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I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. I clung to my roommate tighter, squeezing her hand in both of mine. It was my first time leaving our dorm room since I came to Seoul- since I came to South Korea at all. I had passed my first few days being on campus locked away and studying Korean so I could communicate better, but it didn’t seem like I’d get much of a chance to use it.
“What’s wrong, Tzu?” Chaeyoung asked, chuckling at how tightly I squeezed her hand. I, for one, didn’t find this entertaining.
“Is it so obvious that I’m a foreigner?” I whispered nervously. We picked out our outfits and makeup for the first day of classes together, so I knew I wasn’t ugly or unattractive, but still…
“Your accent would give it away, but if I saw you walking down the street, I’d assume you were Korean, too.” She shrugged. “Maybe they think you’re pretty?”
“I don’t know…” I nervously bit my lip, and huddled closer to Chaeyoung. It must’ve been an interesting sight, seeing a tall girl trying her best to hide herself behind a midget. Chaeyoung walked a little faster, noticing how uncomfortable I felt with all those eyes on me. She pulled me into the nearest building’s bathroom and pulled out her phone to text her girlfriend. I was introverted. Incredibly introverted and shy. My parents always told me to be wary of others, that I was beautiful and that they’d do things to me if I gave them a chance. I only had a small circle of friends, and they’d glare daggers at anyone who dared to come near me. I wasn’t necessarily scared that anyone would do anything to me, but their looks just...made me deeply uncomfortable.
“Mina’s gonna be here in a couple minutes.” Chaeyoung grinned, putting her phone back in her purse. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Yeah, just...a little dizzy.” I sighed. Chaeyoung pursed her lips and glanced around the bathroom, deep in thought.
“Sit on the sink? You’re tall enough, you can get up there, right?” She spoke, unsure of herself. I shook my head.
“I don’t know...I just-”
“It’s okay, don’t worry.” Chaeyoung assured me. “Mina’s on her way, and you’ll feel safer with both of us! You know I’m on your side, and Mina’s the best girl in the world.” She sighed dreamily. I couldn’t help but feel jealous. I had never even kissed a girl- hell, I’d never kissed anyone before. I’d never been in a relationship before. I felt so inexperienced and childish. Still, I nodded at Chaeyoung’s words and leaned my head back on the tiled wall of the restroom. I had only met Mina once. Chaeyoung dragged her into our dorm to meet me, and explained my predicament. Mina was from Japan, but there were other girls from Japan here, so it was easier for her to adjust.
A blonde girl stepped into the bathroom, head down. When she looked up, I could tell from her expression that she was more than a little frazzled. She was pretty, though. Really pretty. Her face was flushed, her hair was messy, but she was beautiful. She was the kind of beautiful that would shine in any situation. It took me a moment to register that she was staring at me with terror in her eyes. I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion- bad move. She spun around and bolted out the door. Seconds after she flew out, Mina entered.
“Did you do something to Sana?” Mina asked, arms crossed. I made a mental note, if I were lucky enough to cross paths with her and apologize for...whatever set her off. That cute girl was Sana. I was still in a bit of a daze, so Chaeyoung answered for me.
“No, I didn’t even know her name until you told me. Tzuyu probably doesn’t either.” Chaeyoung shrugged, and turned to look at me in my daze. “Tzuyu, are you sure you’re okay?” I mentally kicked myself in the ass and brought my mind back to the situation at hand. I’d have my first university class soon.
“I’m okay.” I responded as calmly as I could. Mina raised an eyebrow at me, then relaxed.
“I don’t know her personally, either…” Mina sighed. “I’ve heard a ton of rumors, but then when you look at her face, you know there’s no way they could be true.”
“Rumors?” I asked, curious to learn more about Sana- or at least to learn why she might’ve been so startled to see me. Mina patted my hand, and looked up at me with a kind smile.
“Let’s get you two to class, first. I’ll explain on the way there.” She kissed Chaeyoung’s cheek, then took my hand in hers. We left the bathroom together, the three of us, and I quickly scanned the area for blonde hair. Nothing. “I only know a couple things about Sana for a fact. One, she’s clumsy. Painfully clumsy.”
