Archive of Our Own

I

“Stop right there,” The officer stopped the wagon with his hand. There was a sword hanging on his waist. “identify yourself and your place of origin.”

The night was clear, full of stars in the sky, colder than anticipated but bearable. The half-moon was the beacon guiding the travelers and brave ones that attempted to escape from the winter season. The owls on the trees observed with their wide eyes and the narrow winding road became darker and darker ahead. The flame of his torch lighted the face of the driver.

The man with the beard and tired eyes blinked a couple of times before replying weakly. “Jong Hyun, I come from the capital.” He had a deep voice.

The man looked haggard, with his face covered in dirt, the locks of his hair tangled, even the nails of his hands were filthy and broken. His face was skinny as if he hadn’t tasted food in a couple of days, his hands were shaky to which the guard attributed it to the age, he sat hunched on the wagon while holding the reins, he had a lump on his back and an eyepatch on his left eye.

The guard was young, sent to patrol the borders of the citadel because of his rookie condition assuming he was going to be able to control those who attempt to trespass illegally, young enough to be disposable if he died in the hands of the hungry savages.

“Sir, do you have any documentation that proves that you are who you say to be?”

The man nodded and offered a wrinkled paper that he carried on his pocket.

The guard took it and read it carefully. A farmer, that would explain the dirt and the hump.

“What’s the reason for your visit?”

“I dropped my son in the city. He wants to become a scholar and he’s taking the exam. I sold most of my lands to pay for his education.” He spat on the ground. “His hands are much too delicate to become a farmer or soldier anyway.”

The guard understood.

“We are in peace, there’s no reason to worry about soldiers and wars at the moment.”

The old man coughed a couple of times and took a flask out of his pocket while the guard inspected his vehicle. He took a long sip and offered to the young man that hesitated before grabbing it.

“You will probably die without witnessing a war, young man.” The old man babbled. “It wasn’t always like that. There was a time when women would bury themselves alive under the houses to avoid getting raped and killed by those bastard soldiers.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I didn’t know you were a veteran.”

“Ah, no. I was never suitable for war. I got rejected even when they needed the men, even when the deserters ran away with their pants wet.” He coughed again.

“My brother was a deserter.” The guard confessed after a sip of the content of that man’s bottle.

“And I hope you spit on his grave every time.”

“I don’t have the chance, I’m afraid. We never saw him again.” He lowered his head with distinctive shame on his features.

The old man cursed. “He was lucky then, a lucky bastard. I’ll tell you a story, a real story about what happened to deserters back in my days. What they deserve...”

II

The drums announced the beginning of the show.

Before the music started playing, he closed the sliding door with both hands ignoring the natural vigil of the stars above the palace walls.

There was no such thing as a dark night.

The king was at his usual seat, solemn, high as a sovereign, old as papyrus. The court people were gathered around him like a cloud of pretentious guests, delighted by the elegant dinner displayed all over the floor and the drinks that were served and colored the banqueters’ cheeks with a bright shade of pomegranate pink.

They were loud and obnoxious in contrast with the pale serious template of their ruler who remained sitting with his back straight against the frame of the chair that connected to the floor, he was never at the same level as everyone else. He hadn’t touched a single drop of alcohol nor laughed at the comments of those who were considered his closest friends, instead he had taken his time eating the fried lotus roots and nodding once in a while at what looked like an attempt of clever conversation. But when the instruments started playing, he put his chopsticks aside and wiped his face with a silk seafoam napkin.

The lights faded away for an instant that warned the rest of the guests they must remain quiet in deathly silence for the spectacle to take place. It was before their awe expressions and gasps, that the fabrics coming from the ceiling revealed four masked dancers unwrapping from their cocoons in a swirling movement as they plummeted before landing on the wooden surface in a striking pose. Three more dancers appeared from the back with their faces covered as well, they marched altogether copying the army’s pace accurately enough to make people tremble with fear of resemblance.

That’s when the fair lady with the porcelain skin and the colorful hanbok walked into the scene with her drum set and her shiny ebony hair tied in an intricate braid that reached her waist. Then, silence from the other musicians, and silence from the audience. She grabbed a drumstick from her back and started playing fiercely, every move was calculated, every hit was natural, precise, powerful. She kept playing even when she faded into the darkness once again and the only trace of her presence was her music as if she had vanished but not completely.

It was a voice being silenced by the death of the darkness but powerful enough to live through the music and reach the audience while being faded.

Gradually, other instruments joined her and then, it was time.

Time for the real show.

The eyes were directed to the center of the stage where, without the spectators to notice, a paper screen had appeared. Lights were coming from the back of the screen and then, a silhouette emerged as if by magic; he was using a mask as well but there was something about his figure that stood out since he popped up, the way he moved with the symphonic harmonization of the instruments, his body fused with the music as if his steps were notes being played by the musicians.

The beat had changed, it was slower now, almost threatening and the figure behind the paper, the shadow fell apart and rose like a mountain in the blink of an eye. He stood up and trespassed the screen with one powerful kick that got the audience gasping on their seats as if the impact of the hit could reach them directly; maybe it did.

The dancer was suddenly an errant warrior seizing the center of the stage and the narrative, his robes in discrete shades of shiny black fell over his shoulders and arms, following every single one of his moves. The mask was in garish tones, red, yellow, orange, and white. The mask was the disguise, a way to protect the identity of the performer, of a traveler caught in strange lands that were far from home.

The story untold with words was instead acted, danced, interpreted along the melodies played. The stage was stripped naked from any decoration; his body was flowing like crystalline smooth waters and sharpening riptides altogether in a magnificent combination that was delightful to look. The way his arms were extended from the shoulders, his arms, firm like arrows to his very fingertips; it was one powerful maneuver after the other, calculated with anticipation, executed with a finesse that the room had never witnessed before.

Taehyung had to admit he was holding his breath while watching the show, not even in the battlefield he had ever felt that level of stupefaction crawling under his skin and playing with the fibers of his body as if they were just another set of cords among the instruments.

The hero in the fancy clothes was suddenly surrounded by an army of warriors that had identified him as the intruder in the plot. They surpassed him in number but that didn’t stop the foreigner. He faced them with fearless temerity; one by one, he took them down with moves that skirted the limit of dancing and fighting.

