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Double Black, they were called. Mori had called them diamonds. Yokohama's vicious duo. Dazai knew what the city thought of them, he was no idiot. But only if they knew what the real deal was; what went on in secluded rooms at three in the morning. The light touches, kisses. The whispers of comfort when one woke up, screaming from a nightmare their mind had created.
Yokohama knew Nakahara Chuuya, a ruthless Port Mafia member, one half of the infamous Soukoku that once existed.
Dazai, however, knew Chuuya.
He was a bird. Sure, the irony of his gravitational powers isn't lost on him. But for Dazai, Chuuya was a bird. Who was once trapped, unsure of where he really deserves to be. He knew he had freed him and given him the place he belonged in. For the darkness in one's blood never really fades away, does it?
Dazai, of all people, knew that the best.
Seasons have changed since he saw Chuuya. They have grown up since he saw Chuuya, life ensured that. Their lives had changed since the day Dazai left. He wonders if Chuuya ever cried, in the seclusion of his room. Many things have gone past, everything has slid before his eyes since then. He's never felt freer. Yet, the tiny ache in his heart never died. The love never died.
Days and nights have gone past, and Dazai hasn't stopped thinking.
Sure he's living his truth. Where he truly deserves to be. The Armed Detective Agency never fails to try to make him feel home and welcome and wanted.
Dazai never feels worth it.
An occasional night comes by where his mind is filled with Chuuya. A selfish, idiotic part of him wished he was still by Chuuya's side. He relived every moment they spent together, be it on missions or when he had Chuuya curled up by his side in an embrace. And selfishly, he wants those moments to last; those moments which have already long gone away from the sands of time.
All he can do is wish, and dream. Hope. That's something the light taught him.
Seasons have changed, he still remembers. They've grown, and he hopes. He knows what death does to people and their minds. The hardness of heart he possessed was shared by Chuuya. They knew death, too. Closely.
For him, Chuuya is a bird. Flying high, away; everywhere. Dazai still hopes to see Chuuya again; again after the night he kissed a sleeping Chuuya goodbye. He knew his brain to mouth filter will always end up insulting Chuuya, but he still hopes he can tell Chuuya to continue flying high like he does.
Ironic, it was. How Dazai was the one in the light ad Chuuya in the dark and all Dazai's mind could gather was how he was the shadow that had been cast over Chuuya the moment they were partners, with Chuuya as the light.
It didn't make sense, did it? It was a fact that only Dazai knew.
Dazai Osamu missed Nakahara Chuuya.