Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The albino ran his slender fingers through his snow fringed hair with a near inaudible sigh before pulling out a pack of Brand Broadway cigarettes; hitting the bottom of the packaging twice with the palm of his hand. Sliding one of those sticks out of the red and white box which contained them, the tall male held it in place between his pale lips while digging out his sterling silver zippo lighter. A soft glow encased his facial features, deeply breathing in the much needed nicotine with ease. Within moments Jeremy could feel his thrumming headache begin to dull as he walked through the chilly evening, left hand seeking warmth in his crimson jacket’s hoodie when pocketing said lighter.

It had been a rather hectic past couple of days to say the very least. Rigby had called him nearly every night this past week, sometimes even more than once, and it wasn’t annoying or anything, don’t get him wrong. It was just that every time he heard the brunette’s voice through his phone’s speaker it angered him to register the choked words of a crying boy on the other line. The lithe male acted like Jeremy could fix everything even while being in the next town over, it was touching and discouraging all at once.

He understood the appeal the other had in the bluehead, which actually was the typical highlight of Rigby’s calls. Mordecai was a natural charmer, he always tended to get what he wanted and damned the consequences of those actions. But he also knew Rigby had given his entire heart to that bastard, some jerk that saw him through clouded glasses – Ones that could never truly see the shining gem the brunette was underneath his rough edges. He was stronger than most and everyone overlooked him because that’s what he was used to; struggling through issues of self-harm and something close to PTSD from the past he refused to open up about. Jeremy could understand that, he understood that the small male was clinging to a nonexistent strand of hope that just perhaps, maybe, Mordecai would fall in love with him just a fraction of what he already felt.

He understood because he was practically in the same boat.

Chad hadn’t been home lately either and even when he was, it isn’t until after midnight where more often than not he was reeking of alcohol and sex. It wasn’t hard to tell where Chad had been going nor what exactly he was doing; if the marks encircling his tanned throat were anything to go by, but it irked something deep within him. The albino tried to help, tried to show his best friend he was always going to be there even through all the self-destruction Chad was doing to himself. And yet here he is; walking down barely lit streets at one in the morning in mid-autumn because he couldn’t handle being at home and watching the love of his life slowly kill himself – Couldn’t handle Chad yelling at him or mocking him just for wishing to help pull his friend from off the ground.

Jeremy was so fucking tired of always pushing his emotions down and bottling them up until they exploded in violent actions later down the road; usually actions that involved a brick wall or a stranger’s face along with a few bloody knuckles. Helping Rigby relax has honestly been the only thing keeping him sane, keeping him from going out and self-destructing himself because he knew the hyperactive male needed him – Needed him level-headed and calm.

* ”AND IF YOU’RE IN LOVE, YOU ARE A LUCKY ONE
‘CAUSE MOST OF US ARE BITTER OVER SOMEONE,
SETTING FIRE TO OUR INSID—“ *

Taking another drag of his Broadway, the albino blinked at the familiar ringtone echoing out from his jean pocket. Struggling to get his phone with slightly numbed fingers from the cold, Jeremy exhaled smoke before placing the cellular object against his slightly reddened ear; half-smoked stogie back between his teeth. Upon hearing a sharp intake of breath on the other line, obviously trying to stop themselves from crying, the albino gritted his teeth in somewhat controlled anger. What had that damned bluejay done now? There were signs of an upcoming panic attack in the brunette’s breath and the worry that shot through him was well deserved after all the other times he’s been the only one to care about the little raccoon.

“Hey Rigs... Ya alright?”

“Y-Yeah, I think so, I mean ah-Are you outside? Oh, you’re p-probably busy, huh? I’m sorry, Jer, I really didn’t mean t—“

“Shh, it’s alright. It’s alright, Rigby,” he easily replied. The brunette always went off like this but he never really minded; it was adorable in its own way.

