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Josh tends to shy away from social events - his friends are great, but being around groups of strangers always makes him nervous. Still, concerts are a source of happiness for him, so when his friends tell him that he has to come see this band with them, he can’t exactly refuse the invite. He has no idea who this band is - some group called twenty one pilots, apparently - but when they get there and Josh hears the first couple songs, he’s already hooked. It’s not just the songs, though there are catchy beats, amazing melodies, and insightful lyrics. More than any of that, it’s the frontman that catches his eye.
He’s energetic, bouncing around the stage while still having enough control over his voice to belt out melodic tones and rapping that is kind of blowing Josh’s mind right now. He finds himself tapping along to the beat of the drums - he knows there are places where he would have chosen some other beat, but as a whole he’s very impressed.
Turns out, one of his friends actually knows the band, so when they ask Josh over the post-show noise if he wants to meet them, he just nods enthusiastically. He needs to meet this singer, has to express how much he’d enjoyed himself. Plus, he’s really cute, and Josh doesn’t really get many chances to interact with cute boys.
When they head back to the small makeshift green room after the show, Josh is practically vibrating with nervous energy. For one, concerts always fill him with adrenaline, and live music has held an important place in his life ever since he started rebelling against his parents and listening to any album he could get his hands on. Then he started playing drums and helping create his own music, and that cemented his passion quickly.
The singer comes to greet them, smiling at his friends as they say hi and tell him how great the show was. Josh doesn’t want to interrupt, so he just listens while they talk, waiting for a break for an introduction. Finally, the cute singer turns his attention to Josh, grinning over at him.
“We haven’t met, have we? I’m Tyler,” he says, holding his hand out to shake Josh’s. It’s a moment of truth when Josh shakes his hand but says nothing, just smiling back at him. Tyler looks momentarily confused until--
”Oh, this is Josh,” one of his friends supplies helpfully. “He doesn’t talk.”
There it is, the one sentence that Josh has seen change everything the moment someone hears it. He’s always nervous in the immediate aftermath, but right now, he’s just waiting for a response. Tyler is still smiling though, just shaking Josh’s hand again.
“Oh! That’s cool, do you just sign or write?” Josh nods and Tyler grins a little more. “You can borrow paper if you need it.”
Josh shakes his head to decline, dropping Tyler’s hand as the conversation continues forward. They talk about the show, about music, until Josh’s friends are ready to head out. Josh really isn’t though, so he’s trying to find an excuse to stay. But then, Tyler is tapping his shoulder, and Josh is met with a soft, nervous smile from his new friend.
“Hey, I know we didn’t really get to talk much - I guess if that’s still what you’d call it? - and I was thinking that we could, like, go somewhere and talk? If you don’t want to that’s okay, but I just--” Josh holds up his hand in an effort to get Tyler to stop talking. He sees Tyler bite his lip like he might not want to, but his expression changes completely when Josh nods. “Great, I think there’s a Waffle House down the road?” Josh nods again, and follows Tyler out the back door of the venue.
It’s a relatively quiet walk down the street, and Josh listens to Tyler chatter about the show, about how excited he is that more people are coming to see them play. After they get inside the restaurant, they take a seat in the corner booth back away from the other people that are already inside. The waitress greets them and hands over menus, then goes to take their drink order - Josh is accustomed to pointing at menus or writing what he wants, so he just points to “coffee” on the menu, and she acknowledges his request with a nod and a smile.
Tyler places his own order for his drink, then stops the waitress before she can walk away. “Can you bring us a pen? And… paper, if you have it?” She seems unfazed by the request, and returns just a minute later with drinks, a pen, and a stack of napkins. “So you can talk to me too,” he explains, and Josh could melt at how thoughtful of a gesture it is. He grabs the pen and a napkin, writing quickly for Tyler.
thank you
some people don’t know how to talk to me
Tyler reads his message, tilting his head to the side. “You don’t meet the right people, then,” he says. “What’s the difference between you speaking and you writing things down?”
people aren’t patient with me
don’t want to wait for me to write things down
or they think i can’t hear or don’t understand
The waitress comes back to take their order, and Josh takes the time while Tyler is ordering to write down his own. She takes it all in stride, reading it carefully and repeating it back, Josh nodding when she gets it right. Then they return to their conversation - Tyler asks him about music and Josh writes down that he likes pretty much all music, and that he plays drums. Tyler’s face lights up at that statement.
“Dude, that’s awesome! We should play together some time!” Josh just nods, smiling softly to himself. He really would be interested in doing that, in getting to see Tyler play in that type of setting.
