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1.
Noel blinked up at the ceiling of his living room hazily, right arm crossed over his forehead. There was a pounding ache gradually asserting its presence behind his eyeballs, and his weekly existential crisis had cooled into the familiar nameless dread that slunk in whenever he was alone with his thoughts for too long. He shut his eyes, dug his knuckles into them momentarily.
Fuck.
Instinctively seeking out a distraction, he reached over to grab his phone off the coffee table. He mindlessly opened Instagram and scrolled through his feed, eyes glazed over and fingers of his other hand picking at a half-healed scab on his bottom lip. Noel paused when a recently posted picture of Cody came up, a candid shot of him on some idyllic beach, hair windswept and teeth stupid-white against the tan he had going. Grinning like a jackass at someone unseen.
Noel frowned, a sudden stab of nausea making him feel even worse. He nearly dropped his phone when his text chime went off.
Cody
hey man
Noel’s ears burned a little, and he quickly closed out of Instagram, somehow embarrassed at the coincidence.
wtf do you want?
dude, so cold
whatever man. why you texting me this late
i fuckin miss u, thats why!!! and just wanted to ask how ur doing
bruh aint you got some pina coladas to drink or something
it’s past midnight lmao im gonna conk out in like 20
how old are you again
hey!! surfing n shit takes it out of you, not like u would know
oh yeah im sure you’re wiped after a hard day of skinny dipping and eating sand and whatever else u white boys are getting up to out there
hahahaha what the fuck noel
Noel cracked a slight smile despite himself. Cody was always ridiculously easy to amuse. It had been days since Noel had heard him laugh in person, and he wasn’t getting home from his vacation until a week from now.
anyway I know it’s super late there, don’t wanna keep you up. was just thinkin abt u earlier and wanted to like check in
Noel didn’t really know how to respond to that, his frown returning.
alright, he sent.
And then, I’m fine.
And right after that, feel free to extend your trip so I can get a real break from ur musty ass.
aww bro thats hurtful 💔
goodnight fucker
love u gn text u later
Noel glared at his phone screen for a moment before sighing and letting it fall to the couch. What was he doing before this? Oh yeah, wallowing. He got up to go brush his teeth instead.
2.
“Dude, Noel, can I ask you for a favor?”
Noel glanced at Cody, who was soaked in sweat, gym bag thrown over his shoulder. Noel simply grunted in acknowledgement, turning away from him to take a few gulps of water from his thermos. It was hot as balls out.
“Can I, like... use your shower?”
Noel choked on his water. He coughed for a few seconds, hand on his sternum, before he fixed Cody with a scowl. “Excuse me?”
Cody looked sheepish. He swiped his damp bangs out of his face. “I’ve got somewhere to be after this and it’s way closer to your place than mine, and I fuckin’ reek, dude.”
Noel’s voice pitched up incredulously. “You coulda showered at the fucking gym.”
Cody pursed his lips. “You haven’t seen the locker room there, man. It’s disgusting. They’re gonna discover a new type of bacteria in there, for real.”
“So this is why you called me over after your workout?”
Cody grinned, suddenly shameless. “Yes? It just made the most sense, dude.”
“Un-fucking-believable. The level of extortion...” Cody knew it’d be harder for Noel to shoot him down once he’d actually gotten off his ass and met up with him.
“Please, Noel? I’ll owe you one. Promise.”
“Yeah, like that’s worth anything.” Noel scoffed. “Just get in the damn car. And try not to sweat so much all over my seats.”
“Fuck yeah.”
Once they’d made it through the door to Noel’s apartment, Cody immediately pulled his shirt off, balling it up and letting it crumple to the ground in a sodden heap.
“Hey,” Noel yelped, as Cody dropped his gym bag by the door and leaned against the wall to pull his shoes off.
“I’ll pick up my shit later, don’t worry,” Cody said dismissively.
Noel groaned and brushed past him to drop his keys in the trinket dish on the kitchen counter. He opened the fridge just to give himself something to do, staring into it unseeingly. Sometimes it rattled his nerves, having Cody in his space, stomping all over his boundaries and making himself right at home. It didn’t bother him often, considering it was - y’know - Cody... but when it did, it really bothered him.
