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That someone would actually be buying the exorbitantly-priced mansion across Yeji's house has been the talk of the neighborhood for quite some time now. They're oil moguls, people say, or one of those lesser-known monarchs, or even that lottery winner in the news who never talked about what he'd use the money for.
Yeji herself has never been one to speculate, and her mom much more so. At nine, she has more frightening things to worry about, like decimals. But it's hard to escape from gossip so loud, especially when strangers call your home phone every other night to ask if the rich people have moved in yet.
The rich people eventually move in on a Saturday. Yeji's cramped up in her room, rewriting and highlighting her science notes, when she hears their muffled voices from out the window.
She's desperate for an excuse to take a break, so she sets her pen down, cups her hands around her face, and smooshes up against the window. There's a man, standing next to a shiny black car, and he's beckoning to the driver of a van behind him.
The back of the van's open, and there are people hauling things out of it, carting them inside the house. Furniture, mostly --- tables, more tables, chairs to match them.
Yeji stares for a few minutes before she sinks back into her own chair. Watching people carrying chairs might be even more boring than her textbook.
▪
The rich people, she finds out, are the Choi family. They visit Yeji's house on Wednesday. Yeji arrives home from school very much ready to take a quick nap (she swears, she'll wake up before dinner) but there's a whole group of people sitting in their living room, sipping at her mom's amazing gamjatang.
"Yeji," says her mom, "these are our new neighbors. They came all the way from Canada."
Yeji scans their faces. A man, a woman, a boy, a girl. She greets them, and they acknowledge her as well, then softly she collapses on the seat next to her mom's.
"What grade are you in?" asks Mr. Choi, leaning forward in his chair.
"Third," says Yeji.
"And how is the public school? Do you enjoy it there?"
The girl says something, then. It's English, so Yeji and her mom eye other helplessly. Languages aren't their strong suit.
The woman wraps her arms around her daughter, and Yeji finds herself marvelling at how close they are. She can't remember the time her mom last hugged her, for sure. Maybe it's a Canadian thing.
"Julia here wants to enroll in the public school as well," the woman says. "She'll be in the second grade."
"Julia," Yeji repeats. The girl is clinging on to her mom's sleeve so tightly, but Yeji manages to find her eye. She offers up her best reassuring smile.
And then Julia shakes her head, hard. Her eyes are wide and her ponytail flicks from side to side. "My name is Jisu," she says, in cautious Korean, "not Julia."
Jisu. The name rolls easier on Yeji's tongue.
(The boy introduces himself too as Taehyun, but that night, it's only Jisu that Yeji remembers.)
▪
Jisu arrives in school the week after that, and everyone knows who she is. Or at least, where she lives.
Yeji, on her part, doesn't know that Jisu's coming today. They've become awkward acquaintances now --- they see each other and then they wave --- but it's not as though they're friends or anything.
Which is why it throws her off completely when she's watching her actual friends, Ryujin and Yuna, from the swings at playtime, and then Jisu walks up behind her, pulls her seat back, and pushes with all her might.
"Hi, Yeji unnie!" says Jisu as Yeji swings down, very much shaken.
She edges forward in her seat and presses her feet firmly into the gravel. Yeji's always been tall (not like Yuna, but still very tall), and one of the good things about being tall is that you can stop yourself from swinging.
"I didn't know you were here already," says Yeji as she skids to a stop.
Jisu shrugs. "My mom said I need to start attending school."
"Oh," says Yeji, "why not at the international school?" Jisu, according to her dad, used to attend an international school in Canada. There's another one of those just a few blocks away, and Yeji saw Taehyun board its school bus two days ago.
And that means Jisu's here alone.
She shrugs again, and hops on to the swing next to Yeji's. "Can you push?" she asks. "I pushed you."
So, Yeji eases off the swing, and gives Jisu the strongest push her muscles can afford her.
▪
Jisu's quiet around Ryujin and Yuna.
Yeji invites her to sit with them the next lunchtime. She brings her biggest picnic mat, because she asked the elementary school principal, and she said it was very much okay for them to eat in the field.
The field is Yeji's most favorite part of the school. She hopes Jisu will like it too --- they have a very clear view of the middle school football team.
Ryujin and Yuna are ecstatic at a new addition in their friend group. Yuna lets out this happy squeal when she finds out, jumping up and down because she loves meeting new people. Ryujin's a bit more quiet, but Yeji can see how (finally!) having a friend in her grade relaxes her.
So, they try to engage with Jisu as much as possible while eating the sandwiches Yeji helped her mom prepare for them.
