Chapter Text
A sudden knock on the door broke the silence, tearing her attention away from her book and tea. Who in their right mind would be calling on her at such an hour? Manuela had been known to make late night calls for tea and gossip, and Hanneman sometimes came by to vent--usually about Manuela; but neither of them would be so timid. Manuela would have come in on her own by now, and Hanneman had a particular way of knocking that ruled him out.
“Come in,” she called, frowning in consternation as Dimitri slipped inside. He was dressed down as though he’d been in bed before, but he was white as a sheet and clammy. Was he feeling ill? Surely he knew to go to the infirmary if he were sick, he was a smart kid with good sense. Was he just wanting to give her a heads up in case he was too sick to come to class?
“Forgive the intrusion, Instructor. I just… I saw that you were awake and I needed to speak with someone… I can leave if you’re busy.” His voice was tight, as though he was trying to keep something in, and it was then that she noticed the minute tremor in his shoulders. He shifted on the spot, crossing and uncrossing his arms while he waited for her to either allow him to stay or dismiss him. “You’re probably busy… I… forgive me, I shouldn’t have bothered you; I’ll leav--”
“Have a seat, Dimitri. You haven’t interrupted anything important. Tell me what’s on your mind,” she said, indicating the chair on the other side of her desk. Dimitri hesitated a moment before crossing the room. She watched as his eyes darted from the tabletop to her face and back again before he finally slumped forward in the chair, his arms pillowing his head as he began to trace the grain of the wood with his finger. He seemed to be stalling, and while she didn’t mind his company, it was late. He needed to get some rest or else he’d be worn out during lessons. “Did you have a bad dream?”
“I... yes. I have it often. I don't wish to speak of it, but your company is greatly appreciated."
Byleth’s heart ached for him. He didn't need to tell her, she could see that it had been horrible just by looking at him. Without a second thought, she reached out and placed her hand on his in hopes of granting him some kind of comfort. He jolted at the touch, but relaxed quickly. They sat in silence for several moments while Dimitri tried to calm himself.
“What can I do to help you, Dimitri?” Now it was no longer about getting him calm enough for sleep, but rather about helping someone who was suffering. She’d come to care deeply for her students, and Dimitri had become someone she could see herself keeping up with in the future. He was a sweet, gentle boy and she’d found herself feeling an almost familial affection for him. She'd never had any siblings, but she imagined this was how an older sister may feel.
“I… this may sound forward--please, don’t take it to mean anything untoward, but… may I sleep here tonight?” He paused and cleared his throat, his cheeks taking on a slightly pink hue. “Just… here at the desk, I mean.”
“You want to sleep at my desk?” She quirked an eyebrow at him, watching as he shifted and fidgetted under her stare.
“I… yes… well… I don’t want to be alone …” his voice grew hushed as he spoke, his shame and vulnerability clear in equal measure. “Please? I won’t make any fuss… you’ll not even know I’m here. I just…” Byleth held up her hand and he fell silent, his blue eyes darting from her hand to the door.
“You can stay if you need to, I don’t mind. It won’t be very comfortable, though. Are you sure you don’t want to sleep in the bed? I don’t want you to wake up sore. We have a hard day ahead,” she said, jerking her thumb over her shoulder towards the door separating her office and bedroom. Dimitri balked at the suggestion, his cheeks blazing red; and it was only then that it occurred to her that her suggestion could be taken the wrong way. “ I would sleep on the floor, Dimitri. Relax.” He was always so poised and polite that it was easy to forget he was still so young, but his awkward teenage boy reaction reminded her instantly.
“N-no… I would never ask you to do something like that. I’ll be fine here, I don’t want to impose more than I already am.”
“You sure? I still have my bedroll, you wouldn’t be putting me out any,” she said.