Nevertheless, one of the contenders was able to run away.

The music changed, now the battle had been unchained and the snitch had escaped from his hands. A mistake he knew was going to cost him.

The chest of the hero moved frantically as he was out of air, that was when a new wave of guards, a retinue of a dozen actors that, with some help of light illusion and fabrics, moved quick enough to make it look like there were fifty of them, started whirling around the traveler in perfect coordination until he was once again, surrounded by his enemies. He tried to fight back in vain until, just like a flame, they constricted around his body and extinguished his life beautifully.

This time, when the music stopped, the audience was also holding their breaths.

Taehyung could hear his own heartbeats drumming inside his ears in that deafening silence.

They had suffocated him to death under the moving bodies until not even his hands trying to break away were nowhere to be seen.

There was a moment of hesitation in which not even a fly dared to fly.

A thunderous drumbeat broke the enchantment as the swirl opened like a shaken flower, revealing inside the masked hero, rising from his own ashes while the attackers kneel before him in circle displaying a new color on their robes that went from sapphire blue to ruby red.

He took off the mask and his face was revealed, big round eyes yet tense and cautious, a large nose and a sharp jawline in a handsome countenance, almost flawless except for a tiny scar on his cheek –not that it had to be considered as a flaw at all, especially that god-like face structure- he looked fierce, exhausted, yet triumphant. His messy wavy hair fell over his sweaty face and stuck to his skin while his mouth desperately craved for a breath of fresh air.

The first pair of hands clapping were the king’s, who from his high position assured with that gesture he was satisfied with the entertainment of the evening, following, the rest of the commensals cheered for the impactful staging of one of the monarch’s favorites fables, the one of the lost prince returning home after fulfilling the prophecy.

Taehyung opened the sliding door and went outside to switch positions but, prior to that, he took one last glimpse over his shoulder at the center of the stage while the performers curtsy to the royals.

He thought it would be quick enough to go unnoticed but, the lightning signal traveled across the room, destroying everything else just for two pair of eyes to meet in a thousandth of a second that was less than a blink, less than a breathe and still, it was way more than that.

It was him.

III

“Your Highness,” He bowed before the ruler now in fresh clean white robes that looked like nightclothes. His face also looked cleaned, without a drop of sweat on his forehead different to when he was performing just a few hours ago. “It is with my greatest desire that you have enjoyed tonight’s show.”

Taehyung stopped next to the king who was taking his usual night walk under the moonlight before going to bed, insomnia, a doctor had said, or something he couldn’t remedy with an infusion. Although the king was usually surrounded by several persons of interest during the daytime, it was right before the day ended when he enjoyed being on his own. Circumstances wouldn’t allow him to walk by himself, instead, he always took his most reliable servant, who was without a chance of doubt, Kim Taehyung, former captain of the army and now the most loyal guard any ruler could ask for.

If there was someone who was willing to risk his own life to protect the crown, that was Taehyung. Taehyung who had learned all his life he had been born for that, just like his father, just like the father of his father and many others before them; Taehyung, the perfect soldier, the perfect captain, and the perfect guard. Protecting the people of Joseon, the kingdom and the royal family had always been his biggest priority.

That’s why when Taehyung heard the sound of some steps on the ground and spotted a silhouette moving in the garden of the palace, he had no hesitation before grabbing the weapon from his belt and pointing it to the no identified walker who happened to be non-other than the talchum dancer.

To his surprise, he approached them naturally.

Well, he was the king’s favorite performer, after all, some things were in his favor.

The king nodded. “Certainly, it has been to my liking.”

“To hear that is the biggest honor we could have possibly received.” He smiled shyly and then his eyes deviated toward Taehyung’s direction. “Ah, captain Kim, yours too, of course.”

“You have proven yourself to be an outstanding performer and this show has been no exception.” Taehyung said while keeping his semblance undisturbed and his voice tone serene.

Even though the dancer’s smile grew wider, his eyes sparkled with joy and pride. “I appreciate your candor, as usual.”

“I’m afraid we must be excused; the king has to return to his chambers before midnight, it has been a long day for everyone.” The guard slowly saved his weapon back in place, he had kept it close, just in case.

“My apologies if I was entertaining you, your Majesty.” He lowered his head in sign of respect.

The monarch didn’t seem to be bothered at all. “You shall not apologize since that’s your labor, young Jeongguk, even fortuitous encounters happen for a reason. Since we have met during this night walk, I shall ask you how the members of the company are liking the accommodations prepared for you.”

“We are in excellent conditions, your Majesty. We cannot thank you enough for having us for the season. Your hospitality is not underappreciated, we’ll do our best to keep presenting performances for you to enjoy while we stay in the capital.”

“I hope that’s the case. Now, as captain Kim said, we must head back to the palace. Goodnight, young Jeongguk.”

“Goodnight, your Highness. Captain Kim.”

They started walking in opposite directions, the night was clear and the moon was just a vestige of light in the sky, a happy smile shining right above them, mocking the luck of those who tried to interfere with something called destiny as they say.

It was when Jeongguk was already halfway across the garden and Taehyung was helping the king to climb the wooden stairs when the wind softly caressed the maples and trees of heaven and the crickets all of a sudden stopped their usual dark hours' melody, that they both looked back at the same time.

And yet, under a clear moonlight, their eyes met again.

IV

“For fifth act… what if we add the new acrobat we’ve been practicing.” Jimin stretched his legs on the floor and looked up toward Jeongguk’s direction. “You’re here, kid?”

“Huh?” The younger shook his head. “Sorry, what were you saying?”

“I asked if we should add the new acrobat to the fifth act, I’m running out of ideas and Hoseok haven’t mastered the fire-eating trick yet. We need to prepare something for the next festival that leaves those in the big house wonderstruck.”

“I thought the fifth act was Taeri’s entrance, the part of the seductive young concubine and the strict wife.” Jeongguk bit his thumbnail and stared outside with his ears particularly attentive to any door being opened nearby.

“…and she’s tired of it.” The girl’s voice came from across the room. She walked a couple of steps and met them on the stage. “We should change it and make it more interesting for the audience, maybe the concubine and the wife plan to steal the husband’s money and run away.”