"Say something in English," says Yuna, her eyes shining as she leans in close to Jisu. "How do you say, 'Yuna' in English?"
"It's just Yuna, right?" Ryujin asks. "Or is there an English version of Yuna? How about Ryujin? There has to be an English version of Ryujin ---"
The more they talk, the more Yeji feels Jisu pressing into her shoulder. She answers in tiny whispers, a far cry from her excited near-shouting on the swings yesterday.
"Hey," says Yeji, then, her voice soft, "you're scaring her." She wraps an arm around Jisu hesitantly, but Jisu curls into her further, her mouth curving into a smile.
Yuna's and Ryujin's apologies are still loud and overwhelming, but Jisu's forgiveness is now just as loud too.
She runs up to Yeji while she's walking back to the third-grade area after lunch. "Yeji unnie!" she calls.
Yeji stops in her tracks and turns. "Yes?"
"Thank you."
▪
Yeji decides at the end of fifth grade that she wants to join the middle-school football team.
She shares this sentiment with Jisu while they're in the library, waiting for classes to start. She says it like this: "Jisu, I want to join the football team next year."
Next year is a sore topic for Jisu, and it has been since the start of this school year. The idea of Yeji moving to an entirely new building --- and of Jisu having to spend fifth grade without her closest friend --- scares her. (It scares Yeji too, but she'd never admit that.)
"Okay," says Jisu. She doesn't look up from her homework.
Yeji shifts uncomfortably in her seat, but she continues, "It means I'll be training after class every day. And on the weekends."
Jisu stops writing.
"Okay," she says.
Weekends are Yeji and Jisu time, usually. They go to the bay, or to the mall, or the park, literally anywhere. But passing tryouts means training, and training means Yeji will lose her weekends.
She hopes it doesn't mean she'll lose Jisu.
"Are you really okay with it?" Yeji prompts.
And Jisu laughs. "Unnie, you don't need to ask me before doing the things that make you happy."
"But if they make you sad ---"
"It's okay. Really! I'll watch all of your games." Jisu sets her pen down and fixates on Yeji a massive grin. "Good luck!"
But Yeji still feels a pang of guilt. It intensifies every time she runs laps on Saturdays, every time she does drills. She misses Jisu, and she knows Jisu misses her too.
It's for the better, she decides. Jisu will learn how to be on her own.
She makes the team (of course) but the guilt stays.
▪
On Yeji's part, sixth grade is good. The members of the football team make pretty reliable friends.
But every second, she waits for the year to end quicker.
▪
Taehyun moves to the public middle school when Yeji's in the eighth grade. She doesn't know him too well, so it surprises her still when she learns Taehyun's in the boys' football team.
She's the girls' team captain, and she learns about Taehyun at her first meeting with the other captain and the coaches.
The boys' captain's name is Soobin. He's tall and smiles with dimples Yeji can't take her eyes off of the entire time. And he has this endearing sort of disorganization --- they're required to submit a list of all the members in the team --- his list is handwritten, on torn notebook paper, while Yeji's is all typed out.
Nevertheless, she sneaks a glance at it after the meeting finishes, and jolts when she reads Taehyun's name. She whips her head up to meet Soobin's eye, about to ask about their newest member ---
But then he winks. "Yeji, right?"
And all of a sudden Yeji's mind goes blank and she has absolutely no idea what's happening, only that right now, her heart is pounding. "Right!" she says, and she immediately winces. That was way too enthusiastic. What if the "right" was rhetorical? She'd been addressed as Yeji the entire meeting ---
Soobin only laughs, though, and Yeji seriously can't stop looking at his dimples, at his smile. He follows closely behind her as she leaves the school.
"You have a ride?" he asks. "I'm taking the bus."
"I'm taking the bus too!" says Yeji quickly. Except she isn't. Except she told Jisu they'd walk home together today. Except she hasn't been on the bus in her life.
But Jisu would understand --- so she texts her from the bus stop.
[hwangye] sorry, can't walk home with you today
[liaachoi] aw :( why?
[hwangye] im with a cute guy heheheheh
[liaachoi] oh ok have fun!
She does have fun --- a lot of it.
A few months later, at the beginning of ninth grade, Soobin asks her to be his girlfriend. Yeji says yes.
▪
Yeji decides at sixteen that she needs to get her first kiss over with.
It's relatively late, she knows, and honestly she isn't too proud about that. If she doesn't learn now, she's sure that when Soobin decides to kiss her, her saliva will smell like inexperience and cheap lip gloss and panic. Right now, Soobin is Yeji's absolute world, so she can't let something like that happen.
