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Choosing the Golden Deer is the worst decision I have ever made, Byleth thought to herself. Everything had been going so well for months. But now, she had gone and done something stupid and it was going to mess everything up.
It had all started when Hilda began teasing Byleth about her relationship with Claude. Everyone in the Golden Deer knew that the class leader and instructor were very close. But Hilda, sweet, mischievous, Hilda, had come up with the silly idea that Byleth had romantic feelings for said leader.
For a girl so lazy, she put a lot of effort into creating such fantastical ideas, the teacher mused.
The real problem arose though, when Byleth realized that maybe it wasn’t so far-fetched after all.
She had been walking through the halls of the monastery after class, hands full of lesson plans, when she tripped on her robes. The papers of course had flown out of her grasp, creating a cloud of white as the sheets fluttered to the ground. Her arms shot out in front of her and she braced herself for impact, squeezing her eyes shut as the floor drew closer.
But it never came.
Strong arms wrapped around her waist and she found her face pressed into a firm chest. Opening her eyes, she glanced up and was met with the emerald green gaze of Claude. He of course looked as handsome as ever- dark hair tousled and a slight smirk on his face.
“Are you all right, Teach?”
Byleth could detect a hint of amusement in his voice and scowled.
“Oh yes. I’m fine. I just umm… tripped a bit.”
Claude chuckled, and Byleth could feel the rumble of it in his chest. This led her to realize that she was still very much in his arms, they were standing inappropriately close, and she had been staring at him for too long.
Flushing, what she hoped wasn’t too noticeably, she quickly squirmed out of his embrace. She hurriedly bent down to begin retrieving the papers that she had dropped, hoping that he hadn’t noticed how flustered she had become.
But of course, she didn’t often get what she wanted.
Claude began to pick up the scattered pages and handed them to her when they were all gathered, his hand brushing hers in the process. This only caused her to blush harder and she flinched back from his touch.
“Are you sure you’re okay,” he questioned curiously. “You’re acting kind of… odd.”
What’s the matter with me, she asked herself. She and Claude were friends. Close friends, in fact. She never got flustered around him. He may have been handsome, and funny, and easy to talk to but-
Oh no.
Suddenly Hilda’s teasing from days before popped into her head and in that moment, she knew. Everything suddenly made so much sense and she hated it.
Not realizing that she had zoned off again while staring at Claude, she hadn’t realized that he had moved to stand in front of her again. It wasn’t until she felt a light tap on her nose that she broke away from her current train of thought.
“Seriously. What’s the matter with you today? I’ve been trying to get your attention for the past minute.”
Byleth took in Claude’s concerned face. His eyebrows were furrowed and he wore a slight frown. His eyes bore into hers and she found herself immediately getting lost in their jade-like color. Wait, no- stop.
This wasn’t okay. This wasn’t appropriate at all. Claude was her friend. More importantly, he was her student and the future leader of the Leicester Alliance. She couldn’t be having these thoughts. She didn’t even know why she was suddenly having these thoughts.
“I-I need to go,” Byleth said abruptly. She could feel the panic rising in her at the prospect of what these thoughts could mean. Of what these feelings could mean.
She moved to slip past him when he grabbed her wrist, spinning her back around in the process.
“Wait, what? Classes are done and it’s almost time for dinner. You have nowhere you need to be right now. Talk to me,” he said almost desperately, his eyes searching her face.
But Byleth only released a sigh before pulling her arm out of his loose hold. A flash of hurt spread across his face, before it was gone in a second.
“It’s nothing that you need to worry about, Claude. I swear. I just, I want to be alone for a bit, that’s all. I-I’ll see you at dinner,” she promised.
His expression hardened, his jaw clenching slightly. She could tell that he didn’t believe her for a second, but he nodded.
“Fine. See you at dinner.”
And with that he spun around and marched down the hall at a brisk pace before vanishing around the corner.
Great. Now he’s upset, Byleth thought bitterly as she made her way in the opposite direction of Claude, heading back to her room. It was moments like these when she truly wondered if joining the Golden Deer all those months ago had actually been such a good idea after all.
Sitting on her bed, her head buried in her hands, Byleth was at a loss for what to do. Obviously, she had some unrealized feelings for Claude. At least, they had been unrealized until they sprang up like fireworks in the night sky.