“How so?” Chaeyoung asked.
“She could trip on anything. She’ll even trip on air.” Mina chuckles. “Anyways, the second thing I know, she likes to look good. I’ve never seen her without makeup on, and I’ve never seen her in any kind of lazy outfit. If her hair gets messy, she’ll brush it back in place right away.” My eyebrows furrowed in concern. If she took so much pride in her appearance...why was she so disheveled? “The only other thing I know for a fact about Sana, is that she gets picked on a lot. I see it all the time…” Mina sighed.
“Was that why she seemed so panicked?” I asked.
“Probably. She might’ve been running from someone.” Mina rolled her eyes. “I’ve only spoken to her once. She seems sweet...but she’s scared of most of us on campus. I don’t recall even mentioning her name in bad faith, but…”
“Does she have any friends?” I asked, growing worried for Sana’s health.
“Her roommate, Jihyo, is nice to everyone, including Sana. I’ve even seen Jihyo stand up for Sana a couple of times...I think they’re friends, but I rarely see her talk to anyone, not even Jihyo.” Mina sighed. “I used to try to talk to her, but she’d never let me approach her. Her last name is Japanese, so...I wondered if maybe, just maybe, she was from Japan, too. Maybe we’d be friends, and she wouldn’t be so scared, but she constantly avoids me. Not just me- everyone.” Mina opened the door to the building Chaeyoung and I’s class was in, and the sitting area became silent. I squeezed Mina’s hand, and she squeezed back, leading us up the stairs, away from the prying eyes of the other students. “Damn, you’re really something, Tzuyu.” She chuckled, once we were out of earshot of the sitting area.
“What do you mean?” I asked nervously.
“They were all drooling over you.” She laughed, patting my shoulder. “I think you’ll get your first kiss pretty fast, if there’s someone who catches your eye.”
“You told her?!” I yelped, turning to glare at Chaeyoung.
“We practically share a brain!” Chaeyoung whined. “It just came out!”
“Neither of us will let it spread.” Mina chuckled. “Chaeng just can’t keep secrets from me.”
Chaeyoung and I entered the classroom, after Chaeyoung gave Mina a quick peck on the cheek, at least. I quickly scanned the room for that blonde hair, but I didn’t catch anything, so we decided to sit in the back corner. Chaeyoung was a more outgoing person, much more so than me, but she stayed by my side so I wouldn’t be scared. She was a really good friend...I’m lucky to have met her.
“Did you see that blonde girl earlier?” I perked up at the mention of a blonde girl, wondering if it was Sana. I tried to secretly look around the room to see who was talking, and listen in.
“That’s Sana. Elly and Su already told me about her. Apparently, she sleeps with the professors to get her grades up. She dresses like a slut so they’ll be more tempted to take her offer, and I’m sure she messes around with the campus police. You gotta stay away from her. She’s dangerous.” The taller girl patted the shorter, childlike girl’s head. “At least, that’s what I was told.”
“Why’d she seem so upset earlier?” The small girl asked.
“She probably ended up getting pregnant.” The tall girl sighed. “Poor thing.”
I shuddered, and decided to stop listening to their conversation. The Sana that Mina knew, she wouldn’t do that. The Sana I saw in the bathroom, with panic-stricken eyes, that wasn’t something that she would do. There had to be more than one blonde Sana, right? Or...was she actually sleeping with the professors…?
“Earth to Tzuyu!” Chaeyoung groaned, waving her hand in front of my face. I blinked a few times, shaking myself from my thoughts.
“Yeah?” I asked dumbly.
“What were you thinking about? Missing home?” Chaeyoung chuckled. “We can go get some jajangmyeon after class, if your schedule is free.” I smiled gently, shaking my head.
“I was just...thinking. About Sana.” I sighed. “She doesn’t seem like the type of person who’d do anything risky, so...why would she be running from someone? Why would she be terrified of us?”
“No idea.” Chaeyoung pursed her lips and thought for a moment. “She’s pretty, so it’s not her looks. She dresses well, so it’s not her clothes. She seems like she comes from an average family, so it’s not her financial situation. I’d say it’s because she’s a foreigner, but Mina’s from Japan, just like her, and she made friends quickly. No one ever teased her or attacked her over being Japanese.”
