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It was a rainy morning when the feeling came. Closed curtains, sound of raindrops hitting the roof, wind knocking on their windows, heavy blankets atop their tangled limbs. It was a rainy morning when Jaemin knew it was time.
With his face just a few inches shy of his lover, he stares and stares for seconds, minutes, hours, he doesn’t even know.
Beautiful. There were a million other words and none at the same time that could describe his Jeno.
With his fingertips, he traces the older’s bare chest, then his collarbone, seeking the warmth that never seems to leave the other. He drags the tip of his index finger lightly over the expanse of his lover’s smooth and long neck.
Slowly he pulls his other hand from where it was snaked around Jeno’s waist, and with both of his hands, frames his lover’s neck, then his face.
He outlines the older’s cheeks, his nose, his eyesbrows, his moles, his lips.
Jaemin wants to laugh at the overwhelming feeling bubbling up his throat. With tears welling up his eyes and his chin trembling, he can’t help but let out a disbelieving little chuckle that sounds more like a gasp.
His Jeno. Jeno who looked like he could beat anyone to a pulp. Jeno who could probably intimidate a refrigerator into spitting out food. Jeno who could hurt him more than anything and anyone ever could. His Jeno. Jeno who wouldn’t. Jeno who would never.
Jeno who was kind and caring and lovely and wonderful and the best thing that has ever and will ever happen to the younger.
Jeno who doesn’t look at him with pity when he wakes up screaming from his nightmares, but will hold his hand and sing him to sleep anyway. Jeno who will never know what it’s like to come from a terrible family, break from a terrible family, and long for a terrible family, but understands anyway.
Jeno who lets him stay in bed all day and leaves him alone when Jaemin needs it. Jeno who knows when to not touch and when to not ask.
Jeno who promises to protect him and protects him. Jeno who always keeps his promises.
With utmost care, Jaemin presses a soft kiss to the older’s lips, and lets the tears fall. There’s no need to hold back, Jaemin thinks. Not here.
This is home.
And Jaemin almost sobs out loud at that thought. Not from grief or anger or shame. Not anymore.
This was his Jeno. The boy who had crescents for eyes and heart in place of sleeves. The boy who laughed freely and loved freely and cared freely. So unafraid and unapologetic. Jaemin wouldn’t have him any other way.
Jaemin grew up not knowing what love truly was. Always seeking but never finding love from his father’s eyes and his father’s fists. Waiting for love to take her with him when his older sister walked out of their doors and never came back. Desperately searching for love from various boys and girls in dark alleys and dodgy bars and the back of the school bleachers.
It took years and years for Jaemin to understand that this was love.
Love was waking up on a rainy morning, knowing you’re safe and sound. Limbs tangled with a warm body, he knows doesn’t have to leave the moment he awakens. Love was waking up to Jeno Lee’s face.
Jaemin wasn’t born from love. Jaemin was born from fists and cries and being left alone.
To have this. Jaemin never thought he would amount to anything and it took years and years for him to learn how to understand that he deserves this.
To understand that loving Jeno and staying with him isn’t being selfish. To understand that Jeno is his just as much as he is Jeno’s.
The elder stirs from his sleep and slowly opens his eyes, pressing a soft “good morning, baby,” to the younger’s temple.
When he pulls back a few inches, concern immediately floods his face, “What’s wrong?”
Jaemin looks him in the eyes for a moment and feels the urge to tell him, “I love you more than anyone and anything. I have made the most terrible mistakes in my life but if they were the ones who brought me to you, then I will never regret them. I will never wish for a different life. Never. Not if it means I couldn’t be with you. I love you so fucking much, I can feel my heart physically aching and I hope you know that there’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t do for you. You could convince me to do anything if you smiled at me the right way. I hate cats and I’d have twenty of them and feed and care for them myself if it’d make you happy. I love you so much. I’m scared of being with you because you can hurt me, Jeno Lee. You can break me. It scares me that you have so much power over me but nothing terrifies me more than not being with you.”
But he doesn’t. Because words still sometimes comes difficult to him, and his throat aches too much from the rollercoaster of emotions inside of him.
It almost frustrates him, but then. Then Jeno looks at him. Like he hears what Jaemin doesn’t say.
And this. This is why.
It was a rainy morning when Jaemin asks him, tears staining his cheeks and nothing but joy in his heart, hoping his voice doesn’t sound as scratchy as it feels, “Marry me?”
In a matter of seconds, Jeno gives him a deep kiss and the most breathtaking smile that has ever graced the planet, and an answer. or hundreds. “yes,” “ I love you,” “I am yours,” and “I’m here and so are you.”
And it means the world to Jaemin.
Jaemin never thought he would ever know what love was like. And now, he’s in love’s arms and he gets to stay forever.