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Yo, shitty Deku,
First of all, this is the first and last time you’ll be having me write a letter to your dumb ass, you got that? So you better fucking enjoy this shit.
I know I hate writing letters and feelings but I guess I can make an exception for you, in this one special case.
I’ve been pretty busy lately, but that’s just the territory that comes with a pro hero-in-training. I haven’t really had much downtime, and the free time I do have is with those Sparky and Shitty Hair bastards breathing down my neck about some fucking viral video or something. It gets annoying after the fifth time in a row.
I think you’re fucking annoying too but I’d give anything to listen to you bugging me about some stupid All Might fact.
Everyone’s been walking on fucking eggshells since the training camp, and I think they need to chill the fuck out. It’s not like it’s any of their faults that the League showed up. It couldn’t have been helped, but we still kicked the league’s asses, so why are they still so upset?
Except it’s all my fault. All of it is my fault. They came for me, not anyone else. They wanted me.
But anyways, the dorms somehow managed to be both depressing as shit and lively, and it’s so damn annoying. I wish all of these idiots would just pick one already because the whiplash is too annoying.
After everything happened, I was so fucking upset. I cried myself to sleep nearly every single night because I wasn’t, and I’m still am unable to get over everything that happened. I have panic attacks when someone’s hand goes anywhere near the back of my neck. I get a lump in my throat every time I pass by your door.
Damn it, i don’t fucking know what to say. I don’t even know why i’m fucking writing this shit to you, it’s not like it really matters anyways. But whatever, I guess this is the least I could do for you.
Every time I shut my eyes, I see All Might, half deflated, blood dripping from his mouth. I can’t get it out of my mind.
I forgot to mention it, but you should be happy to know that they arrested that muscled fuck. I don’t know the details because it happened when i was...gone...but apparently that kid you were protecting managed to push him off the cliff with his quirk and he was knocked out, or something.
If I had known what I know now, I would’ve focused more on trying to find you. I would’ve done whatever it took to make sure you were okay.
It’s all my fucking fault.
I’ve been seeing a therapist lately, only because Aizawa-sensei recommended it. And even then I only agreed because All Might told me he had something important to tell me and he would only tell me if i went to at least two meetings, or whatever the fuck it’s called. I’ve only had one so far but it really isn’t helping, i don’t need some fucking stranger trying to analyze my behavior or whatever.
I don’t want to keep thinking of how you must have looked, crushed into the ground. I can’t stomach the thought of it. I want to fucking kill that muscled fucking bastard for what he did to you. You didn’t fucking deserve that, i did.
It’s all my fucking fault and i’m so sorry.
Since i’m already here writing this stupid letter i might as well come out and say it.
I…don’t particularly hate you. Well, not really . It’s just that there’s something about you that is so fucking condescending and it feels like you always looked down on me even when we were kids and you were the quirkless loser who kept following me around no matter what. I didn’t realize it until a few days ago when I was staying up late crying and I thought back on, well, you. Your role in my life, to be exact. You're a pain in the ass at the best of times, but ...you were always the only one who truly understood me, I guess. You tend to over analyze even the smallest of things (which, yes, was so damn annoying), so I suppose that isn't too farfetched to think about. But, it did feel pretty alright to have someone who understood me.
Don't get me wrong, I can't stand you, but I guess I don't hate your guts either.
It's just that, you've always been all I could think about. Always . And the incident doesn't change that.
It's all my fault.
But whatever I don't really have much more to say. You were a creepy little nerd at the end of the day, but I don't have to be all on your dick to know that you deserve better. A hell of a lot better.
Unlike me. I did so much shit to you growing up. I hurt you so much. This is something that I should've had happen to me. Everyone had higher hopes for you, anyways. I wish I could just fucking turn back time and switch spots. Everyone would be so much fucking happier, god damn it.
This whole thing is my fault.
I'm sick of living in a world where you don't exist. I'm sick of all of the tears and panic attacks and the tense and awkward silences. I can't handle it anymore.
It's all my fucking fault.
And Deku -- I truly am sorry, mostly. About all the shit I put you through. I mean it.
It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault. But I'm going to make things right. I can't bring you back, but I'm going to make sure this doesn't happen again to the others, and nobody is going to stop me.
See you soon,
...Kacchan