Chapter Text
Izuku shifted his feet anxiously as he attempted to remain hidden by the tree a few yards away from the gate. One of his soulmates was there already: a teen with a shock of lavender hair and eyebags thick enough for a life hacks video. It wouldn't be too much longer until the others joined as well — Kacchan and the aquamarine soulmate.
Sure enough, another teen walked up to the gate a few moments later. His name was Todoroki, if Izuku recalled correctly. The scar over Todoroki's face grew a lot more personal.
The two started to quietly converse as they seemed to keep an eye out. After a few minutes, Kacchan joined them as well, a slight scowl on his face.
Izuku took a deep breath in. Held it. Let it out. This was it. If he waited any longer, be would be outed anyway. He stepped out from behind the tree.
Kacchan was the first to notice him. With wide eyes and a scowl deeply carved into his face, he ground his teeth together before he spun around on his heels and stalked away. Izuku tried his best to hold in the hurt he felt. He boxed it and stored it away; he would address it again when he had his tool and time.
Todoroki and Lavender both looked back to see what Kacchan had left over. Izuku felt naked under their stares.
Todoroki loosed a sigh. Was he disappointed? Izuku wouldn't blame him. “Midoriya,” he began.
“Sorry, let's just get this over with,” Izuku interrupted with false confidence. His heart felt like it was going to explode as he moved towards the pair. With a small amount of hesitation, Izuku tapped them both on their cheeks — far more intimate than Izuku wanted, but the easiest place to reach without moving any clothes. “Now everyone has their own pain and no one else's.”
Izuku moved to leave, but was held back by a hand on his wrist. “You think that's all we care about?” Lavender demanded.
Izuku looked towards the ground as he stated, “Yes. It's all you ne-need to care about. Now, if I may, I'm l-leaving. Please let go of me.”
“No.”
Izuku recalled something he had seen in a video and copied the motion, releasing his wrist from Lavender's grasp by waving his captured arm against Lavender's thumb.
“Goodbye,” Izuku forced out from the tears that threatened to escape his eyes. He walked away and didn't look back.
Tears flowed freely from his eyes as he pried the razor from his drawer. He had never really hidden it — Inko was never home to see it. Even if she did, she wouldn't care either way.
He knew he would regret it. He always did. The brief relief was simply too good for him to turn away.
Izuku never cut his arms. It felt far more like taboo to slice the words his soulmates left on his arms than it was to slice open his body. Yet now, he had properly severed that portion of their bond. They wouldn't know if he were to cut over it.
There was also the added bonus that he wouldn't be able to read what they wrote. He left them. He was no longer a part of them.
If it weren't for the power of One for All and All Might's reliance on Izuku he would have gone vertical instead of horizontal.
There was still quite a bit of blood to clean up when he was done.
Izuku usually tried to get to class early, but made an exception for once and showed up thirty seconds before the start of class. He smiled in greeting to Uraraka and Iida, as he sat down in his seat, ignoring the presence of Todoroki's eyes on the back of his head and Kacchan's anger.
He wanted to cut so badly.
Izuku did his best in his morning classes, which worked fairly well. He excelled in English (it was his first language, after all) and math (the logic was laughably easy), but still struggled in Modern Lit and Modern Hero Art.
It was lunch when the fragile stability Izuku had created for himself shattered. He had gotten his food and started to head to where Uraraka sat, a neat bento in front of her, when he saw Lavender and Todoroki in the seat across her, food in front of them both.
Izuku lost his appetite. Without another thought, he turned to the exit. He threw his food in the trash and escaped into the bathroom.
He left the bathroom twenty minutes later, refreshed and with a plan. He would try first. The chance that things would get better was miniscule: barely anything. Yet. He wanted to try. Just one more time.
So he attended Foundational Heroics.
All Might seemed to decide a lecture would be better after the day prior, if the location said anything. At least they wouldn't have to fight or interact with each other.
“What do you think it means to be a hero? Turn and talk with your classmates, and we'll come back together in five minutes,” All Might directed. Izuku felt dread fill his being.
He turned to go over to Uraraka, but it seemed she left the classroom. Panic filled his being as he saw Todoroki walk towards him.
Todoroki moved a chair so the back rested against Izuku's desk before he straddled the chair. “How are you today?” he quietly asked as his eyes stared directly into Izuku's.
“To me, a hero is someone who saves other people, no matter the odds. Like All Might,” Izuku stated as he directed his eyes to his desk. “Someone who is selfless, kind, and smart, and...and-” helps people with everyday problems and saves people from themselves. He paused to close his eyes for a moment in an attempt to clear the liquid that kept building up. “How about you?” Deku asked as he attempted to ignore the way his voice cracked.
There was a small moment of silence before Todoroki answered, “A hero is someone who can help and get help when they can't help. A hero is someone who does their best to be the best they can be.
“Now, how are you doing?”
Deku took in a deep breath, held it, then released it. “I'm fine.”
Todoroki looked as though he wanted to argue, but let it go.
All Might continued the lecture.
Kacchan cornered Izuku after class. Any hopes of it being something good were quickly dashed at the look of pure anger on Kacchan's face.
