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Koichi POV
You're so damn elusive. Even though I'm your band mate, you barely speak to me, except if it is to answer someone else. You speak through me. I'm one of the very few people that get to hear your voice, and it has become the most alluring sound I've ever heard in my life.
But you... you don't... feel... Anything. No one ever has to ask if you're ok, or not ok, because you don't give anything away but an occasional smile, and those smiles I've come to live for. Those rare events that bring out the sparkle in your contacted eyes. It's the creepiest, yet cutest smile all at once. And my heart flutters every time.
I do wonder, though, why me? Why is it me that you mostly choose to speak through?
The world is...frightening. People lie to you, hurt you, disappear on you. Nothing is safe. No one can be trusted. So I put on a mask. If I look like a doll, maybe I can be like one. No heart, no compassion, no pain. It's my armor against the cruelties of life.
But with you, I feel it cracking. My dead heart revives at the low sound of your voice. A brush of your hand makes my cold doll skin flush. I think about you when you're not around, almost to the point of obsession. I don't understand what's happening to me. Have I feigned insanity for so long that it's become real?
I want to trust you. I want to trust you with everything, but I'm afraid. Afraid to let you see past that false insanity to the true madness within. So, all I can do is use you. At least I can trust you with my voice.
Koichi POV
And so I play your voice box to the world, telling everyone what you want to say, what you want them to think is on your mind. But the truth is, no one knows. Not even me, or MiA, or Tsuzuku. Your own family barely knows. They've just kind of gone with the flow of your enchanting oddness since you were small. I don't know if you've ever had a girlfriend, or a boyfriend; if you've ever been heartbroken. I don't know what your favorite color is, or your favorite foods or drinks...
All of these things I'd give anything to know, to know just a little bit more of who you are, because it drives me insane constantly, being so close, yet so far away from you. I play off like it doesn't bother me in the least, and I go about my business when we're not stuck in the same room together. I guess I've become as good an actor as you are. And that's good, because I can't let you see how much you've come to mean to me.
You've become my obsession wrapped in horror, dripping with mystery and delusion. I think I'm losing my mind.
Meto POV
But this voice I give you, is it really mine? Does it ever say, “Koichi, I miss you. I need you.” What do those words even mean to someone like me? And if I said them, would you even hear it?
I've played the scenario out in my mind a million times. Sometimes, you smile sweetly, accepting my feelings with a gentle embrace and the thought leaves me trembling. But others, you turn cold eyes on me and wrinkle your small nose spitting the word “Disgusting!” as you turn your back on me.
Every time I speak to you, these scenes replay in my mind. Are you as thrilled as I am when I whisper into your ear, our bodies so close we share breath? Or are you repulsed by my grotesquery?
I want to throw down my armor, but it is too well made and I can't get out. Fear is too powerful a binding.
Koichi POV
I watch your opening and closing acts intently, waiting to see something real. Because when you do your acts, projecting fear and pain and misery, it's like you let just a little piece of you out, and I can see through a crack in your facade. Only for a moment, though, and then it's gone.
I want to reach out to that little bit of you that shows through. I want to grab you up and hug you tight, whispering sickeningly sweet words into your pierced ear. I want to keep you warm, because you always seem too cold. I don't know what I could do to warm you though, as I'm not much more than skin and bones. I don't have much to offer.
What would you say to me if I acted on these suppressed impulses? What would you do? We struck gold finding you for the band. If anything were to ever happen to you, leaving the band and such, we would all be lost. This band is everything to all of us. So I can't say or do anything, though everything in me is itching to do something, anything.
I had let myself go just a little once, just a bit, to see what you felt like. Even a barely-there brush of my hand on your skin made you tense up. I apologized, of course. I hadn't meant to invade your space... Though really, I had. I had to know what you felt like, if you were truly human, or the beautiful delirious doll you put yourself up to be.
Meto POV
I can't stop looking at my hand where you brushed it. It was just a small touch as I leaned in to speak to you, but it shot through me like a spark. I jerked away instinctively, afraid my coldness would infect you. You, who are so warm.
A stream of apologies followed and I wanted to stop your lips. I wanted to grasp your hand in mine and tell you how much I craved your touch. How much I wanted you to revive this dead thing I'd become. In a sudden moment of courage, I opened my mouth to say the words but was interrupted as Tsuzuku and MiA burst into the room in a fit of love-struck giggles and before I realized it, you were gone.
