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Sleep was never going to happen, no matter how hard either of them tried. Both were fully aware of the dangers and the risks of fighting the Saviors, both knew it was necessary to take those risks. That didn’t make it any easier to think that this might be their last night together.
Enfolded in Aaron’s arms as they lay together, Eric relished the warm breath against his neck. Familiar. Comforting. Heart-wrenching. What would he do without Aaron should he lose his partner in tomorrow’s fight? Never again waking up to that sleepy smile. Never again getting lost in Aaron’s embrace. Never again hearing the sound of his voice, his laughter…
His thoughts turned around to consider what Aaron might do if he were the one to not make it home. Aaron’s biggest fault had always been placing too much blame on himself when things went wrong…would he blame himself if Eric died? The thought tore at Eric’s heart and he swallowed the lump that formed in his throat.
“Promise me something.” His voice was soft, barely a whisper.
Aaron stirred gently behind him, possibly on the cusp between wakefulness and slumber, or simply pulled from his own thoughts. “Depends on what it is.”
Eric nudged the man with an elbow. “Promise me that, if something happens to me tomorrow–”
“Eric, don’t.” Aaron abruptly cut him off, not even wanting to consider the grim possibilities.
“If something happens,” Eric pushed on, turning over to face the other man. “I don’t want you to blame yourself for anything. I don’t want you to mourn or grieve.”
“I don’t want to hear this,” Aaron’s voice was thick with emotion as he pushed himself up, sitting on the edge of the bed.
“I need you to hear it,” Eric insisted, pushing himself up on an elbow and reaching out to place his other hand on Aaron’s back. “Babe…please… this is important to me.”
When Aaron didn’t respond or make a move to leave, Eric knew he was grudgingly going to listen. Eric shifted so that he was sitting up behind Aaron, arms wrapping around his partner’s chest and chin resting on his shoulder.
“You have given me so much, Aaron. I’ve never loved anyone the way that I love you. This life, this journey we’ve been on together has been extraordinary, and I wouldn’t change a single moment of it.” He paused for a moment of levity. “Well, except the fact that one or both of us could be killed tomorrow, but that’s kind of out of my control.”
Despite himself, Aaron gave a soft laugh, one hand coming up to clutch Eric’s wrist tightly as he was held from behind.
“No matter what happens tomorrow,” Eric continued, a slight waver of emotion in his voice. “This isn’t the end for us. I know we’ll meet again in another life, but if something happens to me… if I die… I want you to keep living your life. I want you to find love again. I want you to be happy.”
Something wet dripped onto Eric’s arm, and about the time that Aaron sniffled, Eric realized it was a teardrop. “I won’t let anything happen to you,” Aaron told him with conviction.
Eric shook his head. “That’s not the promise I want you to make…because that’s not a promise you can keep. I know you’ll try to protect me, just as I will try and protect you, but no matter how hard we try, anything could happen. Just promise me you’ll be okay.”
Aaron shifted so that he could look at Eric, cupping his face and drawing him into a fierce kiss. “I’ll promise if you promise the same.”
Eric searched the man’s eyes, again considering how he would move on without Aaron. It felt like trying to breath with an elephant sitting on his chest. A single tear trailed down his cheek and Aaron gently brushed it away with his thumb.
“Not that easy, is it?” He asked gently, hoping Eric would see the impossibility of trying to make such a promise.
Lifting his hand to rest on the back of Aaron’s neck, Eric pulled the man’s forehead against his own. “Let’s both promise to try.”
That seemed easier somehow in Aaron’s mind and he pulled back enough to press his lips to the center of Eric’s forehead. “I promise I’ll try…but nothing’s going to happen to you.”