Jimin cackled, it wasn’t her first attempt to change the story of the play.

“Madame says you two should take a break and have lunch.” She poked them in their faces.

Jeongguk stood up and started rambled all over the room until he stopped right next to the half-opened sliding door. The others were left behind murmuring.

If Jimin and Hoseok were the closest thing Jeongguk had to a pair of older brothers, Taeri was the closest he had to a big sister. In retrospective, everyone who was part of the company was sort of a family for Jeongguk but when he first joined, being the youngest back then, he bonded with them the most and now, five years later, things haven’t changed much.

Hoseok being the oldest was the one who always had a firm hand with them whilst still being sensitive enough to be warm and comprehensive with them. Jeongguk admired him for his strengths and determination, he often was a teacher for those who were less experienced or who had some kind of difficulty with the acts. Hoseok joined them during their toughest period the company had gone through, in fact, he was the one who had carried it on his shoulders bringing new ideas to the board and added some twists and turns to the old acts. In the stage, he was in charge.

Jimin had joined just a few months before Jeongguk did and he had helped him to become part of the group. He was also his recurrent rehearsal partner due to his unique style and eye on the small details, positions, poses, expressions, he mastered every novelty they brought into the company but he was considered to be an expert with the fans. Even in lands beyond the sea, his talent was well-known and acclaimed. He received thousands of letters from his admirers asking him to perform in there.

Taeri, different from the other two, was just one year older than him but treated him as if they were the same age most of the time. She was the most rebellious of them all, Madame had taken her under her wing when she was an infant and since then she had trained her to become a performer. When Taeri was eighteen, she had the longest obsidian hair in the kingdom and the fairest porcelain skin; Madame had promised her to some nobleman but she refused to marry anyone, cut her hair with some rusty scissors and started dressing like a boy to disguise her appearance and her body. For her punishment, Madame made her wear a wig and heavy makeup in every performance from that day on, she had grown to hate it but still loved to act and would do anything to keep doing it for life.

Other members of the company weren't best. Thieves, ex-convicts, old prostitutes who changed their identities once they joined the journey. Jeongguk felt at home among those orphans, misfits, and outsiders more than with his own family and no one could blame him. Madame had offered him a place in the company when he was a teenager and he had trained for years to become their main attraction, their wildcard always waiting to make an entrance.

“What’s up with him?” Taeri asked to Jimin while sitting on the edge of the stage. “He looks… lost.”

Jimin took another look at his friend. “No idea, he has been like that since we arrived. He spends the day staring at the windows or the doors but I think he’s a million miles away from us.”

“Uh… that’s interesting.” She said. “I think he’s in love.”

“Ah, young love…” Jimin exaggerated a sigh.

“What are the two of you mumbling about?” Hoseok appeared from behind with his usual black broad pants and long embroidered robe that touched the floor.

“We are staring at the young Jeongguk.” Jimin pointed. “Our hypothesis is that he might have caught a love bug during our stay in the palace.”

Hoseok lifted an eyebrow. “Is that so? I thought the only thing he picked interest on was dancing.” Hoseok once got to think he was obsessed.

“We thought that as well.”

“Perhaps all he needed was a girl in a fancy hanbok to make him lose his head.”

“Women are wonderful creatures on Earth, I can’t blame him.” Taeri commented while shrugging. “But if he has lost his mind over a noble lady… it would be hard to talk him out of it.”

“Maybe he could convince her to run away with him.”

“If that kind of disgrace can be tolerated… I assure you that the poor girl’s mother would walk to the next lake with her pockets full of rocks without a doubt. You don’t understand because you’re both men but destroying a woman’s reputation can be devastating for everyone.” She said very seriously.

“Jeongguk is too kind to destroy anything. He would cut one of his hands off before carrying with the guilt of dishonoring a young woman’s pride.”

“But he’s a grown-up now.” Hoseok took one of the wooden sticks to practice his routine. “He can make his own decisions and it’s not up to us to meddle.”

“Although, it’s funny, you must agree,” Jimin smirked. “the idea of Jeongguk being in love.”

Jeongguk took another glimpse of the exterior before going back to practice; there were a few clouds in the sky and nothing else.

Maybe it would rain again that afternoon.

V

Madame Ha, better known as just «Madame» was the owner of the theatre company. She was an old woman that smelled like opium and lilac perfume and only wore blue clothes, Taeri and the youngest acrobats of the company always marked that her face held a resemblance to a wrinkled frog with her little eyes behind the round glasses and round chubby face, she also stayed inside most of the time, sitting in a chair while revising their finances which made her skin look ill due to the lack of sunlight.

Jeongguk didn’t speak much with her, no one ever did. She just communicated her thoughts through some assistant but she received the payment from the clientele and arranged the contracts of her artists, basically, did every transaction needed. The woman had an incredible brain for numbers; she could do mathematical operations with precision without the need of using an abacus.

It was a mystery for most of the company how they had made it into the palace walls but Jeongguk made sure that after they got to act for the king himself, they would be called once again. As the younger predicted that was the case except, no one could imagine they would be invited to stay there semi-permanently as the king’s guests. Luckily for them, that meant they would have a place to stay in the capital, food and work guaranteed. There were plenty of rooms in disuse since some concubines and nobles had abandoned the palace to spend time in the winter palace in the south.

Jeongguk counted the days of their stay in his bedroom for their next performance.

He also desperately tried to make his moves perfect, sharper, less amateur and more professional for their select public. It wasn’t a surprise that the king himself had solicited an entire entertaining company to stay within the palace walls, he had special interest in the fine arts of all kind, he even wrote poetry during his free time, he had built libraries and brought more academics to the city by paying for their education as well.

A new theatre had been inaugurated the past year and that was where most of their shows took place but they would exclusively perform for the royal family whenever they decided to throw a celebration, some dinner to entertain the foreigners or maybe some distant relative that came to visit, a traditional spectacle to cleanse the spirit or to pray for the crops to grow, the company was the first to be called.

VI

It was past dinner time when Taeri peeped inside the room he shared with Jimin.

