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Kobayashi stirred from her sleep when someone peppering her with kisses. She supposed to groan and get mad for disturbing her sleep, her face turned red instead. She blearily open her eyes and found Risa above her, smiling sweetly.
"Good morning, baby." she softly whisper to her that bring shiver to her spine. Risa both arms supporting her weight above Kobayashi, the girl under her wrapped her arms around her neck causing her to leaned down as their forehead touch each other.
"Risa, let me sleep for another hour please."
She heard her chuckle. "Okay."
It's so wrong for her to thought that Risa is going to leave her because the taller girl nuzzle her nose under her chin and trail her neck by her wet lips instead. Her hands moving it's way down to her hips and other to her flat stomach, caressing it softly that making her weak.
She giggle then sighed. "Risa, aren't you tired? We did it all night."
"Well, I'm sorry I can't stop myself when you're this beautiful the moment I opened my eyes."
"Sweet."
They both giggled, Risa moved herself up to stare at Kobayashi brown almond eyes.
"You're so gorgeous."
The younger girl snorted lightly then she playfully slap Risa arms causing them again to burst into fit of laughters.
"I'm serious." Risa brush her hair that covering her eyes and plant a soft kiss to her forehead. "You are really beautiful that I want to take hundred photos of you here."
And with that, Risa quickly grabbed her camera and take a photo of Kobayashi under her.
"Hey!"
Risa take a look of it and amused smile plastered to her as she shows it to Kobayashi who's playfully frowning. She lay down beside her and scoot closer to her.
"See? You are gorgeous." Risa said that bring shades of pink to Kobayashi cheeks. Those sweet compliments, she don't think she can forget it easily especially it's from the girl she loves the most.
Risa pretended to think but ended up giggling. Kobayashi wrapped her arms around her and places her chin above her shoulder and whisper softly to Risa ear.
"Take a picture of us."
Risa nodded, adjusting the camera and with the click of it; Risa widened her smile while Kobayashi closes her eyes and kisses Risa on the cheek.
Kobayashi Yui clearly remember that part. She can remember how they spend their entire morning only in the bed, whispering sweet words and kissing each other. It is simple but it made her heart soar so high.
She raises her hand, humming as she stare blankly to the ceiling and laying alone on the bed. She doesn't know if remembering one of those cherished memories is helping her or not. She doesn't feel anything but pain and disappointment.
She releases a sighed before she sat up and decided to go to her own music room, maybe to add idea to her left work and somehow erase the worries that building inside her. Maybe with this, she can forget it even a second.
She grabbed her guitar and start strumming, thinking of the right chords that will fit to the lyrics she write. Whenever something bugging her mind, she will pour it by writing a song. She did it again and again until she didn't notice that she's spending hours.
Until she heard the door opened and footsteps nearer to her. A warm arms embraces her from behind then a rose appeared in front of her.
"For you.."
She should be smiling like crazy right now, blushing in madness but why she can't do it all though she still felt her heart beating rapidly only for her?
She take the rose and try her best to sound normal but it turned out flat. "Thanks."
She take the flower and put it in the side then she continue her work. She heard her sighed in dismay. "There's a food in the table, go and eat now."
But Risa didn't move, still attached to her and nuzzling wanting for her full attention only. She should be raising her hand to cup her cheek and give her a kisses but why again she can't do it?
She want it but something stopping her.
"Yui, I love you." Risa whispers to her sweetly and it bring pain to her chest, clenching her painfully. Her throat become dry, unable her to speak so all she could do is to nodded.
I love you too,so much but I don't know anymore.
---
"What's the purpose of sticking with her when you can't trust her anymore?"
"Kobayashi, it's been four months since Risa did it. Yes, she hurted you and now she's fixing your relationship."
Kobayashi eyed her both bestfriend in front of her. Both giving her a different advices but still she can't straighten what she should do.
"Kobayashi, you should break up with her! It's stupid of her to foo--"
Suzumoto quickly elbowed her girlfriend Oda who zipped her lips after the shorter girl glare at her. Suzumoto leaned to the table and seriously look at Kobayashi.
