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l’appel du vide, also known as suicidal ideation, is thinking about, considering, or planning suicide. The range of suicidal ideation varies from fleeting thoughts, to extensive thoughts, to detailed planning.
Some proverbs used to describe the cognitive inclination towards suicide include ‘high place phenomenon’ and ‘call of the void’ .
the wind rushing after the vehicle across him leaving the station, tousling the passengers’ hairs and clothes. yoongi clutches to his thin bomber jacket which got worn out after years of wearing it, trying to warm up a tad bit more. it is the only thing kerping him from freezing out except his thinned out black skinny jeans—which are also not as skinny as they used to be due to his loss of weight— and the short sleeved black shirt. he looks like a normal teenager who likes to dress in full black and rebel against his parents by not listening to them when they tell him to wear thick clothes that actually fits the weather; but he is none of them at the age of 26. he is no teenager and he is no rebel, well, not anymore at least. he knows to listen to his parents when they tell him to do something because he knows that they mean good. but that, he cant do considering he has lost them some time ago; right after another time he hadnt listened to them and left home to chase his dreams. any other person would stand at his place and puff their chest up; any other person would brag about how hard they fought for the place they currently are at and they would loudly and displayingly mourn over their dead parents, moving everyone and making them think of them as someone great who beared big troubles. any other person than min yoongi would do that. and min yoongi didnt and wont do that because standing at this point now, he ponders over his decisions of the past—and min yoongi is not the one to overthink of his past, he lives through stuff and keeps going— and whether it was worth achieving his dream or not, with all the things he lost in stead of his position now. he cant help but remember her mother’s face the last time he had seen her; the tears streaming down her face and her hiccups held in as his father had talked to him in his loud and harsh voice which meant he was angry. yoongi had raised his voice probably for the first time in his twenty-something years of life to his father and definitely for the first time had talked about what he truly wanted. that scene never leaves his face as it is the last time he had seen the both of them; parting after an argument upsetting him more than it would if it would have happened in good terms, it bothers him to this very day but he cant do anything about that.
instead, here he stands in front of the railway, the tingling of the upcoming train ringing in his ears and his eyes are fixed on the shaking metal bars and it is just two steps, only two steps to take and only a few seconds to wait in that dark place and then it will be so quiet, it will be so fast and he probably wont even feel anything. he takes one step and glances at the lower floor. it looks cold but he is already cold; his jacket now almost flying, the front of it opening to reveal his skinny body to the deadly cold of the night with the zipper broken and just one more step, it is one more step after that he lets go of all, he lets go of his carrier that he earned from the hard way and he lets go of his burdens, the weight he carries on his shoulders since that very day he left home and it is just one step until it is all over.
the train is now closer and its lights hurt yoongi’s eyes, he shots them tightly and lifts his right food, ready to let go of it all. but then-
then there is warmth behind him and two pairs of firm arms around his body and he feels himself being pulled to the opposite of his flit, but he cant even protest as his body finally shuts itself off and he collapses in the arms of a stranger he couldnt even had the chance to see the face of.