They both reach for the check when the waitress brings it out, and Tyler just smiles a little as he carefully pulls it away from Josh’s fingers. “I asked you to come, the least I can do is pay for your food,” Tyler insists, and Josh has to concede defeat.
i’m paying next time
He writes it without thinking, without taking the time to consider that maybe Tyler doesn’t want to do this again with him, but then--
“Yeah, I’ll let you do that.”
It’s a casual statement, but it means a lot to Josh that Tyler actually wants to hang out with him again. He’s brought back out of his thoughts by Tyler speaking again.
“So… if you have to get home, I can take you?” he offers, and a part of Josh sinks at that. “Or… if you want, you could come over for a while and we can talk some more? We can go sit on the roof or something.”
Josh nods, getting up and following Tyler outside and back to the venue. They get in Tyler’s car and make the short drive, Josh watching the street signs and listening to the radio. Tyler has great taste in music, and Josh catches him singing along a couple times - at the show he’d thought that Tyler had a great voice, but here in the car, it sounds soft and gentle, especially singing. Plus, it’s more intimate feeling when Tyler is just singing for himself, and not for a crowd.
When they get to Tyler’s house, it’s already late, and Josh wonders just how long Tyler wants him to stay. Not that he imagines that he’ll accidentally overstay his welcome, but he doesn’t want Tyler to feel obligated to hang out with him. They make a detour inside - Tyler leads Josh to a room down the hallway, and Josh realizes as the door opens that this is Tyler’s bedroom. Tyler makes his way over to the dresser before he realizes that Josh has stopped by the door. He laughs softly before he motions for Josh to come further into the room.
“You can come in, I don’t bite,” he says, and Josh just smiles before he walks inside Tyler’s room. It’s decorated like he thought it would be - piano in the corner, sheet music spread out, posters on the wall for his favorite bands. Josh is brought back to the moment again when Tyler accidentally drops a book off his dresser. “Sorry, sorry, “ he says quickly, picking it back up. “I was trying to find this for you.” In his hands, Tyler is holding out a pen and notebook, and Josh just points at himself before Tyler pushes them gently into his hands.
“Yeah, for you. There might be a couple pages of lyrics in there but I thought you could use it to talk to me,” Tyler says, smiling over at him. Josh takes them both, using the sign for “thank you” until he realizes that Tyler might not understand him. He quickly opens the notebook, flipping past what he assumes are lyrics in Tyler’s handwriting, and writing down a response.
sorry, forget you probably don’t sign
i said thank you
Tyler reads the response, then tilts his head at Josh. “I don’t sign, but you can teach me, if you want.”
if you want. It’s easier for most people if i just write
Tyler nods again, making the same motion Josh did for “thank you”.
“I appreciate you explaining it, I’ve never met someone that communicates like you do,” Tyler says, and it makes Josh smile a little bit that he phrased it the way he did. “Can I ask… what do you call it? Just so I can use the right word.”
first of all, nobody ever asks
but… mute, i guess? i can hear and i write to answer. i just don’t talk.
Tyler nods again before he changes the subject. “You want to go sit up on the roof? The stars are cool to look at.” Josh nods in response, grabbing the notebook and pen so that he can follow him out of his room. They make their way up to the second floor, then Josh follows Tyler out the window and safely onto the roof. They sit down where its flat, Josh kicking his feet out in front of him, looking up at the stars shining above them.
“It’s nice, right?” Tyler asks, and Josh nods, watching what he’s pretty sure is a plane cross the sky slowly above them. He loves space, loves anything to do with the unknown. He turns to Tyler, setting the notebook down so that he can write.
i love space. aliens are definitely out there.
It makes Tyler laugh, and Josh decides that he needs to be best friends with this guy immediately.
Minutes turn into hours, which turns into the first rays of the early morning sun coming up over the horizon. Josh can’t remember the last time he watched the sun rise, let alone the last time he stayed up all night talking with someone. They just click, they’re on the same page about every single thing that comes up. When he notices Tyler finally start yawning, he repeats the motion before he writes on a fresh page in Tyler’s notebook.
so are we best friends now?
Tyler reads it, and instead of verbally responding, he takes the pen and writes a response.
yeah, we’re best friends.
do you want to go to bed? you can take me home whenever.
Tyler nods, getting up before he helps Josh to his feet. They head back in, through the house quietly and back out front to Tyler’s car. Neither of them make a sound on the way to Josh’s apartment - he’d put his address in Tyler’s phone when they left, letting the GPS guide them. He realizes when Tyler stops that he still has the notebook and pen, but as he tries to hand them back, Tyler just shakes his head.
“You can use them when we hang out.” Josh just has to smile before he’s writing quickly, tearing the page and handing it over.
here, you can have my number, then you can text me. i don’t give it out a lot or text many people, but for my best friend, you can always get a text back.