“You've been lying to me this whole fucking time, haven't you. ‘Poor Deku, soulmateless and quirkless.’ Well, you know what, Deku? You aren't any soulmate of mine.” With a push, Izuku fell to the ground.
He didn't bother getting up. Not for a long time.
It was time to start his plan.
Izuku had spent a lot of time researching the pros and cons of different methods after jumping failed him. Yet, jumping seemed to be the easiest method — just one step. Of course, there was the fact that he failed once before, but that could be fixed easily. He could jump from a higher building than his apartment complex.
He had just the building in mind; it wasn't too far from UA, and was the closest one Izuku could access. He could go towards school then go to the office building instead. It was twice the size of his apartment complex, too. He wouldn't survive this time.
That night was the first one in a long time he didn't feel the need to use his razor.
In the morning he wrote one note, addressed to All Might. He knew the man would blame himself, and he wanted to reassure him that it truly wasn't his fault.
He skipped breakfast for the last time, left the apartment for the last time, walked towards school for the last time, walked up stairs for the last time. He stood on the ledge for a while, watching the crowds bustle by and the cars speed through the streets like mice surrounded by ants.
Briefly, he reconsidered. What if he failed and was left crippled forever? Then he remembered — he already was crippled. He was useless, quirkless Deku, who no one loved.
He took a deep breath in. Held it. Let it out. He moved closer to the edge.
“Midoriya, step away from the edge,” a tired voice ordered from behind him.
He turned to look at his homeroom teacher. “Mr. Aizawa.” Izuku smiled. “What brings you here? Isn't school still in session?”
“I could ask the same of you,” he quipped, his arms crossed in front of him.
There was a moment of silence before Izuku quietly asked, “Are you here to stop me?”
Aizawa nodded in affirmation before he answered, “Please. Step away from the edge.”
Izuku turned back to the edge of the building, his eyes wet and his feet tired. “Isn't the world so beautiful up here?” he asked. “All the people, going about their day. The birds are all out, and the cars make a rainbow just as diverse as the people they carry.”
“I guess. Isn't it nicer from the ground, or farther away from the edge?” Aizawa's voice was closer.
“Sorry, could you back up? I would prefer if you let me do this. Don't fight for a nothing like me.”
“You're not nothing,” the man stated, his voice firm. Izuku twisted his head to look over his shoulder to see nothing but sincerity on his face.
“I wish I could believe that.” There was a brief silence until Izuku continued. “You're too close for me to jump, aren't you,” he sighed.
“Probably.” Aizawa's voice was right behind him.
“Darn. I hoped I would be able to wait a few more hours. Tell All Might I'm sorry.”
And with that, Izuku stepped off the edge, feet bare and heart ready.
Aizawa caught him before he had a chance to properly fall. Izuku didn't bother to ask why; it was a heroes job to save people. Whether they wanted to be saved didn't matter. Aizawa was a true hero.
“Can you walk?” he gruffly asked, his voice strained as he attempted to carry Izuku's weight.
He nodded silently. Aizawa promptly placed him on his feet in the entrance of the stairwell. “Where are we going?” Midoriya inquired.
“To the hospital. We need to get you evaluated and checked out, then put you through all the hoops needed to get you better,” Aizawa clinically stated.
Izuku balked at the idea. The last time he went to the hospital, his Mom had to waste so much money. She was distraught for months afterwards, bemoaning her loss of income towards Izuku.
“Why couldn't you have just succeeded?” she had asked him many, many times.
“Not the hospital,” Izuku whispered. He hid his wet eyes in the fringe of his hair as he clutched Aizawa's sleeve.
“Why not?”
“I can't go back there. Not again. Anywhere but there!” the teen almost begged, his eyes wide and voice desperate.
“Why. Not.” Aizawa seemed to force from behind his teeth.
For once in Izuku’s God-forsaken life, he stated the truth. “Mom will be burdened. She can't be burdened; she does too much already!”
“If she cares for you, she'll understand,” Aizawa promised.
“She won't!” Izuku's voice cracked as tears freely fell. “She'll be disappointed in me, again!”
“I’m sure your mom will want you to get the help you need.”
Izuku ran as fast as he could to the stairs that led to the ground floor. He ran blindly through the streets.
Soon enough, he came across a park and hesitantly worked his way down to the ground. A feeling of familiarity crossed his mind, but he brushed it off. He walked towards a small area where nature had won the battle against a fence. Dejavu began to hit hard. Carefully, Izuku crawled through a hole in the fence and walked deep into the area.
After a minute of walking Izuku came across a small ravine, with a log stationed above it. He suddenly realized why it looked so familiar. This was where Izuku’s relationship with Bakugou began to wither.
He choked on saliva as tears began to pelt down his face. This was where Izuku lost his soulmates.
Suddenly, Izuku was hit with an intense need to destroy himself. He wanted to rip the skin off his bones and snap each one individually, then die in the agony he deserved. He wanted to rip open his chest to grasp his heart and crush it until it stopped pumping, to see his blood splatter on the ground as he took his last breath. He wanted to tear out his hair and scream while he tore himself apart.
Instead, Izuku grasped his last straw of self-control and punched the tree next to him. He punched again and again and again until his knuckles were too bruised and bloody to continue. Then he moved to kicks.
