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Chanyeol wakes Sehun up with firm hands, brushing over his face, his arms, shaking him until Sehun is rubbing sleep out of his eyes.
“Wake up.” He whispers, voice low. Sehun can smell mint when he breathes. “Let’s watch the sunrise.”
“What.” He manages to whisper back. He blinks once, twice. There is a faint light coming through the curtains, not enough to light up the room, but enough that he can vaguely make out the shape of Chanyeol’s silhouette, his mouth, his eyes.
Chanyeol is smiling, the corners of his mouth turned up, the sides of his eyes crinkled in laughter. “The sunrise.” He prods Sehun in the side with one finger. Sehun curls into himself.
“What time is it?” He mumbles into the blanket. It’s too early to be sassy, too early to do anything but bury his face into his pillow and return to the dreamworld.
“4:30.” Chanyeol replies, and repeats himself again. “Let’s watch the sunrise together.”
Sehun shuffles in his bed, shifting the blanket down so he can glare at Chanyeol.
He’s about to ask why, maybe throw some sleepy curses or insults before going back to sleep, but there’s something on Chanyeol’s face that makes him pause. Reconsider.
Maybe it’s the way his eyebrows are drawn together, the way they only do when he’s absolutely serious about something. Maybe it’s the way he shifts from side to side, looking anxiously out the window, as though whatever’s outside is far more important than anything else, than everything else. Maybe it’s the way his hands brushed Sehun’s side moments earlier, soft but firm, the way the rest of the dorm is asleep, the way Chanyeol had come to Sehun and no one else.
Sehun gets up.
Chanyeol’s dressed and ready for the day, it seems. Teeth brushed, dressed in a loose pair of basketball shorts and an oversized hoodie, messy hair brushed into a neat updo, bouncing on the balls of his feet like he needs to go, go, go–
“Give me five minutes to get dressed.” Sehun yawns, covering his mouth with a hand. His breath stinks. “I’ll meet you outside.”
“Okay.” Chanyeol whispers back. He smiles, squeezes Sehun’s arm like he has something more to say, and leaves the room.
The building has a roof for its residents, but it’s not accessible by elevator. Instead, to get there, they take the elevator as high as it can go, creep past the doors of their sleeping neighbors, and take a rickety flight of stairs up to the roof. The last time Sehun did this with Jongin, they giggled and tried to push each other down, but this time, he’s far too tired to play.
It’s crowded, with old furniture and boxes of something-or-other taking up the space, but there are a few benches near the raised edge that aren’t completely overtaken with rust. Sehun finds himself wishing he had brought his blanket, because the dim light makes the world seem colder than it really is, but he tucks himself under Chanyeol’s waiting arm instead and finds that it’s warmer than his bed was. Safe. Comfortable.
Powers or not, Sehun can feel fire burning through his body from where his skin and thin t-shirt meet Chanyeol’s sweater.
The sky is getting brighter by the minute, even though the sun remains unseen. Sehun can see the beginnings of pink and orange along the horizon, shrouding the tall buildings around them and making him feel like he’s on the top of the world.
Chanyeol is breathing steadily beside him, so he can’t help but ask. “Why did you bring me up here?”
“Hmm?” Chanyeol hums. Sehun’s entire body rumbles. “Repeat that?”
“Why me?” Sehun asks, twisting so he can look at Chanyeol’s face. He doesn’t remove himself from under Chanyeol’s arm, not completely, but he finds himself losing a bit of warmth as he goes.
Chanyeol shrugs, and Sehun mourns the loss of even more warmth. “I don’t know?” He sounds unsure.
Sehun snuggles himself further under Chanyeol’s arm, and picks up his hand to play with his fingers. They’re long and slender, piano hands, and Sehun runs his fingers through Chanyeol’s, playing with them, twisting and pinching.
“Why is it just us two?” He asks, voice nearly a whisper. He’s too tired to make sense, to twist his words into polite sentences that are easily understandable and recognizably unthreatening.
Chanyeol threads his fingers through Sehun’s to get him to stop, and Sehun accepts it silently.
“I don’t know.” Chanyeol says again, sounding just as unsure. Sehun rubs his thumb along the back of Chanyeol’s hand. “But we’ve just released this album together, and I feel like I know you, but not really. I want to know what makes EXO’s Sehun different from Oh Sehun, who you are behind that mask.” His voice breaks. “Who I am.” There’s something more hiding underneath his words, but this time, Sehun doesn’t get an arm squeeze of reassurance.
Sehun is quiet. Chanyeol has always been one of the more emotional ones of the group, the one who overthinks everything and makes things into a bigger deal than they’re supposed to be and feels, so much more than everyone else. There’s nothing wrong with that, but Sehun doesn’t know what to say, how to reply, not when he’s been slowly losing himself with the rest of them since 2014.
“I guess I just wanted to bring us closer.” Chanyeol finishes. “Get closer to you.” His voice is nearly a whisper, the wind of his words brushing through Sehun’s hair.
He wants to joke that they’re already close, with Sehun safe under Chanyeol’s arm, after releasing an album together, but Sehun feels, too. Maybe not as much as Chanyeol does, but there’s a fire thrumming through his veins too, twisting around his brain and into the sky, as it slowly gets brighter and brighter.
“The stage feels empty now, doesn’t it?” It’s not really a question, and sure, it’s not a good segue from Chanyeol’s last statement, but Sehun feels that in order to understand the difference between EXO’s Sehun and Oh Sehun, first you have to understand EXO.
“Yeah.” Chanyeol replies. He sounds confused, but Sehun’s getting there. He’s only warming up now.
“It reminds me of the beginning, when there were only six of us on stage.” There were only six on stage, yes, but there were six more to come home to, and while neither of them really understand the loss like Minseok and Jongdae and Yixing (Yixing) do, Sehun still feels the hole in his heart. Knows that after every one of them had left, Chanyeol had retreated into his room and felt, with his whole heart.