Noel shut the fridge and pushed the brim of his cap up to scratch at his hair idly. “So what’re you doing anyway,” he asked, turning back around to warily watch Cody root through his gym bag. “Like, what are your big plans later?”
“Oh,” Cody said, fishing out a tube of deodorant and bouncing it in his hand as he straightened up. “I, uh... I have a date, actually.” He chewed on his bottom lip. “So... yeah.”
Noel felt a pang of... something. Jealousy, maybe, that Cody was apparently getting more action than he was. Though that was hardly news. Maybe it was just that he’d never heard of Cody going on an actual, bona fide date before. He’d been more of a hookup app kind of guy for as long as Noel had known him.
“It’s not like I never go on dates. Don’t judge.” Cody hooked a thumb in the waistband of his basketball shorts, and Noel quickly looked away.
“I didn’t say shit,” Noel muttered.
“Yeah, but you were thinkin’ it.”
Noel didn’t respond. Cody took that as his cue to finally fuck off to the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Noel swallowed hard and yanked his cap off, going over to collapse onto his couch. He turned the TV on for some mental white noise just as the sound of the shower running eked in from the bathroom.
3.
“You got any food in here?” Noel asked, eyes going to his watch. He hadn’t eaten all day and it was getting kinda late.
“Uhh,” Cody said, “Define food.“
Noel shook his head. “Forget it, we can just Postmates something. Feeling anything specific?”
“Nah, man, whatever you want.”
Cody yawned, and Noel opened up the app to place an order, part of his brain still working at some of the sketch ideas he’d been pitching to Cody moments ago. His rambling train of thought faltered when Cody slung an arm over the back of the couch so that he was almost touching the nape of Noel’s neck.
“You good?” Noel asked. It was the only thing that came to mind.
Cody blinked lazily. “Huh? Yeah. ‘m just sleepy. If you make an ‘old’ joke, I’ll stab you.”
“Bro, you think I’d go for low-hanging fruit like that? Fuckin’ insulting.”
“Uh-huh,” Cody said dryly.
Noel relaxed against the couch cushions, finished placing the order. He started sifting through the contents of his notes app for salvageable comedic material, so engrossed in the activity that he had a mini heart attack when Cody’s head bumped into his shoulder.
“Dude,” Noel started, but shut himself up when he realized Cody had actually managed to fall asleep.
Jesus, what an idiot. It wasn’t even half past eight. Noel felt pretty awkward letting Cody lean his weight against him, but it’d be doubly awkward to jostle him and accidentally wake him up. So he endured it for a bit, the sound of Cody’s steady breaths loud in the quiet of his apartment. Even the distant sound of crazed LA drivers couldn’t really encroach on it. Cody’s hair smelled good, like he’d just washed it.
...Huh?
You’re smelling his hair, dog? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Noel pulled away from Cody, careful not to disturb him, and slunk into the bathroom to splash some water on his face. He stayed there, paralyzed by discomfiture, until their food arrived.
4.
They’d popped into the Apple store to get Cody a replacement Mac charger, and had run into someone he knew on the way out. Some guy he knew from an internship he’d done back in the day; Zack, or something.
Noel hung back while they exchanged vacant pleasantries, eyeballing texts on his lock-screen. He only looked up when Zack said, out of nowhere, “But dude, you’ve put on some extra weight over the years, huh? I barely recognized you at first.”
Cody, speechless at this, turned bright red.
Jesus Christ, Noel thought, his eyebrows climbing toward his hairline. “Alright,” he’d said, cutting in abruptly, “it was nice meeting you, Johnny. We gotta run.”
Now, Noel was sitting in the passenger seat of Cody’s car, trying to do the supportive bro thing.
“Fuck that guy,” he said, addressing the tips of Cody’s ears, which were still flaming red. He had his arms crossed around himself, just radiating tension. “Who says things like that, anyway?”
“He was never the most socially aware,” Cody said quietly. Noel couldn’t believe how upset this had made him.
“Well, fuck him.”
“Yeah,” Cody said unconvincingly, practically drooping in his seat.