The sun had begun to set before Izuku finally stopped, his eyes full of tears. He still wanted to tear himself apart, but he could manage it. He could bottle the feeling away for another day.
He could wait another day.
How Izuku got home, he wasn't sure. He grabbed his keys from his pocket, unlocked the door, and went to take his shoes off, only to remember they were still on a roof somewhere. With a sigh, Izuku walked into the apartment, wincing as his feet left marks on the pristine floor. He would have to clean those as soon as he could.
"Izuku!" Izuku startled at the sound of his name. "Your teacher came by and told me what happened! Why didn't you tell me it was getting bad again!?"
Izuku remained silent as he looked at his mom in confusion.
Once he was enveloped in a hug, Inko murmured, "Act natural. Your teachers are here."
Izuku looked over to the living room to find that, yes, Aizawa and All Might were both there. He slowly wrapped his arms around Inko, awkwardly patting her on the back.
"You had me so worried! I thought you were dead somewhere!” Tears were leaving Inko’s eyes, so Izuku did his best to reciprocate. That was what natural meant, right?
Izuku cursed the presence of his teachers. He just wanted to go to his room and sleep unbothered. Instead, he had to “reassure” his mother that he was alright.
“Midoriya, what happened to you hands?” Aizawa questioned, bringing all the attention in the room to his bloody and bruised knuckles.
“Nothing much,” Izuku answered shortly. Having all the focus in the room was suffocating him.
“Midoriya, my boy-”
“I’m going to my room. Please excuse me,” he dismissed. If he spent one more moment in their presence, he was going to break the fragile calm he had on his emotions.
He turned around and headed to his room, where he could cut sleep.
Thankfully no one followed him.
He took his time getting to school in the morning. He made sure his uniform was meticulously clean, his hair as brushed as he could, and his knuckles, feet, and arms wrapped expertly with bandages.
He admired the flowers, and how they were all wilting like him. He examined the people he saw, busy about their days. He pet all the dogs and cats he came across.
Izuku entered the classroom one minute before the bell was supposed to ring, ignoring the stares from his classmates. Uraraka looked like she wanted to get up and say something but was interrupted when Aizawa stated, “Midoriya, go see Recovery Girl.”
Izuku silently turned on his heels and walked out the door. He moved towards Recovery Girl’s office in a daze, light-headed and exhausted to the bone. Before he knew it, he was directed to sit down on a bed with soft sheets.
“Now, let me see your hands, dear,” Recovery Girl prompted as she held out her own hands. Izuku obeyed, handing her his hands without argument. She tsked and began to unwrap them. He gasped at the sting of his freshly exposed wounds.
As she began to unwrap the rest of his bandages, he pulled away. There was no way he would let her see his arms.
Recovery Girl frowned in disapproval. “I can’t heal you until I see the full extent of your wounds. I need to know how much energy this is going to take you, so I don’t take all your energy at once and leave you completely drained.”
Izuku frowned back. “Then don’t heal me,” he stated simply.
“Why would you come here if you didn’t want to be healed?” Recovery Girl questioned incredulously.
“Aizawa told me to.”
The aged woman sighed. “You have two options right now; three if you count leaving things as they are and having you fingers heal wrong and risk paralysis in some of you fingers. You can show me all your wounds and I heal them right now, or you allow me to put a cast on your hands. You won’t be able to participate in any physical activities until you’re healed. Which would you prefer?” she cooly asked.
Izuku’s heart raced as he considered his options. Paralyzed fingers could mean the end of his hero career, and not being able to participate in physical training would leave him so much farther behind his peers than he currently was. Yet, he wasn’t sure he could stand to allow another person to see his cuts. They might put him in a mental hospital, which would certainly be the end of his hero career before it had even started.
There weren’t any good choices.
“Is there confidentiality here?” Izuku suddenly asked.
“To an extent. If I find out anything that could endanger yourself or others, I am required to let the necessary people know,” she easily replied.
“Who would need to know if, hypothetically, I had some...injuries...from myself?” Izuku pushed. His heart raced as the air became harder to breathe.
“Your guardians. Telling anyone else without your permission would be a violation of your confidentiality.”
Izuku sucked in a breath before he pulled his sleeves up and worked to unwrap the bandages. It stung a bit where the bandages had stuck to the drying blood, but overall was fairly easy. Only a couple cuts started to bleed again. He held out his arms for Recovery Girl to look at.
Methodically, Recovery Girl grabbed an alcohol wipe and began to wipe at the blood that had stained his arms. He ignored the sting as his cuts became far more visible against his skin.
Within a couple minutes, Recovery Girl finished and clinically asked, “Are there any more injuries?”
For a second Izuku considered lying, but stopped at the knowing glint in Recovery Girl’s eyes. He sighed and moved to remove his pants. He ignored the embarrassment that welled up as his scars, cuts, and bruises came to view.
“How much sleep did you get last night?” Recovery Girl asked as she cleaned the injuries on his legs.
“I don’t know...maybe five hours?” Izuku hesitantly answered.
“What did you eat last?”
Izuku narrowed his eyes as he tried to remember the last time he had eaten. “A few protein bars?”
“And when was that?”