“We’re going to the city while the doors of the palace are still opened. Would you like to come?”

Jimin squinted his eyes. “Madame is going to be mad at you if she finds out you sneaked out.”

“Only if she finds out…” The girl smirked. “Hoseok is coming with us.”

“Someone has to take care of you.” Jeongguk looked over the book he had borrowed from the library earlier.

“We’ll behave. The guards are quite strict after midnight but we can make it for the shift change, be positive about it.”

Jimin looked at the younger. “Do you want to go?”

Jeongguk shook his head. “Go ahead. I know all of you are getting tired of being inside.”

“What are you going to do in the meantime?” He asked.

“I’ll probably take a walk in the garden and then I’ll go back to bed.” Jeongguk smiled. "Go, for real. I'll be alright."

"Don't go around seducing young noble ladies, Jeongguk." Taeri mocked.

The younger snorted.

Jimin left the room with his other peers, they would have to return before midnight if they wanted the doors to be open for them to avoid getting into trouble with the guards.

Jeongguk heard the footsteps of the men who were on their shift and lightly opened a slit to spy with his little eye.

"Hyung." He whispered when the guard walked near the door.

He turned around with a very confused expression on his face.

"I knew it was you." Jeongguk said. "I knew it."

"Apologies, young man. I don't understand what are you talking about." He said whilst being outside of the room.

Jeongguk gulped. "Hyung, it's me. Jeongguk... you trained me in the military... we were...friends."

Taehyung wouldn't dare to look into his eyes.

"You must be mistaking me. I have never seen you before."

"No," He shook his head. "that's a lie. You know who I am... you recognized me too that night in the theatre. That's how we got our audience."

"Sir, I must ask you to..."

"Taehyung." Jeongguk grabbed the back of his hand from inside the room and hid it between the sliding paper doors. "I knew it was you. I've been trying to come back to the capital for years."

Taehyung shook his hand and closed the sliding doors. "Then you have chosen to do something suicidal." 

VII

The soft movement of the water like a cradle, rocking him while his body was suspended, floating in the surface imitating the way a leaf fell from a treetop after becoming brown and wrinkled, with a tender breeze it almost made him remember the move of the river flow. A couple of water lilies and pink and white lotuses stayed still even with the abrupt irruption; he could see the sunlight filtering through the maples but he couldn’t hear a sound.

It was like he had died.

He imagined it was like that, in a different sphere, floating between two realities, two realms of the well-known familiar and the unfamiliar uncertainty that opened waters like a possibility. The pond’s water filled his eardrums making the voices, the noises, everything that wasn’t underwater sound so distant, so different.

Taehyung closed his eyes for an instant and opened them again.

The pond, the woods, the tangerine tree with its full branches and ripe fruit, the birds and the handcrafted fantasy, they were all gone and he was back in the bathtub inside the palace.

His wet skin still throbbed, sensitive everywhere. The marks and the scars of the battles looked beautiful under the filter of the shimmering water that covered his naked body entirely. He allowed himself to have a moment to let it sink in.

To accept that ghosts were real and that his mind was his own personal haunted house.

VIII

“Your Majesty,” Taehyung entered the throne room. “Madame Ha is here for her audience as you have solicited.”

The monarch was surrounded by a group of accountants, ministers, and scholars. They all turned heads when Taehyung walked in. He suspected some of them didn’t see him with good eyes the fact that him, being his age, was the highest rank guard in the palace but if that was the case, he had never heard a complaint.

Taehyung had earned that position after fighting bravely in the battlefield but it wasn’t his ability with weapons or how many confirmed kills he carried with him that made him a valuable and trustworthy soldier for the kingdom, it was his loyalty.

During the few battles before signing the peace, Taehyung had witnessed all sorts of horrors and atrocities that men were capable of doing in order to survive. He had done a few himself and he wasn’t precisely proud of it but it was war and war has a different code; a violent code that took the life of many with the purpose of making the rich richer and the poor poorer. He didn’t understand war but he couldn’t say those words aloud if he wanted to keep his tongue inside his mouth.

His father was a general and his grandfather was a high-rank soldier during his youth days. It was on his veins.

After fighting in a few battles he thought he was going to understand it, to embrace it and become a hero but Taehyung only felt like a plain, ordinary soldier with his hands stained with someone else’s blood, strangers, enemies they called them but at the end they were men like him, fighting the same war even though it was on the opposite side and that blood wasn’t easy to clean, not even with a giant bathtub or with a purification sacred pond said to have healing properties.

Those were people’s lives he carried on his back, his heart had become heavy to carry.

“Send the woman in.” The king announced.

Taehyung did as he said and stayed inside during her audience. Once in a while, he exchanged glances with Namjoon, one of the king’s advisers who kept doing numbers of how much it was going to cost the crown to keep a group of street artists inside the palace.

The guard had asked him in private before when they were discussing it over a meal and Namjoon had assured this wasn’t the first time the ruler had brought a group of strangers and offered them a taste of the good life. He was a fair cultivated leader and he intended to educate the fellow citizens of the capital with the same wisdom. Monarchs tended to be proud because they had been raised like that and having something new to brag to friends and acquaintances was one of their expensive caprices the men among him had to sustain somehow.

The princesses enjoyed attending the plays and so far, they only had compliments for the shows they have attended to, soon enough, they dragged the rest of the royal family with them and eventually, the king himself was joining for some entertaining. Unfortunately, the highest ruler couldn’t abandon the palace frequently; the only time he had attended in person, Taehyung himself hadn’t left his side until they returned to the safety of the enclosure. With that, the king had had what he considered a brilliant idea, if he couldn’t go to the theatre every night, he would bring the theatre company to the interior of his rampart.

Taehyung wanted to believe his eyes had fooled himself that night, that he was hallucinating but at the moment he opened the sliding doors for Madame Ha, he realized she wasn’t alone. A couple of her artists had come with her, probably the most stunning creatures she had under her guardianship. She had purposefully chosen the most luxurious hanboks and jewelry, had bathed them with perfume and pinched their cheeks for them to be rosy all the time.

When they entered, he was the last one to come inside. He held the door only centimeters under Taehyung’s hand and bowed politely before the guard.

