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Doc had, for lack of a better term, a dilemma.
And that made it sound like more of a problem than it actually was, really. In fact, it wasn’t that big of a deal at all; but it kept creeping back into his mind occasionally, distracting him from his projects with thoughts of why, things that made him question himself to probably a pretty unhealthy degree.
Which in and of itself sounded so unreasonable when he really thought about it. After all, not everyone had to like him, he knew that. That was just a fact of life, and he couldn’t fault anyone for it if they just didn’t click. He’s encountered it before, too, so it’s not like he’s just never met someone that didn’t want him around before.
But this time it felt… different. There was something off about it, something that just didn’t sit quite right with him. Maybe it was because he didn’t know why, because he couldn’t pinpoint anything in particular that could have caused it, and no one else knew either. It was a blatant mystery that only one person had answers to.
And that person was Grian.
He couldn’t figure out why, no matter how many times he zoned out debating it in his head, no matter how many times he died because of it, it just didn’t make sense. But for some reason, Grian seemed to be inexplicably afraid of him. Even though he’s never gone after the builder with intents on blackmail or revenge after pranks or such like some of the other Hermits have, and as far as he could remember he didn’t think he’s actually ever even killed him, Grian just acted so much more uncomfortable and timid around him than anyone else. Things like never looking him in the eye, never getting too close, his friendly banter seeming forced whenever he did interact in front of the others. Come to think of it, Doc wasn’t sure they’d ever even been alone in a room together, and already he was sure that wasn’t just a coincidence.
He should just let it go. He shouldn’t let it bother him as much as it does, but he can’t help it. Honestly, he really likes Grian. The kid’s pranks are top notch, his builds are gorgeous, and he’s jumped full force into their community with such enthusiasm that it would be hard not to like him. Maybe that’s why it hurts as much as it does that a lot of that enthusiasm bleeds away whenever Doc comes around; he feels like he’s missing out on experiencing the literal sunshine that is their newest companion, and he doesn’t even know why. If he at least had a reason, maybe it would be better.
Maybe that’s how he ended up here, standing just out of sight at the entrance to Grian’s base. The Elytra-addicted builder was wandering around inside, doing who knows what, while Doc just stood here warring with himself. Should he go in and try to come to some sort of understanding? Or should he leave, keep it to himself, and just try not to make Grian any more uncomfortable than he already was?
He knew he was being selfish, but he had to at least know. He was fine with Grian not liking him; he swore he’d keep his distance after today and never press the issue again, swore he’d let it go and just let the builder do his own thing in peace, but he just needed to understand why first. That was how he ended up giving in, gliding down into the base to land behind the source of his internal conflict.
Grian was digging through his Shulker boxes, opening one after another over and over. It seemed his lack of an automated storage system, and the slowly spreading infection of messy chests, was making his search for specific items ever the more difficult with each passing day. Though he didn’t mean to, Doc landed without a sound, and now found himself unsure of how to announce his unexpected presence in the home of the Hermit who seemed to be terrified of him, without, well, terrifying him.
He hadn’t really thought about this part. It suddenly seemed much smarter to leave, and save this talk for another day, or at least invite Grian somewhere outside to meet him. Then at least maybe he wouldn’t feel cornered, or he could just not show up at all, and then he wouldn’t be getting forced out of his comfort zone.
Doc was about to escape and rethink all of this when Grian turned around. Instantly he could see the way the other Hermit froze, his body going visibly tense, and Doc winced. Too late now.
“D-Doc, uh, hi.” Grian forced a smile, his stutter all too noticeable. His eyes flicked between Doc and somewhere behind him for a split second, most likely debating his chances of escape. “What, uh, brings you here?”
“We need to talk.” His words ended up coming out gruffer than intended, purely from how much he was regretting causing this situation in the first place. Unfortunately, it wasn’t helping matters at all, his callous and vague speech making Grian tense that much more, but he didn’t know how to fix it.
“O-oh, that’s, uh,” Grian started sidestepping between Doc and the glass wall, slowly enough that it seemed like he was trying to go unnoticed. “This isn’t a good time, maybe we could, um… rain check?”