"Listen Kobayashi," Suzumoto sighed. "You love her right?"
She nodded.
"And I know, I can see that Risa loves you so much. She's regretting what she did and she want you still."
Those words slowly sinking to her mind then she realized, she's right. Since then, she can see that Risa regretting it all and trying to prove her that she want their relationship back. She can see Risa effort and hardwork, she's also starting to think that the problem is not in Risa anymore.
It's now on her.
She swallowed thickly. "I love her but I don't think I can trust her again after what she did."
She clasps her both hands, her voice threatening to tremble and tears formed from her eyes.
"Everytime I see her, I remember that night. Everytime she kiss me, I remember her kissing someone else. Everytime she says that she loves me, I think she's lying. I'm now doubting her every words and actions. I feel like she's hiding something from me. I can't help myself to be paranoid." Kobayashi run her fingers through her scalp and closes her eyes as she lowered her head. "I don't know if this is still right."
"Is it right to hold on to her?"
The two only stare at her sympathetically, feeling sorry that their bestfriend feeling this way. Suzumoto grabbed her hand and squeezes it softly.
"For me, it is better to leave the relationship where you still don't hate each other." Oda pick her cup and sipped. "In your case, it's better to leave yours because it's already hurting you."
"Yuipon, I know it is hard. You guys spent together for almost six years and we know how much you love each other." Suzumoto said, "But like Dani said, if this relationship just hurting both of you then it's better to leave."
---
Kobayashi hope that it is easy as what they said.
That it is easy to forget the woman she yearned, the woman that's been beside her for a long time and the woman that she love the most. None of those were easy, even walking away from her is not easy. She felt dying every minute she's away from her.
So how she suppose to left her when she's all her life?
So even she did something that hurted her, she still accept her open arms and too scared that Risa will be gone completely. But as the time goes by, her mind were wrapped up by the thought of what if's and fear that she may feel this pain again.
She knew from the start that when she opened her arms again to Risa is when she forgive her completely. But she can't because the more she sees her, she still remember what happened.
She's so scared to feel the pain that almost wrecked her mentally and physically. That's why she can't trust her again, which result to hurting herself more.
Why Risa did that to her?
If Risa really loves her, why she would find another girl besides her to warmth her in their coldest time?
Risa never shows any sign that she's having an affair or something that caught her attention other from her. But since that fought that they almost split, that's where it all started. They become cold to each other, acknowledging only existences when they need to talk about something.
And day came where Kobayashi can't take that anymore so she decided to make a move and apologizes to her but Risa didn't go home for two days. It got her worried, she asked her whereabouts from their employees from Risa own restaurant and also to her closest friends.
Tuesday night when Risa came back all of sudden but what surprised her the most is she look trouble by something, disoriented and in the verge of crying when she asked her where she went.
That's when Risa finally burst crying, hands tightly gripped to her hands.
"I'm so sorry, Yui. I'm so sorry please forgive me. Please I don't want to lose you, please don't leave me. I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry."
Kobayashi tears fall to her cheeks though Risa still not saying it but she has a big feeling what she's about to say.
And when Risa confessed it, it got her speechless and heart crumpled.
"I'm so drunk and I found myself on the bed with other girl..something happened between us."
That's the most heartbreaking truth she ever heard. She doesn't know what to react and say in return, it shut her up completely. But the tears that streaming down and her cries that grew louder is the answer.
She trust Risa so much that she never think that one day, Risa will do this.
It takes a months before she opened herself again to her because of her persistent and consistent apologizing and effort that Risa did, the will that she want her back and revive their dying relationship.
She still want her so bad but because of what happened she's having a hard time if it's a right decision to let Risa again into her life.
If it's really a right decision..
Her phone vibrate returning her from her trance. She wipe the tears from her cheek before she pick it up from her bag on the passenger seat.
It's Risa.
"Hello babe,"
"Yes?"
