Work Text:
Jungkook is on his phone. He’s leaning against the arm rest, so you can’t see the screen, but judging by how quickly his thumbs are tapping on the screen and the slight quirk of his mouth, you have a feeling you know what he’s doing. He is, of course, doing the same thing he has been doing nearly every day for the past two months whenever he comes home.
You look away for what feels like the hundredth time in the past twenty minutes, and try again in vain to focus on the drama on TV in front of you. It’s the seventh episode in some historical romance, and even though you’ve been watching it this entire week in the evenings you have no idea what’s going on. Your thoughts had always been… preoccupied with something else.
You fidget with a loose thread on the blanket in your lap––the blanket that you had gifted Jungkook when he had been bedridden with pneumonia and a fever of 38.9 ºC the first November after you had met, the first November before you had started dating. There are skeletons and pumpkins decorating it; it had been on sale after Halloween, but despite the cost and your broke college ass at the time, he had been so pleased with it, so excited that you had even given him a thought in the midst of rapidly-approaching finals.
Why does he keep texting her? He’s seen her practically every day for the past few months, and they had just been hanging out less than an hour ago.
The male lead in the drama’s gold promise ring gifted from the female lead has just been discovered to be stolen, but the female lead thinks he lost it. They’re arguing, he had never actively worn it lately, the female lead is so betrayed, she thought he valued her enough to keep that ring safe, did the hardships they had survived together mean nothing? She throws her own promise ring at him.
The screen zooms in on the ring on the floor, then the screen fades to black and transitions to a commercial for some brand of colored contacts, promoted by an idol you recognize from the last season of Superstar K.
Jungkook eyes are still glued to his phone screen.
You want to feel angry, you want to be furious like the woman in the drama and scream at Jungkook for spending more time with Eunyoung than you, you want to boldly declare that you were leaving, throw down your own metaphorical promise ring because you honestly can’t remember the last time you had a proper conversation with one another, went out to dinner together, slept together like most healthy young relationships––
But all you feel is fear, dread, desperation, because really all you want is to stay with Jungkook, make everything magically better again. You want to kiss him sweetly the same way you had when you had first confessed to each other, walk around Seoul together the same way you had when either of you had a particularly stressful day, hold him the same way you had held each other on the couch in Jungkook’s small, sketchy apartment he had shared with his old roommate back in college, back when you had first begun dating.
His roommate had been named Kim Taehyung, and he had actually been the reason you and Jungkook had met. You and Taehyung had had the same major, computer science, and you had come over to Taehyung’s apartment to work on a coding project for one of your many shared classes.
T: yo got held up at work today, one of the kids on the tour had a lot of questions at the end so i ended a little late but my roommate jungkook should be in so he’ll let u in, just knock tell him ur my friend, i already texted him
T: im omw tho i’ll be there in like 25
Y: ok np
Y: see u later 🐊
T: ✌️
When you arrived at the apartment you had knocked like Taehyung had said, and if heaven existed you thought you had died and gone because the boy who opened the door, assumedly Taehyung’s roommate Jungkook, was practically a god in human form.
You wouldn’t be surprised if you had drooled a little because even though Jungkook was wearing only sweatpants and a T-shirt, hair a bit ruffled and face puffy from just waking up (at 4PM, but ok, respect), he was pretty much the hottest person that had ever graced your line of sight, and you were even best friends with Taehyung, who was also, undeniably, quite hot.
“Are you Taehyung’s friend?” Jungkook had rasped (oh my god, his voice!).
“Y-yeah,” You had stammered. “I’m Y/N, I’m here to work on a project for––”
“Yeah, Taehyung told me. Come in, you can put your backpack on the couch. Do you want anything to drink while you wait for him?”
And that had been the first of many hangouts-turned-dates that you and Jungkook had shared together.
You had shared a can of Dr. Pepper, and you had learned that he was a psychology and biology double major and was in one of the more prestigious dance clubs on campus, the same one Taehyung was in, and he had stayed up until 5AM writing an essay for one of his psych classes and that’s why he had been napping at 4 in the afternoon.
You had learned that he was from Busan, and you were just about to mention that one of your friends was from Busan, Ki Eunyoung, “do you know her?”, before Taehyung came running into the apartment finally, and Jungkook had said goodbye with a smile and retreated back into his room (“Hey Taehyung. See you around, Y/N, yeah?”).
You just wanted to hold his hand, visit family together during holidays, slow dance with him to random songs from Melon Top 100 even if the beats didn’t match and you were absolutely horrendous at dancing, you wanted to kiss him goodnight, see his dorky smile addressed at you, just have a goddamn meal with him in the evenings after work because god fucking dammit was that too much to ask from a boyfriend of nearly four years?
Jungkook is still on his phone.
The drama is back on but you’ve zoned out like usual for the past fifteen minutes so you don’t know what’s going on. You feel a buzz from the pocket in your hoodie, and you pull out your own phone to see Taehyung’s caller ID (byuntae[hyung]🤡🖕). Oh yeah. Taehyung is still outside waiting for you. A sudden wave of thankfulness rushes through you, and before you can help it tears start to form in your eyes. Thank god you have Taehyung. If you didn’t, honestly… you don’t know how strong you’d be with Jungkook gone so often.
