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It was around three in the morning when a crack of moonlight spilled into Hawkeye Pierce’s tent. The door cracked just a sliver, and Radar O’Reilly shuffled in, looking even more nervous than usual. His small frame was quivering with every step he took, glasses slipping to the end of his nose. His big eyes couldn’t seem to draw their gaze from the floor. His teddy bear was clutched tightly against his chest with both hands—he had refused to let go of it since he woke up.
He crept to the edge of Hawkeye’s cot, already feeling guilty for waking the man. But he wasn’t thinking straight, and feeling fairly desperate. He tapped lightly on Hawkeye’s shoulder, biting his bottom lip.
“Hey...hey, Hawkeye?”
No answer.
“Hawk. Hawkeye!” His soft, high-pitched voice rose a little.
Finally, Hawkeye rolled over, eyes cracked open. He groaned. “Wh...wha…? Radar?”
“I’m sorry to wake you up, sir—”
“This had better be important, kid. I might have to kick your butt back to Ottumwa for this.” Hawkeye groaned, putting his pillow over his head.
Radar shrank away a bit. “Well, sir...no. I’m sorry. It’s really not. I’ll just-”
Hawkeye noticed the catch in the boy’s voice. “Okay, okay. Stop. I’m sorry. What’s the matter?”
Hawkeye sat up a little, noticing the way Radar was chewing on his bottom lip. “I...I...I had a bad dream.” His soft voice was barely a whisper.
“What?” Hawkeye was fully awake now.
“I had this dream and I can’t go back to sleep.”
Hawkeye was about to roll his eyes. What, was he this kid’s mother? Then, he saw that there were tears shining in his eyes. Radar didn’t like to bother people with his problems; Hawkeye had never seen him cry before unless they were showing a movie with some baby animal in it.
“Hey, what’s the matter, kid?”
“I...I…” Hawkeye looked up in shock. Tears were sliding down Radar’s cheeks. He was shaking like a leaf.
“Hey! Hey, c’mere.” Hawkeye took Radar by the wrist and pulled downwards. Radar let out a little yelp as the seat of his pants connected hard with the metal frame of the cot, missing the mattress. “What’s going on?”
“I can’t...I can’t get back to sleep.”
“I know. I got that. What’d you dream about, Radar?”
Radar’s whole body was trembling so violently he couldn’t bring himself to speak. His teeth were chattering. “Hey, hey, here.” Hawkeye grabbed the thin brown blanket that he’d been sleeping under and wrapped it around Radar. Radar lowered his chin in embarrassment as Hawkeye tucked it in his lap, nestling it around his shoulders.
“T-t-thank you.” Radar snuggled closer into the blanket, hiding his bear inside it.
“What’d you dream about?”
“I’ve h-h-had the same one for two weeks. I-I haven’t slept since! I k-keep dreaming that I mess s-s-something big up, you know? And it always...it always means that I g-get…” Radar’s face crumpled a little as H fixed his hand on his back. “Left alone.”
“Oh, kid…”
“I’m useless! I can’t fix it and I let you all get hurt! Like...like...like I’m s’posed to fix something, or stop something big from happening, and I mess up and...and...and people die and it’s my fault.” Radar buried his face in is hands, collapsing into sobs. “I-I-I don’t wanna let you all down! I hate it here! God, Hawk, I...I wanna go home!”
“Radar! Radar, hey!” Hawkeye grabbed the boy, shocked to see Radar’s sweet, rounded face scrunched up, tears pouring down it in rivulets. His sobs were soft and high-pitched, each one like a dagger through Hawkeye’s heart. Poor Radar, usually resisting having anyone take care of him, practically launched himself into Hawkeye’s arms, nearly ending up in his lap. His teddy bear had fallen to the floor unnoticed. Hawkeye held him, rubbing circles on his back to soothe him. He whispered occasionally that it would be okay, wanting to cry himself at the way Radar’s body jerked and trembled—he couldn’t get him to be still.
“Hey, Radar, look at me. Look at me, please.” Hawkeye lifted Radar’s chin to meet him. The boy had never looked so young and alone. “Do you think you’re letting us down?”