He should have let him go. He should have given up on the entire venture then and there. But before he could really think about it, or how bad of an idea it was, Doc blocked Grian from slinking past him at the last second. He winced again at the terror that spread across the builder’s face, and the way he froze like a statue, not daring to move again.
This was so much worse than he’d even thought it would go. There was no way Grian was going to talk to him like this, hell, he may be even worse after this even if Doc backed away and left now. There was nothing good that could come out of this situation, and he had no idea how to move away from it with the least damage. With the way he’d now basically trapped Grian between the glass and himself with one hand on the wall, even if he apologized and backed away it would probably come across as a threat or something.
“Doc..?” Grian’s voice interrupted his internal tangent, sounding so small and timid. When he turned his attention fully on him in response, too, the builder flinched.
This was awful. He had to do something.
“Grian, I…” How was he even supposed to breach this? What was the gentlest way to ask ‘why do you act like you think I’m going to stab you at any moment?’ Frustrated, he let his head dip, resting his forehead against Grian’s fringe. He heard the builder’s breath hitch. “I’m not trying to scare you. I just… can we talk? Please?”
For what felt like the first time, Grian’s eyes met his. It was hard not to with how close their faces were like this, but that was beside the point. His gaze darted back and forth, hesitant, almost as if he was searching for some kind of catch. Doc hoped he found none; he knew he was being honest, but would Grian be able to see that?
“… Okay. What, what’s this about?”
It was Doc who ended up looking away, for the first time being the one out of the two of them to avoid eye contact. “I won’t blame you or be upset no matter what your answer is, okay? I just… I just need to know what it is.”
Some of the tension was slowly vanishing as confusion replaced it on Grian’s face, his brows knitting together as he tried to understand what was going on. “What--”
“Do you hate me, Grian?” He didn’t mean for that to come out that way, either, but it seemed he wasn’t capable of communicating clearly today. “I mean, I…”
“Doc,” This time Grian’s voice was mostly normal, albeit guarded and extremely confused. Doc wasn’t sure whether he should see that as progress or not, but at least if Grian was acting less like cornered prey, maybe this situation wouldn’t turn out quite as badly as it could have? “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”
“I mean, it’s just the way you react. Whenever I’m around, it’s like… it’s like you think I’m going to turn on you, or hurt you, or…” He started, trying to put together his perspective in a way that might make sense. “I don’t know what I’ve done to give you that idea, or if you just really don’t like me, or what it is.”
Now Grian’s face turned more negative again, though it was an emotion Doc didn’t recognize right away. It almost seemed guilty, maybe? “Doc, it’s not… it’s not like that.”
“I just need to know. I just - need to know why, and then I’ll leave you alone. I didn’t mean to corner you, I don’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.” He was trying his best to be clear and to the point, to get it over with and get out of here before he could make it all worse than it already was.
“ Doc. That’s not what it is.” Grian’s voice was firm, wonderfully so, and Doc let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He loosened the tense grip of his free hand, and-- his eyes shot down to it, only now seeing the way Grian’s was held in it. When had that happened? Why would he, why did he take hold of the other’s hand? Why didn’t he notice? Just randomly touching the builder when he was already afraid wasn’t going to help anything! When did he do that?
While he was distracted, staring down at their hands, Grian tightened his own grip and got Doc’s attention again. Gaze snapping back up , he was met with the sight of the other Hermit’s softened expression, possibly in response to Doc’s clear turmoil. The fear was mostly gone, though he felt like he could sense some of it coming from him still.
“It’s not like that. I don’t hate you, Doc. You haven’t done anything.”
“Then… then why?” It just didn’t make sense. This is exactly why he couldn’t stop thinking about it, he still didn’t know why.
Grian sighed, looking away. He looked uncomfortable. Doc felt bad. “I was just, I don’t know, intimidated I guess? I’m the new guy, I don’t know what to expect from anyone. And you- you’re just, powerful. I’ve seen the things you build, I’ve seen you fight the others. You’d be terrifying to go up against and I just don’t want to cause that, I guess.”
