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You are my sunshine

Summary:

The Apocawasn't left some issues behind... It's hard to face them if you don't talk about them.

Notes:

I want to thank Eastwinds, who inspired this fic without even knowing and I hope that they will appreciate it. I had to write it asap. ( I wrote it in like one hour please be kind ). I know it's pretty short but in my mind is full of angst and love.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

It wasn't much time after the Apocawasn't that somehow both Aziraphale and Crowley began to fall in a sort of domestic routine.
After the scare of the trials both of them felt the need to be closer, maybe because of a paranoid thought of some sort of revenge from each other sides, maybe using that as an excuse to finally spend what remained of their eternity together.

Every excuse was becoming acceptable for Crowley to stay at Aziraphale place, from crashing on the couch, in the beginning, to "angel, you open the shop too soon" "dear, 9.00 am isn't too soon" met in response with some hisses by the demon, who moves upstairs to the bed, to keep sleeping on. So after some time they both agreed that sharing the bed would have been better than their actual arrangement.

If this was just it there would not be much more to say. There would be no Aziraphale waking up in the middle of the night for fear and anxiety, going down the stairs to see if Crowley was still there, safe and sound, maybe even snoring, hissing slightly, during his sleep. There would be no Crowley, waking up at improbable hours to see the library still not-burned-down and the angel in his bed. So the "moving to sleep in the same bed together" wasn't just a random move.

Don't get me wrong, they both enjoyed sleeping beside each other, Crowley loved how warm Aziraphale was, how he could sneak closer to him during the night and Aziraphale loved how he could use those occasions to get him into his arms and get his own head resting on top of his. So in the end this neither was a random or an obligated move. It was just another move that could get them close to, maybe, after six freaking thousand years, say those three magical words and make everything a little more easier and little less awkward.

Not everything has a well explained reason in this world, very much so when it comes to both negative and positive emotions. It was a Sunday morning when Aziraphale woke up with a short breath and a feeling of panic that only few times he felt in his long life, maybe a dream he didn't remembered triggered it, maybe was the empty feeling of the bed beside him.
A very sleepy, maybe even still asleep, Crowley walked through the door few moments later, falling heavily on the bed, while Aziraphale stood steady, sat on the bed.
"A window kept making weird noises. Come back to sssleep" Crowley said, gesturing to the angel to go back down, falling back asleep in the process.
It had rained all night, few drops could still be seen making their way down the shutters while the first rays of the sun were finding their way inside the bedroom, painting the room with warm colors.

Silence fell again in the room. Aziraphale was still frozen, dazed and somehow confused by what just happened, in that moment everything was so surreal to him, everything bad started to appear into his mind, every moment he could have lost Crowley, every argument they had, every worry, every year he didn't know where the other was, every... just everything, everything was blowing up into his mind, making it harder to breath to concentrate to... He looked at Crowley. He was there. Just there, sleeping peacefully, still one of his hands grabbed on to his pajamas sleeve. One ray of the sun was reaching his hair making some exquisite shades off his short curls, while many others were reflecting on the pale legs of the demon, which didn't even bother to cover himself with the covers. And in that moment inside Aziraphale everything went still, everything went calm, everything that was inside of him focused entirely on Crowley.

He took a deep breath, his hand, the one free from Crowley's hold, went to the hair of the demon and without thinking he started to caress it.
It was a pretty old, maybe not really that old, song the one that came into his mind in that moment and he couldn't help but start to sing it under his breath
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine"
as soft as he could manage,
"You make me happy when skies are gray"
to maybe to comfort himself,
"You'll never know dear"
to maybe lull himself back to sleep,
"how much I love you"
to maybe say some of his worries without having to really say them.
"Please don't take my sunshine away... "
Aziraphale was gently playing with Crowley hair, repeating those verse like an hymn.
"Please don't take my sunshine away"
his eyes were starting to get heavy with tears
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine"
the worst thought went to the moment when they were tore apart for the trials...
"You make me happy, when skies are gray"
What if it hadn't work? what if they had been caught?
"You'll never know dear"
What if Crowley died without knowing how much he loved him?
"how much I love you"
his voice was getting really faint, given the sudden realization.
"Please don't take my sunshine away... "
The silence fell again. Aziraphale mind was now on a completely different train of thoughts. That was it. Maybe if he was able to tell Crowley what he felt everything would have been easier, less painful, less hard, less awkward, less...

"Angel"
Interrupted Crowley,
"I love you and I am not going anywhere, please come back to sleep."
said the demon in a sleepy voice, turning around and pulling with him the angel's arm.

Silence fell again and it took not much time for the both of them to realize what had just been said.

Please forget what I said about everything being less awkward.

Notes:

I am no good neither with titles, neither with summaries.

I know this is irrelevant to the fic but in my mind these two are asexual. I just want to say it.