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Ethan stepped out of the Mess Hall and onto the corridor, chuckling to himself. Enterprise had taken off only a few weeks ago and the crew was celebrating the success of their first missions. Most crewmen barely knew each other, some had been together in classes and lectures during Starfleet but that was about it.
Much to his disappointment he also had not yet had the chance to get to know his bunkmate, Shaun Baird. All he knew was that Shaun came from Scotland, Wishaw, he had a sister, apparently and worked in the Communication department. Judging by the lack of social interaction and the general quietness of the Briton, Ethan was guessing that he was a shy, sensitive person. However, he couldn’t know.
“Ethan, where’re ya headin’?” The familiar voice stopped Ethan right in his tracks. He wasn’t able to make many friends yet, but he had Elizabeth Cutler who was also working in the Science Department as exobiologist and entomologist and then there was this guy; Ethan had immediately adored him.
Nelson Dillard seemed to have a bit of that ridiculous ‘tough guy’-attitude but once he opened up those curtains and laid down that façade, he appeared to be a thoroughly caring and sweet person. Something about him was just right in Ethan’s eyes, perfectly right to become friends with.
“I’m getting to my quarters, cherry blossom…”
“Why, somethin’ wrong?” Ethan recognized the slur in Nelson’s speech, definitely caused by the amount of alcohol the young Engineering crewman had consumed. In fact, everyone had drunk at least a glass of wine but some of the crewmembers couldn’t stop partying and drinking. Apparently, Nelson was one of them and even though he still tried to be as caring as possible, he’d need to get some rest rather than follow Ethan around.
“No, don’t worry. I’m just going to sleep, I guess. Good night, cherry blossom.” The New Yorker took off, surprised to find the vast majority of corridors he passed completely empty. Most crewmen, especially the senior officers, had called it a night shortly after the party had started, but most of the younger, lower-ranking crewmen seemed to take a risk and party all night long.
Well, Ethan had never exactly liked parties. Of course, it was fun but he didn’t need that much of it, there was a limit. That limit reached, he thought about a lot of things though never actually grasping a single thought. His mind was roaming, impaired by the amount of alcohol he had consumed – even though it probably wasn’t half as much as Nelson had.
The New Yorker strode along the corridors, slowing his pace as he noticed he was getting closer to his quarters. Now that he had escaped the brightly glowing neon lights and the awfully loud noise that simply were overwhelming, Ethan started thinking straight again. He now started wondering where Shaun had been since he had only briefly seen him at the party together with a much taller man around his age – his poor memory made Ethan guess that it was one of the helmsmen from the alternate shifts, but he wasn’t exactly sure.
He was wondering if Shaun even had spent much more than five minutes at the celebration before he headed somewhere. He was wondering why that sweet person would voluntarily miss out on all the fun, even though he could understand very well that it got a bit overwhelming on the long run.
When Ethan reached his quarters, he cautiously stepped into the room, making sure that Shaun wasn’t asleep so he wouldn’t wake him. Surprisingly, Shaun wasn’t asleep – in fact, he wasn’t even sitting on his bunk, even though the sheets had been moved a little since the morning. Ethan couldn’t help but feel his stomach twist a little at that sight since Shaun happened to be a fairly neat and perfectionistic person. Everything had to be perfectly organized, neatly set, no folds in the sheets, no disruption of the routine. So far, the New Yorker had enjoyed that little quirk, although he was certain it could become annoying at some point.
With a feeling of growing uncertainty, Ethan carefully raised his voice, studying the room cautiously. “Shaun…? Are you in here…?”
A faint noise reached him, yet he wasn’t even sure if he wasn’t just imagining it due to the influence the whiskey had on him. Spinning around again and again he tried to make out the source of the noise. Something in his subconscious told him that things were off, something odd and not right. He tried again, this time louder: “Shaun?”
Once again, the noise responded, only this time it got a little clearer and Ethan was certain it was a whimper. What on Earth…?, he thought, cautiously tapping around the dark room trying to make his way to the small bathroom. The New Yorker was sure this was the origin from the noise. When he opened the door, he couldn’t believe what he saw.
*
As much as he hated any kind of social gathering, Shaun had to attend them anyway. Besides, he had promised Ian he’d go with him since due to whatever ridiculous wink of fate it was their two-years anniversary. However, after taking a sip from the glass of white wine, he already knew that this wasn’t right. More likely, it all felt wrong, so very wrong.
“Ian, I don’t want to be here…I’d prefer being somewhere else…” The Scotsman murmured only so loud his lover could hear it. Ian just smiled and gently squeezed Shaun’s hand, pushing him forward and into the mass of people.
“Trust me, darling, I’d also prefer being somewhere else with you…” Judging by the tone of Ian’s voice, the rough, husky whisper escaping his chest, Shaun believed that his lover misinterpreted his phrase. This wasn’t about intimacy, not even remotely – the hadn’t been intimate in a few weeks and Shaun was hoping to keep it that way for a little longer. Why for God’s sake couldn’t Ian just see that he wasn’t feeling well?
“You’re having fun, aren’t you, sweetheart?”
“Of course.” It was compulsive lying but Shaun had noticed that he was doing it on a subconscious level rather frequently. He never meant to lie to his partner, especially since he was a fair believer of honesty in a relationship, but he also wouldn’t want to stop Ian from having fun. He was probably just imagining the stress anyway.
But, in reality, the Scotsman felt his chest tighten painfully, pushing the air out of his lungs and forcing him to take a few deep breaths before trying to make his way through all those bodies. Ian wouldn’t let go of him and so the agony grew the more he accidentally bumped into the crewmen. Every single time he unintentionally collided with one of the other people, he felt the painful, devastating urge to apologize immediately, burst out into tears and scream at the same time.