“Look,” Noel said, changing tactics, “maybe he meant it as a compliment, right? Maybe he was trying to say you’ve bulked up. ‘Cause you definitely have, dude. Your current self could beat the living shit out of your nineteen-year-old self.”
Cody still wouldn’t look at him, but his mouth turned up into the smallest of smiles. “Thanks, Noel.”
“Yeah, man,” Noel said, smacking him on the shoulder. “You could beat his ass too, y’know.”
Cody managed a laugh. “You’re full of shit! You see how he towered over me?”
“Call him up for me right now, bruh. I’ll break his skinny little giraffe limbs in half.”
“God,” Cody said, full-on smiling now, “Dumbass.”
Noel suppressed a smile of his own. “Now c’mon, let’s get moving already. I got shit to do.”
5.
Cody
i donthifnk i can record the pod today noel, feel sick
what kinda sick?
uh might be a stomach thing im lowkey barfy
gross dude
...
want me to come over? I can bring you soup or some shit
...
cody
...
cody for real answer me bro
...
ok fuck u im coming over
6.
Cody got very touchy-feely when he was drunk. Noel still wasn’t entirely used to it.
“I really love you, man,” he was saying right now, arm around Noel’s shoulders as Noel struggled to support his weight on their unsteady path through the parking lot.
“Yeah, yeah,” Noel said, sweat prickling under his armpits. Why had he parked the car so motherfucking far from the club? And what had possessed him to play designated driver tonight?
An insufferable little voice in the back of his head told him that he knew the answer to that second question, and it had a lot to do with how under the weather Cody had seemed lately; how uncharacteristically lonely and in need of a pick-me-up. He told the voice to shut the fuck up.
Distracted, Noel tripped on something and flailed his arms as Cody fell in the opposite direction, no longer supported by Noel. Noel uttered a harsh string of expletives as he landed heavily on his knees on the gravel, stinging pain making him see stars for a few seconds.
“Cody, you alive?”
Cody laughed breathlessly as Noel crawled over to him, checking him for injuries. He’d apparently landed on his ass.
Noel breathed a sigh of relief, getting to his feet with a wince. “C’mon, big guy, you gotta get up.” He gripped Cody’s hand and yanked on it, hard, but Cody’s lack of participation and Noel’s spaghetti legs were making things difficult. “Cody, I’m not fucking around. Get your ass up.”
“I don’t feel like it,” Cody slurred.
“Someone’s gonna fucking run us over. It’s pitch black out here.”
“Jus’ shut up for a second,” Cody said, and Noel sighed. He crouched down to take a seat next to him.
“You’re really gonna get us killed one day, man. You’re dumb as hell.”
“It’s nice out here,” Cody said blearily.
It most certainly was not nice out, Noel thought. It was muggy, and smelled like rotting garbage, and the only sound was that of muffled EDM blaring from inside the club.
“Nice, huh? What makes you say that?”
“You’re here, ‘n’ shit.”
“Emphasis on the shit,” Noel said.
“You don’t like this?” Cody sounded comically sad. “You didn’t have fun tonight?”
Noel squinted at him, trying to discern his facial expression in the dark. No luck. The streetlamp closest to them had a blown bulb.
“Sure I did,” Noel said halfheartedly. He was thinking about how very much he wanted to be in bed right now, frying his eyeballs watching YouTube on his phone with the lights out. You know you’re having fun when you start looking forward to your insomnia.
Cody patted at Noel’s face with his hand.
“Yo,” Noel protested softly, “cut that out.”
“I can’t see you,” Cody said insistently.
“It’s dark,” Noel explained, patient.
“I need t’ know you’re still there,” Cody said, his voice adopting an edge of freneticism.
“Chill, man,” Noel said, and reached out to rest his palm on the back of Cody’s head, letting his fingers card through his hair a little. “See? Still here.”
“Okay,” Cody said, pacified for the time being. He leaned into Noel’s touch.
“Cody, don’t you dare fall asleep out here. ‘cause then I might fall asleep too, and some freak would nab us and sell us into sex slavery or something.”
“... Noel?”
“Hm?”
“You ever think you’re... unloveable?”