Izuku balked as thought about the last time he had eaten. He didn’t normally eat breakfast, and he had skipped lunch the past few days. Izuku didn’t eat dinner the night before, as Aizawa and All Might were in the apartment, and Izuku wasn’t sure when they’d leave. He didn’t have dinner the night before that either, as he had planned to die in the morning and figured he shouldn’t inconvenience his mother in that manner. And his lunch was interrupted by Todoroki and Lavender the first time and the second time he was trying to kill himself.
“I think dinner...three days ago?” Izuku stated.
Recovery Girl nodded. “The first thing we’ll do is put a splint on your hands. It will be temporary until we can get you in a better place, health-wise.” Izuku slowly nodded. “Then we’ll get something in you.”
She walked towards a drawer in the corner of the room and pulled out two black glove-like things. She walked back to Izuku and undid the velcro. “I’m going to put this on your hand now. Please let me know if it hurts.”
In no time at all, both splints were on and Izuku was left on the bed with a steaming bowl of takikomi gohan and water. He quickly finished his food before he looked back at Recovery Girl. “Can you heal me now?”
Recovery Girl looked at him in amusement. “I’m afraid not. Now you need to sleep for a little bit. You need to be at your best in order for me to safely heal you.”
Izuku wanted to cry, but instead set the empty bowl and cup aside and situated himself on the bed. Soon enough, he drifted off to sleep.
Izuku walked into the apartment to see boxes everywhere. “Mom?” he questioned as he searched for her. He found her in the living room, packing up the plethora of magazines she had collected over the years. “What are you doing?”
“Moving,” she simply stated. She lifted her gaze from the magazine she was holding to Izuku’s eyes. “Don’t worry — you’re stuff isn’t packed. You can stay here.”
“But I want to go with you!” Izuku cried out. “Don’t leave me alone! You’re the only one I have left!”
Inko’s eyes grew darker, her hair shorter, and freckles popped up onto her cheeks. “I can’t have a quirkless child,” she stated, a deep timbre intertwining with her voice.
Izuku’s eyes grew wide in fear as he moved away from the monster she was becoming. “Mom?” he called in fear.
“I never want to see you again. Goodbye.”
Slowly, Inko and everything she had boxed began to disappear. “NO! Don’t leave me! MOM!”
Izuku was woken by a hand touching his shoulder. He shot up and winced as his cuts rubbed against the blanket.
“Are you okay Midoriya?” a voice questioned.
Izuku focused on where the voice was coming from to see exactly one of the people he didn’t want to (and boi was that list growing). It was Lavender.
“What are you doing here?” Izuku demanded as he curled into himself.
“I came for some advil. I get headaches from my insomnia,” he easily replied. “My name’s Hitoshi Shinsou, by the way.”
Shinsou held out his hand. Izuku kept his hands on his knees.
“Anywho,” Shinsou began as he neatly tucked in hand into his pocket, “You looked like you were having a bad dream. Would you like to talk about it?”
“It was nothing,” Izuku said. “You can leave me alone.”
“You know, in middle school, the only thing that got me through it was knowing I had soulmates that wanted me to survive. Who wanted a future with me. I wasn’t very liked for my quirk. I was a villain in their eyes.” Shinsou looked to the floor. “I still am to most people.”
“What’s your quirk?” Izuku asked curiously.
“Mind control,” Shinsou curtly replied.
“Oh shit,” Izuku replied. “Can you control multiple people at once? Can you control animals? What’s the trigger? How does it- sorry, I’m rambling,” Izuku apologized.
Shinsou looked amused as he continued, “I almost didn’t try to come here. My quirk was obviously meant for villains. I would never be a hero with a quirk like mine.”
“But that’s stupid! You’re quirk would be great for hero work!” Izuku exclaimed as he tried to ignore the pang of jealousy that threatened to envelope him.
Shinsou smiled at Izuku. “It’s one thing to have a power that you can use of your own free will, and it’s another to have a power that you can use to take away another person’s free will.”
“But-”
“Fear controls people, not their brains. It doesn’t matter to them what I will do; what matters to them is what I can do,” Shinsou interrupted. He turned away from Izuku’s bed. “So, why are you here?”
“Doesn’t matter,” Izuku replied easily.
Shinsou turned back towards Izuku, an eyebrow raised and his head tilted. “‘Doesn’t matter?’” he asked incredulously. “If your in the infirmary, then you’re obviously injured or in pain, and anything that results in either of those things is important,” Shinsou huffed.
Izuku rolled his eyes. “It hasn’t mattered any of the other times I was in the infirmary, so it doesn’t matter now,” Izuku stated nonchalantly.
“What the- Of course it matters! You shouldn’t be hurt!” Shinsou exclaimed. His face was rose tinted and his body was tensed.
“Whatever. I’m going back to sleep,” Izuku curtly stated as he turned to face the other side of his bed. Shinsou scoffed, but otherwise remained silent.
Izuku laid on his bed, his eyes on his ceiling, as he contemplated his existence. Bakugou hated him, Todoroki and Shinsou wouldn’t leave him alone, All Might and Aizawa were concerned for him, and his mother didn’t care.
For a moment, he wondered if it would really be that bad to let his soulmates in. It wasn’t like he really had his mother’s love and affection to begin with.
