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“Can I borrow your hoodie?” Jack asked. It was one shady afternoon in August, and the two boys had been watching movies all day. He snuggled closer to Clark, playing with the hoodie strings.
“I mean, why not,” Clark replied. He shucked off his hoodie and let his boyfriend take it. It was oversized and baggy but Clark thought he looked precious.
He spooned Jack, feeling him press his butt against him, but he tapped his shoulder, their signal for “not now, later I promise”. They slowly drifted off into a deep sleep, holding onto each other like they would die if they let go.
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Jack would have dreams about Clark all the time. Nothing sexual, no. Just them loving each other with all their hearts. Clark would hold him and kiss him in a way that made him melt. He would cradle Jack in his arms and whisper sweet nothings into his ear. His fingers would brush up and down his thighs and he would almost fall completely away into his dream. It was all even better when he woke up to his boyfriend spooning him.
On the other hand, Clark would have dreams close to night terrors. He would be outed somehow, and he wouldn't be able to get another home, even though logically he knew that if he wasn't accepted then Jack’s dads would let him stay with them. It was always that back-of-the-mind anxiety, that fear that he would lose everything, Jack, his family, his home, everything.
Clark jumped awake in a cold sweat. In a blind panic, he checked the time.
7:00 PM.
He jumped away from Jack, who was just slowly starting to wake up.
“Mmph, hey,” Jack mumbled, rubbing his eyes, still stricken with sleep but awake enough to mumble and cuddle. Clark pushed Jack farther away from him as he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. His heart started racing as panic set in.
“Baby, take off the hoodie please,” Clark demanded. Jack blushed, remembering the “not now, later I promise”, thinking this was later, but the way Clark looked did not signal that at all. Jack removed the hoodie as Clark’s mom knocked on the door, walking in without further hesitation.
“Hey, boys, what's going on?” she asked. Thankfully, she didn’t seem suspicious.
“Movie,” they replied in unison. She nodded and smiled, so Clark started to calm himself down, but Jack still looked confused.
“Need anything? Snacks?”
“I think we’re, uh… we’re good,” Clark blurted.
“Okay, if you're sure. Don't trash the house, I have a night shift,” she joked as she left the room. Clark waited until he heard the front door open and close before he plopped back down onto the bed and cuddled up close to Jack.
“Are you ok, Clark?” Jack asked, stroking his boyfriend's hair to calm his nerves. “Your hair is really soft,” he mumbled off-topic. He was still quite tired.
“I’m... I’m in the closet,” Clark mumbled. Fear grew in him again as he waited for Jack to react. What if he didn’t want to go out with a closeted guy?
Jack’s brows furrowed in confusion as he raised his head from Clark’s chest. “No, you’re not. You’re in bed,” he stated flatly. If Clark hadn’t been so nervous, he would have laughed aloud.
“No, Jack, I mean… Look, ‘in the closet’ means that no one else knows that I’m… ya know, into guys. You’re the only one that knows I’m gay, Jack, and if my mom found out…” he explained, tightening his arms around Jack’s thin frame.
“I’m scared,” he continued, “What if she suspected something if you'd been… if she'd seen… if… were wearing my hoodie, and-”
Jack shushed Clark gently and waited for him to breathe normally before continuing. “Why would she be upset over that?”
Clark sighed. Great, Jack didn’t even know that much. “There are people out there, Jack, who think that being gay is… well, wrong. People like me get kicked out of their homes or beaten or killed or… or worse, ya know?” he paused, pressing his nose into Jack’s hair and closing his eyes, letting the Nephilim’s unique scent of ozone and petrichor calm his nerves. “I don’t want that to happen to me, to us.”
“It’s gonna be ok, Clark. Your mother loves you. I love you, it’ll be ok.” Jack whispered, pressing himself into Clark’s body, giving him small kisses all over his face and jawline.
“I… I'm gonna be ok if you just keep doing that,” Clark laughed.
Jack sat on Clark’s lap and pecked his lips before getting shy and sliding back down to hide his face against Clark’s shoulder.
“Hey, let me see you, I don’t want you to hide,” Clark whispered.
“Clark…”
Suddenly, the door burst open. , "Have you boys seen my phon- oh.” Clark’s mom walked in on the scene. It only took her about two seconds to process what she was seeing before she stumbled back, closing the door. She’d just forgotten her phone, and this is what she came back in to see?
Clark and Jack immediately jumped off of each other, Jack grabbing a pillow, trying to hide his face, and Clark wiping his mouth and avoiding eye contact with anyone. He was expecting the worst.