So, one weekend, she texts her friends in absolute panic, that they need to come to her house, now. She needs to learn.
Jisu's the first to respond. Yeji sees her dashing out of her house, hears her knocking on the door three minutes after she sends her text. And then ten minutes after that (and of Jisu watching Yeji pacing wordlessly around her room), Ryujin and Yuna arrive.
If they were people who she wasn't too familiar with, maybe Yeji would be too shy to explain her predicament right now. But these people have seen Yeji through her darkest hours, so hopefully they can help her rationalize this.
"Have any of you had their first kiss?" Yeji asks, sitting down on her carpet with a thud. The others follow suit in obvious concern.
"What?" Jisu asks. "First kiss?"
"Yeah," says Yeji. "I don't want Soobin to think I don't know how, because y'know, we're pretty strong, we might kiss soon ---"
"Wait, are you asking because you want to kiss him?" Yuna asks, gaping.
Yeji's shoulders sag. "Yeah. Kiss him well."
A beat of quiet passes as the three other girls look at each other. They've all had their shares of crushes and almost-relationships --- well, Ryujin and Yuna have, certainly --- and Yeji's sure that they're marveling at how the tables have turned, at how it's Yeji, their designated old friend, asking them for advice.
Yuna finally points her thumb at Ryujin. "She's already had her first kiss. And probably more. I don't know."
She has?
Ryujin answers this with a resounding slap on the top of Yuna's head. "Shut up," she says through gritted teeth.
"Really?" Yeji asks. She glances at Jisu. She's just as awed. "You --- with whom? You're single!"
"She messes around with this girl from dance," says Yuna, and then Ryujin groans, burying her face in her hands. (Yeji should have known, she realizes, that there was no way they really had dance until seven every day.)
"Girl?" Jisu asks. "So you're --- gay?"
Silence, again, but longer.
Yeji's the first to speak. "Jisu," she says, laughing, "Ryujin's been out for a pretty long time now. Did you really not know?"
"No," says Jisu, in a small voice. She furrows her brows.
"Well," says Ryujin, her mouth stretched out in this very awkward grin, "surprise, then."
The silence that follows is deafening. Jisu tries for a smile, and then Yeji is hit by this massive what-if: what if Choi Jisu, her very bestest friend, is homophobic? She couldn't be.
Ryujin and Yeji may not be each other's closest friends anymore, but they've been friends the longest --- since they were in literal daycare. So really, if anyone says something that makes Ryujin feel unsafe, Yeji's ready to rise up in arms.
"You're okay with that, right?" Yuna asks, then.
Jisu's still tense, but she nods.
Ryujin shifts around, moves a tiny bit away, and Yeji knows she would never admit it, but this reaction is far from a good one.
It's usually one of her favorite things about Jisu, that she can be easily read, but sometimes Yeji wishes that she wouldn't wear her heart on her sleeve.
"Anyway," says Yeji, "how do you kiss?"
Ryujin shrugs, and her voice is nonchalant at best, but what she says makes Yeji relax a little. "When you're with the right person," she says, "everything goes well."
"Oh," she says, and then she can't stop herself from grinning. "Well. Soobin's the right person."
▪
Yeji and Soobin are waiting at the bus stop one afternoon when she leans up to kiss him on the lips. He grimaces and pulls away, then releases a long string of half-baked sorries before jamming his hands in his hoodie and running away.
Yeji isn't able to submit any homework the next day, for the first time ever. She spends the whole night crying.
▪
While Yeji exits her physics classroom for lunchtime, someone grabs her wrist. She turns, and comes face-to-face with Jisu, still in her gym uniform.
Jisu's a freshman. They don't have their lunch until next period.
"Go back to your class," Yeji says, and she tries to shake Jisu off her in the gentlest way possible.
She shakes her head firmly. "You haven't been replying to anyone and you haven't even brought your books to school. What happened?"
"Nothing," says Yeji, but tears are already springing to her eyes. She swipes at them with her sleeves and hopes it at least looks discreet.
It doesn't. Jisu's eyebrows curl into a frown. "Unnie?" she asks.
And then something about that pushes Yeji to the edge, and then tears are literally streaming down her face, and God, she hates that Jisu's seeing her like this, because she's supposed to be their leader, and leaders aren't supposed to cry ---
So Yeji turns on her heel and runs.
