Chapter Text
The flight from Georgia to Florida took almost no time at all and Brian spent the majority of it trying not to think about the reunion that awaited him. On the one hand, he couldn’t wait to see everyone again, especially AJ. He’d spoken to the younger man just a few days ago, but he hadn’t actually seen AJ in several weeks and he wanted to see for himself how AJ was doing. On the other, he knew AJ hadn’t seen any of the others yet and Brian couldn’t help but worry about how things were going to go once everyone arrived at Howie’s.
When Brian finally arrived at the hotel, he took the time to unpack and get settled before calling Kevin. Though he hated to admit it, he was nervous about tonight. He knew it was a good idea to get everyone together before they got back out on the road and meeting at Howie’s made perfect sense. None of them wanted this first meeting to be held in public. It didn’t matter that the whole world knew about AJ and the time he’d spent in Arizona; AJ deserved some privacy now that he was out and getting back to his life. Privacy Brian knew would be out the window the minute that the boys went back on tour. For the first time, he wondered if maybe he had been wrong when he’d encouraged AJ not to leave the group, to meet with the guys first and talk things out. Sighing, he picked up the phone to call Kevin.
“Hey, Bri, when did you get in?”
Kevin’s voice was warm and Brian instantly felt better. Whatever happened tonight, he wouldn’t be alone.
“Just now. I wanted to check in, see when you were going to Howie’s.”
“Dinner’s at eight, but when I talked to him earlier he said we could come over anytime. AJ’s been there for a couple of days.”
There was a pause and when Kevin continued the hesitation in his voice made Brian ache.
“Howie said AJ wanted to talk to us before dinner. He… it can’t be that bad if AJ’s planning on staying for Howie’s birthday, right?”
“It doesn't have to be anything bad at all, Kev.”
“It’s just… he’s not leaving, is he? I know you’ve been talking to him since he’s been at home.”
“I can’t tell you what AJ tells me in confidence. That’s not fair to him, Kevin.”
Kevin sighed. “I know. I just… if he’s leaving, I want to know. Please, Brian, I really don’t want that sprung on me out of the blue.”
“He doesn’t want to leave; I’ll put it that way. The rest of it you have to hear from AJ.”
Brian could hear Kevin take several deep calming breaths. When he answered, he sounded calm, in control.
“Okay, I’ll wait. I’ve gotten better at that recently.”
Brian could hear the smile in Kevin’s voice and it made him laugh. They made plans for Kevin to drop by Brian’s room so they could go to Howie’s together and then hung up. Brian tossed the phone onto the bed and ran a hand through his hair. He needed to find Nick, but Brian knew that conversation wasn’t going to be an easy one. Maybe he should shower first, change clothes. He could call Leighanne; tell her he’d checked in. Shaking his head, Brian picked the phone back up. Procrastinating wouldn’t make it easier.
He called Nick’s cell and got voicemail. Knowing Nick had a tendency to ‘lose’ his phone whenever it was convenient, Brian called Owen, Nick’s security. When Owen told him they were shooting hoops in the hotel gym, Brian wasn’t surprised. Basketball had always been Nick’s therapy.
“Okay, I’m gonna change clothes and come down. Hey, Owen? Don’t tell Nick I’m here.”
When Brian got to the gym, Owen was standing watch just outside the door. He gave Brian a friendly smile and tipped his head toward the gym.
“He’s been in there awhile. Your network must be slacking today cause I haven’t had a single girl try to charm her way in yet.”
Brian grinned. “They must all be in Wisconsin, waiting for the first show.”
Brian clapped a hand on Owen’s shoulder and then went into the gym. He paused and watched, a frown darkening his features. Nick was bare-chested and his skin was sheened with sweat. His blond hair was darkened with it as well and Brian's frown deepened. Nick didn't play that hard when he was just practicing by himself.
Nick glanced up at that moment and noticed Brian watching. Brian quickly pasted a smile on his face, letting none of his worry show on his face. With Nick, you couldn't push him into telling you what was wrong; you had to let him work things out in his own way and just be there when he was ready to talk. The effort was worth it when Nick grinned back, his entire face lighting up as he tossed Brian the ball.
“Bri! You made it!”
“Yeah, I got in about an hour ago, I guess.” He held up a hand as Nick came closer. “Don’t even think about hugging me.”
Nick laughed. “Gee, missed you too.”
“I shouldn’t have to be covered in your sweat for you to know that I missed you. Now let me warm up so we can play.”