You swipe to answer. “Hello?” You mumble, quickly blinking away your tears.
“Yo, Y/N, are you-–are you okay?” Taehyung says quietly.
“Yeah, I–I’m okay. Are you still…?” You reply.
“Of course I am, I’ll always be here. But it’s been nearly an hour, are you… y’know, when are you planning on coming outside?”
“I––” You take a deep breath. “Soon, I’ll be there soon. Thanks for waiting. I’ll––yeah. Just give me a bit longer. I think––I think I’m gonna do it now.”
From your peripheral vision you see Jungkook glance up.
A pause on the other end of the line. “Okay, good luck, Y/N. You’ve got this. Just remember what we practiced.”
“Yeah. Thanks. See you.” You swallow the lump in your throat.
“See you.”
You hang up, and slowly you lower your phone. Silence, except the soft dialogue from the television.
“...so, who was that?” Jungkook asks, finally.
You look at him while keeping your head facing forward.
“Just-–just a coworker.” You say. Not technically a lie. You and Taehyung both work for Samsung.
“Oh,” Jungkook says. “Okay, cool.” He then looks back down at his phone as if nothing happened. Disinterest practically oozes from his pores, you can tell.
You don’t reply for several seconds. You take deep breaths, trying to calm your rapid heartbeat and focus on what you and Taehyung had practiced earlier today while he was helping you move all your stuff out. You both had taken a day off, and you had told Jungkook that you were ill, which technically wasn’t a lie because you wanted to throw up with the thought of what you were about to do. Jungkook had barely noticed anything missing, though. Typical. (“Didn’t we used to have a painting there?” Yes, the painting your cousin had painted as a gift for your and Jungkook’s second anniversary. “No.”)
“Jungkook,” You whisper finally.
Either Jungkook doesn’t hear you or he’s ignoring you.
“Jungkook,” You say a bit louder.
Again, no response.
“Jungkook!” You press, even louder, and finally he responds.
“Hold on, Y/N, god, can’t you see I’m––”
“Jungkook, I think we should break up.”
Jungkook cuts of mid-sentence, and his head whips up. His eyes go wide from shock, god, those eyes, you were always weak for his eyes…
“What?”
“I think––” Deep breaths, deep breaths, you try to remember what you practiced. “Lately, I feel like our relationship has kind of been pretty stagnant, if not deteriorating. You probably feel it too, but I feel like neither of us has really been benefiting from our relationship, like we don’t really see each other very often anymore, and when we do we don’t really talk to each other, like now for example, and neither of us seems to really enjoy being around one another very much anymore. I feel like this could be a result of our difference in careers and––”
“What the fuck are you––is this––is this what that phone call was about?” Jungkook sounds so cold, so different from the Jungkook you had fallen in love with four years ago. You risk a glance over at Jungkook, who has finally set his phone down. His eyes are glaring at you.
“I––yes,” You say quietly. “It was.”
“Wow, so you fucking planned all this?” Jungkook’s voice is starting to rise. “You fucking planned to break up with me just like that? After four years? Get a few free fucks and dinners here and there then just leave?”
Silence.
“I bet it was Taehyung, wasn’t it. I bet Taehyung planned all of this, didn’t he? Fuck, I knew I could never trust him.”
“Taehyung was my voice of reason to help me realize that our relationship has become unhealthy.” You say monotonously. Follow the script, follow the script. “He helped me realize how unhappy we’ve both been these past couple months. This is for the best for––”
“It’s because he likes you, fuck, I bet that’s it. He likes you, he told me back in college and I bet he still likes you, goddamn he hasn’t changed a fucking bit has he? Always the asshole trying to take what belongs to––”
“Don’t you dare call Taehyung that!” You shout, turning to look Jungkook straight in the eye. “Don’t you dare insult Taehyung like that when he’s been here for me when you haven’t!”
Jungkook sneers. “Fucking bitch, I bet you like him too, don’t you? I bet you’ve been sleeping with him, I bet you’ve been cheating on me with him like the little slut you are and now you want to run your pretty little ass over to him, don’t you?”
Heavy breathing.
“Jeon Jungkook. How dare you, how dare you accuse me of cheating, when I’ve loved you for over four years, when I supported you like no one else when your grandma died, when I went with you to your brother’s wedding, when I stayed with you even when you couldn’t find a job for the first year after we graduated, when I stayed with you even when you were the one who actually cheated and slept with another girl this very apartment! How dare you, Jeon Jungkook, how fucking dare you!”
Jungkook’s face suddenly blanches, and his mouth drops open. “I––how––you knew? How do you––”
You scoff. You’re completely off script now, but you’re ready to throw your promise ring away. “Yeah, I fucking knew, Jeon Jungkook. I knew since the very first time when you lied and told me that you were going bowling with Seokjin and Hoseok, but actually you went on a date with Eunyoung.”