Noel laughed a little, wryly. “Man, Cody. You’re fuckin’ depressing when you get like this.”
“I’m sorry,” Cody said, whisper-quiet.
“You’re fine. And you’ll be fine, alright, you don’t gotta worry about that. Trust me.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means what it means, bitch.”
“What... “
“Shh. Time to get up, for real now.”
7.
Cody walked in with half a breakfast burrito in his mouth, glasses slipping down his nose as he bit into it. “Heads up,” he said to Noel with his mouth full, and tossed a foil-wrapped log at him.
“Fuck, this weighs a ton,” Noel said, hefting it like it was made of lead.
“I’ll gladly eat the rest of it later if you don’t want it,” Cody said, pulling a chair out to sit at the kitchen island with him. “What’re you watching?” He leaned over Noel’s shoulder to look at his laptop screen, where a TED Talk was playing.
“Founder of an AI startup,” Noel offered tersely, beginning to unwrap his burrito.
“Hmm,” Cody uttered. He watched for a minute, chewing near Noel’s ear.
Noel’s eyelid twitched irritably. He paused the video. Before Noel could lay into him, Cody casually said, without preamble, “That guy looks just like a guy I fucked once.”
Noel froze. His head went fuzzy. “You... Cody, what?”
It was Cody’s turn to freeze. “Oh. Haha... Oh, shit.“ Cody dropped the minimal remnants of his burrito on the counter, ran a hand through his messy hair. He looked stricken, eyes wide and Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “Um... forget I said that. I’m... I didn’t get enough sleep last night, okay, I don’t know why the fuck I said that.”
Noel stared at him.
“Shit,” Cody said. He crossed his arms. His voice, when he spoke next, was suspiciously thick. “I... I was going to tell you eventually, man. It’s not like I was hiding it.”
“ ‘cept you kinda were,” Noel said. He couldn’t tell how he was feeling right now. His head was still buzzing something unintelligible at him.
Cody frowned. “It didn’t come up. And what’s it matter to you who I sleep with, anyway?”
A surge of red-hot frustration cut through the noise in Noel’s head.
“It’s a huge fucking part of who you are, and you lied about that shit. All those fucking times we went on and on about girls; how did you even - "
“I like girls too, you know,” Cody interjected gently. “I like everyone, really.”
Noel deflated. “Why wouldn’t you just tell me?”
“Noel... “ Cody fidgeted. “I just... I’m sorry, but I didn’t know if you’d be cool with it.” He tucked a lock of hair behind his ear. “I didn’t want you to look at me differently, or whatever. Or to, uh. Or to lose you as a friend.”
Noel covered his face with his palm.
Idiot, idiot, idiot, idiot. Both of us, idiots.
“Noel... ?” Cody sighed. “I should go, right? I’ll go.”
“Don’t,” Noel snapped, dropping his hand from his face. He looked at Cody, then the ceiling, then settled on the counter.
“I’m sorry for giving you the idea that I wouldn’t be cool with it. I’ll... I’ll try to work on that.”
“O-okay... “
But also, you’re a complete moron for thinking I’d drop you for something like that.
Noel’s chest twinged. He forced a paper-thin smirk. “I should’ve known, though. You know way too much about assplay to be a straight boy.”
Cody rolled his eyes, but smiled anyway, relief bleeding into his voice. “Shut up, dude.”
8.
“This weather sucks dick,” Cody grumbled, pulling at the strings of his hoodie agitatedly. It was pouring outside, clouds hanging dark and fat over the city. Noel pushed his half-empty coffee cup at him, feeling buoyant. Not even Cody’s foul mood could infect him when it was raining out. “Ugh, don’t look so mellowed out, you fucking weirdo.”
“Drink your goddamn coffee,” Noel said pleasantly, gazing out the window and daydreaming a little, creative energy making the tips of his fingers thrum. The first rain of the season always made him feel great.
The wind filched Cody’s umbrella as they were walking to his car, which made Noel laugh his ass off until Cody started trying to steal his.
“We can share, we can share,” Noel wheezed, and Cody finally conceded and hunched in close to him. “Fellas, is it gay if - " Noel started, and Cody immediately prodded him in the shoulder.