“I can’t think of anything either.” I propped my chin up on the palm of my hand. “Maybe I can try to talk to her sometime…?” Chaeyoung just shrugged in response, since the professor was walking in and it was time for us to pay attention to the lecture. We both opened our notebooks and prepared to write.
After class, Chaeyoung and I gathered our things. She was still thinking about jajangmyeon, but my mind was occupied with Sana. I managed to push her away during class, but...now that I wasn’t focusing on anything, she was at the forefront of my mind. “So? What do you say, Tzu?” Chaeyoung asked, but I didn’t really hear anything she said.
“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” I asked sheepishly. She grinned, nodded, and re-explained herself.
“Okay, so, Mina’s gonna be out of ballet soon. So, I was thinking, we kill a little time and hang out around the fine arts building until she’s out. It’ll only be ten-ish minutes. Then, we can go out for food together!” She clapped her hands together, proud of herself.
“That sounds great!” I grinned happily. I was hungry, for sure, and I’d love to ask Mina some more questions about Sana, anyway. I’d be a third wheel, but that was okay. They always made sure I felt included. We went down the stairs just in time to see Sana about to leave the building. I almost ran to her, but...that’d scare her for sure. I saw a boy, some jerk, stick his foot out in front of her, tripping her. She fell down with a yelp of pain- or embarrassment, since her skirt flew up, exposing her panties. A crowd was formed in seconds, and I heard them saying all sorts of things. I didn’t know Korean very well, so I didn’t even understand most of the insults, but I knew they were insults. “Slut” and “Dog” were the only words I could really pick out. I bolted down the stairs, leaving Chaeyoung to shout at me in confusion. I wiggled through the crowd, and grabbed Sana’s wrist- bad move. She screamed, terrified.
“Stop! Just stop it!” She pleaded through tears, as the crowd cheered me on. Disgusting. What were they thinking I would do to her? I pulled off my shirt, leaving me in just a small, thin undershirt, but covered her ass with it. The crowd was silent, and so was she.
“I’m Tzuyu. Come on, you’re bleeding.” I spoke as gently as possible. I helped her up, and my shirt fell to the ground as her skirt covered her up again, and we began walking toward the nearest bathroom. My hand still gripped her wrist hard, but she stood close to me instead of fighting it. I heard the crowd start up again, but I soon heard Chaeyoung’s voice cut through it.
“That’s my friend’s shirt, you assholes!” She sounded absolutely furious. I turned my head just in time to see her kick a boy in his crotch, and uppercut another one. There was silence; except for a pair of feet running towards me from behind. “They were fighting over your shirt. They were gonna rip it.” Chaeyoung sighed, holding up the now-dirty white button-up in front of her, now walking beside Sana and I. Sana began sniffling again. “Hey, hey, I’m Tzuyu’s friend. I’m not gonna hurt you.” She said gently. “And my girlfriend is the softest, kindest girl in the universe.” A proud smile graced her features for a moment, before panic set in. “Shit, Tzuyu, what time is it?”
“I kinda have my hands full, Chaeng.” I chuckled, watching her pull out her phone once we entered the bathroom. Once Sana saw herself in the mirror, she flinched, like she was physically hurt from seeing herself looking this way.
“Fuck, uh, dammit, I can’t leave you two, what if someone follows- ah, but Mina...shit. I’ll text her.” She groaned, running her fingers through her hair, then stared at her phone nervously for a second. “I’ll call her.” She decided, and walked into one of the bathroom stalls, leaving the door open in case something happens.
“Okay, Sana, if I let go of your hand, you’ll stay, right? I promise. I just want to help.” I pleaded, watching blood drip down her cheek. She just nodded, and I let go of her wrist slowly. She stayed in place. I grabbed some paper towels, then washed my hands and put some cool water on the towels. I gently wiped the blood off, being extra-careful on the open wounds the blood was coming from. “If it hurts, tell me.” I whispered as Chaeyoung explained what happened to Mina over the phone. She nodded again. Once she stopped bleeding, I cleaned the dirt off of her clothes and arms. I finally stood up straight, after tending to the shorter girl for a while. She was staring at me with big eyes. Big, adorable eyes. I could tell she was still being cautious, but at least she wasn’t terrified of me.