It was like staring at a glimpse of the past walking right in front of him. All the feelings he had buried in the ground had sprouted back and bloomed from his chest.

All ghouls came out to play and also phantasmagoric butterflies that had once habited inside his ribcage.

IX

“Captain Kim.” The familiar sound of his voice made the guard lift his gaze from the papers scattered on the table.

The candle lights illuminated the room but aside from that, every other light was gone. The night was quiet, not even the bats were in the distance to be heard. It was odd to have people walking around during those hours and thus, Taehyung’s first instinct was to get alarmed by the interruption during his reading. However, that was a voice he could recognize even underwater.

Taehyung gulped before looking directly at him. He was still as beautiful as he remembered it.

“It’s late. May I help you somehow?” He said without any distinctive feeling attached to his voice.

The dancer cleared his throat before speaking. “Indeed, you are the only one who can provide some help.” He took a step closer. “You see, my peers of the company and I are convinced that we should try to change the plot of one of the acts, offer something new for the audience and avoid becoming… repetitive.”

“Ah,” Taehyung scratched his nape. “Not to disillusion you but I’m not the most connoisseur on the subject.”

“That’s just fine. I’m not here to ask about theatre or dance, it’s your fighting abilities that I require to copy if you agree to become my professor.”

The guard gulped. “I understand. What seems to be the problem?”

Jeongguk walked toward his direction and took a position in a combat pose.

“The lost prince is fighting the guards who don’t know he’s the true heir of the throne in this scene but his fighting skills don’t match his rivals. While the soldiers have a range of fighting techniques acquired by the years of experience with the battles, the prince was self-taught by life itself. He had to fight to survive and because of that, he should be… different from the contenders.”

Taehyung evaluated his posture as he spoke, the younger displayed a couple of moves for him to study.

“Since he’s almost a savage and a traitor, even being naturally talented as a prince is, there’s no way he can equal the others in ability, so he must beat them with strengths and new moves the others can’t predict.”

The elder walked around him and changed the position of his right foot. “Here, step in here instead and bend your knees just a little more, that would give the prince better stability and control.” He ran his fingers over Jeongguk’s arms and stopped on his shoulders. “A prince should always have his shoulders straight, that would make him look bigger and ominous. He was raised by savages, which make him ruthless, remember, he’s fighting for his life.” Taehyung whispered into his ear.

Jeongguk’s breathing was unsteady; he felt how his body was still in that place. He looked over his shoulder and encountered Taehyung’s brown eyes staring back at him once again.

If he closed his eyes he could remember all his features by heart but there was something in seeing them right there, in front of him, so close that was breathtaking. Not even the echoes of his memory could recreate something so perfectly made as that face. His eyes, as he remembered them, with his different eyelids and long lashes, his tan skin and irregular lips turning into a smile, his eyebrows that would frown whenever Jeongguk complained about something and his natural warmth that made him believe that, perhaps, Taehyung was the sun.

Jeongguk stared at his lips for the longest moment until Taehyung moved in the opposite direction.

“I hope that’s useful for the show. The king would appreciate your intentions to portray a character so accurately.” He said while returning to his original position.

Jeongguk had been left speechless.

“Taehyung…”

“As I said before, it’s late, you should go back to your room.”

The younger clenched his jaw. It was killing him slowly like a horrible disease.

“Does it hurt? When you look at me, does it hurt?” He asked as if every word was a needle sticking on his skin.

“Only when I think about it.” Taehyung replied.

“Then, come closer. I’m here now.”

“I can’t do that. I won’t jeopardize both of us by acting carelessly. I thought I had let that clear.”

"When you ignored me and pretended that you didn't know me at all?"

Jeongguk approached next to him. He grabbed his hand and pressed it against his chest right where his heart was beating loud and unequivocal.

“Don’t you think this is something meritorious to fight for? Look me in the eye and tell me it’s not, tell me I’m not the only one who feels it…”

“I can’t.” Taehyung looked away.

“Yes, you can.” Jeongguk’s voice cracked.

“It’s not us, Jeongguk.”

"What do you mean?"

"It's not us; we're not the same couple kids that once met during their training. We have changed, I've said it before and if I had to obey the rules you would be dead by now because that's the law but it's not us in here." He pointed to his chest.

“Then who is it? Then what is it?” He demanded to know as his bottom lip trembled.

Taehyung’s eyes became softer when they met the younger’s watery doe eyes.

“It’s not us. I’m not Taehyung and you're not Jeongguk. You’re not a performer and I’m not a guard. You’re not an artist and I’m not an assassin. We are more like the river, the woods, the mountains. We are the wind, the hibiscus at midnight, the pouring rain at night and the birds right before dawn. We are the small candle fading out and the long secret moonwalks. We are the breaths of the guards and the silk robes of the dancers, the crown of the king and the red on the lips of the queen. We look more like the petals withering and the leaves swirling up in the air, the thunderstorms and the calm lake mirror surfaces. We are the watchman’s eyes and the maid’s sighs, the music of the flutes and the morning dew glow, the darkest point at night and the rising sun. We are the most right and the worst wrong. You and I, we exist of our own and because of us, even if there’s no us…”

Jeongguk’s lips were pressed against his before he could catch his breath.

His tender lips on his own. The taste of his mouth like honey, just like he remembered it even after all those years, warm and sweet, intoxicating like alcohol, pure ecstasy bottled up. His lips, his tongue, his teeth, the rhythm of his body, the need of the contact. His hands wandering all over his chest, his palm finding a home on the back of his neck, his fingers entangling on his silky dark hair and tugging just a little. His senses reacting under his skin, his pulse racing. It was mortal magic, the only kind they could aspire to produce, the only one they needed.

Jeongguk cleared the table throwing every paper, book, plane, and inkwell on the floor before placing Taehyung’s body on the wooden surface and kissing his neck, his collarbones and biting his earlobe. His back rested against the table while his hands ran wild and his legs wrapped the younger’s waist to bring it closer.

Jeongguk stopped, out of breath, and looked directly into his eyes full of void and his flushed cheeks.

“I might have a solution but there’s a big chance it gets us both killed.”