“I will fucking end you.”
Noel smiled to himself.
When they got in the car, Cody shook out his hair like he was a dog. “I’m soaking wet,” he said.
“Par for the course,” Noel said, and it wasn’t even a real joke, but Cody seethed at him anyway. “I can’t tell you how much I fucking hate that you’re in a good mood right now.”
“Get used to it, baby,” Noel said, “I’m gonna be high as a kite all month.”
“If you were actually high, that would explain so much,” Cody muttered.
“High on life.”
Cody made a retching noise, and went to put the key in the ignition.
“Hold up,” Noel said abruptly, taking Cody’s hand.
Cody startled a bit. “What?”
“You’re bleeding.” A shallow, diagonal cut across the back of his hand was oozing beads of blood.
“Oh shit,” Cody said, visibly relaxing. “Must’ve happened when I lost my umbrella.”
“You got a band-aid on you anywhere?”
“Umm, no, I don’t think... “ Cody trailed off when Noel licked his own thumb and used it to smooth away the blood. Of course, more only sprung up in its place.
Noel clicked his tongue. “Well, you’ll survive. Just maybe roll back your sleeve so it doesn’t stain it, and - uh. Why’re you staring at me?”
Cody stuttered wordlessly, broke eye contact. “Nothing, man. It’s nothing.”
Cody’s cheeks were flushed. Noel’s stomach swooped, for a reason he couldn’t even begin to identify.
Cody cleared his throat, started the car, and backed them onto the road. For the duration of the ride, Noel tried to focus solely on the movement of the windshield wipers and the sound of rain spattering against glass. His eyes kept wanting to take little detours to the driver’s seat.
9.
Cody was getting hit on in line at Tender Greens, of all things. He seemed completely oblivious, answering the guy’s leading questions in that sterile, fake-nice way you talk to strangers you’re planning to never see again.
“That guy wants to fuck you,” Noel said matter-of-factly, when they’d claimed a table in the back.
“What,“ Cody squawked, iced tea dribbling out of his mouth.
“Maybe not anymore, after that move,” Noel ribbed. Though it was kind of just for show. He wasn’t feeling so great. Kind of itchy and overheated.
Cody wiped a hand over his mouth, shaking his head. “There’s no way, dude. He’s way out of my league. He has a tongue piercing.”
Noel wrinkled his nose. “Didn’t notice.”
“Also, did you see how built he is?”
“No,” Noel said, annoyed. Cody turned around in his seat to see if Tongue Piercing was still there, and sure enough, there he was, seated at a table across the restaurant.
Sitting by himself like a fucking loser, Noel thought vindictively.
Tongue Piercing gave Cody a smile and a casual half-nod when he noticed him looking. Cody turned back to face Noel, blinking too fast. “Damn, what if you’re right?”
“I’m always right,” Noel said, tearing into his salad like it had personally offended him.
“Well, what do I do?”
“Hell if I know, Cody. You’re acting like you’ve never been hit on before.”
“I haven’t, really, not by a guy. Not in person.” Cody poked at his mashed potatoes with his fork.
“Wasn’t there that one guy at Gold’s?”
“Okay, but that wasn’t- "
“And that other guy on the beach that one time?”
Cody blushed. “Dude, stop.”
“I’m just saying. Your gaydar is kinda wack, man.”
Cody flipped his hood up petulantly, making Noel scoff at him. “Lost cause.”
Despite his protestations, Cody still managed to get Tongue Piercing’s number before they left.
He looked kind of awed over it. Noel was in a dark mood for the rest of the day.
10.
Cody
r you up?
Noel didn’t respond out of spite. It was three in the morning, for fuck’s sake. Both of them needed to squeeze in a few hours of sleep in an actual bed, albeit a dusty hotel bed that had seen better days, before they got back on the road.
noel i know you’re awake dude
Noel texted him a single knife emoji.
can i come hang in your room? i cant sleep
put ur fuckign phone away man. play some whale songs, idc. just stop bothering me
Noel buried his phone under a pillow and dragged the covers up to his chin. He couldn’t tell how much time had passed, but the sound of a reluctant knock on his door had him feeling as pissy as if it’d been mere minutes. He clambered out of bed and opened the door a crack. Sure enough, there was Cody, looking... tired, mostly.