"I'm thinking of having a dinner here with you here in resto, I prepared the food. Come here please."
The invitation is tempting. She glances to the rearview mirror and see herself look devastated. She doesn't want her to see her in this state. She gulped thickly before she deepen her voice.
"I'm sorry, I need to do something important in the office. I will be late. I'm sorry."
A lie. It takes a minute of silence before she heard Risa heaved a sighed and obviously put a smile to her face.
"Is that so? That's bad. Okay, I will see you at home. I will wait for you. I love you."
The phone call ended by her with no sweet words she return like she usually do. She can't help think that everything really change and she's lost to what she should do.
She sighed again, leaning her back against the seat and watches Risa disappointed face from afar, it quickly change when one of her worker called her name. Then her attention shifted to her work. Kobayashi wanted to erase that, she just want to see Risa smiling at her but she's the one who's making her sad instead.
She watches Risa for the entire day, running to the whole restaurant, instructing her employees with a smile on her face and she didn't realizes she find herself smiling.
Then she remember that this girl is the one who made her feel special, the one who's always beside her when she's upset, the one who save her from sadness and fill her wholeheartedly with love and happiness. Risa gave the things she wanted, Risa came to her world and made her the happiest woman.
Risa is so important to her that losing her will be the end.
Maybe if I open my heart again completely for her then everything will be the same again like before?
She waited for 5 hours for the restaurant to be closed, clean by their employees and one by one bidding their goodbye to Risa. And when she think it's the perfect time, she climbed down from her car and walk towards the restaurant.
She opened the door and find Risa on the counter, cleaning the glasses with a clean towel. Risa notices her presence by the sound of the closed door and tilt her head, surprised by Kobayashi.
"Yui?" And there Risa face lit up seeing her, can't stop widening her smile that melt Kobayashi heart. "What are you doing here babe?"
It may be the first time that Kobayashi visit the restaurant since that night so seeing her here bring joy to her heart.
Kobayashi didn't answer her but the gentle smile from her face and the tears speak instead,and in a speed of the wind Kobayashi run to her, wrapping her arms around her neck and pressing her lips to her tenderly.
It caught her off guard, but the softness and sweetness of Kobayashi lips to her erase the questions and worries to her mind. She eventually closes her eyes, put down the glass to the table and snake her arms around Kobayashi body, pulling her closer tightly.
Kobayashi pulled her face a little, hot breath fanned against her mouth and hands trailed to her cheeks. Risa leaned her forehead against hers and eyes stare at the hazel orbs.
"I'm so sorry.." Kobayashi whisper, Risa nodded slowly and smiling sweetly to her. "I'm so sorry for everything, I love you."
Risa other hand move to wipe the tears from her cheeks and thumb pressed down on her bottom lip.
"I understand, I'm so sorry too for everything. I just want you to know that I'm regretting all of it and I want you only." Risa eyes formed a tears. "Please remember that I love you so much."
They stare at each other for minute, eyes pouring all the love and the things they badly want to say. Risa the one who move to claimed her lips again, passionately, intimately and giving pleasure that making Kobayashi spine shudder.
Risa lift her gently and put her above the counter that made Kobayashi squealed a little. They both releases a soft giggles. Risa places her both hands to the edge of the table, locking Kobayashi in the middle and tilting her face, smiling at her. Kobayashi hands places above her shoulders, wearing the smile same as her.
They miss each other so much.
With that, Risa hugged her waist and Kobayashi lowered her head to kisses her again. Risa hands trailed down to caress her back, under her blouse giving soft squeezes to her sides. While Kobayashi fumble to her buttons, focusing to unbuttoning it without breaking the kiss.
"I'm so glad i have a bedroom built here in restaurant." Risa grinned while she take off Kobayashi t-shirt and throw it somewhere. The younger girl pretend to think and chuckle.
"I think it's the fifth time we did it here."
Risa eyes glow in anticipation, she pressed her lips to her forehead and smile widely.