“Take a deep breath, yeah in and out.. Ya know I wouldn’t answer the phone if I didn’t wanna talk to you.” Hearing the other slowly inhale, Jeremy smiled some while he stared at the uneven ground in front of him as he continued walking through the winding streets of the strangely quiet city. He truly hated listening to the brunette cry over the phone where he could do nothing but try and speak soothing words, so the albino always tried calming the other down before it got to that breaking point.

Patiently waiting for the smaller male to relax enough to explain himself, Jeremy exhaled another long drag of filtered nicotine before tilting his head backwards to look up at the white dots that littered the evening sky, twinkling long after their death. Hearing a bed creak from someone shifting on it, he pressed his phone closer to his ear to pick up Rigby’s next mumbled out words.

“…a-am I really only good for s-sex, Jeremy..? I m-mean, I know my feelings don’t really matter in, ah.. All of this, but he just..”

Hissing at the stuttered words, the albino actually bit his cig in half with the force his teeth grinded at. Ashes along with filter paper cascading down to the ground as Jeremy cursed Mordecai none too lightly inside his head. This is what pissed him off, that damn bluejay never asked how Rigby felt in all of this, just decided to get drunk and take the brunette’s virginity without any real meaning behind it. And then fucking continued it even after he finally got the annoying redhead in his pocket.

But why? Because he knows the brunette can’t won’t say no to him. Mother fucker.. Spitting out the rest of his, now useless, smoke he tried to even out his voice before speaking so Rigby wouldn’t misread his anger.

“Look here, Rigs. You are not only good for that, he doesn’t even deserve your affections towards him and he’s a complete idiot for not seeing how much you care about him.. Your feelings do matter no matter what people say. Doesn’t matter if you’re annoying or not, stupid or smart, they are still your feelings and you have every right to be upset just like everyone else, you hear me? You’re amazing for being strong, a lot of people would have given in by now, but you’re still here, you’re still trying which is a lot better than most I see, okay? Dude… I’m halfway to your place from walking anyways; you want me to come over..?”

"Y-Yes please.. I need you here, I h-hate being alone like this, thank you, J-Jer’.. Just stay on the phone with me un-until you’re here..? I don’t w-want to.. You know.."

Taking a deep breath at talking so much in one go, he listened very carefully. Taking note of the teary voice on the other line, Jeremy’s anger almost immediately vanished at Rigby’s words though. Upon hearing sheets ruffle in the background; he knew the brunette must be bundling himself up.

"Yeah, dude.. I’ll be there in about ten if I run and you know I never hang up first on you, Rigs, so if you just want to listen to my breathing to relax yourself or talk about nothing until I’m there you are more than open to it."

The albino started up a slow jog in the chilly night’s air, keeping the hunk of metal connecting them close to his ear so not to miss anything the brunette may mutter later on. Puffs of smoke exited past his lips as he ran, it wouldn’t be the first time he’d run to Rigby anyways; he knew the path by heart after all this time. It honestly took him about just over ten minutes to reach Rigby’s little rundown apartment, the one he now lived in all by himself since Mordecai had moved in with that freak Margaret. The albino had seriously lost count of the times he’d ask Rigby to let him buy another place or even stay with him.

Walking up the stairs to the second floor the brunette stayed on, Jeremy switched his cell to his left hand now before somewhat quietly opening the front door to Rigby’s place. It was a small, pathetic place in all actuality – a living room connected to the kitchen that didn’t have a great stock in it anyways, the couch was a fold-out bed and there was a half bathroom in the back which he highly doubted had very good water pressure and heat to it. It made him upset that Rigby had to resort to this just because Mordecai up and left one day to live with his damn girlfriend.

”..Rigs?” Jeremy asked softly, closing the door behind him and locking it out of pure habit before he walked over to the bundle of covers that was on the folded out couch. Tenderly reaching out to touch the mass of covers, a tear-stained face poked out from underneath the covers soon after. Looking at the red-rimmed eyes and puffy cheeks, Jeremy’s brows began furrowing with worry although his face stayed relatively blank.

Hearing the sharp intake of breath from below him, he watched hazelnut eyes take in his ruffled appearance – his flushed cheeks and heaving chest and knew Rigby was blaming himself all over again.