She runs and runs until her surroundings blur, and she isn't sure if it's because she's going fast or because she's crying. She runs out the nearest exit, and her heart hammers in her chest because she's never cut class before, but that really doesn't matter because she needs to escape.
Yeji's a football player. She doesn't tire quickly. She runs and runs and keeps running --- away, as far away as she can.
That is, until she slams straight into someone.
She's been staring at the ground beneath her the whole time. It's her fault. She sidesteps the person and readies herself to continue, mumbling a hasty sorry under her breath.
"Wait, noona!" says the person. "Where are you going?"
And then Yeji raises her head. She knows that voice.
It's Taehyun, in his middle school uniform, backpack slung over his shoulder. Somehow --- Yeji doesn't even remember anymore --- she's run to their campus, which would be a good ten-minute walk from the high school building under normal circumstances.
She rakes her hand through her hair. When did Taehyun get so tall? He must tower over Jisu now. She never noticed. "I --- I don't know," she admits. Does he see her crying? Oh no. She swipes at her eyes again. There are so many students here.
Taehyun lowers his voice. "I'm sorry for asking, but is this about Soobin hyung?"
She shakes her head. Really, Soobin did nothing wrong. This is on her.
And then she feels the sobs starting up again, and honestly she's too tired to run, so she sits down on a nearby bench.
Taehyun approaches her, fumbling around for something in his pocket. Produces a lollipop and holds it out. "Okay, uh, for you," he says. "I might get caught eating it in class, anyway." He stands awkwardly for a few moments, and adds, "Things will get better." And he begins walking back to their building.
Will they? Yeji unwraps the lollipop tentatively and places it in her mouth. It's sweet.
▪
She should have known he'd tell her.
Jisu arrives at the bench a few minutes later, all red and out of breath. She smooths out her gym shorts and takes a seat next to Yeji.
But Yeji's calmed down a little, now, and she's glad Jisu's there.
Jisu takes Yeji's hand in hers and gives it a squeeze.
▪
Maybe that's the point at which things start getting weird. They're playing Super Smash Bros on Yuna's Switch one day, and Jisu's so invested in the game that Yeji suspects she might drill holes into the screen with her eyes.
As for Yeji's eyes, she can't take them off Jisu's side profile.
▪
It's a few months into junior year that Yeji finally meets Ryujin's dance team girlfriend.
Chaeryeong is tall and pretty, with light brown hair and a kind smile. Ryujin brings her along one day to their Saturday lunch date, and introduces her to them all.
Yuna's unsurprised, of course, but Yeji shakes her hand graciously. She couldn't have guessed (but maybe it's because she doesn't know the dance team at all).
She doesn't miss the way that both Ryujin and Chaeryeong falter a little in front of Jisu, but Jisu gives them this huge grin. "Nice to meet you!" she says, wrapping Chaeryeong in a loose hug. "Thanks for taking care of Ryujin."
And Ryujin flushes so red, but Yeji can tell she's deliriously happy. And Yeji is too --- that Jisu's managed to get over whatever hesitations she used to have.
In fact, it's Jisu peppering them with questions while they eat. She asks them how they met, how they got together, how they confessed. And they're more than glad to share the story --- they met in dance team, became the kind of close friends that had a blurry boundary for what was platonic, and then one day Chaeryeong told Ryujin she liked her.
"Just like that?" Jisu asks. She looks so captivated, it makes Yeji's heart swell a little.
"Yeah," says Chaeryeong, "I mean, my feelings had kind of been building up for a while, so it had to happen eventually."
"She just said it outright," Ryujin adds. "It doesn't have to be complicated."
"Weren't you scared she didn't like you back?" Jisu asks.
"Jisu unnie," Yuna interjects with a snort, "something tells me you shouldn't be fearing that at all."
It makes Yeji's insides drop to the pit of her gut, and she has an idea why. Jisu likes someone.
▪
Okay, so Jisu definitely likes someone, and Yeji is the only one in their friend group who doesn't know who it is. She thinks that maybe they think she doesn't notice, but this is Yeji. She always notices.
They're shopping for their dresses to Yuna's friend Yujin's formal-themed birthday party, and Yeji's just about to tell Jisu that of course her dress looks good on her, when Ryujin says, "Oh wow, that's definitely going to impress someone."
They pass by a florist in the mall, when Chaeryeong says, "Hey, aren't those the flowers Jisu unnie wants to give you-know-who?" and then she and Yuna and Ryujin burst out laughing.