"And this will be the sixth time, Yui."
They knew their relationship were awfully wounded by the past but because they love each other, opening their heart again they knew it will fix again.
---
"Don't move."
Kobayashi turned her head to Risa who's now holding a camera, focusing to her. She couldn't help but to chuckle but she obeyed her though and let Risa take a picture of her again naked and only the body of the guitar covering her.
"You are so beautiful in that part."
"Oh really?"
Risa grinned to her, back leaned against the headboard as she check the pictures.
"Yup."
Kobayashi put the guitar gently to the sides of the bed and crawl above Risa which granted her by wrapping her arms around her waist.
"You really love taking pictures huh.." Kobayashi commented, seeing the pictures that Risa taken. Risa chuckle and sighed.
"Not really, it just became my hobby since I met you." Risa uses her other hand to pull the comforter, covering their naked bodies under it. Kobayashi smile, felt heat rises to her cheeks.
"At first I thought you were a stalker, following me and my band everywhere we go and taking pictures of us."
Risa groaned upon remembering that. "For your info, I'm taking pictures of you only. Since I saw you singing with your guitar in the middle of the park that time, I can't help but to take shots of you and I still remember how you are so beautiful that time."
The confession bring shades of pink to their cheeks and waved of warmth to their chest.
"Risa.."
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
"I love you too, so much."
Love and trust are what they think that keeping them alive, opening their hearts and forgetting the bitter past. One month went smoothly and when they thought that everything is already fine, another problem testing their relationship again.
Kobayashi notices the call that left rejected and messages that bringing bother to Risa face these days. She doesn't want to pry her about this because she enlighten herself that she want to trust Risa again. But as time goes by, it often disturbing their moments sometimes and she felt the reason why Risa often become late coming home and to their dates.
And she hates how fear engulfed her again.
The one she's fearing came. One night when Risa came home late again without telling to her, she's mad, frustrated and feels like everything coming back again. They had a little fight that time, Risa telling her that there's a little problem in the restaurant that she needed to take care of.
Since then, her worries escalated quickly to doubting every Risa action. Out of blue, after her class she go straight to the restaurant hoping she will spend a dinner with her.
But she didn't expect what she saw when she arrived. Her body froze to where she's standing, having difficulty to swallow and pain forming inside her.
Risa why? Why do you need to hurt me again?
Exactly Risa and that familiar girl walking towards the door to exit, they are talking with a smile in their faces and when they exited, the girl pulled her into a embrace which Risa respond quickly, hands caressing the girl back. It takes a another minute before the two finally pulled from each other and waving goodbye.
She couldn't help but to scoffed and harshly wipe her tears and spin on her heels to step away from here. Just when she bump to one of Risa employees.
"Ms. Kobayashi?" Ozeki face brighten and she's about to properly greet her when she notice her eyes were red and tears tainted her cheeks. "Why are you crying?"
Kobayashi shake her head and continue to walks to her car, ignoring the call from Ozeki. She wanted to run away, from Risa and from the pain. It's all now coming back to her again, the pain, fear that she think will forever glued to her.
Her head throbbing in pain, her eyes were blurry from the tears that streaming like a river and her heart that she feel someone stabbing by a knife.
She thought they were already fine but why Risa going to do that again? Why she need to hurt her again?
As soon she arrived from their shared apartment, she waltz to their room and pull her luggage to pack her clothes. She doesn't want to see Risa, if the sees her more she don't think she can take it.
And when she think she's done packing, she pull it and open the door only to find Risa in front of it, catching her breath and face really worried.
She's mad.
"Yui? Please let's talk." Risa eyes caught the bags from her hands and her eyes mirror the pain. "Please don't go, let me explain first. It's not what you think."
"Get out of my way."
Risa about to touch her hand but she harshly pull it and her eyes fuming in anger.
"I said get out of my way, I'm so done with you."
"Don't do this Yui! Its not what you think, you got it wrong." she shakily move forward and stretch her arm out which Kobayashi slap and the tears that forming already to her eyes.