X

The raindrops hit the ground without previous warning than the dense menacing grey clouds upon the sky. It was horribly humid to the point that clothes were sept through by the perspiration of the environment and the air was so thick it was difficult to breathe. The downpour started seconds after the first weak pearly beads soaked the orange-brown leaves and the withered flowers. The water quickly mixed with the dirt and transformed into a slippery surface of pale mud making the roads gleam and the rocks moist.

Taehyung prevented himself from getting drenched by taking refuge under a tile eave that barely covered his feet but that was just enough to protect him for a couple of minutes. His boots were already stained with mud and all he could do was look at the dirty cuffs of his pants while the ponds grew bigger even among the grass.

Autumn rains were always like that, cool but never cold, intense but never long-lasting, more than a drizzle, less than a storm and still, enough to have Taehyung cornered against the wall of the palace’s borders while he was on his spare time, watching it fall.

Some bird sang a song while sitting in a branch and getting a bit wet on the feathers when the tranquility of the natural scenery was disturbed by one body that crossed the mire field barefoot and the pants rolled up to his knees, a simple white shirt and a blue vest that was already soaked wet and stuck to his arms and chest. His hair was also dripping but his smile was even bigger than Taehyung remembered it to be.

“Do you have room for one more in there?” He asked while shivering.

“Scarcely.” Taehyung moved a little.

“Well, we better squeeze up.”

Jeongguk pressed his back against the wall, his breath was unsteady. His forearm brushed Taehyung’s, he watched the way his chest kept moving until he was able to recover entirely then he looked at Taehyung and chuckled.

“It caught me off guard, I must admit.” He said after clearing his throat. "No pun intended."

Taehyung nodded and pretended he wasn’t staring at him whenever he looked away.

“You’re not going to ask me what I was doing outside in this weather, captain?”

“Only if you tell me. I’m confident neither the king nor your fellow company members would like to know that you’re catching a cold for running barefoot on the woods.”

Jeongguk smirked. “I was trying to find the way to that tangerine tree, it should be full at this time of the year. Maybe pick some flowers on my way back to win Madame’s sympathy for missing another rehearsal.”

Taehyung stared at the vacuum in the distance without concentrating in any particular spot.

“It was cut down at some point last year, it had been struck by lightning and the wood was burnt, thus they took what was left of the trunk and used it for one of the chimneys. I saw the dark smoke on the rooftop.”

Until it was fully gone among the clouds.

“Oh…” Jeongguk bit his lips and looked down. “I thought I could get some fruits to share with others.”

“It was a nice tree.” He admitted. “Sadly, there are things that escape our control.”

The rain kept flooding every open space.

“Was it some sort of bad omen? Do you believe in that?” Jeongguk made eye contact.

Taehyung’s stomach shrunk. His throat was dried.

“I think it was a sign that life keeps its own course and there’s nothing we can do to avoid it.”

Jeongguk’s hands fell on his sides.

“That’s true… sometimes.”

Taehyung looked down, Jeongguk’s pinkie slightly touched his until it was over it and with a little impulse, he fully grabbed Taehyung’s hand for the briefest instant.

“Don’t.” The elder insisted, dead serious. “Don’t do that.”

“Taehyung…”

He threatened with leaving when Jeongguk’s hand grabbed his wrist.

“Stay, for a little longer… this is the first time we’re alone. Why do you keep pushing me away like this? It's not like we are strangers to each other.”

“You should've kept it that way, I don’t think this is a good idea. I assure you, these walls have eyes and ears everywhere.”

“Not here, not now. It’s just you and me.” Jeongguk squeezed his wrist. “Please.”

Taehyung gulped and did as the younger asked.

“I’ve changed. You’ve changed too. Nothing is like when we were younger.”

“That’s what I heard.” Jeongguk looked at him with his big doe eyes. “I’ve missed you… like a mad person… I’ve written about you, lots of poems… some desperate songs and burnt them in the closest fire I could find only because no melody or word could equal your voice.”

“You’re not seventeen anymore, stop acting this childish.”

Jeongguk was hurt by his last comment but he continued. “I’m not. I’ve grown up. I’ve seen the world; I’ve become someone who can love you in return this time, someone who’s worthy…”

Taehyung’s heart was beating louder than the performers’ drums.

“You were always worthy, you couldn’t see it back then.”

“You thought of me as a child, your little brother…”

“That’s not true. I had to push you away because…”

“You knew I wasn’t going to make it… in the military. You knew I wasn’t going to pass as a soldier and I wasn’t going to be a good scholar either. I had to run away.”

“You didn’t tell me… you just… vanished. Disappeared for good from night to morning. You became a criminal that should be dead by now. That’s what they do with deserters; I’ve seen it, Jeongguk.” There were tears on his cheeks as raindrops in the air. “They hung the deserters over the walls so everyone else can see what happens to them, so their families are forever ashamed to show their faces in public again. No widows or kids crying for them, tears are not allowed for the deserters and still… I cried for you every night over a year. You were just a kid and if they found you…”

“But they didn’t. Madame Ha helped me, she fixed my documents and gave me a new identity. My parents wouldn’t take me back. My father is just a poor man and my mother died giving birth, I had nothing to come back to… except you… Taehyung I came back for you.”

“And you shouldn’t have.” The guard wiped his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. “That’s the most ludicrous decision you could’ve made. You should’ve run away far, far away from here and never look back.”

“I tried but I couldn’t… in these five years, all I wondered was… if you were still alive if you had survived the war. Sometimes I didn’t want to know but I always had the minimal hope… that you were still out there and here you are.”

Jeongguk fell on his knees and cast an eye on him.

Taehyung ran his fingers through the back of his head just like he used to do when he was younger and couldn’t fall asleep at night.

The figure of that young kid that had just arrived at the camp was intact. How he used to be scared of storms, how he used to cry because he missed home when it was late and thought no one was listening. Taehyung was listening.

In those memories, Taehyung was always there.

“It was irresponsible, you could’ve ended like every other deserter.”

Jeongguk hugged his legs and pressed his face against his stomach.

“I had to know…”

Taehyung’s legs failed and he descended to the ground without caring about the mud or the rain at all, he only wanted to hold him like that, forever. He cried on his shoulder until tears were just a memory.

