved, thankful laugh filled his anxious heart with a much needed sense of happiness. "Thank you, Ivan."
"I really hope that's all you think of today."
Luka shook his head, but the gloomy mood was already gone. "Come here - " Ivan obeyed, walking slowly back to Luka with the phone still in his hand. "I appreciate your effort, I really do. But it has happened and - "
"Don't speak of that."
"I think you're avoiding those memories more than me."
"I just don't want you to be reminded of that."
Luka rolled his eyes. "Ivan, I can manage. I'm not as fragile as you like to make me look."
"I'm sorry!" Rakitić said defensively, raising his hands. "I just want to take care of you - "
"You're the sweetest, I know. And I'm so lucky to have you. Of course I'm sad, we lost, that happens, and this hurts twice as much because the dream was so close - " He shook his head again. "I still have only the best memories, you know?"
His hand found Ivan's and he accepted it, gazing in the smaller man's eyes. "It was worth it, after all, right? You got the award. And I got you."