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With their job meaning they worked evenings nearly every day, date nights for Cathy and Anne were a rare occurrence. After their last show each week the custom was that all the queens would go out together, the night of their one day off a week was spent getting well-needed rest before the nine shows ahead, and usually their random days off would never coincide to give them a free evening together. It was a hectic and sometimes antisocial schedule, but it meant that they valued every moment they got to share in each other’s company.
Lunch dates were common for them, and sometimes breakfast dates on the rare occasion that Anne could get Cathy to wake up before midday. On the even rarer occasion that they had an evening free for just the two of them they would sometimes go out for a date at a local pub, but sometimes when they couldn’t be bothered they would just buy a bottle of wine for the two of them and have a night in together.
“Cheers love,” Cathy said, chinking her wine glass against Anne’s as she made herself comfy on the sofa. The rest of the queens were doing the show so it was just the two of them in the house, so they could relax fully with the knowledge that they wouldn’t be disturbed for a few hours.
Anne grinned as she drank a large sip of her wine, and Cathy knew that she’d need to keep an eye on how much she was drinking if she didn’t want a very tipsy girlfriend on her hands. Somehow Anne could handle her liquor with ease but wine got her drunk and quickly. “This is nice. We should do this more often,” she said.
Cathy hummed in agreement. “We can enjoy what we get though,” she pointed out with a smile, nudging Anne’s knee with hers as she added “You’re always worth waiting for.”
“Aww, thanks babes,” Anne giggled, a giddy smile on her face as she nudged Cathy back.
Laughing at how easily she could make Anne blush, Cathy took a sip of her wine and sighed happily. Every time she was on a date with Anne she always ended up thinking about how happy she was, happier than she’d ever thought possible with her track record of bad luck romantically. But here in the present with her girlfriend by her side was the only place she could ever want to be.
At a quiet chuckle from Anne, Cathy turned to see her watching her with an amused expression. “What’s going through that pretty head of yours, hmm?” she asked.
Cathy grinned, shaking her head then shrugging her shoulders as she struggled to put her thoughts into coherent words. “I don’t know. Just how happy I am I suppose. Sat here, with you.”
“You’re cute,” Anne said, grinning brightly with a blush on her cheeks, “keep going.”
“With what?”
Anne shrugged. “Stuff you’re happy about. I had this conversation with Jane the other week and it was really nice just saying things that made us happy. I’ve started including it in what I write in my diary.” While Cathy was the bigger diarist between the two of them, she’d known that Anne had a little journal that she used to write down her feelings when she wasn’t able to say them out loud.
Cathy thought for a moment, taking another sip of her wine before asking “What did you tell Jane?”
“Little things, not big things,” Anne said, face scrunched as she tried to remember exactly what she’d said that evening. “Ehhh, stuff like waking up to the smell of coffee and getting tipsy down the pub. Normal stuff that normal people get to have.”
Nodding, Cathy tried to think along those lines with the little things she appreciated in this life. “Being able to write without being afraid,” she said first; even though that had become her normal now she vowed to never take it for granted that she could speak her mind without fearing the consequences. “Getting to set my own schedule, if I want to spend all night watching stupid conspiracy theories online I can. And then when I come downstairs in the morning you’re all here to say hello to me. It’s nice.” There was a smile on her face as she finished, since that last point was really something she treasured.
“Yeah, it is nice,” Anne agreed. “Just having everyone around, I mean. Feeling part of something and not being scared that it’s got terms and conditions attached.”
As much as Anne’s face gave nothing away, there was a slightly tremor in her voice there that Cathy resonated with far too well. They were all accustomed to being painfully aware that nothing was unconditional when it came to love, and even though some of them had paid a higher price than others it was something that affected them all.
“Nothing has terms and conditions attached anymore,” Cathy said as Anne’s gaze dropped to the floor, scooting closer to put an arm round her girlfriend’s shoulders.
Anne mumbled a muffled “Yeah,” as she snuggled into Cathy’s side with her face buried in her t-shirt.
She stayed like that for a little while, Cathy’s fingers tracing random patterns on her upper back, before she wriggled out from under Cathy’s arm to drain the rest of her wine and pour herself a generous second glass. “Do you ever think of how lucky we really are?” she asked as she settled back down, her eyes shadowed as she looked across the room.
“What do you mean, love?” Cathy asked, taking Anne’s hand and gently stroking the back of her palm with her thumb.
Anne glanced down at their joined hands and smiled faintly before she continued. “I wonder how many people from our time ever got a second chance like this?” she asked rhetorically, no emotion in her voice except open honesty. “To live again and love again with none of the confinements we were used to. Sometimes I don’t think I’m worthy of any of it at all.”
Cathy’s expression as she met Anne’s gaze must have been sadder than she realised because Anne quickly added “I’m not asking that in a self-hatred way, don’t worry. It’s just amazing really. That I of all people get this.” She squeezed Cathy’s hand as she spoke for added reassurance.
For a couple of moments Cathy was quiet, continuing to run her thumb over Anne’s hand as she thought of what she really wanted to say. Eventually she looked up to look into Anne’s eyes as she said “Can I tell you why you deserve it?”
Anne gave her a lop-sided smile. “Go on then. Be honest though, don’t go flattering me just ‘cause you’re my girlfriend and you love me.”
“Well there’s reason number one, I do love you,” Cathy quipped, and Anne pretended to look annoyed though her grin gave her away. Sobering up a little, she said “Because you were so wronged by in your old life. You were an amazing intelligent person who was born in the wrong time and married to the wrong person who wouldn’t let you voice your brilliant opinions. You of all people deserve another chance to get to be yourself and- hey you said to be honest stop hitting me!”
She broke off as Anne started lightly hitting her arm with her head down, but when she looked up at Cathy she could see the tears streaming down her cheeks. “Shut up, I love you so much,” Anne choked out, and Cathy had to act fast to save her empty wine glass when Anne practically threw herself into her lap.
Just about managing to lean over and put their two glasses down on the floor, Cathy wrapped her arms around Anne who was clinging to her like her life depended on it. “I love you too,” she whispered in Anne’s ear, smiling when Anne’s arms tightened at her words. “And I’m so glad you did get this second chance because mine wouldn’t be half as incredible as it is without you here with me.”
Anne didn’t answer verbally, clearly too overwhelmed to put her feelings into words in that moment. Instead she just kissed Cathy deeply, emotional tears still running down her cheeks which Cathy reached out to catch with gentle kisses when they broke apart. Anne giggled at that, then leaned forward to rest their foreheads together in a muted display of how much she loved her.
Cathy smiled, letting herself be surrounded by just Anne’s presence. As much as she truly did appreciate all the little things she had listed earlier, she could never deny that the thing she appreciated the most about her second chance was sat right there in her arms for her to never let go.