“Son Chaeyoung!” Mina yelled, walking into the bathroom furiously. Sana flinched and tried to hide against me.
“It’s okay. It’s okay.” I chuckled. “That’s her girlfriend.” Mina dragged Chaeyoung out of the bathroom stall by her ear, while the tiny, but tough, girl whimpered in pain.
“Wait, wait, wait, Mina, wait, please, Mina, baby, I’m sorry, baby, please, Mina, love of my life, angel, cupcake-” Mina let go of Chaeyoung’s ear, but crossed her arms and stared at her angrily. “U-Uhm...I don’t wanna leave them...in case someone follows…” Mina’s arms dropped and she turned around to see Sana and I standing there.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I just don’t want Chaengie to get hurt, so I told her not to fight anyone. Ever.” She sent a quick glare to her pitiful-looking girlfriend. “I’m Mina.” She smiled, then turned to face Chaeyoung. “What if they took you on? What if they fought back, hm? You’d be in the hospital, you idiot!”
“I know, I’m sorry.” She sighed sadly. Mina gave her a quick kiss on her cheek, then turned back to face Sana and I.
“So…” She tilted her head in confusion, and looked at me.
“Oh! Sana, should I walk you back to your dorm? Should we call your roommate to get you?” Sana nodded, and shoved her phone into my hand. “So...call your roommate then?” She nodded again. I scrolled through her contacts, most of which were in Japanese, probably old friends, until I came across a Korean name. Jihyo. I called her and held the phone to my ear.
“Hey Sana, what’s up?” Jihyo asked, clearly concerned.
“Uh...I’m a freshman. Chou Tzuyu-”
“Why the fuck do you have her phone?!” Jihyo shouted angrily. Sana pulled the phone from my hand and spoke in a shaky voice.
“I a-asked her to call you. I-I need you to come and u-uhm, I’m sorry-” She quickly stopped, and breathed a sigh of relief, visibly relaxing, as she told Jihyo where we were. She put her phone back in her purse, but didn’t budge from me. She still hid in my arms. It would be adorable if it wasn’t because she was scared to death. I hugged her tight.
“Are you okay?” I asked gently. She nodded. “Good, good.” I hummed. “If anything happens, you can come to me or Chaeyoung or Mina. None of us will hurt you.”
“W-Why are you so nice?” She whimpered.
“Because I honestly can’t believe the rumors. Not after seeing your face. Even if they’re true...you’re still human.” Her grip tightened on me, her nails dug into my sides.
“N-None of it i-is true.” She sniffled, starting to cry again. “I-I’ve never- I’ve never even- I’m a virgin, I swear, I-”
“It’s okay, calm down.” I rested my chin on top of her head. “You don’t need to explain anything. Especially not now.” We spent a few minutes in peaceful silence, just being there for each other. Her breathing became steady, and her grip loosened a bit, although she still had me locked in a tight hug. I wasn’t complaining. A gorgeous girl was hugging me, and I was hugging her, and...it was nice. I felt my heart pounding against my chest- I was nervous that she’d pick up on it, which only made it go faster. Instead, she nuzzled her cheek against my collarbone. The bathroom door flung open, startling all four of us, and Jihyo ran in, pulling Sana away from me.
“I’m sorry, Sana, I wish I could do more, they won’t listen-”
“It’s okay. Tzuyu was there.” She smiled a little.
“Let’s go. You need to lay down and rest.” Jihyo sighed, tugging her along, then stopped and spun around before leaving. “Thanks for taking care of her. Thank you so much. Don’t be afraid to come talk to me if you see me, whether it’s on campus or out in town. Seriously. Thank you.” She spoke fast, but I could understand it. She turned around again, and took Sana out of the bathroom with her.