Then again, accepting his soulmates meant completely losing his mother, and Izuku wasn’t sure he could bear that. It broke him to lose his father — he knew it would be worse if he were to lose Inko.
He couldn’t kill himself, especially since he was constantly being watched. He could try again, but it left a bad taste in his mouth.
Instead, Izuku slowly got up from his bed and started his morning work-out. Instead, he dressed himself in his uniform, fumbling with the tie before he gave up and tied it into a loose knot. Instead, Izuku walked towards UA, into class 1-A, and plastered a smile on his face. Instead, he acted the part of a fully functional person in society. Instead, he took notes and worked on his schoolwork.
Izuku had resolved to work through lunch rather than risk facing Todoroki and Shinsou, but quickly found his homework abandoned as Uraraka and Iida dragged him to the cafeteria. The three of them waited in line to grab food, and promptly sat down once they had received it. Todoroki and Shinsou joined them about five minutes later. Uraraka struggled to carry the conversation for the table as Izuku went silent, until she gave up all together.
Izuku sighed. He was so tired of them. Why wouldn’t they just stop? Why wouldn’t they just accept that he didn’t want to be their soulmates?
“Why won’t you leave me alone,” Izuku finally snapped.
“You know how important you are to us,” Todoroki stated, interrupting Uraraka and Iida’s scandalized gasps.
Izuku took a deep breath. “Fair enough. But I’ve told you my intentions. Why won’t you just leave me the fuck alone?”
“Language!” Iida admonished.
“We care about you!” Shinsou stated incredulously.
Izuku felt as if he were about to burst. “Well, I don’t care about you. So leave me be.”
The scraping of a chair gave Izuku a moment of pause. Uraraka had gotten up from her seat, her chair ready to tip over if not for Iida’s quick movement to catch it. She had tears in her eyes, and her face was red. “Deku! Why won’t you just accept them!? They’re your soulmates! Of course they flippin’ care for you!”
Izuku felt tears pool in his eyes as well, but he refused to let them fall. Of all the times to cry, this was not the right one. He closed his eyes for a second before he let out a shuddering breath. “It’s none of your business. Please, leave it,” Izuku borderline begged.
“No!” Uraraka yelled. The cafeteria grew silent. “You’re ruining your life! You only have so many soulmates! To throw them away is selfish and stupid for both yourself and others! Deku…” Uraraka’s speech devolved into unintelligible sobs. Iida wrapped his arms around her.
The stares around him grew oppressive as the silence warped into a straightjacket around his heart.
Izuku wanted to die. He wanted to split his arms open until he could see his bones, until his blood poured out by the buckets. He wanted to escape. He wanted out.
So he ran. He ran from the cafeteria to the hallway to the staircase to the door at the top to the stairs. He burst through the door as his tears flowed freely, scratching at his arms. It wasn’t enough, so he started to hit his left arm with his left fist.
“Stop! You’re going to hurt yourself,” a voice — Todoroki — firmly demanded from behind him. Deku almost scoffed, but moved his fist to his side. He didn’t like hurting himself in front of people.
“Leave me alone,” Deku demanded.
“Never,” Shinsou stated. “We’re soulmates; we stick together.”
Deku turned around to face them, his face swollen and red. “Don’t you understand? I. Can’t. Be. Your. Soulmate,” he grit out from behind his teeth.
“Why not?” Todoroki questioned.
Deku groaned in frustration. “Because it’s unnatural! Because I’m not going to follow this stupid thing that I just happened to be born into! Because I don’t want three soulmates! Because I don’t want you! I don’t want either of you. Just leave me the fuck alone.”
Todoroki and Shinsou both had similar looks of shock on their faces, their faces pale and mouths slightly open. “What do you mean?” Shinsou hesitantly asked.
“Wasn’t I clear enough? It. Is. Not. Natural. Why would I want to spend time with people who foolishly believe something fake is true?” Deku channeled his inner Bakugou, despite how close he was to shattering. He searched his memory for other things his mother had said about people who had more than one soulmate, until he found some insults. “Whores,” he spat as he pushed his way passed the two males.
He didn’t stop walking until he turned the corner. Once he was out of their sight, he bolted for home. Once he made it, he entered his room, careful not to leave any messes on the floor or move anything from the designated spots. He dug the razor out and pressed it into his skin, eager for the futile relief. He sliced again and again, not stopping until he felt light-headed. Then he started to panic.
He had made such a large mess. There was blood all over the floor and on his uniform, and some had dripped past his pants and onto the floor. Quickly, lest he risked it staining, Izuku stripped from his uniform and soaked it in the bathtub with cold water. Then, he rinsed his arms and thighs with the water from the sink. Gingerly, he dabbed at the water with a paper towel until it was dry. Blood still seeped through the wounds, so Izuku wrapped his arms tightly in two layers of bandages instead of one. He pulled a shirt and a pair of pants on before he grabbed the floor spray and worked on the mess he made on the floor.
Izuku sighed in relief as the mess easily came off the floor. Now all he had to do was scrub his uniform.
Inko came home three hours after Izuku had finished his homework, cleaned everything up, and made dinner. He had been staring at the ceiling, waiting for her to return so he could tell her the good news. He waited for her to get her food and put her stuff away before he headed out of his room.
