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It was hard for Speedwagon to stay asleep.
The incessant ticking of the clock was getting to him. He sighed, and rolled his half-closed eyes back and felt his eyelids vibrate.
Speedwagon was never a good sleeper. He was always thinking. About important things? Unlikely. But about things that shook him up? For sure.
The man swallowed, his throat dry. He thought about getting up for water, but his mind immediately hit him with thoughts of Jonathan being bothered by it.
Of course. Paranoia crept its way into Speedwagon’s thoughts again, making him tense up even more.
‘Bloody hell, I’m an absolute dunce.’ He felt tears well up in his eyes. He really was unsure why he was self-deprecating.
‘Jonathan’s ought to be fuming when I wake him..’ Speedwagon sniffled. ‘Just gotta get some water, then I’ll leave him be.’
Speedwagon shakily got out of bed, and stepped into the slippers he’d been given earlier that night. A simple glance at the clock revealed it was only 10:30 PM, so he wouldn’t be too annoying.
Speedwagon winced as he heard the wooden floor creak beneath him, as he walked slowly to Jonathan’s bedroom.
Arriving in front of the door, he saw a light was on and the door was cracked.
Ever so slowly, Speedwagon gave two gentle knocks to the door.
“Oh! Robert? Come in!” Jonathan’s always wholesome and cheerful voice felt so reassuring to his tired mind, making him feel almost a bit better.
Speedwagon pushed open the door and made eye contact with Jonathan, who was smiling in his direction.
He was an angel. That was Speedwagon’s first thought when he saw him. Jonathan’s soft and comforting smile, and his sweet blue eyes illuminated by the dim light of the bedside lamp as he held a leather bound book in his hands.
Speedwagon stepped in, raising a finger to his lips in embarrassment.
“Jonathan.. So sorry to be a nuisance.. I just need some water..” It was nearly a whisper.
“Robert? Are you alright?” Jonathan’s smile faltered and his eyebrows curved up, tilting his head.
“Why would I not be?” Speedwagon faked a content voice, but Jonathan heard the wavering tone.
“Robert, you’re- you’ve been crying, Robert..”
Jonathan’s statement made Speedwagon nearly gasp, he brought his hand to his cheek and felt the wetness beneath his eye.
“Must be my allergies-“
“Robert.”
Jonathan looked at him and Speedwagon couldn’t hold back anymore. The blond man’s breath hitched in his throat as he felt himself coming undone, more tears trickling out.
“Jojo.. ‘M so sorry..” Speedwagon bit his lip and squeezed his eyes shut, beginning to tremble. “Just feelin’ a tad guilty is all.. like a bit of an obstacle. Like I can never do a thing right.” Speedwagon’s legs began to shake.
“Robert..” Jonathan gestured for his friend to sit down with him on the bed, and he did, despite hesitating.
Jonathan crossed his legs and adjusted their positions so that Speedwagon’s head was in his lap. The man began sniffling and whimpering as he looked up at Jonathan.
“Shhh.. You’re alright.. You’re alright..” Jonathan gently brushed his hair out of his face and twirled a blonde lock around his finger. “Let it out, Robbie. Just go ahead and cry. It’s okay.”
Speedwagon’s tears didn’t let up as he began to sob more at the fact his best friend cared so much.
He was mumbling incoherent things, a few whispers of Jonathan’s name were heard along with repeated apologies between sniffles and hitching breaths.
Jonathan continued to gently hush him and toy with his hair. He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, and Speedwagon seemed to calm down a bit.
As Jonathan kept making soft sounds and brushing his fingers through his friend’s thick hair, Speedwagon became quieter and his breathing started to regulate again.
“Robert?” Jonathan whispered.
“Hmm?” Speedwagon replied, almost silent.
“Would you like to sleep in my bed tonight? I was feeling rather lonely myself, and it does get a bit cold in here.” Jonathan traced gentle circles on his friend’s cheeks.
“Could I?” The man’s voice was still shaky.
“Of course. In fact,” Jonathan adjusted their positions again so they were both laying flat, Speedwagon’s head now on Jonathan’s chest. “How’s this?”
Speedwagon smiled, and shivered slightly when Jonathan raked his fingers gently through his hair again. “I feel your heartbeat, Jojo. I’m so comfortable..” Speedwagon trailed off, obviously exhausted.
Jonathan flicked the bedside lamp off.
“Goodnight, Robert.”
“G’night Jojo..” Speedwagon contently sighed. He hummed as he nuzzled into Jonathan’s still moving hand, caressing his face.
Before falling asleep to the gentle touches to his face, he had one more coherent thought.
‘I really couldn’t live without you, Jojo.’