"No Rigs.. Just take a deep breath you, shh, I got ya.." the red-eyed male muttered softly, bending down to pull the shaking male into his chest and enveloping his strong arms around the lithe body.
He hated seeing panic attacks wreak through the brunette, the way his body language screamed to be held and forgiven even though Rigby had done nothing wrong in which needed to be forgiven. It took all the willpower Jeremy had to control himself from running away just to hurl his anger into a wall or even another person’s face.

Listening to the other slowly do as he was directed, the albino pressed his lips to Rigby’s head in a comforting gesture, rubbing small circles into his back in a soothing way his mother used to whenever he got sick as a child. "Everything is alright.. I’m here because I want to be, Rigs.” Jeremy gently rocked the brunette; one hand moving to find the other male’s fragile wrist, pushing up the sleeve there to caress the crisscrossed flesh there.

He saw emerald eyes just like how he knew Rigby saw cerulean ones in moments of weakness like this. That’s what made their relationship special. They loved each other, but in a more platonic way. The only time they ever did anything sexual was when they both needed something to ground them – They were each other’s anchors to the agony that surrounded their lives. They gasped out wrong names, but held onto each other tightly afterwards with tears and words of comfort because they understood one another in way no one else would.
”..Th-Thank you, Jer-” the brunette mumbled feebly, bringing up a hand to wipe at his wet face. “I’m still sorry, b-but thank you..” He didn’t even tense when the albino touched his scars and Jeremy knew he was the only one that could get away with it.

Pale fingers continued to gently brush up and down the brunette’s scarred inner wrist before giving a weak smile at the broken boy in his arms. Jeremy pushed the sleeve up to the elbow when Rigby began wiping at his tear-stained face, tenderly bringing up a tan arm to press a row of soothing kisses across uneven flesh without pause.
"You are very welcome, Rigby," the albino muttered against the smaller male’s wrist. "You are so strong, don’t forget that."

Watching tanned cheeks turn a darker shade of brown at his actions, he knew exactly how Rigby was feeling at that moment. It was a calming feeling, like warmth flowed from the other’s lips and seeped within his very bones. Like he could finally breathe correctly again, scars being kissed always brought a smile to the both of their faces; it made Rigby feel special, to be accepted and understood even though flawed. He knew because the first time someone kissed his scars he’d felt the same kind of emotion.

”..Y-You’re much stronger than I, Jeremy, but.. I’m trying. I really am,” the brunette replied back just above a whisper.

Crimson eyes found hazelnut ones, eyeing the dark circles around the smaller male’s pink-rimmed lids. It physically harmed him to see the brunette this way, all fragile and scared of his own thoughts; it was like barbwire was winding itself around his heart and lungs to cease his breathing.

"You are strong. Honestly I think you are stronger than even I, Rigby. I don’t think I would have ever trusted anyone after what you’ve been through. I am amazed even today that you can even act so carefree. I’d be dead by now if I suffered through what you do.. And that’s only me knowing what you’ve told me which I know isn’t the whole story."

The brunette winced at the mention of their pasts, curling his small hands into fists to grip the pale male closer. It would always be a sensitive subject – to the both of them, but that’s why they had each other – To talk to when they needed to, not a moment sooner.

”..You are strong, too, though, y-yes I struggle through depression and pretend I’m happy, but you Jer.. You spend time making others happy and pushing all your problems to the back burner into they’re a crisp.” The brunette muttered into the familiar hoodie before weakly pressing his chapped lips to Jeremy’s shoulder. “You are so much more selfless than I and no one could ask for a better friend..”

Jeremy closed his eyes, rather enjoying the smaller male in his arms before he begrudgingly shifted Rigby to lie back without him in order to throw off his now suffocating hoodie. Once done with that task, the crimson eyed male laid down beside the other and securely held said male to his chest. The albino kissed the dark locks on the other’s head before throwing the covers up and around them. This was probably closest and most intimate thing they could do together, something nonsexual though equally as gratifying. Falling asleep in each other’s arms peacefully, embracing one another so tightly in a form of protection where neither bad memories nor nightmares would dare haunt them.

