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Disclaimer: The characters of Supernatural do not belong to me. The original character of Kayla Winchester does.
A/N: So I've been in a super angsty mood lately and this beast is a result of that. It takes place during The Things Unseen (Make the Soul Ache) and before The Things Unseen (Make the Soul Ache)-An Interlude. At since point in my infinite free time (inset sarcasm here) I will likely post an expanded version of this story that includes all the parts together. But for now, if you'd like, enjoy.
Kayla finally finished putting on her pajamas, trying to block from her mind what was going to happen the following day. She heard her sister giggle from the bedroom down the hall, and heard Sam tell her to settle down and get ready for bed. Then, she heard Sam say what she had been afraid to hear all night.
“We’ve got a long trip tomorrow. We all need plenty of sleep.”
Kayla felt the ache in her chest throb again. She’d just gotten settled at her grandfather’s. She loved it there. John had given her a second chance, and she was taking full advantage of it. But having her family there for the past week had brought up old wounds. It reminded her of the reason she’d had to leave them in the first place. Her horrible attitude towards them, her constant rule-breaking, the constant infighting amongst them. The last week had been mostly peaceful, but the peace felt fragile. Forced. Like it would come apart if someone pulled at it too tight.
Kayla couldn’t help it. She hadn’t wanted to say it because she had been afraid it made her sound like a baby. She wanted her mommy and daddy. Her time away from them had shown her just how much she actually missed them. Now that she couldn’t have a hug or a kiss or a stupid joke or a reassurance of how proud they were of her every day like before, she wanted it more than ever. And it hurt. Really hurt that she’d done that to herself.
That was the crux of her problem. She’d done it to herself. And she couldn’t ask her parents to stay longer. They’d already stayed one night later than they’d planned because she’d made a request for them to attend Parent’s Night at her school. The night had been even better than Kayla imagined. She’d taken her parents around to all her classes, shown them the work she’d done in them, and her favorite teacher, Mrs. Rinder, had given Sam and Jess a glowing report about their ‘amazing daughter’ and told them that they should ‘be proud that they created a daughter as magnificent’ as she was. The report had clearly stunned both Sam and Jess, and left Kayla beaming.
But no matter what her successes at school, Kayla still had not done well enough to go back home. And she knew it. So she made up her mind not to ask her parents for what she really wanted. What was making her heart hurt now. She knew now that they cared, that they wanted her to be happy. Living with grandpa wasn’t meant to be a punishment. It was, as Sam had put it the night they’d told her about it, a way for her to put herself back together.
But, Kayla thought as she brushed her hair in front of the mirror. It really hurt to think of them leaving in the morning.
You should know better than to think they want to stay with you.
“I’m not in the mood. Leave me alone.” Kayla said out loud to the ugly voice in her head. It worked for a minute. She’d found that telling it to shut up out loud rather than just thinking it worked a lot better. So she concentrated as she brushed her hair and teeth on what she had to do for her homework this weekend rather than….
A soft knock on the bathroom door broke Kayla violently out of her train of thought. Her heart raced out of habit, even though she knew that anyone who might want to get in the bathroom with her was far away. “I’ll be done in a minute.”
“Kay? It’s me, honey. Can I come in?”
Kayla opened the locked bathroom door. “Sure, Mommy.”
“Thanks.” Jess walked in and closed the door behind her, the only way the two could talk like she wanted in the small, cramped bathroom. “I just came to check on you. You’ve been in here a while. You okay?”
“Yeah. I’m fine.”
“Okay.” Jess said, though Kayla could tell she didn’t believe it. “Your hair’s growing out beautifully.”
Kayla smiled to try and hide the fact that she had to shove back tears. She was so used to the ugly voice in her head being mean to her that compliments made her want to cry.
“Honey, please talk to me. I can see it in your face. Why are you trying not to cry?”
Kayla bit her tongue. She wanted to cry alone, in her bed, not in front of her mother. Why did Jess have to push this? “I’m not.”
Jess sighed. “Kay…”
“You’re gonna think I’m a brat for it.” Kayla whispered.
Surprised at the response, Jess asked, “What?”
“You’ll think I’m a brat for it.”
“Honey, if it’s really bothering you, it doesn’t make you a brat for it. You can’t help how you feel. And I can’t help if I don’t know what’s going on.” Jess said.
“No.” Kayla refused. “You might not think that if I tell you, but I know you’ll tell Daddy, and he’ll think I’m one. You guys already stayed one extra day for me.”
Jess put the puzzle together, but she wanted to hear it from Kayla. “If you don’t want me to tell Daddy, I won’t. I promise.”
