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Published:
2019-07-23
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377
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1/1
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Secretary ownage

Summary:

That time Mark Beaks got suspended from Twitter.

Notes:

This started as a joke but now I genuinely love "Cassidy" the dumbass running gag Secretary. And now she has genuine lore that I will expand upon.

Enjoy whatever all of this is. :)

Based on the real Twitter experience.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

Cassidy had grabbed Mark's throwaway phone when he left for a meeting, however he always had his Twitter signed in and any other social media on them.

 

Cassidy clicked on Twitter.

 

Cassidy began to tweet.

 

"Poll: Am I a good person

 

Yes

 

No"

 

Ends in 5 mins.

 

Who knows when her boss would be back.

 

No wins the poll with a landslide.

 

Mark came running into the room after the meeting "Casaroll, holy fuck!"

 

"Cassidy, sir"

 

"What the fuck did you do?"

 

Mark was trying to delete the poll but it didn't work. "It is just a joke Mr. Beaks."

 

"Am I laughing, Cassasstra?"

 

"Cassidy"

 

"How do I delete this" what was this witchcraft.

 

Mark began tweeting,

 

Makeitrain89: my stupid secretary put this on my Twitter.

 

Makeitrain89: how do I delete this

 

Makeitrain89: @Twitter fucking bimbo slut Twitter how do I delete this

 

You have been suspended user makeitrain89

"What the fuuuck. What did you do?!" He yells at his secretary in a panic. "Well in their new rules if you use certain words you can get suspended."

 

"How can they suspend me. I'm Mark, fucking, Beaks!"

 

"Well. They just did."

 

Cassidy watched as he tried to frantically get unsuspended. It took like 5 minutes to respond. "Sorry you threatened someone"

 

Mark blinked. "No I fucking didn't??" He got Twitter on the phone. "Unsuspended me or I'll have you fired"

 

"Is this Scrooge mc duck. We keep telling you we can't give your nephews the blue important circle on Twitter that makes them important just because you pay."

 

"No I'm Mark"

 

"Oh right away Mark Beaks please do not boycott twitter dot com"

 

Makeitrain89 has been unsuspended.

 

Mark looked Cassidy right in the eye and said "fuck you bimbo slut, I can't get suspended in real life, so fuck you. Also, you are fired"

 

Cassidy shrugged "I'll see you next week Mr. Beaks."

 

Cassidy still has no idea why she kept coming back or getting rehired by him.

 

Maybe she reminded him of someone.

 

Mark had a dark secret about her that he couldn't let her ever get to far. So of course he always rehired her.

 

"Yea, same time next week!" Mark said without looking up from his phone.

 

Cassidy slammed the door as she left.

 

Notes:

sorry if I'm bothering the ao3 tag with all my stupid shit. I hope you all can laugh with me. If you guess what Cassidy is you win. There is a reason....that will tell later.

Please stan her. This joke oc that has become too real for her own good.