”Get some rest, Riggs, I won’t be leaving tonight.”

Hazelnut irises glanced up at the kiss to his head, giving a lazier smile now before tentatively reaching up to pluck off the other’s glasses; folding them gently onto his bedside table — something Jeremy recommended for the brunette's small apartment complex.

"Thank you, Jeremy.. G’night," the tanned male slurred slightly, dark rimmed eyes already drooping shut into what he hoped would be a dreamless slumber with the snow-haired male not far behind him.

Chapter Text

Light drifted through the swirling darkness that was but all consuming; rays of a near-noon sun wafted through ratty shades which didn’t know how to do their job properly. Blinking away shadows, ringed eyes found their way silted against the unforgiving light with a rather unattractive grunt. Twisting around within his cocoon of warmth the lithe male gyrated away from his windows, burying his tanned face against a lax pillow before realizing what had awoken him.

There wasn’t anyone in his bed. Anxiety climbed up his throat exceedingly quick; the sheets surrounding him suddenly seemed too stifling, the air diluted of the oxygen he so desperately began gulping for. Was he hallucinating again? Where was Jeremy? Why was he left without so much as a simple goodbye? Tears prickled in maroon eyes as he shot up from his place upon the bed, swiftly turning his head from side to side only to stop short. Snow tinted hair stuck up in a cowlick from the others position on the floor, a leg still actually resting at an awkward angle on top of the bed while the rest of the albino’s body was sideways on the hard ground.

A soft snort passed Rigby’s lips at the unpredicted image he was regarding. His fold-out couch was relatively small compared to most; it shouldn’t have been all that surprising for one of them to have ended up on the floor. Though spotting Jeremy in such a position was quite rare, he was always so collected and monotone the smaller male just couldn’t pass up this opportunity. Quietly the brunette found his phone and flipped it open to open his camera. It wasn’t the best cellphone someone could ask for. He’s lost count of how many times crimson eyes have turned to him to say he wouldn’t mind buying a new one, more up to date and reliable, but Rigby would never have it. Though he secretly appreciated someone caring to such a point that they’d waste money on him.

Eying said male, his near panic attack completely forgotten, he smiled somewhat goofily. Jeremy’s pale skin nearly glimmered with the beams of light flowing through the unkempt blinds; mouth slightly parted and a fraction of skin showing off an almost too scrawny stomach. It would have been something out of a modeling magazine if it weren’t for just how downright ridiculous it looked. Shirt wrinkled from laying sideways for too long, the left pants legs pooled around the knee from the leg’s spot on the bed; the dried drool leaving a spot at the corner of his mouth and his hair unruly, sticking up in strange places.

It was almost comical.

Which meant he had no qualms for actually snapping a picture of the albino like that. It wasn’t like he’d go around and show everyone it anyways; it was just something he could look at in darker times later on down the road. No one needed to know about it. Giggling to himself, Rigby leaned over the bed and reached out to poke the taller male on the cheek a few times. Jabbing at the insanely smooth skin there, he slowly began to realize it wasn’t going to work. With his other arm the raccoon pushed Jeremy’s leg the rest of the way off the bed. The response was immediate. With an accomplished grin, he watched the other spasm from the sudden shift, eyes snapping open and up at the responsible party that had awoken him with a tired glare.

“Morning, Jeremy! Did you enjoy sleeping on my floor?”

“Of course, almost as much as I relish in the fact you woke me up in such a manner,” came the disgruntled reply.

Rigby had the decency to look a tad ashamed before shrugging and turning to lie on his back, eyeing the white haired male with an upside-down view. “I thought you had left.”

Watching scarlet eyes soften from his rude awakening, the brunette knew what the other was going to say before the words even left his lips. It was nice though and he wasn’t going to stop Jeremy, it was unusual for him to hear words of endearment and actually believe them.