“Mom?” Inko’s eyes focused on Izuku’s, and he quickly fixed his eyes on the floor. “I have some good news.”
“Then let’s hear it,” Inko stated as she crossed her legs and folded her hands in her lap, her face inscrutable.
“I got rid of my soulmates,” Izuku stated.
“Damn it!” Inko screamed as she threw her bowl on the ground, leaving it shattered on the floor.
“What- did I do something wrong?” Izuku timidly asked. He slowly drew within himself.
“You talked to your fucking soulmates?” she screamed.
Izuku flinched. “N-no, they talked to-”
“You know what? Shut up. Just leave,” Inko stated matter-of-factly.
“What do you mean?” Izuku asked past the dread that threatened to fill his being.
“I mean,” she began, “Leave this fucking house. Take what you need for the week and leave me alone.”
Izuku sank to the floor, ignoring the sharp sting as the porcelain pierced his skin. “But, Mom-” he began. He was quickly interrupted with a kick to the side.
“You have five minutes. Leave,” Inko demanded.
Izuku sprang up from his place on the floor to grab his backpack. He ran to his room, quickly emptying his school supplies from the bag. He packed a blanket, his school uniform, his phone, his wallet, and his charger.
Thankfully, he still had his socks on. He pulled his school shoes onto his feet and grabbed his jacket and umbrella.
“Time’s up,” Inko stated, her voice dark. Izuku bolted the final feet out the door and away from the apartment.
He didn’t stop until he reached the park he frequented when he was kicked out. It usually wasn’t as long as it was this time, but he was sure the park could support him until then. It hadn’t failed him yet.
It was the first time it had happened during the school year. How was he going to shower? Would he even try to go to school? Was it even worth it?
The teachers would worry if he didn’t attend for an entire week, not to mention it would put him so far behind he wouldn’t stand a chance at catching up.
“What do I do?” he muttered as he bounced his knee. He stood up in sudden epiphany. He could shower after school. He could wash his uniform in the shower, as well. It would be a little harder on Monday, as he would have to take a shower before class, but he could do it.
He could do it. It was only for a week.
He didn’t sleep well that weekend. No matter how he adjusted, he couldn’t get comfortable. He was exhausted. Still, on Monday he got up, headed to the bathroom in the nearby library and washed his face and hands. Without allowing him time to second guess his decisions, he changed into his uniform and headed towards UA. He showered quickly before he got back into his uniform and headed towards the classroom.
As he walked through the halls, he could hear the whispers of the other students. It looked as if his little bit of good standing with the UA student body had been destroyed. Not that he expected anything different. He didn’t deserve to be in anyone’s good standing.
Izuku entered the classroom and walked straight to his seat. He sat down and moved to take his books out of his bag. He quickly aborted the movement when he realized he had left all his school supplies on his bed at home. Instead, he laid his hand on his arms on top of his desk, relishing in the pain as the pressure from his head exerted stress on his cuts.
He wished he had his headphones.
Class went by easily. If anyone questioned why he wasn’t taking notes, or why he didn’t have his books out, they didn’t say anything. They ignored him completely.
Izuku ignored the betrayal that tingled in the back of his head. Uraraka left him alone, and the most he got from Iida was a glare as he comforted Uraraka. Really, he wasn’t sure what he expected. This was what he deserved, after all.
Lunch came and Izuku ate alone. He showered after the school day was over. He went back to the park as he snacked on the apple he saved from lunch. He would need to find a way to brush his teeth before they rotted.
It was five days into his — he wasn’t sure what to call it. It wasn’t homelessness; he had a home. He just needed to be let into the apartment (he couldn’t be homeless) — that anyone spoke to him in any manner other than harsh words and hatred. Unsurprisingly, the person was a teacher, and simply wished to let him know he was going to flunk out if he didn’t try harder. Izuku didn’t pay much attention, instead nodding, humming, and smiling in all the right places. Teachers never cared before. They wouldn’t care now.
On the sixth night, Izuku’s spot was found. He was pulled out of the slide, directed to go home, and to stay out of trouble. Of course, only after Izuku adequately proved to the officer he wasn’t a drug addict shooting up in the slide.
He didn’t sleep that night, wandering the city instead. It would only be one more night before he could return home. One night until he could return home and make up to Inko for whatever he did wrong. One night until he could sleep without worrying his stuff would be taken by someone else. One night until he could eat more than just lunch every day. One night until he wouldn’t be alone anymore. One night until he had his mother again.
He could make it one more night.
“Is everything alright, my boy?” All Might asked.
Izuku faked a bright smile as he lied straight to his idol’s face.
Izuku walked to the apartment door, prying the key from his jacket pocket. Without hesitation, he unlocked the door and walked in, careful to not make a mess.
Until he noticed the apartment was empty. All that was left was a note on the kitchen table. Bye, I should’ve left a long time ago, freak. the note stated.
Izuku was alone.
Izuku was glad it was the weekend. He wasn’t sure he would be able to attend school without losing the last bit of willpower he had left in his body.
As he was, he was apathetic towards everything. The only thing that kept him going was the thought that maybe Inko would change her mind. Maybe Inko would return.
Maybe Izuku wouldn’t be left alone.