“Bedroll… Professor, what--”
“Mercenary, remember? I’m used to roughing it. You don’t need to worry about it. Now go on, scoot. Get to bed.” She came around the desk and pulled him to his feet, nudging him towards her bedroom. Dimitri dug in his heels and they came to a halt almost immediately. She’d almost forgotten how strong and wiry the kid was. If she wanted to get him going again, she’d need to use more force.
“I’ll take the bedroll. I’ll not make a lady surrender her bed. Truly, Professor, you needn’t coddle me so.”
“Well if you insist. I’m not going to argue with you, Dimitri. It’s late and I’m tired, too. Come on. Let’s get you settled in.”
Dimitri followed her obediently and stared at the wall as she rooted through her old trunk in search of her bedroll and an extra blanket. She felt a little guilty as she spread it out; it really was old and worn out. His princely bones probably weren’t used to resting on such a hard surface. She handed him one of her pillows and waited for him to situate himself before climbing into bed and dousing the lamp.
It felt weird to hear him breathing in the dark. This was probably unprofessional and it could so easily be misconstrued, but she couldn’t just turn him away. Maybe other instructors would say he needed a little tough love, that he needed to toughen up and that babying him would only make things harder for him later, but… she wasn’t sure she agreed. Her father had always taken the time to comfort her when she was upset or afraid, even if she was “too old” for it. He’d never chastised her for her feelings, so why should she do that to someone else? Were Dimitri’s feelings of fear and loneliness any less valid because he was a prince? She didn’t think so. He was already plenty strong, he didn’t need more strength. He needed support.
She listened to him breathe for a while, smiling as it became slow and even. She yawned and rolled over, nestling into her pillow as she prepared to sleep herself. They would worry about how they would sneak him out of there in the morning, when it mattered.
***
It was the sound of his thrashing that initially woke her, but his mumbling and crying were what spurred her into action. She rolled from her bed and flung herself to his side in one fluid motion, her hand shaking his shoulder in an attempt to rouse him. His whimpering became sobbing and his troubled mumbling became panicked pleading and she was surprised by the swiftness with which he lunged at her. He seemed to finally come to himself when she hit the floor, her head making a terrible ‘thump’ against the wood; and as she propped herself up on her elbow, she could just make him out as he backed himself into the corner.
“I… I’m sorry! I didn’t mean… I...I…” his voice shook as she crawled towards her bedside table. The lamp light’s sudden intrusion stung, but it gave her and Dimitri the chance to look each other in the eye. His cheeks were wet with tears and he was pale, but the foremost emotion she saw in him was remorse. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
“No, I’m fine. You just surprised me, that’s all.” She didn’t have the heart to tell him that her head hurt. He was already feeling bad enough, he didn’t need the extra guilt.
“That’s… I’m glad. I couldn’t forgive myself if I’d harmed you. I’m sorry for waking you… I should have expected this and just stayed in bed. Now I’ve interrupted your rest. Forgive my selfishness.” Selfish? Because he didn’t want to be alone during a difficult time? Had someone told him that this was something he should be ashamed of?
“It’s okay, Dimitri. Lay back down.” She kept her voice soft as she spoke. She didn’t want him to think she was annoyed with him over this. He hesitated a moment before crawling back towards the bedroll. When he was settled again, she turned the lamp down and lay beside him. He tensed as she cradled his head beneath her chin, her fingers combing gently through his dense mop of pale hair. “You’re okay. Everything will be okay, I promise,” she whispered, draping her arm over his shoulders to rub and scratch gently at his back. She felt him relax against her and smiled at the soft puff of breath against her neck as he took deep breaths to calm himself.
“You’re spoiling me.” He sounded amused and maybe a smidge embarrassed, but didn’t pull away.
“You could do with a little coddling, I think.” Yes, this would most certainly be considered unprofessional by other members of the staff, but they were the closest thing these kids had to family while they were here. While it was true that their primary goal was to prepare them for the road ahead, part of that preparation had to come from love. To simply cram their heads full of facts and beat their bodies into battle ready shape wouldn’t actually make them into healthy, well adjusted people. They could have done that on their own. No… they needed to know that there were people in the world that cared about them. If Dimitri needed a hug, then she wouldn’t deny him that just because it was "unprofessional."