Josh watches Tyler give him a tired smile, immediately adding Josh to as a new contact. “I added the alien emoji for you,” he says, and Josh grins, giving him a thumbs up in approval. “I’ll text you after I get up later?” Josh nods, getting up out of the car and waving as Tyler pulls away from the curb.
Josh goes inside quietly, but he still finds himself greeted by the chime of his text message tone. Tyler’s already sent him a message, telling him he’s home safe, and telling Josh to get some sleep.
*****
Josh wakes up after just a few hours of sleep to his phone ringing. It’s his brother Jordan, and when the call goes to voicemail he sees a few texts from Jordan too, it’s a - literally - unspoken rule that Josh doesn’t answer phone calls, but if it’s important, Jordan can call so that Josh knows to check his text messages. He remembers suddenly that he’s having lunch with his brother today - the message lets Josh know that Jordan is outside, so he sends a quick text and buzzes the button to open the door so that Jordan can head up the stairs.
“Did you just wake up?” Jordan asks when he opens the door, and Josh just rolls his eyes, and nods in response. His brother gives him time to change, then Josh grabs his notebook and a pen on the way out to the car.
Once they get inside and take their seats at the table, after they order food and drinks, Jordan decides to ask again about the night before.
“So how was the show last night?” he asks, grinning at Josh over his coffee mug and waiting while Josh carefully writes out a response.
show was great. i really liked the band. the singer was cool. we went to waffle house after the show.
Jordan raises an eyebrow and Josh waves dismissively at him before he keeps writing.
not like that. we talked. he didn’t think it was weird that i don’t speak. we went to his house after and sat on the roof until the sun came up. I didn’t get home until this morning.
“Sounds like you’ve got a crush,” Jordan says, and Josh shakes his head. “Josh. You don’t meet guys very often that aren’t weird about it when you don’t talk to them.”
best friends. we decided that this morning.
“Right. So tell me more.”
*****
Some time has passed since he met Tyler, and they’ve been hanging out quite a bit, as often as they can. Sometimes they just listen to music, sometimes they play video games, and other times they just talk. Josh fills up the notebook that Tyler had given him pretty quickly, and he has to start a new one. Normally, he just works with whatever paper is available to him. But now with Tyler, he feels like he always needs to have paper ready.
Tonight, Tyler has invited Josh to spend the night, and Josh isn’t used to invitations like that. But he gladly accepts, packing a bag and heading over in the afternoon. They order pizza and watch movies until its late, then they sit up talking for awhile, Josh keeping the notebook between them so he can quickly write responses.
so do i stay on the couch?
He finally writes, because he has no idea how this sleepover thing works.
“No, you can stay with me!” Tyler says, and Josh just nods before he sets the notebook aside and lays down. He keeps himself off to the side of the bed for a moment before he’s moving over towards the middle.
By nature, Josh is a very tactile and affectionate person. He’s pretty sure that it’s because he doesn’t talk - his sense of touch is used more often and he just plain likes being physically close to people. So he moves into Tyler’s side, looking up at his friend like he’s silently asking if this is okay for him to do.
“Yeah, you’re fine,” Tyler says softly, and he lifts up his arm to let Josh move in even closer. It takes him a second but he gets tucked into Tyler’s side, resting his head against Tyler’s chest and relaxing into the sound of his breathing and his steady heartbeat. It’s safe and comfortable feeling, and Josh doesn’t let himself think too hard about that before he’s drifting off to sleep.
It’s hours later when he wakes up, though it’s definitely the middle of the night, and Josh has no desire to move at all. He goes to shift a little bit, and finds that they’re laying in a very different position than they were when they fell asleep. Josh is up on his side with an arm around his waist - he knows it’s Tyler, but its taking his sleepy mind a minute to catch up. Tyler is fully spooning him, his chest pressed right up against Josh’s back. Their bodies couldn’t be much closer right now, but Josh doesn’t see a problem with it. Even as he shifts just slightly, he feels Tyler hold onto him tighter, and he relaxes right back into the arms of his best friend.
He thinks that maybe it should feel weird, but it doesn’t at all. Josh is just always affectionate, especially with his friends. But he’s never had a best friend, not like Tyler is. Nobody wants to be friends with the guy that doesn’t talk, at least that’s been his experience so far in life. But Tyler is different, has always been for Josh, and so in Josh’s mind, it’s okay that he feels completely different when he’s around Tyler then he does around everyone else.
Josh falls asleep easily after that, curled up with his back pressed up against Tyler’s chest. It’s calming and comfortable to be held this way, to have Tyler’s arm wrapped around him like a safety net. He snuggles further into it, and - probably unconsciously - he brings his hand up over Tyler’s. He isn’t expecting any reaction to that, but even with as tired as his mind still is, he can definitely feel the way that Tyler laces their fingers together. It makes his heart flutter a little bit, and he really doesn’t want to put too much time or effort on thinking about what that might mean for them, or even just on a personal level.
