Chapter Text
You feel it in your gut— something has shifted; lopsided and off its axis when Derek shows up for your monthly movie night.
His shoulders sag under the strain of a secret as you let him in with the two large pizzas and movies balanced on top.
You know if you pry— he'd shut you out completely. So instead you do the small talk; catching each other up with what's going on in your lives as you settle and the movie starts up.
You tuck your feet in the couch cushions after you grab a slice of pepperoni pizza.
Derek launches into the latest and greatest of Hank Spencer Morgan. A pang of guilt hits you about your godson. You really should visit more...but it's complicated.
Your heart soars as you watch Derek's eyes spark to life as he talks about his baby boy. He doesn't mention Savannah,and you feel the press of guilt harder on your heart.
You shift gears, running the JJ debacle and alternate futures by him. Multiverses, missed chances and what ifs.
It socks you in the gut as you give Derek a sidelong glance.
He could have been your alternate future if you hadn't been a coward and took a chance.
He pokes and prods, trying to get you to open up more about the situation with JJ.
Nothing doing. You'd never want to break up a happy home, a wife, a husband and their beautiful baby boys. Your eyes are shining now, and you curse yourself at how childish you're being.
Derek doesn't deserve this… A best friend with a crush— a fifteen year old crush that won't die and guilt that tears you in two.
You curl your knees to your chest, tucking your face into your arms.
This is silly. That voice that screams inside your head.
Derek has a family. A happy one at that. He doesn't see you as anything more than a friend. You're being selfish…
Your throat tightens as you feel his hand rub soothing circles into your back, you press into his warmth. And the guilt tears you a new one again.
He thinks you're upset about not taking a chance with JJ, making a move.
Nah. You shrug.
You liked the theory of loving her in that way, once upon a time. But the practicality of it is moot. It would have never worked out.
Incompatible.
Derek gives you a funny look as you blush.
You're too close to spilling.
Go back to watching the movie. Act like this conversation never happened. You both are capable of that, aren't you?
The movie plays on, Derek's arm slung over the back of the couch—his fingers playing with the ends of your hair.
You miss this. The comfortable silence between the two of you just enjoying each other's company.
One movie ends, and Derek looks at his phone.
Time to go? You ask, as Derek scrubs his hand across his face, letting out a frustrated sigh.
"Nope, but I gotta make a call- get the next movie ready?" Derek says.
That guilt is rolling through you now as Derek moves to your kitchen to make his call. To Hank by the sounds of it.
Why hasn't he left yet? You have never known Derek to miss bedtime with his son.
He's a man of his word, so what's changed?
Derek makes his way back to you, sinking into the couch, face a careful mask. You're scared to find what's underneath.
Bed time? You ask carefully, trying not to seem anxious.
Derek lets out a huff of breath.
“Yup." He nods his head; a marionette with a string ready to snap.
“Savannah and I are finalizing our divorce… in case you're wondering."
His voice is small. And your heart breaks for him.
He deserves his happy ending. His family was his happy ending.
"Having kids and getting married does not solve issues that were there all along."He says to you.
Derek's laugh is hollow as he looks to you.
Sorry.
The pitiful word is all you can offer as you take his hand in yours and squeeze.
"It's for the best." He says, eyes rimmed red.
You try and get your thoughts together before you speak.
I know it's not ideal, but at least Hank has two loving parents that are devoted to him and his happiness. He'll have a better upbringing because you'll always put him first and be the best parent you can be.
You try to bolster his confidence. He squeezes your hand back and gives you a small smile.
"Thanks, Pretty Boy. I don't know what I've done to deserve a friend like you."His voice is soft- unspoken meaning behind those words.
"Reid, you said you plan out alternative futures…"He's hesitant to continue.
Your stomach swoops as you look at him.
"In those alternate futures you ever...you ever see yourself with me?"
I see them all the time. Planned them out and everything. You tell him, eyes wide and hands shaking. This can't be real.
"Kid, don't play with me. I can't take it." His gaze roams for face, searching for deceit.
I'm not. I'd never joke around about…that. He's got to believe you.
His eyes burning bright and clear.
"So much time wasted."His voice feather light as you reach up to touch his face, beard stubble prickling your fingertips.
Can I...can I kiss you? You ask- heart hammering in chest.
Cardiac arrest imminent. Please say yes. Please…
Yeah.
The word ghosts on his lips as you both lean in.
Delicious heat furls from your gut and spreads as your lips meet his. You both basking in skin against skin.
A kiss never been so sweet, 15 years too long.
You pull apart when want for air becomes too much.
"Pretty. Boy." Derek's lips curl into a smile as he plants a chaste kiss to your temple.
You feel soft as you rest your head against your shoulder.
So… that happened? Your voice cracks, and you feel Derek's laughter run through you like ground lighting.
"Yeah. Wouldn't mind it happening again...see where this 'alternate future' takes us. I mean...if that's alright with you?" Derek asks.
You look up and smile.
“I’d like that a whole lot actually.” You say, leaning in for another kiss.