What was she even supposed to do about this? She couldn’t tell anyone, Seiros forbid the other teachers and students found out about this. She could lose her place as a teacher at the monastery. Not to mention the reaction from her housemates. Byleth cringed at the thought of them finding out about her less than appropriate feelings for their leader.
But if it was so weird and inappropriate, then why had Hilda even joked about it. Surely she should know that anything beyond friendship was not allowed between her and Claude…
Suddenly, she was immensely curious about what had even started Hilda’s fantastical idea. Was she just bored and picked Claude and Byleth to be her playthings? Worse, what if Hilda knew. It was a scary thought, considering she hadn’t even known until a few minutes ago, but it wasn’t impossible.
As lazy and uninterested as Hilda often tried to appear, she was also extremely observant. She was someone that analyzed every little tick until she had a person figured out. A great skill for battle, but a frightening one in friendship.
Maybe I should talk to her, Byleth thought ruefully.
For if Byleth’s hunch was correct, then Hilda had already seen this coming from a mile away and was most likely waiting to strike.
The blunette made her way to the dining hall, in search of Hilda. When she arrived, her eyes immediately scanned the room for the pink-haired girl. She found her sitting at a table with Lysithea and began making her way over.
Unconsciously, she found herself looking for dark hair and the vibrant yellow of Claude, but he was nowhere to be seen.
Probably for the best, Byleth thought sullenly.
When she reached the table where Hilda and Lysithea were situated, she hesitated at seeing them in what looked like a deep discussion. Clearing her throat softly, she caught Hilda’s attention as she opened her mouth to respond to something that the white-haired girl had said.
“Oh, Teach! I was hoping I would see you at dinner tonight. Sit with us! There is so much juicy gossip that I haven’t been able to tell you yet.”
“Actually,” Byleth started. “I was hoping to talk to you about something. Care to take a walk?”
Hilda looked at her curiously before a glint appeared in her eyes.
“Of course. Let’s go,” she said, standing up. “See you later, Lys.”
The two made their way out of the dining hall and headed toward the green house and fishing pond. During their walk, Byleth’s mind ran through a million scenarios of how this conversation could go. She prayed that it wouldn’t end up being the one where she got shoved into the pond.
“So,” Hilda eventually said. “What is it you wished to talk to me about?”
Byleth felt her cheeks begin to heat at the prospect of voicing her question aloud.
“Umm… Well you see… The other day, when you teased me about having umm… more than friendly feelings toward Claude. I was just wondering where that idea came from?”
Hilda stopped walking and turned to look directly at Byleth.
“You are kidding, right,” she said bluntly.
Byleth shook her head slowly and the pink hair girl looked at her in disbelief.
“Teach. Don’t be offended when I say this, but for someone so intelligent, you’re kind of dumb.”
“Excuse me? What are you talking ab- “
“Literally everyone knows that you’re in love with Claude, Teach.”
The blunette’s jaw dropped in shock and she felt her heart begin to race.
“Well, I guess everyone except for you. And maybe Claude,” the pink-haired girl said smugly.
Oh, Seiros.
Hilda thought she was in love with Claude. Apparently, the entire house thought that she was in love with Claude. That was absolutely, positively… not impossible, actually.
It made so much sense. She had always felt comfortable around him and they had always clicked well, maybe even a little too well for friends of the opposite gender. And she had always thought he was handsome, but that didn’t necessarily mean that she was interested in him romantically. However, the more that she thought about it, the more she realized what had been there all along. She had been too afraid to truly see what was there and had instead picked the ‘safe’ option by acting like it didn’t even exist.
She knew that having romantic feelings for one of her students was inappropriate, so she had blindly locked them away and convinced herself that she didn’t feel anything for him at all. But now, those feelings were breaking down those doors and forcing their way out.
Hilda was right.
She was in love with Claude.
“Hilda,” Byleth said in panic. “What am I going to do? This isn’t okay. I’m his teacher, he’s our leader. This is wrong on so many levels and- Oh, Seiros I’m so screwed.”
The pinkette reached out and grabbed her shoulders, staring into her eyes intently.