“You’re… afraid I’m going to attack you, for some reason?”
“Hey, we were on opposite sides of a war, and you’re scary with a trident, okay.”
Oh. Right. He did point one directly at Grian’s head at some point during that, didn’t he? Wincing, Doc looked toward the floor. It had just been a playful jab between team leaders at the time, but now he realized it may not have been the best course of action.
“It’s not that I think you’re going to hurt me. It’s just that I know if you tried, I wouldn’t stand a chance. I guess I just… I don’t want to offend you and risk getting on your bad side, or anything.”
“How can I fix it?” Doc asked, surprising even himself. He’d come for answers, not to fix it, but now that the words had left his mouth he had no doubt that was exactly what he really wanted. He wanted Grian to interact with him like he did with the others, he wanted to be the subject of ridiculous and annoying pranks, not for the other to walk on eggshells around him. He wanted those eggshells littered around his base after getting chicken bombed like Mumbo always did.
“I uh, I don’t really know. But this… uh, this kind of, seems to be helping.” He’d added on the second part in a rush when Doc started to deflate at the first.
That piqued Doc’s interested, and he eyed the builder curiously. “What do you mean by that? What seems to be helping?”
Grian cleared his throat, looking away. “Uh, e-exposure therapy?”
Blinking, Doc took a second to process this information. He hadn’t meant to pin Grian to the wall, but the other Hermit had seemed to relax more in this instance than ever before… Did he actually mean this closeness was helping? The implication of that interested him more than it should have, and he wasn’t sure why. “Grian. Are you saying. That you feel less like I’m going to turn on you… because of..” Doc trailed off, taking his other hand off the wall to gesture vaguely at, well, all of this. The way they were standing so close, Doc’s head rested against Grian’s, and their hands grasped together. For the first time, Doc considered how this situation would look if anyone else came along at right this moment.
“That… may be completely accurate, yes.”
“... And… why is that, exactly?”
“Uh.” Grian looked away. His face was turning pink. “I, I guess it’s uh, the longer we’re together makes me realize you’re not so scary?”
For a moment, silence hung in the air, and Doc let it stretch on. He could feel Grian fidgeting nervously with each passing second, but he was trying to put his thoughts together properly before he said anything. Though what Grian was saying gave him hope their friendship could improve, he was still afraid to act, feeling as if anything he did could still scare the other off completely. If he acted too friendly, maybe it would come off as fake, but if he wasn’t friendly enough Grian might think he didn’t mean it at all. What he didn’t realize while his thoughts ran wild was the way the builder was watching him, analyzing the conflict on his face, with a debate of his own in his head.
“Hey, Doc?” He finally asked, dragging Doc’s attention back out of his thoughts. When mismatched eyes focused back on him, Grian continued. “Can I ask, uh… why did it bother you so much? I mean, not that it’s a bad thing to care about, I just wouldn’t have thought I’d be worth worrying so much about.”
“Give yourself more credit, man.” Was Doc’s immediate response, giving Grian a gentle nudge. “You’re great. I felt like I was missing out.”
Grian gave a small, nervous laugh, almost as if he wasn’t quite sure how to accept the compliment. All the same, the builder wiggled his hand free of the other’s grip, making Doc’s heart drop momentarily that he’d changed his mind before Grian wrapped both arms around him and pulled him into a hug instead. “Thanks, Doc. I’m sorry I didn’t realize I was hurting you.”
For the first time since he’d realized all of this had started, Doc felt a weight lift from his shoulders and he returned the hug with fervor, burying his face into the other Hermit’s shoulder. “That’s okay, Grian. I’m just glad we worked it out now.”
With his arms wrapped around him, Doc could feel the moment when Grian sighed, the last of the previous tension leaving his smaller body and leaving him relaxed in his grip. It was such a stark difference to their every other interaction that already it left Doc feeling worlds better, just knowing how much Grian had gotten used to his presence in this short amount of time. He wasn’t sure why, exactly, but he felt like he could have stayed like this forever; and blessedly, Grian either felt the same way or could tell he did, because he made no move to pull away. Either way, neither had any intention of moving anytime soon.