When they do finally wake up again, Josh can feel that Tyler is still holding onto his hand. His breathing has changed, so Josh knows that Tyler is awake. He tries to take a chance and gently squeezes his friend’s hand, and he’s so quiet while he waits to see if he can get a response to the small gesture. It takes a long moment, but then he feels the same motion returned, and it makes Josh smile softly to himself.
“You awake?” he hears Tyler ask, and he nods, just enough so that Tyler can see it. “Sleep okay?” Josh nods again, not wanting to move from where he’s laying just in case this situation never happens again. But Tyler doesn’t move either, just lays there with his arms wrapped around Josh.
They lay there for awhile, just breathing and relaxing into each other. It’s quiet in a cozy sort of way, but after awhile, Josh finds himself caught up in his own thoughts. Does he like Tyler? Or is he just projecting because of how close they’ve become so quickly? He isn’t sure which one it is, but he does know that the way Tyler makes him feel is similar to crushes he’s had in the past. He thinks he might know a way to test it, and if it doesn’t work he could probably pass it off as his affection complex shining through.
Josh takes his time rolling over, careful to stay in Tyler’s arms so that he doesn’t disturb how peaceful and calm the morning is. Once he’s facing Tyler, he can see his friend looking a little tired, and also a little curious. Obviously, Josh needs to be looking at him to communicate in any way other than his body language. For a long moment, all they do is look at each other, and Josh is pretty sure that he can even feel some emotion just in the way that he feels when Tyler looks at him when they’re this close together. So close that he can see the way that Tyler has really pretty brown eyes, framed by long eyelashes that never seem to end. But he’s getting distracted from his intentions, so he shifts his focus to the matter at hand.
Josh takes his hand and gently brings it up to rest against the side of Tyler’s face. He watches his friend’s face for a moment, then he’s slipping his fingers up to cup Tyler’s jaw. He lets out a slow breath before he leans in, closing his eyes and then pressing their lips together softly. That moment seems to last forever, and for the longest second, he’s a little afraid that Tyler might push him away. But then, Tyler is kissing him back, and pushing his fingers up into Josh’s hair. Josh thinks that if he made noise, he’d be humming a little bit, but Tyler is doing it for him.
It hits him as they don’t pull away from each other that he’s making out with Tyler, he’s kissing his best friend, and yet nothing feels weird about this at all. Maybe it’s the fact that they’re just waking up, maybe it’s a mark of how close they are, but either way, Josh is pretty sure he’s absolutely screwed with the way that kissing Tyler gives him a fluttery butterfly feeling in his chest.
He isn’t sure how long they kiss for, but Josh doesn’t think too hard about it. Instead, he lets his hands stay where they are, one resting on Tyler’s jaw, the other he keeps to himself. That is, until Tyler is gently reaching to grab his wrist and resting Josh’s hand on his hip. It feels natural to have his hands on Tyler, and to feel Tyler’s hand slipping down to his back, resting above his shirt but Josh can feel Tyler’s fingers tracing shapes into Josh’s skin over ths fabric.
It can’t last forever though, and after a little bit longer, they finally pull apart, though they don’t actually move away from each other. Tyler rests his head back on the pillow - which Josh now realizes they’re sharing, and probably have been most of the night - and smiles at him sleepily.
“Morning,” he says softly, and his hand is still on Josh’s back, making small shapes almost absent mindedly. Josh just gives him a small smile in return - he might not be able to vocalize his thoughts, but his mind is definitely thinking about how nice kissing Tyler is. “You wanna get up and go get breakfast?”
Truthfully, Josh doesn’t want to get up, and he thinks about just letting Tyler get out of bed and drag him away for food. Instead, he shakes his head a little, scooting back in closer and resting his head on Tyler’s chest. It seems to get his point across, because Tyler is immediately moving his hand into Josh’s hair, pushing his fingers through it slowly and allowing Josh to close his eyes and relax into the motion.
They lay like that for awhile, Josh definitely isn’t falling asleep again but he’s content to sit there as they are for as long as possible. It gives him some time to collect his thoughts and feelings together. He knows that they’re close, that Tyler has easily been his best friend since the night they met. But this… seems like something closer to a soulmate type of thing.
But then he adds in the way he felt about kissing Tyler, and somehow that seems like it should complicate things. At the same time, it also seems unbelievably simple - Josh is close and affectionate with a lot of his friends, but none the way that he is with Tyler. It makes him feel things in his chest that he can’t explain, but he’s pretty certain this is what having feelings for someone is like.