Monday came. Izuku attended school with his supplies. He finished his work over the weekend and caught up on everything. He exercised and took care of his body so he could excel in foundational heroics. He did anything he could to bring Inko back.
She didn’t come back.
The USJ incident happened. Izuku felt he might have made a bond with Tsuyu, but he wasn’t certain. It was a little difficult to tell with her.
The Sport’s Festival came and left as well. Izuku lost in the first round as everyone pushed him down.
Final exams weren’t a problem for Izuku — or so he thought. He did well on the written exam, but ended up failing the physical. There was no way he could’ve won against All Might, especially with Bakugou as a partner.
Izuku forged his mother’s signature to go to summer camp. It wasn’t hard; Izuku had signed all the school papers for Inko anyway. She had refused to touch them, let alone sign them.
Bakugou was kidnapped. Todoroki and Shinsou were going crazy, but Izuku kept a tight handle on his emotions. He had held strong for so long now; he could last a bit longer.
Kirishima came by the hospital rooms to rally a rescue squad to get Bakugou. Izuku showed up to the meeting place, bandaged and sore and in regular clothes. He wasn’t turned away.
All Might had fallen. His emaciated form was revealed to all. Izuku’s heart throbbed as he suffocated, All Might’s finger pointed towards him as he stated, “You’re next.”
The dorms seemed like a wonderful idea, but left Izuku with a problem. Aizawa and All Might were all going to meet with the parents of the students to give personal reassurances and answer all the questions they might have.
It was a solid plan on their part, except that Inko wouldn’t be there. Izuku had no way to reach her, and therefore had no way to placate either of the teachers when she failed to show up. The gig was about to be up.
Izuku showed up to the meeting by himself. He explained to Aizawa and All Might the situation. He was directed to sit outside Principal Nezu’s office.
He then explained the situation to the principal. The principal simply nodded and handed Izuku papers to sign. Izuku signed them (after reading them through — he wasn’t that foolish) and handed them back before he asked, “What will happen to me?”
“You are going to be a ward of UA Academy. As your homeroom teacher, Aizawa will be in charge of your well-being and make sure you are properly supported. He will be privy to all medical information and school records under your name. What happens other than that will be up to Aizawa,” Nezu explained.
Izuku nodded and excused himself.
“How would you feel about a therapist?” Aizawa asked Izuku nonchalantly.
Izuku cocked an eyebrow. “I would rather not,” he honestly answered.
“Even if it meant you would get better?”
“Therapists haven’t helped me before, so I doubt they could help me now,” Izuku insisted.
School only seemed to get harder. Shinsou joined 1-A when Mineta quit, and Izuku hated the tension in the room. Bakugou, Todoroki, and Shinsou seemed to have gotten closer over the half year, and Izuku couldn’t help but feel jealous.
Yet, he brought it upon himself. He had no friends because he was a bad person. He had no soulmates because he was selfish. He had no parents because he was a freak.
He wanted everything to stop.
There was a note in his shoe locker. It stated, “If you would like to try again, we haven’t given up on you yet.” with two signatures: one an aquamarine blue, and the other a shade of violet. Izuku’s heart raced at the opportunity. He might not be alone after all!
But. It could be a trick. It could be a prank.
But it could be real.
“What’s been going on?”
Izuku stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“You don’t leave your room very often. You haven’t made friends, and you’re the last person to get a partner,” Aizawa explained. “What happened? You were friends with almost everyone in the class before.”
Izuku laughed bitterly. “I rejected my soulmates.”
Aizawa choked on his own spit. “You what!”
“I told my soulmates I wanted nothing to do with them,” Izuku calmly stated.
“Why would you do that?” Aizawa incredulously asked.
Izuku hesitated. “I...I didn’t want Mom to leave me,” he said quietly. “Mom told me to have nothing to do with my soulmates, so I didn’t. I told them I didn’t want them, and did everything I could to convince them that they were not mine. I was horrible to them.”
Aizawa’s eyes widened. “Who are you’re soulmates?”
“Todoroki, Shinsou, and Ka- Bakugou,” Izuku said nonchalantly.
“What was your mom’s problem? They’re all fairly decent people. It’s not like your soulmates with a serial killer or anything,” Aizawa scoffed.
“It was the number,” Izuku explained. “Four soulmates. Two too many. The number of death. A whorish number. The number of a freak.”
“That is unfortunate that she feels that way,” Aizawa murmured.
“Aizawa...is my mom wrong?” Izuku asked, piercing the temporary silence that had blanketed the room.
The older man nodded. “Yes, she is,” he stated before he turned back and walked through the door, leaving Izuku behind to his thoughts.
Izuku had now been told that it was okay to have more than one soulmate. Multiple times. Now that he thought about it, no one had told him that it wasn’t alright to have more than one soul mate. No one except his mom, that is.
Maybe it would be okay to bond with them.
But Bakugou had stated otherwise. Izuku had lied to him, repeatedly about their soulmateship and his “quirk.” He wouldn’t let Izuku bond with him, no matter what Izuku could do to calm him down.
If he took their offer, Bakugou might be alone. Izuku didn’t want that.
He just didn’t want to be alone any longer.
“Uraraka? Could I talk to you for a moment?” Izuku hesitantly asked as he twisted his hands behind his back.