“Teach, calm down. It’s going to be okay. Honestly, it’s not even that weird. I mean, Claude’s great, and you guys are close. It would probably be weirder if you didn’t have feelings for him. Yeah you’re our teacher, but you’re also only like a year or two older than him at most. Also, the rest of the house doesn’t mind at all. In fact, we’ve kind of been waiting for you guys to figure it out for a while.”
Byleth stared at the girl in front of her in shock.
“You guys have been rooting for us,” she stated in disbelief.
Hilda nodded, her lips curling into a slight smirk.
“But what about the other teachers? I’m sure they wouldn’t be okay with it. I could probably lose my job. And Claude! What about him? He’s the one I’m in love with and he doesn’t even know,” Byleth said miserably.
“Okay, first of all, the other teachers don’t have to know. And you don’t have to worry, us Golden Deer aren’t going to say anything to anyone. Our secrets stay between us, you know that. Second, I think that you should tell Claude. He deserves to know that you feel so strongly about him. Besides, I have a feeling you won’t be disappointed by the result.”
The blunette nodded slowly, processing everything that Hilda said.
“You-You’re right. He deserves to know.”
“He does! You should tell his as soon as possible.”
“Maybe I should wait a bit. Just until I have my feelings completely figured out and I can figure out what I want to say…”
She could tell Hilda wasn’t a fan of this idea, if the unimpressed expression on her face was anything to go by. She opened her mouth to most likely say something snarky when she paused, her eyes glancing over Byleth’s shoulder and then back at said teacher.
Byleth heard the sound of approaching footsteps and thought nothing of it until Hilda called out to the individual.
“Oh, Claude! I was hoping we would run into you. You see, Teach was just telling me that has something that she would like to talk to you about,” she exclaimed, oblivious to the earlier conversation between the teacher and student that had very obviously pointed to the opposite.
Byleth closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Seiros give me strength, she thought. She slowly turned around until she was facing Claude.
He glanced between she and Hilda, before finally settling on her.
“Is this true? Is there something you wish to speak to me about?”
Byleth couldn’t detect any of the previous edge to his voice and his expression was carefully neutral.
I guess it’s now or never, she thought.
Resigned to her fate, she nodded before turning to Hilda. The pink-haired girl gave her a sly wink before spinning around and walking away in the direction of the dining hall.
“Care for a walk,” Claude asked casually.
Byleth nodded and the two set off, walking along the outskirts of the Officer’s Academy. Neither of them spoke as they both seemed to be deep in their own thoughts. Occasionally she could feel Claude’s eyes on her, but he didn’t try to prod until they reached the bridge connecting the Academy with the Cathedral. Here he stopped and turned to look at her expectantly.
“Hilda said you had something to say to me?”
“I-I do,” Byleth began. “But first, I wanted to apologize about earlier. You were right. Something was bothering me and I pushed you away when you were only trying to help. You have to know that I consider you to be one of my closest friends, and I’m sorry if it seemed like I didn’t trust you, because I do. Of course I do. I just, I needed some time to figure things and I ended up hurting you in the process.”
Claude ran a hand through his tousled hair, considering her words. His face was still void of emotion, and he wasn’t looking at her; instead surveying the surrounding landscape. When he finally turned his attention to her, she could see that his eyes had softened.
“Of course I forgive you, Teach. But only if you can forgive me for pushing you to tell me something that was none of my business. I know we’re friends, and we’re rather open with each other, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to keep some things to yourself. I should have respected those boundaries and I had no right to get upset.”
Byleth smiled softly at him.
“There is nothing to forgive, but thank you anyway.”
The dark-haired man reached forward, grasping her hand in his and squeezing it gently, before releasing it. Byleth relished the feeling of the bare skin of his hand touching her own.
“So, is that all you wanted to talk about?”
Oh, Byleth winced. She had almost forgotten the real reason that she was standing here with him in the first place.
“Actually, there was something else I wished to speak with you about. It has to do with why I was acting so… strange earlier.”
“Are you sure,” he asked. “Please don’t feel like you have to tell me. It is none of my business after all.”
She shook her head.
“No. You deserve to know.”
Claude waited patiently for her to collect her thoughts and gave her an encouraging smile. Byleth released a shaky breath, her hands trembling at her sides.