*****
The next time Josh hangs out with Jordan, they’re at Josh’s apartment watching movies and eating take out food that Jordan showed up with. It’s been a couple days since Josh spent the night with Tyler, and he’s had some more time to process how he feels. It more than clear to him now that he definitely has a crush on his best friend.
“So how are things with Tyler?” Jordan asks between movies, and Josh tries to ignore the question before he sighs. He takes his time grabbing paper and a pen - signing would be faster but he thinks it might be easier to explain if he writes it out. Jordan is always patient though, and Josh knows that from years of talking to his brother like this.
i went and stayed over at his place a few nights ago. watched movies, had pizza, the usual. slept over and came home the next day.
“So nothing else happened? And when do I get to see a picture of this guy anyway? Since he’s your best friend and all,” Jordan probes further. Josh hates his brother sometimes. He pulls out his phone anyway and shows him a selfie that they’d taken the morning after he stayed the night at Tyler’s.
this is tyler. he’s my best friend.
i mean we cuddled when i stayed over.
and then kissed the next morning.
but i don’t think it means anything.
“Josh!” Jordan says loudly after he finishes writing. “You kissed? That’s definitely something. Plus, look at how close you guys are in this picture. There’s no way you’re just best friends.”
well we are. it’s not like he likes me.
“But do you like him?”
does it matter?
“So that’s a yes. “Jordan takes his silence as an answer and keep talking. “Invite him over, I want to meet him.”
Josh tries to avoid Jordan pestering him, but eventually he gives in and sends a text to Tyler. Luckily, his best friend responds right away, and even knowing that Josh’s brother is over and wants to meet him, Tyler takes it all in stride and says he’ll be over soon regardless.
don’t embarrass me.
It’s the last thing Josh writes and Jordan assures him that he’ll be on his best behavior while Tyler is hanging out with them. Tyler arrives after a short amount of time, and Jordan easily moves to the other chair to allow Josh and Tyler to sit together. Josh knows it’s a ploy to see them interact together, but at the same time he enjoys any time that he gets to spend with Tyler.
He doesn’t do it on purpose, but he ends up sitting right next to Tyler while they talk, Jordan trying to get more information about Josh’s new best friend. To his credit, Tyler is patient and answers all the questions that his brother asks over the course of the afternoon. Josh writes his responses quickly for Tyler, though he does sign to Jordan a couple times when he gets a little too personal or starts to say something that might give away how Josh feels about Tyler.
After a few hours, Tyler mentions that he has to go rehearse for an upcoming show - one that he makes sure to tell Jordan that he’s welcome to come to, while Josh’s invite is unspoken but also not necessary since Josh will be there anyway. He makes sure to tell Josh to text him later and maybe they’ll plan to hang out later that week, and then he’s out the door, leaving Josh alone with his brother again. Josh reaches for his pen and paper again, writing before he holds it up for Jordan to see.
see, told you there was nothing else going on between us.
Jordan rolls his eyes, and Josh just tilts his head to the side at Jordan. “Sorry, have you not seen the way he looks at you? Not to mention how close and all over each other you two are,” he says, sighing a little at the face Josh makes in response.
we’re just best friends.
“My best friend and I don’t act like that. Or kiss and cuddle for that matter. Face it, Josh - he likes you, and you like him. One of you is going to have to do something about that.”
*****
Josh honestly thinks that Jordan is wrong when he keeps saying that Tyler likes him - they’re just close friends, and Josh just doesn’t quite see what Jordan does. Sure, they hang out a lot and they’re physically affectionate, but Josh isn’t convinced that it means anything more than that.
Until one night when Josh is staying over at Tyler’s place and they have the entire house to themselves. It starts off pretty normal - the first thing they do is order pizza and play a video game, then eventually they move from the living room into Tyler’s bedroom. It’s also typical that they find a movie to watch, and both of them get changed into pajamas for the rest of the night.
One minute Josh is relaxing comfortably into the pillow he always uses, and the next he feels Tyler leaning into his side. That’s not unusual, not when they end up cuddling more often than not, which Josh never has an issue with. But sooner rather than later, Josh finds himself losing interest in the movie and focusing on how close he is to Tyler instead. Apparently, they’ve been getting close the entire length of the movie, because by the time Josh moves to look over at Tyler when the credits roll, they’re completely pressed up against each other.
When Josh turns to look at Tyler properly, he thinks maybe he understands what Jordan was talking about when he referenced the way that Tyler looks at him. There isn’t a whole lot of time for him to contemplate that though - the next thing he knows, Tyler is the one closing the gap between them and then their mouths are pressed together. He definitely isn’t going to turn down making out with Tyler, not when he already has the feelings that he does.