While Brian warmed up with a few practice shots, Nick took a break, drinking deeply from a bottle of water he'd set near the court. When Brian was ready, he threw the ball back to Nick.
"You wanna play a real game or just shoot around?" Brian asked.
"I don't know, old man. You ready to get your butt kicked?"
Brian raised a brow, blue eyes shining with amusement. "Big talk, Nicky."
"I can back it up."
“Prove it.”
They played for nearly an hour, Nick pestering Brian for best two out of three after Brian won the first game despite the fact that Nick was so much taller. After the third game, they collapsed onto the court, passing Nick’s water bottle back and forth between them as they tried to catch their breath. When the bottle was empty, Nick pulled his T-shirt on, grimacing when it stuck to his skin. He grabbed a towel out of his bag and wiped off his face and neck, giving more care to it than he needed to. His face was mostly hidden in the towel when he finally brought up the subject Brian had been waiting for.
“I talked to Howie when I got in this morning. He said AJ’s been hanging out at his place for a couple of days.”
Brian nodded, his voice as matter of fact as Nick’s had been. “I know, Howie told me.”
“So, you’ve all seen him.”
“Not since Arizona. I don’t think Kevin has either. AJ wanted some time alone.” He watched Nick thoughtfully. “I call him every couple of days, though. Email him once in awhile. He sounds good.”
“I haven’t seen him. Not since Boston. Not since… I haven’t called him either.”
“Why not?”
It was the one question Brian had wanted to ask Nick for weeks, but hadn’t been able to. He had wanted to have this conversation face to face, but Nick had put himself out of touch, preferring to spend the unexpected downtime with Aaron and not the boys.
Nick shrugged and lowered his gaze. “I don’t know.”
Brian heard the lie in the tone, but he let it go. Nick would talk about it when he was ready and not before. Still, it made Brian worry about how the evening would go. Especially given AJ’s news. He reached out to squeeze Nick’s arm reassuringly. Nick looked at Brian, misery etched on his face.
“I just couldn’t do it. I wanted to. I still want to, but I…” Nick broke off, ducked his head.
Brian slid his arm across Nick’s shoulders and rested his cheek on Nick’s shoulder. “It’s just gonna take some time, Nick.”
Nick sighed. “I guess, but I suck at the waiting thing. I want things to be okay right now.”
Brian kissed his temple. “I know. It makes Christmas with you such a joy.” He poked Nick’s rib cage, smiling when Nick laughed. “But it's good that you want things to be okay. It means you're going to work to make it happen." He gave Nick's shoulder a squeeze. "Come on, we better head for the showers. If we’re late for Howie’s birthday dinner, he’ll be all cranky.”
Nick nodded absentmindedly and Brian ached for his friend. He didn’t know what had gone on between AJ and Nick before AJ had left for rehab and it was clear that he wasn’t going to learn anything new now. All he could do was borrow some of Kevin’s newfound patience and wait. He stood up and helped pull Nick to his feet. As they headed up to their rooms, Brian sent up a silent prayer that the evening wouldn’t end up a complete disaster.
Just before seven, Brian arrived at Howie’s with Nick and Kevin in tow. He rang the doorbell then turned to brush imaginary lint from Kevin’s shirt and straighten Nick’s collar. Kevin rolled his eyes, but he was smiling.
“Embarrassed to be seen with us?” he teased his cousin.
“Only every day,” Brian replied.
They were all laughing when the door opened to reveal Howie standing on the threshold. Nick elbowed his way past Brian and Kevin to envelope Howie in bear hug.
“Happy Birthday, D.”
Howie smiled and returned Nick’s enthusiastic embrace. “Thank you, Nicky.” He pulled back to look at his friend. “You look good.”
Nick preened. “Yes, yes I do.”
Howie shook his head and ushered them inside, smiling the entire time. He knew that the odds were good that things would be rocky and tense off and on during the evening, but he was still happy to have them all here. He shut the door and then hollered for AJ.
“AJ, quit sampling the appetizers and get out here!”
There were a few moments of not-quite-comfortable silence before AJ appeared in the living room. He stood quietly; hands shoved in his pockets, wary expression on his face until Brian stepped forward with a grin. He pulled AJ into a hug.
“Man, I can’t believe Howie let you into the food before we got here. He should know better than that.”
AJ’s arms slid around Brian’s waist. He hid his face in Brian’s shoulder and held on tightly for a moment. When he felt steadier, he pulled back enough to look at Brian.