“Will you… stay?” His voice had grown thick and heavy with tiredness, but she heard him well enough despite his mumbling.
“I’m not going to leave you. Don’t worry, I’ll be right here.” She smiled as he adjusted himself in her arms, slinging his own arm over her ribs in an attempt to negotiate all the extra limbs around him. It was clear he wasn't used to this.
“Thank you…” he slurred. She listened as he fell asleep, stifling a laugh as she marvelled at the speed. She’d expected him to be too wound up to sleep, but it seemed a little comfort went a long way with him.
“Goodnight, sweet prince.” She pressed a kiss to the top of his head and allowed herself to close her eyes, Dimitri’s sleeping breaths lulling her back into her own slumber.
***
"Good job, everyone. You're getting much better at that maneuver. We'll be focusing on fundamentals tomorrow. Be sure to stretch and hydrate," Byleth said, looking down the line at her students. They were filthy and exhausted, but every one of them wore a satisfied smile. She hadn't expected them to enjoy the lesson as much as they had, but the way they'd laughed and encouraged each other through it made her happy. Even Felix had cooperated and shared a few genuine smiles with those around him.
Dimitri approached her as the others left, his pale cheeks pink and blonde hair tousled, but everything about him exuded an air of contentment. She'd come to find that he enjoyed hard work and unlike many of his station, never complained about a little dirt. He smiled shyly and waited until the last of his classmates had left them alone to speak.
"I never thanked you properly for last night. I hope you don't think ill of me."
"Not at all. You don't need to thank me for something that small, Dimitri. All I did was let you stay the night, so don't worry about it," she said.
"It may have been that simple for you, but it was more to me. I'll not forget your kindness any time soon. You'll always have a friend in Faerghus. Call on me if you need help, please."
"Dimitri, I'm not going to bother the future King of Faerghus. You don't need to go through all this just because I let you sleep on my bedroom floor." She reached out and ruffled his hair affectionately, but he surprised her by catching her hand in his, his expression now serious with a hint of desperation creeping up into his eyes.
"Please? Humor me, Professor. I don't wish to lose anyone else." His serious tone gave her pause. She had thought to deflect his thanks once more, but she knew so little about his past. If he felt this strongly about it, then perhaps it would be kinder to simply accept it.
"Okay. Then I promise that I'll send word if I need you. Don't worry. I told you I wouldn't leave you, didn't I?" Dimitri's eyes brightened a little as a small smile spread across his face. He released her hand and stepped back, shoving his own hands into his pockets.
"That you did. I'll hold you to your word, Milady." His smile became chagrined and he cast his eyes down to the ground, rubbing at the back of his neck. "I swear I'll not make it a habit. Most times I can handle myself, but… it was particularly vivid last night." His cheeks flushed with something that had nothing to do with exertion and she sobered. There he went feeling guilty for needing comfort again. He'd been nothing but apologies that morning when they'd woken up. She didn't really care if it became a habit or not.
"I told you to stop apologizing for that. Silly boy." She placed her hand between his shoulders and gave him a gentle push towards the monastery. "Now go get washed up. You've been sweating like a mule all afternoon, you stink," she scolded. Dimitri feigned offense, placing his hand over his heart.
"You wound me, Madam!" He laughed as she gave him another nudge.
"Go on, now."
"Okay, okay. I'm going! I shall see you at supper." He trotted off towards the dorms, and she took that time to feel proud of him. He was already fairly fit when he'd arrived, but she could see his improvement in the way he moved and carried himself. He would be a fine warrior and if he stuck to his path, he would be a wonderful King, too.
Yes. She was proud of her students. She was certain she'd made the right choice. She would miss them all, but she knew she would feel his absence keenly. She would have to make it a point to keep in touch.