It feels like an easy transition when Tyler moves in closer, and he’s only a little bit surprised when the next move Tyler makes is to reach over, pressing gently on Josh’s shoulder until he lays on his back. This is new, Josh thinks, and even more so when Tyler is moving to crawl on top of him while they’re kissing. This is completely new territory for Josh - not that Tyler would know that, but Josh is doing his best to hide it anyway.
Even if it’s new, it still feels right to be kissing Tyler - his body weight on top of Josh feels safe and comfortable, just like everything else with Tyler feels. Josh is a little bit as a loss for what to do with his hands, but Tyler easily slips one into Josh’s hair, the other hand moving to Josh’s hip and making his breath catch a little bit. So he follows Tyler’s lead, slowly moving his hand to Tyler’s side, the other one sliding down to rest on Tyler’s back, spreading his fingers out a little on Tyler’s side and letting himself relax into being able to touch his best friend like this.
Josh is trying to think about what if means that Tyler is the one that started all of this, but he keeps getting distracted by how good it feels when Tyler brushes a hand through his hair, or the way that he can feel Tyler’s fingers twitch against his hip, like he’s trying to keep from moving them. He takes a moment when they’re pausing to breathe to look up at Tyler, taking another second before he’s moving his hand from Tyler’s back up to his neck and using it to gently pull their lips back together.
It feels like they’ve been kissing forever, and Josh can only hope that it doesn’t end any time soon. It doesn’t seem to be though, especially not when he feels Tyler’s hand finally slip from his hip to up under Josh’s shirt, and even with Tyler’s hand just barely touching his bare skin, Josh feels like he’s on fire. Tyler doesn’t have to know that he’s the first person to have his hands on Josh’s skin like this either, but Josh is overwhelmed with how much he doesn’t want this to end. He finds himself easily matching all of Tyler’s moves, even daring to push his hand under Tyler’s shirt and onto his skin too. Josh honestly isn’t sure how far that Tyler wants any of this to go - he has no idea what Tyler’s experience level is like, but whatever it is, he knows that he’s okay with Tyler kissing and touching him like this.
But all good things come to an end, and eventually Tyler is finally pulling away. His hair is a mess from Josh’s fingers pushing through it, and his shirt is still pushed up with Josh’s hand on his hip.
“‘s okay, right?” Tyler asks, and somehow he thinks this is maybe a conversation that they should have had before they were busy making out. Even so, he nods, giving Tyler a soft, shy smile.
Tyler seems to think that’s a good enough response, so he reaches back to pull at the blanket until it’s over both of them. That seems to decide how they’re sleeping tonight, and Josh is more than happy to drift off with Tyler settled comfortably on top of him. He thinks that’s the end of the affection for the night, but then Tyler is leaning up and kissing him again, softly and slow, and Josh just melts into it, brushing his nose against Tyler’s as they part again.
He doesn’t know anything about how Tyler feels about what they’re doing, but Josh is pretty sure that he’s getting in fairly deep with his feelings for Tyler. The problem is that he isn’t sure exactly how to describe the way he feels - and it’s even more difficult when he can’t actually use words to express himself.
All Josh knows is that he absolutely, without a doubt, has feelings of attraction to Tyler. What he’s supposed to do with those feelings, he isn’t sure, but at the very least, Tyler seems to be fine with being close with Josh. Making out and cuddling are fine though, and Josh is at least happy with that level of development - for now, anyway.
*****
Josh gets used to a pattern of hanging out with Tyler - they hang out, play games, and then they usually end up making out in Tyler’s bed until they’re tired enough to fall asleep. They always end up sleeping curled up together, and Josh is really starting to think that this could turn into something more between them.
And then Tyler introduces him to Jenna and the world starts to slowly fall apart around him.
It starts out innocently enough - Tyler makes the introduction to Jenna at one of his shows and Josh is nice enough. She seems a little bit put off that Josh won’t talk to her, but Tyler steps right in to defend Josh and explain that he just doesn’t speak. Still, Josh continues to write to Tyler, all the while he’s purposely not interacting with Jenna.
But then Tyler is talking more about her, bringing her up more often as a topic of conversation. Josh doesn’t necessarily mind, but he’s a little bit concerned about how much she comes up. Of course Tyler is charismatic and attracts people to him like a moth to a flame, Josh isn’t surprised that Jenna became his friend. But at the same time, he’s protective over his best friend, and he wants to make sure that they get to stay as close as they currently are.
One day they’re talking and in the middle of the conversation, Tyler says a phase that makes his heart drop: “ my girlfriend, Jenna ”.
she’s your girlfriend now?
Tyler nods, and he’s turning pink at the question. “Yeah, I asked her over the weekend and she said yes.”