“You know now.” Taehyung held him tighter. “You must go, you can’t stay here.”

“This is our chance, we can make it and we can break it on our own terms.”

“No, we can’t. We’ll never be able to do that and you know it.” He caressed his flushed cheeks.

“Run away with me.” Jeongguk begged.

“Are you out of your mind? The only thing we would achieve is to get us both killed.”

“Taehyung, don’t do this… don’t say it. No matter how long the season is, I’d be gone after it and I can’t… I can’t go through it again, I can’t lose you again.”

“We’ll have to learn to live with this weight in our chests.”

“My love has concrete feet.”

“And this idea is walking directly to the waters with that weight. Forget it, forget about me and be happy.”

“How can you say that when you know it’s not true? I can be happy, I'm happy but I don't want to let go of this second chance we have been given. I would be lying to myself.”

“If it’s not true, repeat it until it is, Jeongguk.”

“I’d rather be dead than miserable.”

“Don’t say that.” The elder looked away, he didn't want to think about the possibility at all.

“Taehyung, do you trust me?” Jeongguk cupped his face with his hands.

The elder stared at him before finally replying.

XI

The palace was summoned in a gloomy silence that extended all over the enclosure. From the royal chambers to the service rooms, the gardens were desolated. They had double-checked for the shift change, it was Taehyung’s turn so it would be easier to fool the guards. He had never paid attention but that night the walls looked even taller than the rest of the days. Those weren’t walls made to climb, that was the first option and it had been easily discarded.

They moved like shadows, black clothing only and what they could take with them, some supplies until they made it to the next town. Taehyung had his reservations about the plan but now that they were executing it, there was a part of him that wanted to believe everything was going to turn up well for them. That they were going to cross those doors walking with no further preoccupations, without looking back.

They had prepared a wagon outside with a good horse, stealing was the worst crime they were going to be incriminated for, the king had stables full with horses for his amusement, he wasn’t going to miss one, neither some food from the pantry and a sword, just in case, Taehyung had said.

The guard scanned the perimeter one more time before indicating it was all clear.

“We have to cross the south gate, during this time of the year is the least used of the four gates and the less patrolled. We’ll be able to leave but you have to go first, Jeongguk. I’ll be right behind you, I promise.” Taehyung planted a quick soft peck on his lips. “For good luck.”

The younger nodded.

They waited until the sentinel moved.

“Now, go… and don’t look back.” Taehyung pushed him to erase all possible hesitation.

The younger ran across the garden silent as a mouse in the dark and shortly after, he was right before the gate. What they hadn’t taken into consideration was that, even if the gates weren’t fully closed, they were still heavy and moving it would generate a loud sound after dragging it.

Taehyung’s soul abandoned his body when he heard the steps.

“Who’s there?” An older guard demanded to know. “Identify.”

Jeongguk stuttered. “I-I’m… I was…”

Taehyung couldn’t move.

“Are you trying to run away in the middle of the night? You’ll have to come with me.”

“No, I wasn’t… I was…” His body was shaking.

“Those gates should remain closed during the nighttime. No one can trespass them and leave as on their will.”

Jeongguk was scared. “I didn’t know. I swear I didn’t know.”

Taehyung cleared his throat and walked into the scene. “What’s the problem, Gao?” He addressed the guard.

“This young man was trying to run away. It is forbidden to leave the palace during the night as you must recall.”

“I do.” Taehyung tried to stay calm. He took a look at the younger. “Identify, young man.”

“I’m Jeon Jeongguk… I’m a performer from the company. I didn’t know I couldn’t leave, I swear.”

Taehyung nodded. “Don’t worry, Gao. He’s one of the dancing kids the king favored. He’s probably saying the truth. I’ll escort him back to his room and this shall be forgotten in the act since there were no further disturbs.”

“Of course, captain.”

“My apologies.” Jeongguk lowered his head.

Right when everything seemed to be fixed.

“Jeongguk?! Jeongguk?!” Jimin’s voice irrupted. “What is this? Where were you going?”

“Jimin…” Jeongguk gulped. “I wasn’t. I’m staying.”

“Ah, I’m… I thought… Forget about it, we must leave.”

His friend was confused for an instant but then came into realization. There was a piece of paper on his hands that probably was the farewell letter he was leaving behind for his friends in the company, it didn’t go unnoticed for the guard’s eyes who snatched the letter off his hands before he could blink.

“Gao, no!”

But it was too late, the guard was already reading the words Jeongguk himself had written.

“Captain, we must arrest this man right away… He’s a deserter!” He pulled out the sword he carried with him. “Traitors must die!” His screams alerted the other guards who were already running into their direction.

Hoseok and Taeri also were there, they were probably looking for the younger as well but at the moment they saw all the guards gathering around them, they speeded up.

“Traitor!” Gao kept screaming, pointing at him.

“I’m not a traitor, I can explain, there must be a misunderstanding…”

“In this letter, you confess your crimes against the crown, you’re a traitor, you have condemned yourself to die for this crime!”

Taehyung couldn’t breathe, the air wouldn’t reach his dried lungs.

“Is that true?” He asked. “That you’re a traitor.”

“No! I’m not!”

“Taeri, go get Madame Ha, now!” Hoseok shouted making the girl run in her nightgown back to the rooms.

“The king won’t allow this.” Taehyung interfered. “That’s his favorite performer. It’s probably a mistake.”

“Captain, with all due of respect, deserters don’t deserve any right aside from a dignified death.” Another guard step ahead. “We shall get the general.”

“No,” Taehyung stopped them. “We’ll take him into a cell and decide what to do with him in the morning.” He continued trying to calm the waters.

“The king is here.” The guards kneeled on the ground except for Gao who still got Jeongguk grabbed by the arm.

“Your Highness.” Taehyung was relieved to see his face, finally, someone who would be sensible in that absurd situation. The king wasn’t going to resign to his preferred performer.

“I was informed it has been a problem.” The moonlight shone all over his white hair. “Young Jeongguk, you have been accused of being a deserter, is that correct?”

“Yes, your Grace. That’s correct.” He lowered his face.

“Did you write that letter in which you confess your crime?” The monarch asked, his voice didn't transmit any concrete feeling.