I hated them in that moment. A deep, passionate hate. But, in reality, I envy them. I wish I could be so open, so honest, my love on display for all to see. How do they do it? Where do they find the courage to succumb to such fiery passion? How do they keep from being burned?
Koichi POV
I had to run away. I had to hide the red that was creeping into my cheeks, the trembles that were beginning to shake my bones. All from nervousness of being around you . Well, I was always around you, but not around you . But in that moment, you had opened your mouth, as if you were about to speak to me instead of through me. Your hidden eyes felt like they were looking into my soul. Your curly doll hair framing your pretty make-uped face. You looked like something out of a delusional dream, staring at me for that mere moment... Before Tsuzuku and MiA so kindly interrupted.
So I took that moment to run. The way you were staring at me... Did you see my pulse jumping against my throat? Did you hear the almost-stutter come out of my mouth as I apologized? I couldn't take that chance for you to reject me. So I ran.
I didn't know where I was going. Only that I was getting away from a possibly regrettable situation. I had finally stopped to catch my breath at a corner, in a slightly dark hallway in the back of the building where no one was roaming. It was so quiet, yet the the pounding of my heart in my ears drowned out the sound of your footsteps approaching. My panting came to a screeching halt when I felt arms wrap around my frame, trapping my own to my body. I looked down and could only recognize your arms, so strong from your incredible drumming.
We stood there like that for a minute. My lungs burned for air and I finally drew in a breath, only to whisper out: “What is it, Meto?”
Meto POV
Like a possessed thing, I had chased you, wrapped my arms around you, held you so tight I thought I might break you. You spoke to me, but I couldn't answer. I just pressed my face between your shoulder blades, selfishly drinking in the warmth of your small frame. You tried to turn to face me, but I held you fast. I wasn't ready to see the rejection on your face. Not yet. Let me have this one, sweet moment.
Your hands covered mine where they clung to your shirt. Were they trembling? I felt my armor loosen and start to slip.
“Koichi...”
“Talk to me, Meto.” You turned in my arms and this time I allowed it. I lowered my eyes, still afraid of what I might see. But, your breath was ragged...like mine. Your heart pounded...like mine. Your porcelain skin flushed as I moved my hand across your chest. This wasn't rejection. Was it?
“Koichi...” So many confessions I wanted to make, and I couldn't get past the first word. Just the feel of your name on my lips made me dizzy. Should I look up? Dare I look up?
I looked up.
Koichi POV
You looked up at me with such a darling face. Scared, unsure, curious... innocent. My heart pounded in my throat so hard and so fast, I could barely breath. But that look... That questioning look paired with the way your hands still gripped the front of my shirt, as if were you to let go, something scary would happen.
The moment was surreal as I raised a shaky hand to your face. Your eyes darted to it and your own hands gripped tighter. I stopped mid-motion, my hand inches away from your curls. I waited for what seemed like an eternity until your eyes moved back to my face.
“This is scary, isn't it?” I said, barely above a whisper. I said it for my own confirmation, but it seemed that it eased you, too, and you let your eyes slowly close, as if giving permission. I breathed a silent sigh of triumph as my hand touched your face. I expected cold porcelain doll skin, but...
You weren't cold at all... you were warm. Warm and soft. I studied your almost sleeping features while I let my fingertips brush a curl out of your face.
I had to know. Nothing else mattered except this undeniable urge to know .
So I wrapped an arm around you, and leaned in, praying to whatever Gods were out there that you wouldn't turn away.
Meto POV
No words. They were no longer necessary. Everything you felt, I felt, we felt, all conveyed in that single touch. My grip on your shirt slowly relaxed as I leaned into it. I could almost hear the clang on my armor as it slid piece by piece from my shoulders.
I felt light. I was grateful for the arm that wound itself around me. I was safe here, wasn't I? No matter what was going on in that big, terrifying world, these arms would never hurt me.
When I opened my eyes, you were leaning in, your body pressed against mine, your face so close our noses touched. I felt your breath, hot and anxious against my lips. I knew what you wanted, but you stopped half way, waiting patiently for me to close the distance. My hands traced your collarbone, finding their way into your pink hair and before I knew it, I was on my toes and there was no longer any distance between us.
And nothing would ever be the same.