Kobayashi scoffed and bitterly grinned. "So what should I think when I saw you and that goddamn girl again hugging happily? The same girl before, I can't believe you two are still communicating."
Kobayashi glared at her again then she gripped tightly to her bags and about to walk forward but stop again when Risa grabbed her arm, eyes pleading her to stay.
"Don't touch me!"
"Listen, we didn't do anything. I'm telling you the truth. She and I just talked and sort some things that happened before, she apologized to me and she wanted to apologizes to you. She want to forget everything that happened before." Risa voices is shaking and there's a tone of desperation. Her hand move up to cup her cheek but Kobayashi only tilt her head to left, avoiding her gazes. "Please believe on me..please."
Risa trying to grab her bags off of from her hands but Kobayashi still attempting to pass by her. Risa already pleading, other hand grip tightly to forearm. That's when she finally snapped.
"I said don't touch me!"
Risa jerked away, eyes widening in surprises that Kobayashi shouted at her in anger for the first time. And then Kobayashi break down on her knees and cries painfully and by the sight of it, Risa heart clenched.
"Risa I love you, I trust you but why do you have to do this to me? Why do you have to fool me again? Why do you have to lie? Why do you have to hurt me again and again?!"
Risa felt a lump stuck in her throat, unable her to speak so she been her knees to her and tremble hand stretch to touch her. Kobayashi look fragile and vulnerable, crying in mess and that is the last thing Risa wanted to see.
She's in pain because of her. It's all her fault.
"I realized that it's too wrong for us to force everything back when we're both not completely heal and accept that it happened just because we don't want to lose each other. We didn't even give our selves a break and think throughly." Kobayashi reach for her hand, squeezes it softly and Risa return it tightly and scared that any minute she will lose her. "We're both hurting, we're both lost and holding to the fact that this relationship needs to revive when it's already dead."
"Are you..are you saying that.."
"I want to end everything."
Risa felt her heart break into pieces, she knew Kobayashi is about to say those words. She felt something die inside her, she become weak all of sudden and she couldn't help but to let her tears fall.
"Please, no, please.." she kisses her hand, voice pleading. "If you love me, you won't leave me and we should trust each other more right?"
"I love you Risa but I can't stay in a relationship where I can't trust you, full of lies and fear." Kobayashi gulped. "That is not I wanted to be. I'm hurting, so you are. I don't want to see the day where we become miserable."
She's right and Risa hates when Kobayashi slowly pull her hand from her gripped and cupped her cheeks to give her a one last kisses. A sweet passionate kiss which Risa knows she will long for this.
"A break from everything is what I'm asking, and if we are really meant to be, we are really meant to be."
That is the last painful words Kobayashi said before she grabbed her bags and left.
She loves her so much and seeing her in pain is not what she want and if letting her go will free her from all this pain, even if its hurt as hell she need to do it.
----
"We are really going to miss you so much!" Suzumoto jumped to her, crying but she only chuckle and return the hug. Oda smiled at her behind Suzumoto, she smiled back.
"Risa didn't really show up huh?"
She stiffened first before she shrugged her shoulders and answer her. "I don't know, maybe she's busy."
She doesn't even know if Risa has any idea that she's going to Italy. Kobayashi decided to stay there for good with her parents, continue her work because of the reason that she want to forget everything. Not the feelings, not that woman but the bitter memories.
"I need to go," she said after she heard her flight. She gave each one of her friends a one last hug and bid her goodbye to them. She grabbed her bags and walk inside the entrance.
Something is missing and her steps getting heavier. For the last time, she glance back to hope that she will see familiar figure buy to her dismay, she didn't see her.
She shake her head and decide to walk inside but stop when her phone ring, she stiffened when she read the caller ID.
She answer it quickly.
"Yui,"
"Risa,"
"This will be quick."
Kobayashi chuckle sadly. "What is that?"
She heard her sighed. "Next time we see each other again, can I not let you go?"
Kobayashi smiled, tears formed from her eyes.