Josh is a little bit surprised at that, but he just smiles and nods at Tyler instead. He feels what is probably a flare of jealousy, but he’s doing his best to push that away in favor of being faux excited for his best friend. It works though, because Tyler is still all smiles. He talks excitedly about Jenna, about how sweet she is and how much fun they have together. It’s difficult for him to concentrate on what Tyler is actually saying as his mind wanders to how this will affect their friendship. Surely he isn’t allowed to keep being this close with Tyler - not to mention them cuddling and kissing all the time, not when Tyler has a girlfriend now.
*****
After Tyler starts dating Jenna, Josh starts staying a little bit further away from his best friend. He doesn’t let his looks linger as long, doesn’t touch Tyler as much, just plain tries to act like they’re actually only best friends. It hurts to do, of course it does, but he has a girlfriend now, and Josh doesn’t want to be called a homewrecker. The first time Tyler seems to notice is when they’re hanging out at Tyler’s place, and Josh deliberately sits farther away from Tyler on the couch. Tyler just tilts his head to the side when Josh doesn’t press up against him, looking confused.
“Dude, what’s up?” he asks, raising an eyebrow at Josh - he just shrugs, pointing up at the movie. Tyler grabs the remote and pauses it, ruining Josh’s excuse for not addressing this. He sighs before he picks up his notebook and starts writing.
nothing, everything is fine.
“Is it, though?” Tyler asks - of course it isn’t, but he’s not sure how to go about discussing this.
of course it is.
“So then why are you sitting over there like I’m a stranger?” Josh shrugs a little before he responds.
don’t want it to be weird.
you have a girlfriend now.
Tyler frowns a little bit, looking over at Josh. “Just because I have a girlfriend doesn’t mean that you’re not my best friend anymore. We’re still just as close as we always have been.”
Josh isn’t sure that’s true, but he nods, and Tyler smiles, meaning that he hasn’t been caught, that Tyler has no idea that there is a deeper meaning behind his concerns.
*****
Josh tries to be pleasant to Jenna, but something about her just rubs him the wrong way. But she is Tyler’s girlfriend, and so he does his best to at least be his normal, nice self. Tyler even notices that Josh doesn’t interact with Jenna that much - he won’t write responses directly to her. He’s tried to talk about it with Josh, who just answers that he doesn’t communicate with everyone. Tyler thinks that is pretty valid, especially considering he’s seen Josh not interact with plenty of other people, so it isn’t exclusive to Jenna.
Tyler has noticed though, and one day when he’s alone hanging out with Jenna, it all comes to a head.
“Why doesn’t Josh talk to me?” she asks abruptly while some movie plays on the TV in front of them. Tyler tilts his head to the side, watching as Jenna looks at him expectantly.
“What do you mean?” he asks, and he can almost feel the irritation in her voice.
“He doesn’t write answers for me. He won’t even sign in my direction even if I don’t understand him.”
Tyler sighs, turning fully on the couch to face Jenna before he speaks. “Josh doesn’t communicate with most people, you know that. I’m sure he’s not doing it on purpose to you specifically.”
“But he does talk to everyone but me! You’re the only person that he ever really lets talk for him too, because you guys are always on the same page,” she says and… Tyler has to admit that she has a point when she says that. “You’re always just jumping to defend him and why he doesn’t talk to me.”
“He’s my best friend, of course I’m going to defend him!” Tyler says, because it makes sense to him that he’s going to stand by Josh when its justified - and he feels like it is in this case.
“You’re so close with him too,” Jenna says, and she’s eyeing Tyler suspiciously as she speaks. “It’s almost like I’m the third wheel to your weird friendship. Sometimes I wonder if you’d rather be dating him instead of me.”
The words hang heavily in the air as Tyler tries to think how he’s supposed to react to that. It’s true that he’s close to Josh than he ever has been with his other friends, and while he’s kissed Jenna a lot since they started dating, he’s never slept in the same bed and her - and they sure haven’t ever made out. Does he have feelings for Josh? More importantly, does Josh have feelings for him? It’s hard to tell, especially given that Josh doesn’t actually speak to express his feelings. But maybe it’s possible--
“I think that tells me all I need to know.” Jenna’s voice filters back in through his thoughts, and he realizes that he hasn’t actually answered her.
“Jenna, it’s not--”
“Tyler,” she says gently, reaching to touch his hand softly. “If you didn’t at least somewhat feel that way about him, you wouldn’t have had to think about it - you would have just answered me.”
“Jenna--”
“Tyler,” she says again, and she’s moving to squeeze his hand gently in hers. “It’s okay. Really. I just… don’t think that this is going to work out if that’s the case.” Tyler looks up at her, a little shocked, but she just smiles softly at him. “I can’t be in a relationship with someone that has feelings for another person - and I especially can’t come between you and Josh.”