“Recently, quite recently actually, it’s come to my attention that I have been extremely unaware of my feelings. I tend to block them out and throw them on a shelf to deal with later. But I guess today was later, because they have spilled out and I can’t seem to contain them.”
She felt her facing heating and up and she couldn’t even look at him. Instead turning to analyze the stone work of the parapet walls of the bridge.
“What I’m trying to say is… I’ve realized that I-I’m in love with you. I have been for a while, but seeing as I’m your teacher and you’re the leader of the Golden Deer and… It just, wasn’t...isn’t appropriate. So, there you have it. That is all. You don’t have to say anything at all, I just thought that maybe you deserved to know.”
She glanced at Claude out of the corner of her eye and saw that the handsome man’s skin had paled a shade or two and his were wide and staring unseeingly past her.
She felt her eyes begin to sting and clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking so obviously.
Oh, no. I’ve ruined everything.
Turning away in embarrassment and shame, she began walking away, her strides quick. She had said what she needed to say and now she needed to get the heck out of there. She had no desire to stand there any longer and wait for Claude to think up some pitiful way to tell her that he didn’t return her feelings and that it would be best if they distanced themselves from each other for a while.
What she didn’t expect, was to hear him call out to her.
“Do you really mean it?”
Was he serious?
Byleth felt anger surge through her. Why in Seiros name would she have gone through all of that ridiculousness if she didn’t mean it. If she wasn’t serious. Did he think her feelings were a joke?
She whirled around, her temper reaching its peak. Her vision was blurry from the tears that had yet to fall, and suddenly, it was all too much.
“Of course I mean it, you idiot,” she practically spat, her voice cracking on the last word.
The tears that she had been holding back finally began to fall, running down her cheeks in salty rivulets. Her shoulders hunched as sobs wracked her body.
She heard his footsteps approaching on the cobblestone and before she knew it, he had engulfed her in his arms. Byleth buried her head into his and chest and could hear both of their hearts beating rapidly in succession. She breathed in his familiar scent as he held her.
“I love you,” she whispered sadly.
“I know,” he murmured into her hair.
“I love you too.”
Byleth let out a choked gasp and pulled back from him enough to look up at his face. He gazed down at her with an intensity that she had seen before, but had never been able to place.
“Is this real?”
Claude chuckled and reached up to cup her cheek, wiping her tears away with his thumb.
“Of course it’s real,” he said softly.
“I fell in love with you months ago, but I didn’t think it was something that I should pursue if it wasn’t reciprocated. I was a coward and I never said anything to you, and for that I’m sorry. We could have avoided all of this chaos if I had just said something.”
The blunette continued to stare up at him in a shocked daze.
“But, I’m your teacher. This isn’t supposed to happen. Hilda said that she and the rest of the Golden Deer wouldn’t mind, but if the other teachers found out, I would probably lose my position and- “
“Hey,” Claude cut in, stroking her cheek.
“We will figure this out. I don’t care if this isn’t how it was ‘supposed’ to happen. This is just how it did, and that’s all right with me. The only thing I care about right now is that fact we’re in love with each other. We can deal with the rest tomorrow or next month for all I care. Let’s just enjoy this moment.”
Byleth gazed up at him affectionately and nodded in agreement.
“I probably shouldn’t do this in the open, but screw it.”
“What are- “
Byleth was immediately cut off as Claude bent down to press his lips to hers. She instantly shut her eyes and just let herself feel. His lips were soft and warm and they pressed passionately against her own.
Her hands fisted his cloak, pulling him closer. He nibbled on her lower lip, causing her to release a noise she didn’t know she was capable of producing. She could feel him smile against her lips and pulled back to observe him.
His face was flushed and the grin he wore was especially radiant. Seiros, he was beautiful.
“If I had known I would be rewarded with a sound like that, I would have done this a lot sooner,” he teased.
The blunette blushed and swatted at his chest affectionately.
“Behave.”
Claude chuckled, leaning down to kiss her on the forehead before releasing her from his arms.
“Well my lady, would you like to grab some dinner? I think there’s still time before the kitchens close for the evening.”
“I would love to.”
And with that they set off in the direction of the dining hall, teasing each other along the way.
Okay, she thought. Maybe joining the Golden Deer is actually the best decision I have ever made.