“Yeah.” Chanyeol says again.
“Sometimes I still miss them.” Sehun says, and it feels like betrayal after the roller coaster their career has been, but it’s true. He misses crowded dorms and sweat-smelly practice rooms and hates looking around on stage and seeing five other members and thinking this is it.
Chanyeol hums in agreement, and this time, Sehun takes comfort in the vibrations in his chest.
“I know what you mean. It’s different with Minseok and Kyungsoo, but–”
Chanyeol cuts himself off, breathes in deeply. There are names that can’t be said, not even here, but Sehun understands.
“Do you think this is it?” Sehun asks. He wonders if anything is making sense. “Do you think this is the highest we’ll get, the farthest we’ll go, that the future will just be us, wishing we were whole?”
Chanyeol stops breathing. Sehun can feel it, had been following the rising and falling of his chest, but Chanyeol stops breathing and Sehun knows.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Chanyeol replies, with measured breaths, each word coming from deep within his chest. “We’ve come too far to let mere people stop us.”
And, well. Chanyeol may have invited him onto this roof to see the sunrise together because he wanted to relearn Sehun, but Sehun finds comfort in this, that despite everything that’s changed, everything they’ve forced him to be, the difference between EXO’s Chanyeol and Park Chanyeol is that he never ever ever gives up.
Ever.
Not when it matters. Not now, when there’s a pink sky in front of them, a lone cloud gathering light, scraping the tips of the skyscrapers, the sun, rays of sun peeking above the buildings and people.
The city is waking up, and so is Sehun.
Chanyeol tightens his own hand around the hand Sehun forgot he was holding. “We’ve done well.” He says, and it’s hard to believe that in empty dorm rooms and air conditioned practice rooms but it’s easy to believe when they’re as high as they can get, looking down over the city.
It’s easy to believe in domes of glass and a sea of light, looking around at five of his teammates and remembering the others who once stood beside them, some who will stand behind them once more, and others who won’t.
“I love you.” Sehun says to the sky.
Chanyeol laughs, and laughs harder, and lets go of Sehun’s hand to run his piano fingers through his silver hair and laugh some more. It’s borderline offensive how good he looks. He looks like an angel.
“That wasn’t for you.” Sehun snaps, shuffling away a couple centimeters. It’s bright enough that the heat is starting to seep in through his sweatpants. He doesn’t need Chanyeol anymore, not for warmth.
“No, no of course not.” Chanyeol lets the last of his laugh die down and grabs Sehun’s hand again, interlocking their fingers once more.
Sehun supposes this is alright.
“I just thought of another reason why I brought you up here.” Chanyeol says, and smiles enigmatically, as though Sehun is supposed to guess.
But it’s not 4:30 anymore, instead inching closer to five, and Sehun supposes that it’s late enough for a bit of brattiness to come out.
“Well?” He asks, raising an eyebrow. “Tell me.”
Chanyeol laughs again, but doesn’t let go of Sehun’s hand.
“I brought you up here to celebrate.” He gestures with his other hand, towards the stretch of city beneath them. “Celebrate our music, celebrate our band.” He leans towards Sehun for this last bit. “Celebrate us. ”
It’s Sehun’s turn to laugh this time, and it feels strange, listening to his voice die out in the air, but at the same time, it’s so so good. Maybe it’s okay to let things go.
“You’re so cheesy.” He says bumping his shoulder against Chanyeol’s, but he can’t help the smile on his face, the beat of his heart. He thinks he’s starting to get it now, that emptiness only aches when you try to fill it up.
Maybe it’s okay to let them go.
He’s suddenly happy that it’s Chanyeol he’s up here with, and no anyone else. Not that any of the other members would wake Sehun up at 4:30 in the morning, but as Sehun looks around the open sky and thinks about his life, he’s happy he’s here with Chanyeol. Happy to be with the member who feels, far too much, because what a life it’s been.
“Stop daydreaming.” Chanyeol says. He shakes Sehun’s wrist gently. “The sun is rising.”
Sehun thought it was bright before, when the sky was pink and orange and there was one solitary cloud skating through the buildings, but that was nothing compared to now, as the rays of light soar across the sky and reflect off the glass buildings and into Sehun’s eyes and make everything hurt in the best way.
“Wow.” He says. Chanyeol laughs beside him, but it’s hard to say anything else, to think of anything else to say when the sky is so bright and the future is so warm.
Sehun briefly wonders, debates asking, if Chanyeol learned what he wanted to learn. If he managed to figure out the difference between EXO’s Sehun and Oh Sehun. He decides that no, it doesn’t really matter.
Maybe they’ve always known; that EXO’s Sehun is beautiful and bratty and that Oh Sehun is beautiful and bratty and feels, maybe more than people think he does, maybe even as much as Park Chanyeol . That he feels and he remembers and it’s okay, because his heart is big enough to be a little empty.
“Hey. Sehunnie.” Chanyeol scoots closer, brushes their shoulder and their thighs together, places their joined hands on his lap. “This is us.”
Sehun turns to Chanyeol in confusion, but Chanyeol shakes his head, so he turns back to the golden sky.
“That’s the sun, rising for us. The city, glowing for us. The sky, that blue, it’s all for us.”
Sehun’s eyes follow Chanyeol’s words, to the sky and to the city below and back to the sky. He’s right. It really is a beautiful blue, and sitting here with someone he loves, fire flowing through his veins, it’s hard not to believe that all of this is just for them.
“It’s us, Sehun.” This time, Chanyeol doesn’t turn him away. Their eyes lock.
“We’re freaking stars. ”
Sehun smiles, closes his eyes, and welcomes the day.