“I didn’t eat it all. There’s some shrimp stuff and something I can't identify. I'm saving that until someone else tries it first." Brian laughed and AJ grinned at him. "Besides, dinner won’t even be delivered for another hour so I haven’t been able to get into that.”
Brian pulled back and to the side, but he kept an arm around AJ’s waist. The show of support settled something inside AJ and he leaned against Brian. When he looked up, he saw that Nick was watching them. He glanced at Brian and then took a tentative step forward.
“Hey, Nick. Long time, no see.”
He reached out to hug Nick. Nick submitted, but it was a perfunctory embrace at best; Nick’s body was rigid, tight, and he held on just long enough for it not to be an obvious rejection. AJ felt the tension anyway and he pulled away from Nick. Hurt flashed in his eyes before it was masked by an easy smile.
“Brian said you’ve been spending alot of time with Aaron. That’s great, Nick.”
“Uh, yeah. He… we’ve all been really busy so I haven’t seen much of him. It was good to hang out with him.”
“Maybe he’ll be able to come out on the road with us for a few dates. It’ll be like old times.”
Nick nodded, glad that AJ wasn’t pushing. “Yeah, that’d be cool. I’ll have to ask him.”
Nick shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels, trying to think of something to say. AJ took pity on him and shifted his attention to Kevin. Kevin was standing with Howie, quietly watching. When AJ’s gaze met his, he smiled hesitantly. AJ swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat and ducked his head. After what happened with Nick, he couldn’t make himself move forward. The smile on Kevin’s face faded and AJ’s heart thudded painfully in his chest. Cursing softly under his breath, he went to Kevin and threw his arms around him. After the briefest hesitation, Kevin hugged him back, squeezing so tightly AJ nearly squeaked.
“I thought you’d still be pissed at me. In Arizona…”
Kevin’s voice cracked and AJ held on tighter.
“In Arizona, I was still a mess. But I was never really pissed at you."
Kevin snorted, making AJ grin ruefully.
"Alright, fine. I was pissed at you. But I'm not anymore."
Kevin held on for a few more moments before pulling back and smiling down at AJ. His green eyes were glassy, but AJ chose not to call him on it since his own eyes were more than a little damp.
“You look good, AJ.” He patted AJ's belly. "You're putting on some weight."
AJ laughed. “Staying with my mom has been good for me in more ways than one. I’d forgotten what a fantastic cook she is. I guess it’s a good thing we’re going back on tour. A couple more months of home cooking and I’d weigh as much as a house.”
Brian rolled his eyes. “Right, like that could ever happen.”
With the ice broken, they all moved to take seats in Howie’s spacious living room. They chatted quietly for awhile, catching up. It was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable. To AJ, it almost felt like the awkwardness that always came when they’d been apart for any length of time. Anytime there were less than five Backstreet Boys in a room, the dynamic shifted. When they all got back together, it shifted again. Something bumped against his thigh and AJ glanced up to find Howie watching him.
“Are you going to tell them?”
Howie’s voice was pitched low, definitely not loud enough to carry through the room, but AJ glanced around nervously anyway.
“I kinda have to, don’t I?”
Howie’s smile was patient and kind. “Kind of hard to hide it.”
“Good point.”
AJ wiped suddenly damp palms on his thighs and stood, clearing his throat. Attention shifted to him and for the first time in a very long time, AJ was uncomfortable with it. He took a deep breath and began.
“I, uh, asked everybody to come early because I need to talk to you about something. There’s, well, something I need to tell you about before we go back out on the road.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Shit, this is harder than I thought it would be.”
Kevin frowned, his stomach knotting with sudden tension. “AJ, you’re starting to scare me. Just come out and say it, okay?”
“Right. Just straight out. That’s the best way, right? I…”
Somewhere down the hall a door banged and there was the sound of running footsteps could be heard. Moments later a little boy wearing blue footy pajamas peeked hesitantly around the corner. His face lit up when he saw AJ and he ran straight for him.
“Dada!”
Kevin and Nick stared in shock as a soft expression crossed AJ’s face. He smiled down at the little boy.
“Escaped again, huh?”
“Down, Dada,” the boy said, lifting his arms for AJ.
AJ smiled. “You are down. You want up, little man.”
“Up!” was obediently parroted back to him and AJ bent down and picked him up. He glanced over to where four pairs of eyes were watching him; Brian and Howie with encouraging expressions, Kevin and Nick with almost identical looks of surprise. He took a deep breath.
“Kev, Nick, I want you to meet Sean.” He glanced at the little boy and smiled before turning back to the group. “He’s my son."