The smile left her face as she faced Izuku. “I don’t know. Will you actually talk to me rather than yelling?”
Izuku nodded quickly. “I just wanted to apologize for how I treated you. You didn’t deserve that; you were just trying to help me. I’m so, so sorry.”
Uraraka smiled. “Friends?”
Tears fell down Izuku’s face. “Friends.”
It took months to get back to where they were at the beginning of the year, but they made it. Izuku apologized to Iida, who scolded him for a while before he forgave him.
Izuku had wronged a lot of people under his mother’s doctrine, but none of them as much as Todoroki, Shinsou, and Bakugou.
Bakugou wouldn’t listen to anything Izuku had to say, however, so Izuku wrote him a note and placed it on his desk once he had left for lunch. It explained everything — Inko and how she treated him, the late-blooming of his quirk, and the subsequent shit-shows that happened because of those things.
Izuku waited until lunch to find Todoroki and Shinsou, who had sat together in a corner with Bakugou. With a false bravado, walked towards them. He wasn’t even half-way there before they spotted him — the one teen walking once everyone had already sat down to devour their lunches.
Once Izuku reached them, Bakugou had already left. Shinsou gestured for Izuku to sit down, and he gladly obliged. He groaned and set his head on the table.
“Are you alright, Midoriya?” Todoroki asked, his voice calm and an anchor in the turbulent sea that deafened Izuku within his mind.
“I’m fine,” he mumbled into the table. After a second, Izuku stood up, walked beside the table, got to his knees, and bowed. “I would like to apologize for how I've been treating you. It was horrible and messed up and completely wrong of me on every level. I'm truly regret it, and I'm so sorry."
"Stand up," Shinsou ordered, his voice firm. Hesitantly, Izuku obeyed. "We forgave you a long time ago. You don't need to grovel on the floor for us."
And just like that, Izuku was crying once more. "I'm so sorry!" he choked out between silent sobs.
"You don't need to be sorry, Midoriya," Todoroki quietly stated. "You just need to get better. Get some help."
"Ok," Izuku quietly promised. "...Are we still soulmates?" he whispered.
"Always and forever," Todoroki whispered back.
Aizawa seemed confused when Izuku asked for a therapist, but obliged willingly. Within a few days, Izuku was in an office, waiting for his scheduled hour. Then they would decide if a psychiatrist would be needed as well.
Soon enough, a thin man in a pair of jeans and a pink button-up shirt entered the waiting room. "Hi, my name is Satoru Ikumouzai. You must be Mr. Aizawa and Izuku," he serenely stated. Izuku stiffly nodded. "Let's head to my office," Dr. Satoru directed.
Izuku stood up and followed the man.
The hour consisted of simple questions with simple answers — “What is your favorite color?” “What is your favorite food?” “What do you do for fun?” — until the time was finally up. Izuku gladly left the office.
Izuku did his best to get better. He opened up to Dr. Satoru (the man insisted Izuku call him Ikumouzai instead), explaining his symptoms and confessing the things he was ashamed of.
He did end up getting referred to a Psychiatrist as well, who started Izuku on antidepressants and antianxiety medication at the prompting of Dr. Satoru.
It had been months and Izuku was still trying to find the right medications for him. The first combination left him exhausted all the time. The second had him vomiting everything he ate. He was currently on his third regimen, and he couldn’t help but wonder if it was truly worth it.
The world seemed far more hopeless than ever. Leaving bed was far more of a chore than it had ever been, and death constantly plagued his thoughts. He wouldn’t look out windows for the view, but for the ground. Was the ground far enough away? Would the fall kill him? He would enter the shower looking at medicine cabinet, wondering if anything there would do the job. He would watch his classmates use their quirks and wonder how he could “accidentally” get in the way of them.
But he had to wait for the medications to work, right? Sure, it had been three weeks, but he could be patient. Just for a little longer.
A few weeks passed, and things weren’t getting better. Instead, things kept getting worse. Izuku cut more than he ever had before, not hesitating in ways he would have stopped himself before. Nowhere was off-limits — his arms, thighs, hips, stomach, and upper arms all had fresh cuts on them from his self-harming sessions. As he continued to run out of room he continued to get more creative.
Aizawa noticed and voiced his concern, along with Todoroki, Shinsou, and Uraraka, but Izuku shrugged them off. He was going to get better, even if he had to wait a bit longer for the medicine to kick in. And if he researched the exact height he would need to fall from to die on impact among other things...it was inconsequential.
He would get better.
Izuku tried his fourth combination of medications, and felt infinitely better.
Life wasn’t easy. Izuku accepted that when he turned five and spent his birthday alone, treating burns and cuts on his arms from Kacchan’s rough housing, as Inko was once more away from home. Living would always be a struggle, and would never be perfect.
But Izuku soldiered on, his soulmates by his side and Aizawa’s support backing him up. It wasn’t perfect.
Izuku and Kacchan made up, both explaining their sides like the responsible adults they had become. Apologies were made, and it wasn’t perfect.
Perfection wasn’t something achievable, but Izuku came pretty close. He wasn’t happy all the time — not only would that be exhausting, but would become dull and monotonous.
Life wasn’t perfect, and Izuku was content.