“I can confirm that as well. It is my handwriting but…”

“Then it’s true. You are a deserter and a traitor to the kingdom.”

“Your Grace…” Taehyung tried to speak up.

“Then,” The king cut him off. “This conversation is pointless. Prepare a rope and execute him by hanging right away.”

Taehyung opened his mouth again.

“It is an order, captain.”

“Yes… your Grace.”

Jeongguk desperately looked for his eyes.

“Taehyung…” He mouthed. “Please…”

The guard’s hands were trembling with fear.

“It will be alright… I will be… trust me.”

Taehyung had a short time to act.

Jeongguk had it written all over his face.

Not all the training he had received could prepare him for that moment.

Taehyung stepped ahead and wrested the sword from Gao’s hand before he could tell, it happened in a blink of the eye. The weapon he had learned to handle with ease now felt as if weighted a ton between his hands, he was able to contemplate the astonishment of the man that was holding Jeongguk prisoner when the captain pointed the sharp object at him and wounded his flesh.

For an instant, everyone, even the king, remained in silence. A silence that was as deep as that night.

Jimin was the first one who broke into tears while Hoseok went forward to catch him before he collapsed on the ground. Taeri and Madame Ha weren't around yet but it would be short until the other members of the company found out.

The blood was already staining the wooden planks and part of the garden rocks as it kept emanating from the injury. Jeongguk’s breathing started to become rowdy as he touched his bloody clothes trying to press them before slowly falling down as his face started to turn pale.

Taehyung couldn’t open his eyes. He dropped the sword on the ground, the metal of the blade was scarlet.

It was a pact, it was a stupid pact and he knew it but it was their pact.

It has to be you. He had said.

It only can be you.

Taehyung kneeled next to him and held his hand without caring who was looking now.

“Hyung… Hyung I’m cold…” He choked on his words. “It’s cold…”

The guard started sobbing. “It will be over soon,” He ran his fingers through his hair one last time. “I promise it will be over soon.” His hands couldn't stop shaking.

“Taehyung… I…” He tried to used his last strengths to confessed aloud what they both shared in secret.

“I know…”

He could see how his life was abandoning his physique. He held him closer to his chest feeling the weight of his body on his arms as he held a little longer on this earth, the tears on the corners of his eyes and the infinite vacuum behind them.

The king left the scene without saying a word, even though Taehyung had disobeyed his orders, overall, that solved the problem. Shortly after the other guards resumed their labors and abandoned the place as well, even Gao gave them some space after seeing how the young performer died on his arms.

“How could you…?” Jimin asked with his eyes reddish. “How could you do this?”

“This is what I am… this is all I’ve ever learned to do.” He said, watching the blood of his lover dried on his palms.

XII

“Was that your son? One of them?” The guard asked, drinking from the flask once again.

“No, we established my son can’t even carry a sword and if he attempted to run away and join the ambulant artists I would no longer have a son. I wish I had had daughters instead, the dowry is much generous for them.” He stated before spitting on the ground one more time. “The point is, no matter how far the deserters run, they always get what they deserve for being cowards.”

The guard nodded and took one quick glance at the wagon, he was supposed to inspect it but his instincts were failing him.

“Travel safe and return home, good man.” He was slightly dizzy.

“Thank you. I will. You should rest now, your services are appreciated.”

The guard fell on the ground asleep shortly after and the man continued his journey without looking back but tossing the flask before moving forward.

After releasing the horse free in a nice looking field for it to eat some clovers and fresh grass, the man walked heading to a small lake in the middle of the road. He took his oversized clothes off, removed the patch of his eye and dropped the fake hump on the ground –it was a pillow all the way-, he also threw the beard on the ground and dived into the waters.

The dirt washed off his face and his hair that now was back into its natural state, long and dark brown. He extended his legs and his arms and let his naked body float on the surface while his body got clean, purified like in a ritual.

“I thought you were going to wait until we got there.” He yawned and removed the blanket from the wagon.

Taehyung splashed him with the water once he got closer. “I couldn’t stand that fake beard anymore. It's itchy.”

"It should be." Jeongguk cackled. “Wait for me.” He removed his shirt and pants before jumping into the lake with him.

“Hey! Be careful!” Taehyung giggled.

Jeongguk shook the water of his locks and pushed his hair back. He had the biggest smile painted on his face.

“How was the traveling in the back of the wagon?”

“I’ve been sleeping inside a wooden box. I can’t really complain. Luckily Taeri prepared it well while we distracted the guards.”

“And the wound?”

Jeongguk pretended to look for it without result. He shrugged. “I told you the fake blood we used on stage was realistic.”

“Sorry. I don’t want to say I had my doubts but I did. It was a lunatic's plan.”

“I'm offended. You had the honor of working with the best actors in the country. The performance of the century was guaranteed.”

Taehyung snorted.

“Are you sure the belladonna in that drink is not going to kill that guard of the border? I was concerned he would start sniffing around but I didn't expect him to drink the entire thing.”

“No, I took the same drink that night and it worked perfectly, didn’t it?”

“You scared me to death, Jeon Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk swan toward his direction until they were facing each other.

“I’m sorry. But I’m glad it worked.”

Taehyung hid a lock behind Jeongguk’s ear and closed the distance to plant a kiss on his lips. Jeongguk wrapped his arms behind his neck and made the kiss deeper, then, he carried him on his arms and spun him in the water while the flowers floated around them and the sun shone brightly above their heads.

“Now what?” Taehyung asked as he squeezed his hair and dried his body.

“I don’t know, wherever we want to go.” Jeongguk extended the map inside the wagon.

“I have always wanted to see the ocean.”

“I have friends from the company in the East, we can be there in two days.”

“I think that sounds perfect.” Taehyung tickled his chin.

“Taehyung.” The younger said while keeping a serious face.

“Yes? What is it? There’s something wrong?”

“I love you.” He said the words that he wanted to say that night with his whole chest.

The elder felt his heart swelling inside him.

“I love you too. I’ve loved you since we first met.”

“Thanks for waiting for me.”

Taehyung smiled. “We had a pact, didn't we? Sworn under a tangerine tree one faithful summer day...”

-The end.