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Gabriel cursed the tears forming in his eyes.
“This is hard enough as it is, why do you have to go and make it worse?” he snapped, turning away so he didn’t have to see that puppy dog look on Sam’s face.
“Gabriel-”
“Look, I’m leaving. You can stand there and pretend that you actually give a shit for as long as you want, but-”
“I’m not pretending. I care about you."
Gabriel gritted his teeth, biting back the pain. “I’m not stupid Sam, I know you don’t care about me. You’re… you’re kind and patient and, to an extent, you do care, because you care about everyone. But it’s the same way you care about injured birds. I’m not going to stick around just because I’m addicted to your pity, I don't need you to pick me up and fix me. I can fly on my own."
He hated the sound of his own voice, spiteful and bitter.
“Please”
He forced himself to reach for his plane ticket, but Sam was faster, grabbing the paper and shoving it in his jacket.
“Just look at me,” Sam pleaded, “I can’t make you stay but just- just tell me why you won’t.”
Gabriel sighed, eyes flickering to the floor. How could he explain the way his heart stopped when Sam walked into the room, the way his body flooded with disgust- not for Sam, but for himself? How could he explain that it hurt so badly to need someone, to want someone, and to know that he was poisoning them just by existing? How could he explain that he desperately wanted to stay, but he couldn’t? How could he possibly make Sam understand?
Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as he stood there. Falling apart under Sam’s attentive gaze, vulnerable and broken, silently waiting for Sam to realize how worthless this argument was. A rebellious tear slid down his cheek, splattering on the floor.
“Hey… come on, it’s okay,” Sam laid his hand on Gabriel’s shoulder, but he only flinched away from the touch, misdirected anger bubbling through the pain.
“Who the hell do you think you are?”
“I’m just trying to help.”
“What makes you think I want your help? Especially if your way of helping is stealing my stuff and demanding information! What gives you the right? It’s none of your business what I do.”
“I can see there’s something wrong, you're upset. Please just talk to me. I’m begging you: don’t push me away.”
Gabriel remained silent; Sam reached forward again, brushing his arm.
“Why does this mean so much to you?" Gabriel was quieter now, his frustration under control. "Just give me the ticket, let me leave."
“Because I care about you. Because you’re family.”
“That’s not true.”
“Of course it is.”
“Why would you of all people care about me? Can’t you see how broken I am? How much better you are? I don’t deserve you.”
“Don’t say that,” Sam whispered, leaning forward to pull Gabriel into a hug. Gabriel tensed for a moment, standing rigid and surprised, but soon he melted into the embrace, wrapping his arms around Sam’s torso.
“It’s true. I’m not worth the space I take up.”
Sam held him tighter, “That's ridiculous, you're perfect. I care about you so much, you know that? So much.”
"Why?"
"Because you're worth caring about, you deserve to be cared about. You aren't some hurt bird I pity, you're family. You're someone I love."
Gabriel buried his head in Sam's chest.
It's okay-
I care about-
You're worth-
You deserve-
I love-
I love-
I love you.
I love you.
I'm in-
Sam, I-
I'm-
"I'm sorry," Gabriel murmured.
"For what?"
"Everything."
"You don't need to feel guilty, you haven't done anything wrong."
Silence.
"Are you going to leave?"
Gabriel sighed, clinging to the warmth of Sam's chest. Maybe he could wait just a little while longer.
"No."
"Good."
---
Gabriel hadn't wanted to be a bird. Some injured creature struggling to breathe after hitting a window head first. He didn't want to be picked up and tossed in the air, left to flutter his wings and soar away.
But being a bird isn't so bad, not when you stop to realize that there are other birds too.
Some birds mate for life.
It all starts with the promise of not flying away.