Work Text:
There’s always a delicate air between Kazunari and Banri.
No one is quite sure how to put it but the way they tiptoe around each other, it’s almost as if they’re trying to figure something out about themselves. They’re trying to figure out about each other. Trying things, unsure if the other is fully into it or not. It’s honestly a little funny, Kazunari might say when he sees a disheveled Banri frown at his laptop.
Kazunari wonders if there are faces that only Banri lets him see.
The Banri with his hair tied messily, sadly drinking his coffee as he tries to masquerade a proper essay without actually watching the assigned play. The one that hits his head against the keyboard as he thumbs Kazunari’s knuckles. The one that contemplates on skipping out, only to realise he’ll get chased about it anyway. The one Kazunari sees only in glass cases that are dubbed coffee shops. He’s always stressed and shares Kazunari’s sentiment on why the hell did they agree to go to art school. Kazunari finds him a little funny.
There’s also the Banri with the expensive shoes that don’t look very expensive anymore. Pretty beaten up; God knows where those sneakers have been through. He only exists in outings; the one who laughs and gets along with others. Easy to spot, this is a Banri that Kazunari kind of shares with everyone. At the same time, he doesn’t. This Banri still somehow glues himself to Kazunari; arm wrapped around his waist as he jokingly threatens a mutual friend. He’s a secret softie in Kazunari’s eyes. Always quietly leaning on him when others are distracted. It leaves Kazunari confusedly warm.
The Banri that asks Kazunari to help him with practice is honestly one that Kazunari has a hard time dealing with. The dance practices are the hardest ones especially. He’s too close near Kazunari, his hands are in places that leave Kazunari sitting in the corner of a room for hours. The way he just guides Kazunari and laughs whenever Kazunari makes a misstep, it makes him want to scream in a bucket till the next morning. This Banri is too difficult to look at. Before practice, mid-practice and even after practice; he just looks too distracting, it leaves Kazunari stumbling over his steps more often than usual. It’s bad enough Banri even lets Kazunari in the practice room when he wants to do live-sketches. That just means this Banri is burnt into his mind and notebooks. How unfair, honestly.
Kazunari likes the Banri that clings onto him during down-low times. The one that sticks tightly to Kazunari’s back, moaning about how he’s tired. Trying to trick Kazunari to nap with him under the shady parts around campus, it makes Kazunari laugh endlessly. This Banri tangles himself with Kazunari. He’s too close and too warm for Kazunari to handle. He doesn’t quite know what to do when he sees that sleeping face that leans instantly when Kazunari tries to push away any stray hair from his face. Kazunari feels awkward with this Banri but at the same time, he doesn’t dare to slip away from him.
Kazunari could honestly go on with the many types of faces he sees Banri pull in front of him.
He never knows how to react to them. Can he step over to his side? Can he try to take a step closer to the other? He doesn’t know. He just knows it feels like being teased relentlessly but unsure if he were to give a reaction, the entire jig is up. These faces he sees, they’ll vanish into thin air and he’ll be back to seeing that one-dimensional Banri he used to see every day back before he graduated high school. The one Kazunari didn’t quite understand his need to stay on defense. The one that led conversations with some sort of mockery. The one that Kazunari never really liked, to be honest.
How embarrassing he thought in bed late at night. He can’t even handle the idea of losing any of the faces Banri has somewhat reserved for him. It leaves him desperately wanting to scream in his pillow but not being able to in fear of waking up anyone. Including Banri who surely will just march in just to shout Kazunari to shut up.
Sleep-deprived Banri is only cute when he yearning for Kazunari’s warmth. He isn’t cute when he’s already midway through REM and is suddenly jolted awake; that Banri is terrifying to say the least.
Aimlessly scrolling through Inste, he comes to a realisation that Inste Banri is fairly different. He’s less intimate in photos but the way his mouth curves into a smile, his eyes occasionally avoiding the Kazunari’s camera, and how he blends too well with the background regardless where they were; it was still so hard to stare at without feeling like you were intruding. This Banri, he looks embarrassed to have his photo taken. Like what Kazunari was seeing was only from his view and no one else’s.
“It’s no wonder people like this post the most.”
Is it okay for him to do this? Is it okay if he tries to make that misstep? What if he pushes away? Will everything that they’ve built together topple down and leave Kazunari hidden in all that rubble? What if Kazunari misunderstood the gestures? What will Kazunari do if he loses all of these Banris he doesn’t want to lose? Kazunari doesn’t know but he can’t just sit there and wait for Banri to make the move.
He has to do something .
It’s small but it’s better than nothing. Being the one initiating all those intimate gestures felt different. It leaves Kazunari a little breathless each time he sees a small smile creep up on Banri. He likes it how much closer Banri gets; those faces he seen before, they get closer and warmer. Kazunari can’t deny how much he enjoys the amount of attention Banri gives him. He can’t help but want more of it. It’s stupid but Banri indulges in it; wanting to see more of Kazunari’s other expressions, he says.
Other expressions, huh..
Kazunari doesn’t know if his face changes when he’s with Banri. He doesn’t notice them as much as he notices the other’s. He wonders what he looks like. Maybe he’ll ask one day, for sure. He wonders what he looks like through Banri’s eyes. It must be far different from whatever he’s imagining. Judging by how soft his expressions are around him, Kazunari is too unsure to make a quick assumption.