Radar nodded, a fresh torrent of crying overtaking him. “I-I-I’m so homesick, Hawk! N-none of you ever cry about wanting to go home! I’m useless and-and-and...” He hiccuped, cutting off the last word. It didn’t matter. Hawkeye was all over his words in an instant.
“Radar, you think I don’t want to run out of here every single moment? All I want is to go home. That’s all any of us want. Homesickness is...it’s so constant, I’m numb to it by now. But you, you’re young. Give yourself a break. And you’re brave enough to admit all this.”
“B-b-brave?”
“Brave.” He stroked Radar’s hair. “You’ve been having these dreams for two weeks now?”
Radar nodded, gasping jagged breaths. He was hiccuping like crazy now.
“You haven’t had a good night’s sleep in that long? You must be exhausted.”
Radar hiccuped in response. “I’m afraid to go back to sleep.” He said weakly. “I can’t take it again. I don’t wanna see you hurt again.”
“Let me tell you something, kid,” Hawkeye tucked the blanket tighter around Radar and resumed the circles he had been rubbing on Radar’s back. “We couldn’t function without you around here. Your work is crucial to making this unit work. I know you’re homesick. We all are. If we could all let down our pride and admit once in a while, we’d all probably be a lot better off. But I swear to you, you will get home, Radar. You’ll get there. I’ll make sure of that.”
Radar was still shaking uncontrollably, panic evident all over his face. His teeth chattered rapidly and he had broken out in a cold sweat. He was hiccuping all over the place, trying to stop crying.
“That blanket’s not helping you too much, is it?” Hawkeye started to stand up. “Let me go get you a drink of cold water, alright? That’ll help you.”
Radar nodded a little, sniffling. Hawkeye got to his feet and gave him a pat on the back, before going to get him some water.
When he came back, Radar was curled up in a ball at the foot of the cot, taking up as little space as possible. He was still shivering.
“Here.” Hawkeye said gently. He helped Radar sit up, holding the cup to his lips. As soon as the cool water was in his mouth, Radar immediately began to quiet. He took another small sip with Hawkeye’s help, as he began untangling himself from Hawk’s blanket, struggling to stand up on shaky legs.
“Where do you think you’re going to?” Hawkeye asked, catching his shoulder.
Radar looked puzzled. “To...to bed, sir.”
“You think I’m going to let you go all alone right now? Look at you! Those tears haven’t even dried yet. Sit down.”
“But, sir, I don’t want to be a bother. I’ll be okay now. Thank you so much, sir, I’ll see you in the- eep!” Radar’s backside hit the metal frame of the cot again. “I’m getting bruised there.” He murmured.
“Radar, lie down. You’re exhausted.”
“But, sir…”
“Lie down. That’s an order.” Hawkeye spread the thin brown blanket over the second one still on the bed and pulled them back for Radar to slip under.
“Where will you sleep, sir? This cot is only big enough for-”
“I’ll be right beside you on the floor.”
“No, sir! I can’t let you-”
“Radar, you need some sleep!”
Radar tried to protest, but an enormous yawn nearly split his face in two. Hawkeye laughed. “There, you see? Now lie down. There you are. Good.”
Radar hesitantly but sleepily lay down on the cot. As soon as his face hit the cool pillow, his shivering began to die down.
“There now. That’s better. You go to sleep, now. Everything will be alright when you wake up.” Hawkeye felt an overwhelming need to care for the kid. He knew he was acting like a father—Radar had a tendency to bring that out in him. He could tell Radar had worn himself out—his eyelids were mostly closed and he had quieted.
Gently, he tucked the young corporal in. Radar was much too sleepy himself to move another inch, much less remember to fix the blankets over himself. He made sure to put the blankets snuggly under his chin. His teeth had finally stopped chattering, and Hawkeye wanted to keep it that way.
“Thank you, sir.” Radar slurred sleepily as he let Hawkeye tuck him in.
“No problem at all, kid.”
Finally, Hawkeye picked the bear off the floor and fixed it in the crook of Radar’s arm. A small smile appeared on Radar’s tear-streaked face as he snuggled into the warmth of the bed, holding his bear. By the time Hawkeye had gotten himself settled on the floor, Radar was sleeping quietly, breathing steadily and happily. Everything was right again, and Hawkeye finally let himself close his eyes, promising to have a word with Henry about letting Radar sleep in a little tomorrow.