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You loved Jeonghan, to the ends of the earth you did, but sometimes you doubted his love for you. Like at the beginning, when he forgot your birthday or when he said he was too busy to go on a date that night.
Now that you think back on it, those times were just you being silly and young. You didn’t resent your past self for being that way, though. You still had Jeonghan, so past you must have done something right.
But those feelings of doubt weren’t only in the past, they were in the present. Specifically, right now.
Right now, you were balling your eyes out in bed beside Jeonghan. As he slept soundly, you silently sobbed, care not to wake him. Even if this was partly his fault, you didn’t want to disturb his peaceful state.
Maybe you loved Jeonghan a little bit too much.
In the quiet, yet suffocating, air of your room, you began to think back to the events leading up to this point.
Life had been quite good up to this point, with rough patches few and far between. You and Jeonghan moved in together and acted like you had been married for years. It made you so happy to see that your relationship was progressing without a disastrous atmosphere.
That was until she came.
This ‘she’ was one of Jeonghan’s coworkers named Yuju. You met her at one of his work gathers when he had just started the job. She was very polite and pretty. Maybe a little bit too pretty. But you pushed that aside. It’s not like you didn’t trust Jeonghan.
But then he started to lean away when you leaned on him during movie night. He started to reject all attempts you had of cuddling him. No big deal, you told yourself. Maybe he’s not a fan of skinship and just doesn’t want to tell you.
No big deal… until it started becoming more.
He stopped planning date nights and backed out of the ones you set up, claiming he had a big work project… with Yuju. Or he had to help Yuju file some paperwork. Or he had help Yuju show the new interns around the office.
This hurt you, much more than you cared to admit. You made sure Jeonghan didn’t catch on, though. You would just smile and say, “Oh well, maybe another day,” while inside you were shattering.
You don’t want him to know that you were hurt. He might tell you that you’re overreacting and that he’ll never love someone who can’t trust him. Those thoughts made you cry sometimes before Jeonghan came home from work. You always made up some excuse when he noticed your swollen and red eyes. It was always ‘There was a sad movie playing,’ or ‘I had an allergy attack,’ not the truth.
Never the truth.
And you hated that. You wanted to change that, so you devised a plan.
After you got off work, you started preparing Jeonghan’s favorite meal. You even made the table look ‘fancier’ with a candle and a tablecloth. You were going to tell Jeonghan how you honestly felt over dinner. And if your worst thoughts came true, then… you didn’t want to think about that.
You remembered vividly how he came in with a slight smile and tired, half-lidded eyes. You gave him a hug and took his bag from him, telling him you fixed his favorite.
“Oh, but I’ve already ate.” Jeonghan mumbled. You stiffened, eyes widening, and stared at him.
“What?” You asked.
“I’m full. I ate something from the office’s cafeteria. If you don’t believe me, Yuju can vouch for me.” Jeonghan said. You heart dropped.
“You ate lunch with her?” Your voice was soft, broken.
“Yep.” Jeonghan didn’t even seem to notice. “I’m going to wash up and then go to sleep. It was a tough day at work.” He said before planting a peck on your cheek. Before you could say anything else, he was gone.
Your knees couldn’t hold you. You slowly slid to the ground. Everything spun and fell around you.
But you didn’t cry. Not yet.
You pushed yourself up and started to clean the kitchen. The silence, save for the shower’s sounds, gave you time to think about life, about your relationship.
Now you blinked back into the present. You blinked to see a very worried Jeonghan staring at you.
“Y/n… are you ok?” And with those words, you burst. You couldn’t hold anything in anymore, so you told him everything. You told him your fears about Yuju, told him your fears about your relationship, and everything you had been feeling. You didn’t know if he even understood half of it since you couldn’t stop crying the whole time you talked.
Jeonghan listened through it all, whether he understood it or not, though.
And when you finished he held you and petted your hair. He whispered soft things in your ear that you could hear over your own sobbing, but it calmed you down nevertheless.
When you had finally stopped crying and could hear what he was saying, you wanted to cry even more. He was repeating “I love you,” over and over again.
“Jeonghan, I-” You started, but Jeonghan shushed you.
“No no, I understand. Say no more. Let me explain something to you.” He pushed you back a bit so that you can sit up on your own and look at him. He turned on the light and took a deep breath before beginning.
“I haven’t been completely honest with you. I haven’t been working with Yuju on all of these projects.” He paused to take another deep breath. You couldn’t help but hold your’s.
“I was planning how I would propose to you.” Jeonghan blurted out. Those words echoed through the room. You were stunned.
“Wha-” “I was so nervous that I couldn’t sit still and couldn’t stand to be touched, which is why I pushed you away with you wanted to cling to me. I didn’t know what to do for the proposal, so I asked Yuju to help me, since she proposed to her wife not to long ago. I’m sorry I’ve just been so busy with work and so worked up to do this that I’ve neglected our relationship. I neglected you. I’m so sorry.” Jeonghan’s voice cracked on the last sentence. You hushed him and wrapped your arms around him.
“No, I’m sorry. I should have been honest and upfront about how I felt at the beginning instead of letting it fester inside of me this whole time.” You say before he pulls back to kiss you soft, once on the forehead and then once on the lips.
You two go quiet for awhile, settling back down in the bed after Jeonghan turned the lights back off. After a few minutes, you speak up.
“When were you going to do it? The proposal, I mean?” You asked softly with a small smile forming on your face. You heard Jeonghan chuckled lightly, embarrassed.
“Well, I was planning next weekend, but why not tomorrow night?” He said, turning back to face you. Even in the darkness, you could see how his eyes shone brightly with love. Love directed towards you.
“Anytime is fine with me. Either way, you’ll already know that my answer is yes.” You smiled before leaning forward to kiss the other.
You loved Jeonghan. Maybe a little bit too much, but that didn’t matter. All that mattered now what that you knew that he loved you too.