“I would never just leave, Rigs. I know how much leaving hurts, didn’t I promise never to intentionally harm you? I don’t break my promises.. Ya want breakfast? Or lunch, I don’t know what time it is. I bet you haven’t eaten a decent meal since the last time I was here, huh?”

Cheeks burning at the chastising, chocolate eyes rolled at the obvious turn of topic. It probably was a little too early for such a serious kind of conversation, so he just focused on the last half of what was being said to him. “I’ve ate, I mean.. Sort-of, like what, don’t mother hen me, dude.”

“Uh-huh, okay. We’re leaving to go eat somewhere because I don’t trust your fridge.”

“You haven’t even been in my fridge!”

“Don’t argue with me, Rigs. Come on, let’s get dressed up warm and then we can go.” The albino demanded softly as he stood and stretched, back popping with a satisfied groan.

Huffing out a breath, Rigby rolled off the bed and began searching for some clean clothes. Bringing a few articles of clothing to his nose and sniffing them briefly, he found a moderately decent pair of pants and a striped shirt on the second attempt. Without much thought on the matter, the bronzed male changed somewhat clumsily in front of the other occupant in the room. It wasn’t like the albino hadn’t seen him naked before, they both bare scars from their pasts, there was no judgment among them.

Hearing noise from behind, the lithe male glanced back to watch Jeremy rumble through his signature crimson hoodie and a thought hit him hard. He was so egoistic last night wanting Jeremy there to ease his pain he’d completely forgotten the albino wasn’t even at home when he’d called. The color drained slightly as he walked over to said male, “Jer.. Did you have your meds with you last night, are they with you?”

“…fuck,” was the mumbled response. “I thought I did, but I think I only took my cell and Broadways with me.” Jeremy opened his phone and cursed again at the time. “I didn’t plan on sleeping this long, it’s already after ten, Rigs. I didn’t, ya know.. Leave some here last time, did I?”

“I d-don’t know, I don’t think so. Does your head hurt? Let me get your glasses, we can look,” he responded quickly. Grabbing said male’s frames, Rigby handed them to him before searching the cabinets and even his bathroom. If they took the bus they could probably make it, but that also depended on what time the bus ran that day and that could be too late. He was so stupid, so senseless to not think about Jeremy’s condition.

He was in the middle of yanking out the contents of his kitchen cabinets when he heard his name being called, turning so hard his hip found a counter, maroon found crimson with a wince. “Yeah?!”

“I had left some in the drawer next to your bed, I’m sorry for worrying you. It’s not your fault really.”

Rigby walked over rubbing his hip with a slight sigh, watching Jeremy dry swallow two of the white pills. A small smile ghosted his lips at that, relaxing from the adrenaline that had pulsed through his system just minutes ago. “Thank merlin.. I was ready to steal a car.”

That made Jeremy crack a lopsided smile.

The albino moved over and wrapped his arms around him, tightly pulling Rigby to his chest and slipping his left hand through messy chestnut hair with a small hum. “I appreciate the level of concern you give me, but I need coffee and you still need to eat.”

“Alright, I get it,” the brunette mumbled out against the others firm chest, nimble fingers gripping the back of the taller male’s shirt just for the sake of holding on. “Café down the road then? The one who actually knows your order and gives me free muffins?”

Hearing a chuckle somewhere above him, Rigby glanced up and momentarily saw mismatched cerulean staring back at him. It was a simple trick of the eye, of a hope that didn’t truly exist. All he had to do was blink for them to be replaced with those familiar crimson ones. Those were the ones he could trust and depend on. He fell in love with blue, but was still alive because of red.

Leaning up onto his tiptoes, he didn’t allow Jeremy time to respond, just brushed his lips against the others pale ones. Barely a heartbeat passed before arms tightened protectively around him, lips caressing each other with well-known affection. It wasn’t a lustful kiss, honestly it wasn’t even one of love, but they filled hollow space with these feelings. It was a simple gesture of trust and understanding, one of mutual respect.

Gently pulling away after a few moments, Jeremy brushed his lips against Rigby’s forehead and took his hand. “Yeah.. That sounds like the perfect place for us to go.”