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For five years, the only kind of physical contact Dimitri experiences is harsh blows: punches, slashes, powerful hands grabbing at his arm, his leg, his hair, anything that an enemy could take hold of. Physical contact starts to equal pain and anger, to the point that when someone so much as looks like they might touch them, his hand instinctively twitches, ready to grasp hold of his spear.
Then, Byleth comes back. Dimitri keeps his distance at first, too burdened by his own ghosts and demons to let them in but Byleth slowly, carefully chisels away at the previously thought impenetrable wall erected around him, slowly letting a brilliant beam of light pierce through that darkness. He resists at first, too comfortable in the asylum of misery he’s trapped himself in, too obsessed with revenge to waste even the slightest breath on anything else but Byleth keeps steadily pushing.
Until one day, an old habit returns. They’re so distracted by the strategy meeting that they don’t think about what they’re doing. Having noticed a long time ago just how badly Dimitri reacted to anyone trying to touch him, they’d purposefully kept their hands to themselves, not wanting to aggravate an already volatile situation but in that moment, they’re not thinking.
They’re standing, side by side (Dimitri, despite his insistence that he wanted to be left alone, always found his way to their side whenever there was a group gathering he was forced to attend). He says something; Byleth can’t quite remember what afterwards but before they can catch hold of themselves, they reach up and gently pat Dimitri on the head. It’s quite a reach, he’s grown so much since they last saw him. They used to do this all the time back when he was still just their student. Dimitri never said it aloud - rather, he always laughed a bit in playful aggravation, teasingly telling them that he was neither a child nor dog but he supposed, if it made them happy, he was happy to stand still and allow them to pet him like that - but they always knew…he loved it. He cherished it. That one split moment of connection, of praise, of closeness.
Byleth reacts quickly, jerking their hand away with a quickly mumbled apology. There’s no reaction from Dimitri. He stands stock still, his exhausted eyes focused on nothing at all. Gagging with guilty, terrified that that one little touch had just undone all the progress (what little there was) they had made, Byleth can no longer focus either. The meeting passes by in an agonizing blur but, to their shock, Dimitri doesn’t move from their side. He remains there as Gilbert closes out the meeting, as the others filter out of the classroom until there is the only two of them remaining. Byleth lingers for a moment more, hoping that Dimitri might say something, anything but all they can hear is the crickets chirping outside.
Sighing internally, certain that they had just made another massive error - so many in their lives, would they ever do anything right? - they start to leave as well, opening their mouth to quietly encourage Dimitri to go get some sleep. Only, a armored hand slides out, stopping them in their tracks. Still staring at the opposite wall, his face, as usual when it was devoid of rage or sadness, unreadable. Pausing, bracing themselves for an onslaught of seething accusations, Byleth’s eyes widen in surprise when Dimitri murmurs.
“Do you want to return to the past, Professor?”
Byleth tilts their head then shakes it, “No.”
Dimitri is silent for a moment before slowly turning a gaze onto them that is so empty, so lifeless, it makes their stomach clench, “Then why dredge up gestures of a time long past? Why attempt to act as though there is anything between you and I?”
Silently staring up at him, grateful for the extraordinary poker face that came so natural to them - if it weren’t for that, Dimitri would have easily seen just how much that one question had hurt them - Byleth said, “Do you want me to leave, Dimitri?”
“Yes. I want to be rid of you. Everything-” Dimitri’s voice cracked, “everything was so simple before you appeared again but then you-”
“Then kill me.” Byleth said, their voice a blade of ice, slashing through the oppressive tension. A massive wildfire of anger roared through their chest.
“…eh?” Dimitri breathed, and Byleth was triumphantly satisfied at the look of naked shock on his thin face.
“Kill me. You want me to leave? To be rid of me? Then.” They lashed forward to grab hold of Dimitri’s wrist in a vice grip. Predictably, Dimitri yanked back but he was caught off guard, it was easy to maneuver his armored hand to their throat. Forcibly curling his fingers around their neck, keeping their hard stare focused on his pale face, Byleth snarled, “This is the only way you’ll ever be rid of me. You’re more than capable of crushing someone’s windpipe so,” Byleth put more pressure on his fingers, forcing them to curl even tighter, “do it.”