I hadn’t seen Sana at all after that. I wondered if she transferred schools because the bullying got too bad. Or maybe...she was scared of me and my friends? Either way, I made my way through college, having little flings of relationships, but never really falling in love. Even in my second, third, and fourth years of college, I’d lie awake thinking of what happened to Sana. Sometimes I’d wonder if she took her own life, but there’s no way. I could never picture her deciding to end her own life. Maybe she was killed, but there were no police inspectors questioning us. Maybe she went back to Japan…? Maybe I’d never see her again.
I graduated, despite my brain’s determination to focus on Sana, that poor angel from my first day of college. I didn’t get in contact with Jihyo, but I wish I did. I’d know where Sana was, and if she was okay. I’d know if she was even alive. It was stupid to be fixated on a girl from my first day of college, four years ago, who I might never see again, but something kept bugging me. I didn’t even know what it was, but Sana had made a little home in my mind, and decided to live there ever since I met her. I didn’t even know her for a full day. We hardly even talked. It didn’t matter.
I easily found a job at a veterinary clinic, giving vaccinations, administering medicine, assisting in surgeries...but every day, I’d go back to my apartment, and I’d look around the empty place, thinking of Sana. I enjoyed my job, I enjoyed my apartment, I was paid well, and I still met up with Mina and Chaeyoung fairly often. I still felt empty.
My shift ended in the middle of a thunderstorm. Great. I’d have to walk home in this, or stand in the rain waiting for a bus or taxi. I’d rather walk, it’d be quicker. I put my jacket on, and stepped outside, wincing as the cold rain hit my skin. I heard splashing, loud splashing, like someone running, but I could hardly see. Raindrops kept getting in my eyes...until they didn’t. The splashing stopped. I opened my eyes normally again, and met a pair of familiar eyes, sparkling at me. “Tzuyu.” She whispered as a smile graced her face. “Tzuyu, it really is you!” She squealed, dropping her umbrella to hug me, but quickly putting it back above us, noticing that we were both soaking wet. “My place is close. Come wait out the storm. It’s the least I can do!” I just stared at her in shock, like an idiot. She took my wrist in her hand and tugged me along, keeping me close so we were both under the umbrella.
She looked...so...she didn’t even look human anymore. She had to be a goddess or something. She was gorgeous in college, but...her smile was so bright, and her hair, even though it flopped like wet seaweed now that it was soaked, seemed more...alive. Her body was well-toned, and she had a bit of a tan. Her voice rang clear, and oh, it sounded heavenly.
I was so distracted by Sana’s beauty, that I didn’t even realize we were in her apartment until she let go of my hand. She shuffled out of her shoes, then ran off somewhere, leaving little water droplets on the ground behind her. She ran back, and...fell on the floor. She really was clumsy. I reached out to help her, but she got up quickly and shooed me away, pointing at my shoes. “Take them off, or you’ll get my floors dirty!” She whined. I wiggled my feet out of my shoes, then stepped onto the wet floor. She tossed a towel on me, then began drying her hair.
“Sana.” I whispered, finally sure that this was indeed Sana. The Sana that screamed like I’d kill her when I touched her wrist, and of course, I was reunited with her while in unflattering paw-print scrubs.
“Yep! I’m totally different now, right?” She grinned widely.
“Where were you?” I could hardly speak. She had...completely changed. For the better. Those eyes were the same, but there was life- no, there was a full-on fiery spirit behind them.
“My parents forced me to come home to Japan.” She sighed. “I wanted to say good-bye to you, but...I didn’t know your schedule, and I didn’t have your number. And it was on such short notice, too, I hardly had time to pack. I finished college back home, and I decided to see if I could find work here, and maybe cross paths with someone…” She blushed, and shyly looked at the ground. “...and I did.” I hugged her. That was the only thing I could think to do. I hugged her so tight, still dripping wet, while she managed to have dried off. Her arms wrapped around me, and she buried her face in my soaking wet scrubs. When we finally let go of each other, her makeup was smudged, and she was just as wet as she was before drying off. “Please, come in, Tzuyu.” She smiled, gesturing to the interior of the apartment. It was prettily decorated, and well-furnished. I followed her onto the carpeted floor of her living room, where she patted the couch for me to sit on. “What do you wanna eat?”
