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“...do you ever regret giving up your position as heiress?”
Pale eyes blink, the question coming seemingly out of nowhere. “...what?”
Laying beside her in bed that evening, Sasuke stares idly at the ceiling. “You, being heiress. Didn’t you have a chance to fight for it back?”
Still a bit confused, Hinata takes a moment before replying, “...yes, I could have. Technically at any time. I still could, if...I wanted to.”
“Why didn’t you? I mean...it’s your birthright. Doesn’t it bother you to have lost it?”
Sighing, she tries to gather her thoughts. She’s had this conversation before, but not for quite some time. “...when I lost my title, I...no. Let me go further back.”
A moment more to think, and then, “...when I turned three years old, my cousin Neji was...branded with the Hyūga curse seal. And that...bothered me, even if I wasn’t able to fully understand at the time. Of course, back then, I was told it was simply part of tradition. That it was necessary to protect our clan, our kekkei genkai, our family...and for a while, I allowed myself to believe it.
“Neji, of course...came to resent me. It was because of me, because of a few seconds of time between our fathers’ births, that his freedom was taken from him. From that moment on...his life was no longer his own. It belonged to the clan...to the main family. And the older I got...the more I saw that the seal could do, and how it was used by my father...the more uncomfortable I became.”
Shame colors her features. “...of course...that feels like s-such an understatement compared to how Neji felt...how he was treated. But I came to realize that my birth...it brought so much suffering. And not just to Neji, but...all of the branch clan. For a time...part of me was disgusted by it. That seal...it would, in time, become part of my legacy. And I wanted nothing to do with it.
“I felt...torn. Part of me, a s-selfish part, wanted to turn my back on it...reject it. But...the other part realized that, if I wanted things to change...I would have to be that change.”
For a long moment, Hinata stares up at the roof, feeling Sasuke turn to look to her. “...when I became a genin...when I lost to my sister...that burden was taken from me. It was her mantle to bear. I was shunned by nearly all of my clan. My cousin hated me, my father was ashamed of me, and my sister - though she loved me - had to put her all into her new training, her new role. I was...alone. My clan turned its back on me. I’d been marked as weak...unworthy of the title.
“And...for a while, I believed it. I was willing to let Hanabi have her chance to lead the clan. I just hoped that, someday, she too would see the seal for what it really was.”
Sighing, Hinata’s gaze drops, solemn...and then a small smile blooms. “...my team was very...unbalanced to start. Kiba was so loud and confident. Shino was quiet, and smart. And then there was me...I felt like I didn’t belong. Like I would only bring them down. But Kurenai-sensei helped us understand that we had to work as a unit. That where one was weak, the others had to be strong. Cover our faults, and form a cohesive team.
“We started exercises to start working on our teamwork. Rather than fumble, we’d work on building each other up when we fell. And...it started to help me see where my strengths were. And also my weaknesses. For the first time, I wasn’t just seen as...one thing. My team helped me realize that I’m made of many parts. Strengths, weaknesses, vices, virtues. And that I could work on them.
“When we were given permission to take the chūnin exam...I was so nervous, but also excited. I want to prove myself. Of course, back then…” She gives a soft huff of a laugh. “A lot of it was to be recognized by Naruto…”
Sasuke’s expression cools a few degrees, Hinata giving him a knowing glance. “He was part of what inspired me. I wanted to be...worthy of that person. And then...well...we both know how the exams turned out. I never b-blamed Neji for what he did. He was angry, and rightfully so. And I...I kept pushing him. I refused to give up, just as he did.” A hand comes to rest over her heart. “...but in a lot of ways, I have him to thank for what that match led to. It helped me meet my best friend, and...it showed me that I could stand up to what I feared...what I was a-ashamed of.
“After Neji’s fight in the final exams...we both seemed to realize something. I knew that...I had to find a new reason to want to be strong. It couldn’t be for anyone else. Not my father, my sister, my cousin...or Naruto. If I wanted to be strong - truly strong - I had to put one person’s expectations above anyone else’s.
“My own.”
Lifting her palm, she stares at the creases. “...so I asked Neji to train me. He was a genius, a prodigy...and we had reached a kind of...understanding. I wanted to make up to him all the time we’d lost...all the time I cost him. It...it was awkward at first. But with Naruto gone, and my sister spending all her time with our father...it was my favorite pastime. He and I grew closer, until we were best friends. We both still felt guilty for our actions, but we also both forgave each other.
“Then, well...with Naruto’s return, things began to change. Life got faster, more serious. Neji and I had less and less time to train. I had to work on my new technique mostly on my own, but I mastered it. When Pein attacked, I tried my best to protect Naruto. It nearly got me killed...but it also confirmed what I’d subconsciously come to know. That he would never see me as I saw him. To me...he was a goal. A role model. A level I wanted to reach. And for a while, I thought that meant I loved him. But...I was wrong.
“After the war...I saw things differently. I had taken too much for granted. And with things changing...I started to question what it was I really wanted in life. How I wanted to...leave my mark. Doing missions, getting paid, training...it felt so hollow after everything we’d done. I wanted to do something where I could see the impact of my actions. Sure, missions are important...and we need shinobi to make the world work. But I want to help people. Make the world a little better.
“For a while, I thought about doing diplomacy. I’d been trained in it for my position as heiress. But that d-didn’t quite feel right either. Once Neji was returned, and he started helping Hanabi with the seal...I also realized any inkling - any reason - I would have for taking back the title was gone. Sure, I might be a decent leader for the Hyūga, but...she’s just as suited for it. Especially with Neji helping her as an advisor.”
Another pause, and then a smile. “...and then a certain someone asked the Hyūga for help rebuilding the police force...and the more I thought about it...the more I realized that was the perfect fit. I could help people. Still aid my village. See the impact I was making. Use my diplomacy skills. Keep up my training. Make a difference…! Your idea was like...the key to the lock of my problem.”
Glancing over, she sees Sasuke’s blank look...and then laughs. “...a longer explanation than you were expecting, huh…?”
“...a bit, yeah. But...it adds perspective. I think you made the right choice.”
“Yeah...me too.” After a pause, Hinata can’t help a soft snort. “...and it would have made marrying outside the clan a lot more difficult, huh?”
Sasuke’s own snort is far less dignified. “And that would be a problem.”
“One you don’t have, since your clan is nothing but men, huh?”
“Very true...but maybe we could have worked it out, since we’re cousin clans.”
“If it would have happened at all, I think my father would have insisted on the heir...and while Itachi is a great brother-in-law...I don’t think I’d want to marry him,” Hinata laughs.
“Well, he’s already married anyway.”
“True…” Closing her eyes, Hinata sighs. “...so, I guess it all worked out in the end.”
“Mm…” Rolling over, Sasuke wraps an arm around her waist, grinning as she giggles. “You’re right where you’re supposed to be…”
“Yes...yes I am.”