“Let go.” Dimitri whispered, his blue eyes stretched wide open in fear, “Let go. Let go. Let go!”
A lump rose in the back of their throat. Someone might as well be plunging a dagger into their heart, that was how much it hurt. Relenting, Byleth released Dimitri’s hand, hating the way he recoiled, protectively curling in on himself, the arm they’d been holding pressed to his heaving chest. The anger was long gone, leaving only that sickening guilt once more. It seemed tonight was one where they were going to do everything wrong. Sighing, Byleth turned away, unable to bear looking into that pale, gaunt face. They missed him…they missed the Dimitri they once knew so much but…their hands curled into loose fists.
Pulling in a deep breath, Byleth said, “I’m sorry. That was inappropriate of-”
“Why…?” Dimitri ground out, his head hanging low. “Why do you linger? Why do you stay when all I am is just a ghost?! Why?!” His voice cracked horribly as he raised his head. Byleth resisted the impulsive urge to stumble backwards, their heart dropping down into their stomach when their eyes met a stare of utter torment. Tears rolled down Dimitri’s sunken cheeks. The dark bags under his eyes stood out when more prominently.
Gathering himself to his full height, he choked out, “Why?! Tell me! I am nothing but a vassal for my family’s revenge! A decaying corpse, a monster who’s only purpose is to kill! Why…tell me why…I…I can’t stand this. I can’t stand the way you look at me! I can’t stand this…this longing, this relief! I want to be rid of you! I never want to see you again but…” he sucked in a whistling, shaking breath, his head falling forward, blond hair hanging in front of his face, “the thought of you being gone again…terrifies me. Why…why must you haunt me like this?! Why can’t you leave me be?!”
Cold rushed through their veins, chilling every inch of their body. Struggling to take in breath, their lungs, their hearts seizing in the wake of choking grief, Byleth stared, unblinking, unmoving at his heaving shoulders, at his trembling hands, at him for a moment then slowly, so very slowly, so very carefully, reached up and set their hand on the crown of his head. Dimitri gasped sharply, his large body shuddering violently. Byleth fully expected him to smack their hand away but he remained still, his breath coming in huge, ragged gulps. Breathing in deep once more, wishing they had enough composure to calm themselves, they said softly, “You are…someone very important to me.”
“I was.” Dimitri snarled weakly.
Byleth shook their head, “You are. You were, you are and you always will be, Dimitri. I will not leave. I will not let you make me leave. Even if you hate it, even if you tell me that you despise me, that you don’t want to see me, I won’t leave. I promised myself a long time ago that I was going to protect you. That I was going to do whatever I could to ensure your happiness. Back then…there was nothing I could do, no way for me to help you forge a path towards peace, towards happiness but now?”
They let their hand fall away, stepping around Dimitri’s imposing figure, “Now, I will not allow anything to get in my way. You might hate me, you might hurt me but there is only one thing you can do to stop me from doing anything, everything to help you.”
Striding purposefully out of the room, Byleth said over their shoulder, “If you truly wish to remain a ghost, then kill me. Right now. I will not try to stop you.”
“You cannot save me.” Dimitri whispered but there was no conviction behind the words. “I am-”
Pausing mid-step, Byleth turned sharply to glare up into those conflicted eyes, “Will you kill me?”
“No.” Dimitri looked away, visibly trembling.
Nodding, Byleth continued down the hallway. Shadows played along the cracked walls. Their footsteps echoed through the silence. A few moments later, the familiar sound of Dimitri’s heavy boots clumping against the floor came from behind them. Following at a distance…but still following.
Keeping their head up high, Byleth said quietly, “When I woke up and learned how long it had been, you were the first one I thought of. I was terrified of what might have happened to you. I wanted to see you right away. Walking up the stairs of the monastery, seeing all the carnage then you, right there, as though fate itself had led us together, I knew.”
They wanted to glance over their shoulder, to see what kind of face Dimitri was making but forced themselves to keep looking forward. Pulling a deep breath, they said firmly, “I knew I would never leave you again.”