Work Text:
"No one knows what it's like
To be the bad man
To be the sad man
Behind blue eyes"
Tears pourred down Max's face. Her body shook uncontrollably. The only sound escaping from her was gasps of pain. She clutched onto one of Billy's shirts to her chest, sobbing deeply into the flannel. Billy was gone and left her chest heavy with emptiness.
Max knew that mostly everyone didn't like Billy; others often viewed him as aggressive and looking for a fight. She knew that most women saw him as a sex machine; an irresistable young man. But after everything that had happened this summer, she and her friends knew that there was much more to Billy than that.
"Th-this c-can't be true," Max sobbed into the flannel, shaking her head. Her legs shook uncontrollably, and she felt an awful fire of panic building in her stomach. "H-he can't b-be gone... he c-can't," she sobbed, her body falling in on itself. She collapsed on the floor of her bedroom, shaking legs sending painful chills up her body. She sceamed silently into Billy's flannel, the fire in her stomach threatening to consume her.
Max didn't know what to do anymore. She was at lost of words; she didn't know how to stop the fire raging in her stomach. She felt like she had dropped off the tallest building and was still freefalling, unable to reach the ground. She felt her stomach in her throat. Her skin was slick with cold sweat.
Crawling over to her bedside table, Max dialed Will's number on her phone and waited, tears still streaming down her face. Eventually, Will answered, and before he had the chance to speak, Max pleaded for his help.
"Puh-please, Will, h-help me," Max begged, cheek sticking to the side of the phone with sweat. "B-bring El wh-with you, too, please... please," she said, hanging up the phone before sitting back against her bed, grabbing at her hair as she rocked back and forth.
Max didn't have to wait long before Will and Eleven arrived. Before Max could comprehend what was going on, Eleven had moved her to her bed, and Will had wrapped a blanket around Max.
Will sat across from Max, and Eleven sat next to her. Will looked at Max with concerned eyes, eyebrows furrowing. "Slow down your breathing, Max... breathe in for three seconds, hold for four seconds, and exhale for seven seconds."
Max inhaled, body shaking as she did so. She gripped Billy's flannel closer to her and held her breath for a moment, before exhaling for a long time. Afterwards, she shook her head and felt more tears streaming down her face. "I-it's not working," she said, burying her face into the flannel.
Will frowned and reached out, placing a hand on Max's leg. "Hey, Max, would you look at me for a second?"
Eleven felt tears brimming in her eyes as she saw her friend Max sobbing. She wrapped an arm around Max and rested her head against her shoulder.
Max looked up hesitantly at Will, tears streaming down her face. "Ok. Now wh-what?"
Will nodded to her, beginning to speak. "Tell me five things you can see."
Max furrowed her brows, looking at him. More tears rolled down her cheeks. "Wh-why?"
"It'll help the feeling. Please try for me?"
Max paused for a moment, but she then nodded. "U-um... I see Billy's flannel... you... Eleven's jeans... Buh-Billy's jacket... my dresser... and a record."
"Good," Will said, smiling softly at Max. He moved his hand to Max's hand, gently squeezing it. "Now, tell me four things you can touch."
Max thought for a moment, looking to her side. "I can... touch El... my bedsheet... you... Billy's flannel."
Will squeezed her hand again and smiled.
"It's all okay, Max," Eleven soothed, nuzzling against her gently.
"Tell me three things you can hear. Not your thoughts, but around you," Will asked.
Max sighed softly, wiping at her dimishining tears. "I... I can hear my heartbeat. My phone off the hook. The rain outside."
"You're doing so good, Max," Will soothed, smiling at her. "Our zoomer can do anything. Now, tell me two things you can smell."
Max smiled weakly and brought Billy's flannel close to her again. "I can smell Billy... and I can smell... snot," Max laughed gently, wiping her nose on her own sleeve.
Will laughed softly, grinning at Max. "Good, really good! Alright. Last time. One thing you can taste."
Max paused for a moment, furrowing her brows. "Um," she began, wiping at her eyes again. " I can taste... salt. Salt, you know. Tears."
Eleven felt tears fall from her own eyes. Seeing one of her best friends crying was getting to her. "You're so brave, Max," she said, pulling her into a hug.
Max hugged Eleven tightly and felt herself crying a little bit again. "Thank you, Will and El, for coming over," she said, reaching out one arm to bring Will into the hug.
Will closed his eyes tightly, fighting back tears as he hugged the two girls. "Seriously, like El said, Max... you're so brave. You're strong, and you can get through this. We're here to help you get through it. I promise."
Max nodded and pulled away from the hug, smiling weakly at both of them. She looked at them for a moment, then looked down at Billy's flannel, feeling a surge of pain resurface. "He... he wasn't a monster, right? Right... my Billy wasn't a monster."
Will shook his head, looking at her with sympathetic eyes. "No, Max. Billy wasn't a monster. He never hurt you, even when the Mind Flayer had him in his grip. He protected you all of his life. He never let anyone hurt you. He loved you."
Eleven nodded, looking at her with tears in her brown eyes. "He sacrificed himself for me, Max. He didn't even know who I was that well. I was a threat to him. But he saved my life. He didn't let me die. He died for me, right in front of me."
Will nodded, starting to mess with the sleeve of his jacket. "I... I felt the same as him before. I was close to hurting people, like Billy. But I didn't. And Billy saved El's life. He saved El's life because he knew that she meant something to you, Max. Billy knew who was special to you. And even when he wasn't fully in control of himself, he fought against it, and he made sure Eleven was okay. Even if that meant..."
"Meant letting it consume him," Max said, tears streaming down her face. "He... he never... never let dad hurt me. Never. I miss Billy so much..."
"When Billy was younger," Eleven began, thinking back on what Billy allowed her to see. "He tried to stop your dad from hurting his mom. He screamed at your dad, trying to stop him from hurting "mommy," as he said. Billy knew your mom was meant to be protected, and he tried so bad."
"Billy was loyal, protective, and caring about the people that were close to him," Will began, smiling softly at Max. "I knew that I could never mess with you because I knew he would make sure I wouldn't."
Max buried her head against Eleven's shoulder and shook her head. "I can't imagine the pain he felt... while he wasn't in control."
Will subconciously rubbed the back of his neck, shaking his head. "I... all I can, is that Billy was a figther. He may have given into the Mind Flayer in the beginning, but in the end, he ultimately fought against all of it. There were times when I felt like I was gaining back my control, only to be beat down again. And everytime I thought I was safe, he would creep back into my mind, and I would be begging for the cold again... Billy fought hard, and I wish... I wish there was some way we could've saved him," Will said, feeling tears collect in his eyes.
"No one knows what it's like
To be hated
To be fated
To telling only lies"
"You... you guys didn't hate him, did you?" Max asked, looking up at both of them, clutching the flannel close to her.
Eleven shook her head, pulling Max close again. "No. I never hated him, even if he was a bit scary at times."
Will aggreed with Eleven. "No. I never hated him. How could I hate him? He went through basically the same thing as I did... it would be... wrong to hate him. If I hated him, that would mean I would have to hate myself."
Max tried to smile, but she had trouble smiling. Her vibrant hair fell messily in her face as she felt as if she would collapse again. "I loved him so much... he was my only brother. He cared about me. And I... I couldn't save him, even when he has saved me countless of times."
Eleven smoothed the hair out of Max's face, enveloping her in another hug. She leaned close to her, whispering, "You'll be able to see him again one day. This isn't the only place you'll exist. He's in a better place, waiting for you."