Kayla swallowed, knowing Jess would press until she got what she wanted. She placed the hairbrush down on the bathroom counter and admitted, “I don’t want you and Daddy and Mary to leave.”
“I see.” Jess said.
“Look, Mommy, don’t…”
“I don’t want to leave either, honey.” Jess said.
“But you have to.” Kayla said. “Daddy’s got to work and Mary starts school…”
“All of that is important, but not as important as you.”
The tears were welling up more and more, and Kayla was having a ridiculously hard time stopping them. When Jess cautiously put a hand on her cheek, the dam started to leak out.
“Come here.”
Knowing it would do no good to resist, Kayla allowed herself to be engulfed in her mother’s arms, one of the main reasons she didn’t want Jess to leave. Jess didn’t speak at first, just held Kayla. There was no one there but the two of them, and no one else mattered. It was one of the things Kayla loved the most about her mother. How she could make her feel like the world around them was nothing.
“I'm going to tell you something. It might surprise you. But me and your daddy don't want to go either."
"You don't?"
"Of course we don't. We miss you so badly, baby. Both of us go in your room and just sit sometimes."
Then why'd they send you here? the ugly voice taunted. Kayla ignored it.
"Let me ask you something. And be honest with me. Do you want to come home with us tomorrow?" Jess asked.
The lump in her throat made it nearly impossible, but Kayla answered. "Yes."
"Grandpa told us about the conversation you two had the night you asked me and Daddy about your play. About how you did it just for us and you wanted us to be there to prove you'd changed. Is that the gist of it?"
Kayla nodded.
"We asked you if you were sure you were okay with grandpa filming the play and showing it to us. Why didn't you tell us then that's how you were feeling?"
"Would it have made a difference?" Kayla asked, feeling slightly attacked and pulling away from Jess for the first time.
All she'd wanted was a hug. Why did they have this in depth conversation now?
"I honestly don't know. But we might have been able to give you the choice of coming for your birthday or coming for the play…"
Kayla couldn't help it. She didn't want to be mad. Jess was just trying to talk. But she was mad. The play was over and done with.
"Please stop."
"What?" Jess asked.
"I said please stop." Kayla said, working very hard to keep her frustration from welling up and exploding. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Kay…"
"Please just listen. Really listen and don't interrupt. Please?"
"Okay."
"Yes. I wanted you and Daddy here for the play. Yes it hurt when you didn't come. But I wasn't angry about it. I get it. You can't do both. But it feels like you want me to be mad about it."
Jess sighed. "Maybe I do."
"You do?"
"Yes. You being mad at men's a lot easier to live with than you being hurt." Jess admitted. "I'm sorry."
"You already said that. I said I forgive you, and I meant it." Kayla said. She closed her eyes and took a breath. "Look, can we please not spend time rehashing stuff tonight? I really just want to be with you and Daddy and Mary. Please?"
"Sure." Jess hesitated, then decided to continue their original conversation. "Will you please listen to me about something?"
"Mommy…."
"Different thing. Promise. Please just listen?"
"Okay." Kayla agreed.
"I want you to come home too. More than anything I the world I want that. But I'm afraid. Afraid that if you come home, things will go back to the way they were before. Does that make sense?"
Kayla didn't want to admit it, but she was afraid of that too. "Yes."
"I feel like you being here with grandpa is taking the pressure off our relationship. Like we can focus on rebuilding what was right between you, me and Daddy without risking having arguments that might make that really hard. Does that make sense?"
"It does."
"But if it's really hurting you this badly, I'll let you make the choice. I don't want an answer now. I meant what I said. You have come a very long way since you got here. I want to see you keep going that direction. Sleep on it. If you're really willing to risk moving again and going back, you can come home with us in the morning."
Kayla's mouth hung open. "Really?"
"Really."
"What about Daddy?"
"I'll take care of him."
"You'll really let me come back?"
"Yes. Think about it, though. You won't be grounded, but you'll still be under the same restrictions you were before plus what Daddy and I said here. Random drug tests, seven o'clock curfew until we decide otherwise, all that. Think about it, and tell me in the morning. Deal?"
"Deal." Kayla said.
"And if you do decide to stay, it won't be this long before you see us again. Your dad and I talked last night. At least one of us will be here no more than every two weeks."
Kayla smiled. "That sounds great."
"What do you say we go on the living room and make your father watch a Disney movie with us?"
"Yes! Tangled?"
"I was thinking little mermaid."
"Perfect." Kayla said. "Mommy? Thanks."
"For what?"
"Being there."
Jess smiled back at Kayla. "You don't have to thank me for that. Let's go find your dad, bug."