They're buying ice cream, and then Yuna says, "Unnie, you should share yours with ---"
This time, Jisu actually shoves Yuna on the shoulder to stop her from finishing that sentence, and Yeji notices how a pink blush is spreading across her cheeks.
There's a sudden pang of something in her chest.
Yeji wants to know, too.
▪
It really shouldn't be bothering Yeji that she doesn't know who this is, but it is. Jisu's her closest friend, heck, she's the first friend Jisu made in this country, and they literally live a few meters away from each other.
It's not that Yeji feels entitled to Jisu's secrets, but she's the first person Yeji tells whenever she spots a guy she might like. She was the only one Yeji opened up to about Soobin.
Whoever this is is Jisu's first crush, and okay, maybe it just hurts that Jisu would rather tell everyone else before her.
(She tries to imagine Jisu with a boyfriend, then she scraps the thought immediately.)
(That hurts too.)
▪
Yeji's revelation comes while she's waiting in Jisu's kitchen one morning before school.
Mrs. Choi fixes her and Taehyun some breakfast, and then she says, jokingly, "See, Taehyun, Jisu's girlfriend is better than yours."
And then Yeji's exhale catches in her throat.
Why did that sound so nice?
Oh, no.
▪
Her response is simple. Avoid.
She says barely anything on their walk to school. Tries to swallow all the thoughts swimming around her head, and tries to ignore the way that Jisu's eyeing her in concern.
(She's especially ignoring how Jisu looking at her makes her heart skip.)
And when they get to school, Yeji bolts. Figuratively, of course --- because she's learned that actually running is the wrong thing to do. She buries herself in schoolwork and football, and spends her free time in the library. She practices an extra hour after training, because she knows Jisu has to be home early. For good measure, she even accepts a ride home with Yena, the team captain.
And she continues that for a week, ignoring all messages unless absolutely necessary. Fake it till you make it. Fake not caring for her that way, and you won't.
▪
Her response proves futile one morning the next week, when Yeji sits up in bed and comes face-to-face with Jisu.
She's leaning on the door, and while Yeji rubs the sleep from her eyes, registering how in the world Jisu got here, Jisu says, "You're avoiding me."
Yeji frowns. "What are you doing in my room?" she asks, stifling a yawn.
Jisu shrugs. "I asked Mrs. Hwang. She let me. I was going to wake you up, but I figured you'd wake up eventually." She softens. "I'm sorry for cornering you, I just --- " And then Jisu trails off and takes a big inhale of air.
"I wasn't avoiding you," Yeji tries, pulling the blanket back up.
"Really?" Jisu arches an eyebrow. "Then walk with me to school, unnie. And get ice cream with me during our afternoon break. And walk me home. You know. Do the things we used to do together."
It stings, hard. She looks away. "I'm sorry, I just needed to think about some stuff." Needed to think about you, Yeji doesn't say.
"Oh," says Jisu. Her voice sounds heavy. "It's okay, I just wish you could have told me why first. I'm sorry too, for whatever it is."
"Jisu," Yeji replies.
(She can't take this anymore.)
"Jisu, who do you like?"
Jisu snaps her head up at that question and fixes her wide eyes on Yeji. "What?"
And then whatever semblance of confidence Yeji used to have is out the window and in the street. She blanks. Swings her feet off the bed. "Never mind. I shouldn't have asked, I'll just go take a shower now ---"
"I like you."
Yeji stops. "What?"
Jisu threads her fingers together and stares at the floor. "Ah, maybe I shouldn't have told you now," she says. "This is a really weird position to be in and I'm pretty sure you're mad at me for something. I don't know. I guess I was just overenthusiastic because I had a hard time coming to terms with it and I really, really like you ---"
"No!" Yeji sputters. "I'm not mad! I was avoiding you because I like you too!"
Jisu flushes, moves a few steps forward. "Wait, really? Are you sure?"
"Very."
And then a huge grin spreads across Jisu's face. That pretty pink blush spreads across her cheeks.
And warmth floods Yeji's heart.
▪
Jisu finally kisses Yeji on the day Yeji asks her to be her girlfriend.
She takes her to the playground, and right there, on to the very same swing that they met, is a note that contains a single question, written with a pink brush pen on perfect paper.
It's a question that Yeji was giddy to ask, and she's giddy right now to know the answer to. She looks at Jisu. Holds her breath.
Jisu sets the paper down. And then --
She throws her arms around Yeji and kisses her with all her might. It's the best feeling in the world, of sunshine and flowers and childhood promises and home and love.
(Ryujin's right, Yeji realizes. When you're with the right person, everything goes well.)