Jungkook opens his mouth to say something, but you speed on.
“Yeah I knew, Jungkook, because Seokjin and Hoseok messaged me with a picture that very night asking ‘who’s the girl sitting with Jungkook at the restaurant’? when I was under the impression that you were, in fact, at the bowling alley with Seokjin and Hoseok.
“And I knew you fucked her because I smelled her perfume, that goddamn Chanel one that she’s been using since sophomore year, on our fucking pillows that night, and I saw the hickeys on your neck and chest, ones that I for sure didn’t give you. But I never said anything because I waited, I waited two whole months for you to finally confess what you did and we would talk through it like adults and realize it was a mistake, just a one-time thing and we’d be fine and it would never happen again.”
“I––Y/N, please, please, I’m so sorry, I know I fucked up and I––”
“Jungkook, did you even think about how much I suffered, knowing that the four years that I spent with you, living and growing up with you, loving you, meant so little to you that you were willing to just throw it all away?”
“God, Y/N, please just listen to me, Eunyoung recently lost her father to cancer and since I can empathize since I lost my grandma like that too, as a coworker and friend I decided to help her through her grieving process, but then she confessed to me and I just––I don’t know, I couldn’t just reject her when she’s in such pain now, so I took her on a date, and we got drinks, and things happened, and I just––” Jungkook is nearly in tears, and he keeps tugging at his hair. Somehow, you don’t feel bad.
“Yeah, and then you kept on fucking her even after that one time, and you kept on taking her out on dates, and you kept on pushing me further and further away, all because you’re such a good coworker and friend. How fucking nice of you, Jungkook.”
“Please, I’m so sorry, she was just helping me through stressful times at work and I was planning on telling her that I needed to stop soon I just couldn’t find the right time because she was still in grief about her dad and I’m just so sorry Y/N, I’m so fucking sorry, I’ll tell her now, I’ll stop it now and we can go back to how we were before, I promise, I promise baby please––” Jungkook reaches out to hold your hand, and tears flow freely down his face.
“Don’t call me that.” You snatch your hand away, and stand up. “And don’t fucking touch me. If you were stressed, you couldn’t have just told me? Or was this something that I just, quote on quote, wouldn’t understand like she would?”
You throw the blanket back onto the couch in disgust. “We’re over, Jungkook. We’ve pretty much been over the moment you took Eunyoung out on that first date. Goodbye, I’m leaving.”
“No! Please!” Jungkook lunges across the couch to grasp and your wrist, but you swiftly move out of the room. “No, Y/N please, no, I love you, I love you so much, I’m so sorry, if I had known how you felt I would never have––”
“Jeon Jungkook, you should not need to know how I’d react if you cheated on me to not cheat on me! You should have––if you ever really loved me, you never would have considered it in the first place.” You quickly move to the door to the apartment, and Jungkook scrambles to follow you.
You shove your shoes––your last possessions in the apartment––onto your feet.
“Y/N, I know I fucked up, and I love you, I really do, I promise! Please, please forgive me...I’ll do anything...”
Opening the door makes everything suddenly more real. All your time with Jungkook, all the love and energy you had spent with each other––you knew it was all real. You had never doubted him––that is, not until two months ago. But once you stepped out of the door, it would all be gone. All the memories, all the passion and love and happiness and sadness, in the past. And you knew, deep down, that no matter what Jungkook did, you still loved him. And you would always love him because he was Jeon Jungkook, a god in human form.
“I forgive you, Jungkook.” You say quietly, and his head jerks back up, eyes widening with hope.
“I forgive you, but I don’t think I can ever trust you again. I forgive you because I love you so much, Jungkook.”
“Please, if you love me, stay with me.”
You shake your head. “I can’t trust you Jungkook. And a relationship based on distrust will never last, no matter how much we love each other.”
“We can rebuild it, I promise we can, if we love each other enough we can...”
“Goodbye, Jungkook.” You pause, contemplating, then step forward to gently bring your arms around the sobbing man in front of you.
He’s grown so much... Gotten so strong, features more defined, hands more calloused, since you first met, but his embrace still feels like home. Like home, like love, like Jungkook. A god in human form.
Jungkook holds you tight. “I love you, Y/N.” He whispers again.
Slowly you pull out of his arms, and reluctantly Jungkook lets go.
“Goodbye, Jungkook. I wish you only happiness in the future.”
And with one step backwards, you shut the door.
It was once said, that “Memories warm you up from the inside.”
And thinking back on Jungkook, the memories and love you shared in the past four years, it really does ring true. You would take it with you forever. Forward, onwards, for the better.
“But they also tear you apart.”
But it still hurts, it still hurts so much, as you get to Taehyung’s car in the parking lot, where he’s been waiting for you, and you sob into his arms. He rubs your back and whispers soft consolations into your ear, and Taehyung is warm, Taehyung is nice, as a best friend should be––but they always say, home is where the heart is.
“God––god. I love you too, Jungkook.”