“You don’t have to-”
“I do!” She exclaimed. “You gave me hope, Tzuyu. You helped me believe in people again.”
“Sana-”
“Please, Tzuyu?” She pouted with big, pleading eyes. I laid the towel down on the couch, then sat down. “Oh! I should probably get you something to change into…” She bolted into the bedroom before I could protest, then emerged with a baggy t-shirt and pajama pants. “Uh...they might be a little small, because you’re so tall, but…”
“That’s fine with me, really.” I happily took the clothes from her, and went into the bathroom to finish drying off and change. If my past self, the Tzuyu on her first day of college, knew I was wearing Sana’s clothes right now...man, life would have been so much easier. So many sleepless nights would’ve never happened, because I would’ve been able to sleep at night knowing Sana was safe, and knowing that I wouldn’t just see her again; I’d be in her apartment, in her pajamas. Sure, the pants hardly reached my ankles, and the t-shirt was barely long enough to cover my torso, but (as odd as this may sound) the clothes smelled like Sana. It felt like I was wrapped up in her. I stepped out of the bathroom as quietly as possible, but as soon as Sana heard the door open, she spun around on the couch, and called me over, eagerly patting the couch again. I shyly walked to the space next to her and sat down where she had patted the cushion.
“Wow, you’ve grown even taller since college, haven’t you?” She giggled. “What do you wanna eat?”
“I’m fine, really-”
“Are you sure?” She asked, peering into my eyes, looking for any reason to believe I was lying.
“I’m sure.” I chuckled, putting her at ease. “I already owe you for bringing me to your place, I don’t need to owe you for food, too.”
“Fair enough, I guess.” She shrugged. “So, tell me what my knight in shining armor has been up to during the past few years!” I rolled my eyes at the nickname, and quickly told her the path I’d taken since we last met, back in college. More importantly, I wanted to know what she was doing. Sure, she went back to Japan as per her parents’ orders, but what did she study? Did she make friends back in her home country? Do they keep in touch? What was she doing for work now? We had about four years to cover in the span of...well, until one of us has to go, I suppose, but it certainly wouldn’t be long enough. I had to remember to get her number before leaving. I didn’t want to let her disappear on me again, not now. I wanted her to stay in my life.
A few hours later, I knew that wouldn’t be a problem.
We were sitting cross-legged across from each other on the floor, eating cheap convenience store ramen, since our stomachs just couldn’t stop growling. We had both ended up taking out our contacts and put our hair into messy buns. Sana changed into comfy-looking sweatpants and a loose cropped t-shirt. We had gotten comfortable together quickly, and were chatting back and forth, sharing stories that ranged from hilarious to heart-wrenching. We shed a couple of tears together and smiled so wide it hurt…it wasn’t until Sana’s phone rang that we realized the time, and we both flew into a panic, needing to get to work on time tomorrow. She dropped me off at my apartment complex, but as I was about to hop out of the car, she took my phone and typed something in before handing it back to me.
“I missed you, Tzuyu.” She smiled gently, and kissed my cheek. I stared at her in shock, dropping my phone on the floor of her car. She kissed me. She kissed me, she kissed me, she kissed me! My little puppy-love crush from freshman year kissed me. “Are you okay?” She asked, confused. I cupped her cheeks and pulled her into a soft kiss. Nothing crazy, just an innocent peck on her lips.
“I’m fantastic.” I grinned, and kissed her on the tip of her nose. “I missed you, too.” She laughed and patted my shoulder, urging me out of her car.
“Go, go, you need to sleep before work tomorrow.”
I pinched myself as soon as I got into my apartment, making sure it wasn’t a dream. I checked my phone, curious to see what Sana had done. I saw a new contact saved, spelled “Snaa”...hopefully she didn’t mistype the number, too. I sent a message, making sure it was the right number. I got an immediate response, clearly Sana from the amount of exclamation points and emojis. I chuckled, and sent her a screenshot of the contact she made on my phone, teasing her about her spelling.
I never did change the spelling of her name in my phone, but I did add a few hearts.