“Give me one good reason I should let you in.”
Cody just shrugged helplessly, and Noel opened the door wider anyway, taking stock of the bags under Cody’s eyes and the sorry state of his hair. He ushered him in with a tip of his head.
"You’re soft, Miller,” Cody said, getting inside and shutting the door behind him.
“Psh,” Noel said, too sleep-deprived to pick up the gauntlet.
Cody took a seat on Noel’s bed.
“So what was your plan, here? Gonna ask me to read you a bedtime story?”
“Fuck off,” Cody said, laying flat on his back on the mattress.
That’s fine, not like I was gonna try to get some sleep tonight or anything.
“Why’re you just standing there like that,” Cody asked, after a slow minute. “Makin’ shit awkward.”
“I’m making it awkward?” Noel shook his head. “Cody, I know we’re tight and all, but I’m not sharing a fuckin’ bed with you.”
“Fine,” Cody said, halfway through a yawn. He wrapped himself in Noel’s covers. Noel looked at him for a moment, just a tuft of brown hair poking out of a duvet.
“Jesus,” Noel muttered to himself, rolling his eyes even though Cody couldn’t see him. Before he could overthink it, he climbed onto the bed, firmly placed a pillow between himself and Cody as a symbolic barrier, and yanked the duvet toward himself.
“If I hear you snore even once, I’m - "
“Go th’ fuck to sleep, bro,” Cody said, voice muffled by his pillow.
Noel woke up to a chill, cool air hitting the bare skin of his arms and legs. He rubbed at his eyes, felt around himself for the covers.
Oh, right, he thought, when his fingers grazed the pillow lodged into his side.
He sat up against the headboard, gazing over at Cody in the dim lamplight. He was hogging the covers, cocooning himself with them. Noel could only see Cody’s back, but he figured he had to be sleeping deeply enough by now that he wouldn’t wake him by stealing his side of the duvet back. Noel started to pull gently at it, but he didn’t get very far before he heard Cody inhale sharply. Noel paused.
“Cody?” He spoke in a half-whisper, touched his shoulder gingerly.
“Yeah,” Cody said, with this odd quality to his voice that Noel couldn’t quite nail down. Cody continued to face the wall.
“Sorry, did I wake you up? I was just cold, so I was trying to - "
“F-fuck, I’m sorry,” Cody said, scooting over a little to dislodge a corner of the duvet and push it in Noel’s direction.
“ ‘s alright, don’t worry about it.” Noel cut another glance at Cody’s back. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off with him. “Hey... you okay, man? You’re not usually such a light sleeper.”
Cody got up too fast, then, startling Noel. He hovered by the bed uneasily, hand partially obscuring his face as he combed his hair back with his fingers. “Yeah, I just. Needa take a leak.”
He whipped around and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. Noel heard the sound of the lock click.
He hadn’t gotten a super close look at Cody’s face, but he could’ve sworn his eyes were puffy and red... like he’d been crying. Cody, crying? He had to be imagining things.
Still, uneasiness churned in the pit of Noel’s stomach. Or maybe that was the small mountain of chili fries Cody had coerced him into ordering for lunch. He was going to have a miserable time in the bathroom at some point tonight.
Okay, focus.
Noel slid out of bed and walked hesitantly over to the bathroom door. He waited for an interminable length of time before he tried a knock. “Cody, when you’re done in there... can I- "
Almost to his relief, Cody opened the door right then, cutting him off. “Here, sorry,” Cody said, gesturing at the bathroom with his thumb, “Go ahead.”
“Uh, no,” Noel said, palms coming up reflexively, “I don’t need the bathroom. I just... "
He trailed off, took a moment to just look at Cody, carefully. His posture was hunched, head lowered so that his features were cast in shadow, but not so much shadow that Noel couldn’t confirm that Cody had, indeed, been crying his eyes out over something. Fuck.
Noel cleared his throat. “Cody, if you wanna, like... talk... " Christ, he’d always been fucking awful at this.