The more Shaun felt skin and fabrics touching his own body, the more he felt his limbs get tingly and numb. At some point, he was certain to feel a distracting itch in his wrist and as he started to scratch it, it simply started itching more and more, just until, out of a sudden, it changed into a disturbingly heated pain. Nearly shocked by that sudden pain, Shaun stopped right in his tracks, forcing Ian to stop as well.
“Darling, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” In order to seem trustworthy, Shaun fought his way back through the bodies; but, the more he tried to ignore it, the worse both, the itch and the pain got. The pain in his chest had only grown and he could swear that his heart was going to explode if this wouldn’t stop.
Oh, dear God, why is it so loud…?Shaun tried to shake the feeling off, but now that he had noticed his body reacting all intense today, he knew he’d need to get over the edge.
“I…I think I’ll go to my quarters already, this really isn’t my kind of party…”
“Oh…Alright then, take care, darling…” Ian watched him, Shaun could literally feel his curious glance burning through his shoulder blades. He tried to rush out of the Mess Hall as the noise happened to become overwhelming, making his heart pound harder and faster. A wave of nausea forced him onto the floor as soon as he had left the Mess Hall, making sure that the door was closed as well.
Shaun felt his stomach twist and turn and a second later, the pain that had started in his chest had affected all of his body by now. Dizzy and shaky, the Scotsman urged to get back to his feet, stumbling through the corridors. His thoughts were a mess, one louder than the other, shouting in his head, intoxicating his mind, ringing in his ears. I can’t breathe! Lord, please help me, I can’t breathe!And Stupid coward, why didn’t you stay? And I just want to be alone…mixing up in his head.
Shaun assumed that he was lucky to reach his quarters before breaking down onto the bathroom floor, not so lucky to feel his body go completely insane. With every time a tremor ran through his body, he felt his sore, tense limbs striking the cold floor. The exhaustion and the overwhelming heart palpitation had caused his temperature to rise but now that his body was laying on the cool floor, he felt cold sweat run down all over his skin. Chest tight and aching, he let out a groan as his heart just kept beating faster and faster, his hands clutched to his ribs, shaking as if struck by an eel.
Every now and then, lacking air, Shaun felt like he was about to pass out, just to get conscious again, noticing that a thin line of blood escaped his nostrils, dripping down his chin. In fact, that made breathing even harder than it already was.
Oh, good Lord, please help me…Please…
**
“Shaun! Can you hear me? Oh, dear God, this looks bad…” Ethan rushed into the small bathroom, bumping into one bit of furniture, then another one. He bluntly stared at the pale, trembling body which nearly resembled a corpse. But, not only was Shaun incredibly pale and shaking like crazy, moreover had his nose, mouth and chin been covered in blood. The sounds that escaped the younger man’s chest sounded less like sobs, more like fading whimpers, nearly voiceless.
“Shaun, hey…Do you hear me?”
The Scotsman responded with a shaky groan, closing his eyes in agony as he tried to reach out to Ethan who was still startled and unsure what to do. All he could see was that his bunkmate was visually unwell but he didn’t remotely know how to help.
“Shaun, what can I do? I don’t want to touch you just like that, I don’t think that’d be good…” After a few second of shaky breaths and whimpers, Shaun latched onto Ethan’s wrist, trembling after all, but not seeming to let go again. Ethan didn’t quite understand but he carefully placed one palm on his bunkmate’s chest in order to calm the tremor. It took a while until Shaun could breathe at least that calmly so he could slowly recover his voice and cramped chest. Ethan in the meanwhile had to tried to wipe some of the half-dried blood away with a towel.
“Okay…It’s okay, Shaun…I’ll try to get you to your bed now, is that okay?” The pale Scotsman responded with something like a nod before he groaned at the sudden touch of Ethan’s hand on his hip as the New Yorker tried to gently help him get up. No matter how hard he tried, Shaun’s knees gave in, leaving Ethan completely responsible to pull the body of his bunkmate onto his bed.
Shaun kept latching onto Ethan, trying to breathe as calmly as possible. Unfortunately, the sudden movement had caused another wave of nausea and only a split second later, Ethan found himself carefully holding a supportive arm under Shaun’s chest as he threw up right onto the floor next to his bunk. Ethan tried to reassure him, gently rubbing his back, after all unsure how to help him properly.
“Shaun…I will call Doctor Phlox if that is okay with you. I would just like to get you checked, this must have been really tough…” Ethan’s voice was steady and calm since he was after all attempting to stay as calm and rational as possible so Shaun wouldn’t get triggered by anything. The New Yorker was guessing that this had been a physical reaction to something mentally caused, however, he still wanted to make sure his bunkmate was going to be alright.
As soon as he was certain that Shaun could stay alone for a few seconds without breaking down completely, Ethan made a few steps to the comm. panel in order to call Phlox who then gladly came to examine Shaun Baird. Ethan didn’t let go of Shaun right after he had sat down again, making sure that the Scotsman had someone to lean onto. Phlox took a while taking every symptom Ethan described into consideration before he stated that, even though his patient was certainly unwell and affected by the immense amount of physical and mental exhaustion, he would be alright for the rest of the night. However, he recommended Shaun to take another day off while Phlox would describe the circumstances to the captain.
Ethan made sure that Shaun was really alright and not just pretending before the two men went to sleep, both slightly overwhelmed by the night’s events.
*