"Yes please, don't let me go next time."
----
The sound of applause roar when Imaizumi Yui end her performances with last strum of her guitar, Kobayashi smiled sweetly at her when the shorter girl winked at her after. The crowded slowly decreased that's when Kobayashi approach the girl in the middle.
"I'm so proud of you, Zuumin."
"I did a lot of mistake though," Imaizumi chuckle nervously, she wrapped her arms around the taller girl. "Anyway, thank you so much for tonight Yuipon!"
"Welcome, I took a lot of photos of you and your band." Kobayashi raised her camera and winked. "I'll send it you later."
"Thank you so much!" Imaizumi fixed her things and put the strap to her body. "Let's go to the restaurant, Jimmy is going to treat us dinner."
Kobayashi chuckle but she declined. "I will follow guys, I have something to do first."
Imaizumi sighed before she composed herself to smiled and bidded a goodbye to her. Kobayashi now focus to walk to her destination, strolling to the night life of Piazza Navona and taking photos of it's beautiful views.
She stopped in front of the popular fountain of it and adjust her camera to take a photo, but something caught her attention throughly the lens. She pulled away the camera from her face and look at the other side, exactly to that one certain place.
She felt her heart beating rapidly. Is she hallucinating? She must be imagining things, is it because she misses her so much?
"I didn't know it's your new hobby.."
A familiar voice surprises her from behind and when she turn around, her heart finally soar high to see this woman again after 4 years. Risa became even more stunningly beautiful with her shorter hair, blue navy coat that's she's wearing. It seem like something change to her but felt like she's still the same.
Her tongue tied, felt her throat dry and mixes emotion flooding her. She couldn't believe that she's seeing her in flesh.
"Uhh.." Kobayashi chuckle nervously, fixing her hair to side as tint of shades shows to her cheeks. "Yeah..how are you?" She's stammering.
"I'm fine, and you? How's life here in Italy?"
"Im doing good here, I guess."
A long awkward silence engulfed them, she's the one who looks nervous while Risa is the confident one, smiling nonchalantly at her. She's not expecting to see her this time, all was sudden and she couldn't even prepare.
But importantly, she misses her so much.
"Can i ask you three things, Kobayashi?"
She tilt her head to see Risa face slowly covering by red shades, nervous hit her and now she's wondering why. She agreed and wait for her to speak.
Risa heaved a deep sighed, step forward.
"Are you married with someone?"
She tilt her head but she answer anyway. "I'm not."
"Do you have partner now?"
"I-i don't have.."
The grinned from Risa face wider, she leaned closer to her. So close that Kobayashi can smell her perfume, still the same brand that she recommend to her and since then Risa became favorite. She then realizes that she misses everything to her.
"Now.." Risa gulped and stare at her eyes with the same tender and love she have for her. "Do you still love me?"
Now that caught her off guard, she knows the answer but she can't bring to say it in easiest way.
"I told you next time we see each other again, I am not going to let you go again. After all these years, I couldn't bring myself to love any other woman beside you. You are the only one I want, you're still the one. I couldn't and I don't want to forget you." Risa smiled softly, take her hand and squeezes it gently.
She's speechless and only her tears is what responding to Risa, she's too overwhelmed by her words. Those years she became miserable but in the process it helped her to forget those bitter and awful memories, like she said, she wouldn't forget the woman and the feelings.
Who is she fooling? She's still love Risa so much, still same as before.
"And what I meant when I said those is this.." Risa pull something from her pocket and Kobayashi eyes widened, heart bursting in happiness to see the red small box. "I want to be happy and being happy is to know that you are mine again, forever."
She saw tears glisten from Risa eyes, her lips trembling and happiness obvious in her face.
"Kobayashi, let's start over again please?"
Kobayashi pursed her lips, stopping herself to be in crying mess because of joy so she decide to eliminate all the spaces and embraces her tightly, so much that Risa so glad that it's suffocating.
"Yes, let's start everything all over again."
---