Cody shook his head and brushed past him. “I’ll get out of your hair, okay,” Cody said, voice rough.
Noel felt a little panicked at this, the idea that Cody would go back to the solitude of his own room to openly ruminate in whatever shitty fucking swamp of bleak thoughts had seeped into his brain. “Hey, fucking- wait.”
“I’m fine, Noel.”
Before he could grasp the front door handle, Noel lurched forward and grabbed for Cody’s hand.
“Dude, what’re you doing?”
Noel might have been embarrassed if Cody didn’t sound like he’d checked out of their plane of existence. He wasn’t even making eye contact; was vacantly staring at a point past Noel’s shoulder.
“I’m not lettin' you leave like this,” Noel ground out.
“What, you’re gonna hold me hostage until I talk?”
“You don’t need to talk if you don’t want to. Just get your ass back in bed or I’ll fuck you up.”
It was a very obviously empty threat, but Cody sighed anyway, rubbed at his left eye with the heel of his hand. “Alright.”
Noel released Cody’s hand, and the both of them got back into bed. Cody made a point of facing away from Noel again. After a long moment of silence, during which Noel’s eyelids began to droop, Cody said his name so quietly that Noel thought maybe he’d imagined it.
“Yeah?” Noel said anyway, his head full of cotton.
“Thanks.”
Noel didn’t know if he remembered to respond out loud or not, his senses fading into a murky fog as he succumbed to sleep for the second time that night.
When Noel woke up again, the sun was fully out, and Cody was snoring softly. He was taking up too much space on the bed, limbs strewn this way and that, all up in Noel’s space. His sleeping face was peaceful, unlined and vulnerable in a way that contrasted sharply with his apparent mental state the night before. Noel’s eyes lingered a moment too long on Cody’s open mouth before he snapped out of his daze, suddenly self-conscious.
Get it together, asshole.
Noel shook Cody awake, finally started packing up his shit after Cody went back to his room to freshen up and do the same.
“You know... I really worry about you, man,” Noel said gruffly, tapping Cody’s shoulder with his knuckles.
They’d hiked a little over a mile away from the parked tour bus to get some air, and were now lounging against the trunk of a gnarled old tree they’d come across, surrounded by patchy forest.
Cody popped his AirPods out. “Y’say something?”
“Nah, nothing. Just- kinda glad we only have one show left.”
“I feel you. Most exhausted I’ve been in months.”
“Right.”
Noel paused.
Fuck it, he’d rip the motherfucking band-aid off.
“So. About last night- "
Cody made a frustrated noise. His cheeks reddened a bit. “Geez. Yeah, that was... Sorry for acting like such a needy bitch.”
Noel couldn’t help but smile at that. “Wasn’t what I was gonna say, but now that you mention it- "
“Aw, fuck you.”
“Anyway, uh, not to get serious right now... "
Why couldn’t he just ask? Why did Noel’s throat close up at the idea of expressing genuine concern, or showing any emotion around Cody without the buffer of comedy? When had he turned into such a fucking pussy around him?
“You’re a good friend,” Cody said, jarring him out of his maddening thought loop. His voice was so fucking fond. His eyes, too, so much so that Noel had to look away from them.
“Like, way too good to me,” Cody continued, seemingly unperturbed by Noel’s guardedness. “But you shouldn’t need to worry about my bullshit. I’ll work on, y’know... boundaries.”
What if I don’t want you to?
Noel frowned.
“Come on, don’t look so grim. We’re gonna crush it onstage tomorrow night, the sky’s real blue right now, I’ve got half a Twinkie back on the bus with your name on it... what else could ya want?”
Don’t push it.
Noel exhaled slowly. He mentally psyched himself up for a few seconds before finally saying, “I just really need you to know that I got your back. It’s not, like, a burden, or whatever stupid shit you’re thinking. You’re... "
Important to me. My best friend. One of the greatest things that’s ever happened to me.
Noel let that sentence fizzle out, hoping Cody didn’t notice. Luckily he seemed distracted, fidgeting with his phone, eyes turned skyward.
“Yo, were you even listening?” Automatic jibe. Noel needed to get back to feeling like himself, needed to shake off the shivery warmth that was filling him up from his center outward.