Today’s Banri is a post-exam Banri. He distresses by laying down and staring into nothing. Occasionally asking Kazunari to lie down next to him so he can take a nap. If Kazunari agrees, he’ll aimlessly talk about Inste-famous cafes around town. If Kazunari disagrees, he’ll puff his cheeks and start acting like a huge baby. Regardless, Banri will always win somehow. Managing to get Kazunari all wrapped up by physically dragging him down with him. Post-exam Banri always looks too easy to kiss. Kazunari honestly hates it.
“Can I ask you something?” Kazunari asks as he laces their hands together.
Banri ponders for a moment before laughing out a no. Kazunari frowns at the response; Banri really can be childish in front of Kazunari. Banri apologises and says he never meant it seriously. Kazunari could always ask him a question, chances are he could probably answer it correctly without missing a beat. A cheeky asshole, Kazunari teases.
“Do I look different when I’m with you? Like, do I show weird faces ?” The way Kazunari is phrasing it is so awkwardly put together he feels like he’s going to melt into a puddle because of it. He hates it so much; he wants to phrase it better but he’s stuck saying the worst phrased sentences he’s ever heard. Anything can talk better than him at this point.
Banri laughs in response as he watches Kazunari flounder endlessly.
“Maybe, who knows.” Settsu Banri don’t be a fucking tease, right now. Kazunari can’t tell how should he respond to that; choking? Slapping? Or maybe he can consider just roll him into moving traffic. Surely, Kazunari will fail if he attempts any of that.
Banri chalks up to him just being playful. Of course, Kazunari has different expressions around him. It’d be weird and awkward for Banri to be the only one doing them. It’d also mean Banri would have backed off had he not received a reaction. Wouldn’t it be weird for Banri to keep trying if he wasn’t getting a reaction out of Kazunari?
That was something Kazunari didn’t think much about .
Banri was right in that sense. As usual , this fuck was right. It would feel uncomfortable for both of them if either of them kept initiating these acts had the other not liked it. Banri went on about how he wouldn’t really wanna put Kazunari in such an awkward spot. Not only will that affect them as friends but also affect the company on top of that. Too many layers will be affected; he’d have to quit being part of Mankai and stop going to school in that case.
“Y’know, you’re pretty dramatic,” Kazunari jokes, making the other scoff.
Banri blames it on the acting classes. He’s starting to think hanging with theater-freaks have caused his dramatisation increased by a significant amount. Maybe hanging with Kazunari increased it a little bit more as well. He isn’t so sure anymore. He’s considered on stop hanging out with people in general.
Kazunari boos at Banri for that.
“Does that settle your question, then?”
“Hm?”
“You wanted to know if it was okay to be like this, right?”
Kazunari didn’t exactly ask that but Banri wasn’t wrong. He did want to know that. He wanted to know more than that. He wanted to know if it was okay to actually get together . He wanted to know if Kazunari could kiss Banri every chance he gets. He wanted to know if it’s okay to post a copious amount of pictures of them being gross together. He wanted to know if it’s okay to keep that marveling attention Banri gives to Kazunari and only Kazunari.
He wanted to know if it’s okay to love Banri .
The way Banri looks at him; he looked just as unsure as Kazunari. It’s almost as if he was waiting for Kazunari to say yes instead of the other way around. The way Banri brings Kazunari’s hand close to his lips, it made everything feel as though time moved slower than usual. He looked like he could wait for a million years for Kazunari to come up with an answer. Really, Kazunari sometimes thinks he doesn’t deserve someone like Banri.
“Is it okay? Are you sure? Like sure sure or?” Banri laughs as Kazunari stumbles over his words. He tries to justify his doubt but Banri still laughs at him. It’s unfair really; not only is his laugh is making it harder for Kazunari to control the situation, this entire atmosphere of the confession--it felt like something out of the comics Muku keeps in their shared room. Everything felt unreal yet it was very much real.
Banri is probably one of the very few people in the world to ever lazily drag Kazunari into a kiss. The way he kisses is so soft and light that it goes against the other’s nature. It was sweet; it’s unfair that Banri tastes like strawberry chapstick. It felt unreal that all of this undivided attention was on Kazunari; he didn’t know what to do with it.
“You can probably kiss me again if you’re still lost, by the way.”
Banri’s a big shithead, Kazunari would say that after he tries to kiss Banri again. The way he lets Kazunari cup his face as he gets pulled closer. He hates how easy it is to follow along with this idiot’s antics. He hates how easy it is to keep doing these lovey-dovey things with Banri. He wants to wipe that grin off his face when they’re done kissing. Life is always on the easy mode for someone like Banri, huh? Kazunari will be sure to make his life a living hell if that’s the case.
“If you date me, you don’t get any say about stuff I wanna do, m’kay?”
Banri sticks his tongue out before saying, “Yes, your majesty.” The other surely is troublesome, he can’t deny that but yet, he wants Banri to stay that way. Kazunari wants all that troublesome undivided attention because only Kazunari will get to see this. He wants to cherish every single moment of it.
Boyfriend Banri is probably Kazunari’s favourite Banri; he’s all of his favourite Banris rolled into one mode. He kisses Kazunari when they’re tucked away from the rest, leaving him breathless and filled with small spurts of giggles. He’ll haul his ass and bring Kazunari essentials when he’s cooped up in the art room, relentlessly finishing his work. He’ll drag Kazunari to bed and rant about how the brain functions better with the right amount of sleep. He even indulges Kazunari every chance he can get, he’ll let Kazunari take pictures of them being gross. It only leaves Kazunari looking at those pictures and wondering how he could get here.
Banri will probably knock his head and says that it’s because he deserves it. He isn’t wrong about that honestly.