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“Ensign Tompkins.”
It took a moment for me to realise that Captain Janeway was speaking to me. I looked up from the console towards the Captain at the front console of the shuttle.
“I’m sorry Captain, I was distracted.” I said.
I knew my voice sounded weak. I was struggling to hold back the emotion surging inside me. Tears were starting to form.
“Ensign, are you ok?”
“Ahh....... um......”
The Captain rose from her chair and walked towards me. I felt self conscious as her eyes met mine. There was concern in her eyes, a slight raise in her eyebrows.
I took a deep breath in, trying to help gather my thoughts. Then I spoke.
“Today my child....... my daughter....... would have been five years old.” I felt a tear slip down my cheek. My lip was shaking.
The Captain moved closer to me.
“Despite all the tests, we lost her at 20 weeks.” I said.
“I’m sorry.” She said, her voice almost a whisper.
My shoulders trembled and I started to cry. Suddenly her arms were around me and she was hugging me. Her hair brushed my cheek. Her perfume, woody and soft (I had never noticed her perfume before) touched my nostrils. I felt at ease in her arms. My story had been listened to.
For a split second I mulled over whether I should return the gesture. It would be rude and awkward if I didn’t. So I did. I touched my hands to her back. She pulled me closer to her. I felt her body against mine.
The overflowing sadness was being infected by several other emotions - a hint of happiness, apprehension and a craving, a craving for her. Her soft check brushed mine as she began to pull away. I loosened my embrace. She still stood close. Then her hand was upon mine and she squeezed it.
“Rita......” She used my first name. It helped. “Every crew member’s wellbeing is important to me. My crew is my family. My door is always open.”
“Thank you Captain.”
She smiled at me. The brightness in her eyes shot a surge of sadness dissipating confidence through me.
“Permission to speak freely Captain.”
“Granted.”
“You saved me Captain. This mission removed me from the pain, from the reminders of her. And you bought me back to life......... you helped me get back in touch with what it means to be human, to be a woman.”
“I’ve never been paid that compliment before.” Her voice was softer, more sensual.
“Captain, you made me feel alive again.......” There, I had said it.
Realisation moved across her beautiful face.
“I’m flattered........ but..........”
“Captain, I’m sorry. I did not mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“You haven’t. But there are rules and regulations around fraternising with my crew.”
She was still standing close, her hand on mine. Her lips began to rise in a smile.
“But I can think on it.”