“I was,” Cody retorted, snapping his eyes back to Noel. “I’m just trying not to cry in front of you. Again.”
Noel’s sense of protectiveness gaped in his chest like a black hole. “Cody, really, what’s going on with you?”
“No, no. I’m sorry, it’s not that. I’m just, like. Happy.”
And he was smiling, really big, corners of his eyes crinkled and everything.
Noel’s body felt like it was on fire.
Goddamn.
“Happy?” Noel managed to ask.
“Mhm.” Cody scrubbed the barely-there moisture from his eyes. “I’m really glad I’m doin’ this with you.”
Noel stuttered. “What- I- Where’s this coming from?”
“Don’t worry about it. Let’s hug it out, c’mere.”
“Bruh- "
“We’re fucking doing this.”
And before he knew it, Cody had manhandled him into an embrace, both arms around him, chin on his shoulder. Noel stiffened, his heartbeat beginning to quicken. Cody smelled like cheap hotel shampoo.
“So tense,” Cody said, almost whispering. Noel practically wrenched himself away from him, trying not to trip over his own feet in his haste.
“Are you blushing?”
“Bruh,” Noel said again, voice like gravel. Apparently it was the only word left in his vocabulary.
“You’re blushing,” Cody confirmed, sounding amazed. Cody took a step toward him, and Noel backed up a step, and another, and then Cody had him cornered against the tree trunk.
“This shit ain’t funny,” Noel said, anger poking through the confused heat that was sinking its hooks into him.
“I’m not laughing,” Cody said lowly, making Noel’s heart jump. Cody chewed on his bottom lip pensively, reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind his ear. “Okay, so like... I’m getting some weird ideas, dude. And I need you to help me out here, ‘cause otherwise I might do something extremely embarrassing for both of us.”
Noel blinked dumbly. “Weird how?”
Cody looked supremely uncomfortable, all of a sudden. Good. Join the club.
“Weird, like: that’s actually my hoodie you’re wearing, and I know that ‘cause it’s a little loose on you, and all morning I’ve been wondering if you noticed. Weird, like: sometimes when the sun hits your stupid eyes, I lose my train of thought.”
Cody cut himself off for a moment, apparently wrestling with something mentally.
Noel had almost forgotten to breathe.
That small voice in the back of his head had grown louder and more insistent, and it was telling him to run away. Like you always do.
“This is so fucking hard to talk about,” Cody said, and it looked like he was trembling now, “but I’d hate myself forever if all along, you reciprocated even, like, a fraction of whatever this is, and I never found out because I’m a giant pussy. So I’m just gonna finally put it out there.”
He took a breath. “Fuck, I’m... " More mental struggling.
Meanwhile, Noel’s own mental barriers had miraculously come down, as he watched Cody hem and haw and anxiously yank his hands through his hair, rooted to the spot with indecisiveness.
Enough was enough. It was time to be honest with himself.
“Okay,” Noel said, his hands going to Cody’s shoulders, “I can take a hint.”
He didn’t even give Cody a split second to question that before he kissed him right on the mouth.
Epilogue.
Cody 💦👅
come to bed u dick
you couldn’t come downstairs and tell me that?
fuck no, I’m in a very comfy position rn
oh yeah? I’ll show you a position
weak
like your legs after I fuck you so hard u need a new hole
mm poetic. but seriously get the hell up here I wanna sleep
20 more mins - just riding a creative high, you know how it is
ughhhhhhhh I hate you
don’t be a baby, baby
................u know I wouldn’t be horribly opposed if u called me that for real right?
what? “baby”? fuckin ew
I know you don’t do pet names but it’d be like!!! kinda cute!!!!!
if you say so, peaches
>:(
By the time Noel got to bed, Cody was half-asleep, mumbling something unintelligible as he leaned into Noel when he got under the covers.
Noel tousled his blonde-streaked hair, kissed him on the forehead. He was feeling particularly affectionate tonight, and he was glad Cody wasn’t cognizant enough to realize it. He planted another chaste kiss at the nape of his neck.
“Goodnight, fucker.”