“We will be talking about this later, Clark. I’m headed to work,” she dropped the tone of her voice with concern as she made her way downstairs to leave.
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Neither Clark nor Jack had spoken for over an hour. Neither of them wanted to think about the future and what might happen. They could run away, and hell, Clark thought about it, but Clark’s mom was a police officer. She could send someone out to find them.
Jack was lying on Clark’s chest, listening to his breathing. It had calmed compared to earlier when he was hugging Clark’s arm and trying to reassure him that it would be alright.
“She's gonna hate me forever. I'm gonna be a sob story on the news,” Clark whimpered, “Or the punchline for some asshole's joke.”
Clark was in disbelief. He slumped to the floor, one hand pulling on his own hair to try to stop himself from panicking. Jack scooted down from the bed onto the floor next to him.
“I’m…. I’m going to get kicked out,” the shorter boy stuttered. He tried not to cry but when Jack grabbed his hand tightly he couldn't hold himself back anymore. It hurt Jack so badly to see his boyfriend in this state, but there wasn't much he could do besides try and comfort him. Clark leaned his head into Jack’s shoulder, wishing he could just hide right here and never move or worry about anything ever again.
“She's not going to kick you out,” Jack whispered. “She's your mother, Clark, she was probably just concerned."
“But what if she's mad about you?" Clark explained through tears. “I don't wanna leave you!”
It was normal for Clark to be anxious about his mother finding out about their relationship, but he never told Jack how anxious he really was. Not until now.
“Now she actually knows,” Clark mumbled. “Jack, we’re dead.”
“You’re not going to die, Clark,” Jack whispered. He lay next to him, soaking in his warmth and clinging onto his shirt. Clark turned and wrapped his arms around him, clasping onto his body tightly. The raven-haired boy had calmed himself down from earlier, but now he was trying his hardest not to cry again.
They had moved downstairs to the couch. Clark wanted to confront his mom when she got home and do anything he could to not lose everything he had. He was shaking so hard he could barely focus on anything else. He held Jack close like it was the last time they would be like this with the small fear it might be.
"Jack, I love you. I'm sorry," Clark said softly. Everything was going downhill before he even knew the outcome.
Clark's heart dropped when he heard a car pull into the driveway.
“I can’t do this,” Clark murmured into Jack’s ear, his panic slowly rising in his chest.
“It’ll be ok Clark,” Jack comforted. He moved over so Clark could confront his mom without himself being in the way. Clark took a deep breath and walked over to the door as it opened.
“Hey, Clark,” she stated with concern evident in her voice.
Immediately, Clark's heart began to pound and his breath caught in his chest hard. This could be it for him.
"Mom… Mom, I… Ok, listen," Clark began. Tears started to fall down his face as he tried to explain his feelings, about himself, about Jack, about everything.
"I… I'm so sorry, I wish I’d told you, but I didn’t know if you’d approve. I wanted to be normal but...I don't know how, and I didn't wanna lose you, I didn’t wanna get thrown out, but I love Jack." He looked down as his chest heaved with another sob. "I just...I love him so much, mom, and I don’t wanna lose him," he quietly sobbed out.
Christine walked towards her son, grimacing as he flinched and took a step back. He really did expect the worse, didn’t he? She reached out and tentatively placed a hand on his arm before pulling him in close and hugging him. She ran a hand over his hair, shushing him quietly, and before long, Clark slumped against her and buried his face in her shoulder, hugging back as hard as he could. Eventually, he pulled away, scrubbing at his eyes. Christine gave him a soft smile before walking over to Jack and hugging him, too.
“It’s ok, boys. Clark, I was just in shock because I thought I knew just about all I could about you and it was… different, I guess, but I would never kick you out. You can't help who you love, baby. Everybody’s normal in their own way, but please, please, don't do that when I'm home,” she laughed. Clark turned red and hid his face in his hands.
“Never, never bring that up again,” Clark said, his voice muffled by his hands.
The next morning, Christine woke up at around five in the morning and began preparing for her shift. She was just about to leave, but she first decided to check on the boys. When she opened the door, she couldn't help but smile.
Clark and Jack were both fast asleep and shirtless, Clark on his back with Jack snuggled right up against his ribs. Jack's head was resting on some point between Clark's shoulder and his chest with Clark's chin resting against the other boy's head. Jack had one sweatpants-clad leg thrown over Clark's, and his bare toes curled under the opposite leg. One of Clark's arms was resting about Jack's shoulders, and Jack's untrapped hand was positioned over Clark's bare side, right over the scar left from the angel's blade. They both looked completely content.
"Love you, baby," she said quietly before pulling the door closed and moving off towards the front door.