“So we’re breaking up?” Tyler asks, and Jenna nods at him. “I’m so sorry, Jen. I guess if I had realized sooner, maybe then--”
“Tyler,” she interrupts, smiling fondly at him. “Just do me a favor - once you get the boy, don’t let him go.”
*****
Josh is a little surprised when Tyler is asking him if he can come over - he was pretty sure that his friend was spending the entire day with Jenna. But he texts back that Tyler is more than welcome to head over whenever he wants to. He isn’t sure where Jenna lives, but Tyler arrives not long after he tells Josh he’s on his way.
Tyler doesn’t immediately say anything when he comes up to Josh’s apartment, but Josh thinks that’s okay - after all, it's not like he isn’t used to silence when he’s alone unless he’s listening to music or watching something on tv. Josh offers Tyler some of the pizza that he’d order and Tyler accepts, so they sit and eat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes.
“So I went over to Jenna’s today,” Tyler finally says, and Josh looks up, nodding so that tyler knows he’s been heard. “And she and I talked for a little bit… long story short, she broke up with me this afternoon.”
Josh raises an eyebrow, reaching for a pen and his notebook so he can write a response.
man that sucks. did she tell you why?
He’s trying really hard to pretend like this isn’t great news, like he hasn’t been secretly waiting for Tyler to be single since Tyler announced he was dating Jenna. But right now as happy as it makes him, he needs to be supportive and sympathetic so that he can help his friend through this breakup.
“It just isn’t going to work out,” Tyler says, shrugging a little bit. Josh really doesn’t have a choice but to take Tyler at his word - it’s not like he has evidence for there to be any other reason besides his own wishful thinking. He’s trying to remind himself that just because Tyler is single doesn’t mean that things will change or even go back to the way they were before Tyler dated Jenna. At the same time, it doesn’t quash his desire to be close to Tyler - so he allows himself to scoot over on the couch, fitting right into Tyler’s side. It makes Tyler smile a little bit - which is a win in Josh’s opinion, considering that Tyler does seem a little down about the whole situation.
*****
Josh spends a majority of his time with Tyler after his relationship with Jenna ends. It seems to be comforting for both of them - Josh in that he now gets to be close to Tyler again, and Tyler seems grateful to not be alone to deal with the aftermath. Things more or less go back to the way they were prior to Jenna interrupting their status quo. They start hanging out possibly even more frequently than before, spending nights playing video games or watching movies before they fall asleep. It feels normal to Josh, like the way things were before everything changed. He isn’t quite as hands on as he was before - but then again, neither is Tyler. It seems like they’re easing back into that, which is completely fine by Josh.
One night they decide to stay over at Josh’s place for the first time. Josh isn’t sure why it hasn’t happened before now, other than the fact that he always seems to end up staying later at Tyler’s so it only makes sense. Not to mention Tyler has a whole room in a house while Josh lives in a one bedroom apartment. Tonight, Tyler’s roommates are having some kind of party that neither of them has any interest in being a part of. So they decide to head to Josh’s instead, Josh mentally going over the importance of the first time Tyler stays over - nobody else besides Jordan has ever stayed at his place, so it's kind of a big deal. More to the point, no one else has ever slept in Josh’s bed with him before.
The night proceeds like any other for them - tv and video games, ordering in food for delivery, and sitting up until Tyler yawns and Josh offers for them to head into his room. Tyler agrees, and so they get up, turning off the lights and heading into Josh’s bedroom. Josh changes with his back to Tyler, just as a courtesy as he usually does when he stays at Tyler’s place. Maybe he’s also trying to avoid staring at his best friend - while they’ve been getting closer again, Josh isn’t trying to give away his crush on Tyler.
Once they crawl into Josh’s bed together, Josh relaxes a little bit. He’s comfortable with Tyler like this, just like he has been since the first night he cuddled up to Tyler, and his friend had welcomed the contact with open arms. It’s not weird anymore, especially now that Tyler is single again, and Josh is grateful that he has his best friend back in this capacity. But that being said, he doesn’t move in close right away - he doesn’t want to seem too eager to be up close and personal with Tyler.
That’s why he’s almost a little surprised when Tyler is the one closing the gap right away. It’s not even in their usual way - slower and bit tentative as they navigate their comfort zones together. Instead, Tyler is moving right over easily, crawling over and resting his body weight on Josh and slipping his hands a little bit up Josh’s shirt. The touch makes Josh’s breath hitch slightly but at the same time he moves into the motion.
“I want to talk to you about something,” Tyler says, looking down at Josh and biting at his lip. Josh just nods, slowly slipping his own hands around to Tyler’s back and waiting for him to continue. “So… you know how Jenna and I broke up?” Another nod. “Well… there was actually another reason for that. Besides that it’s just not going to work.”
Josh doesn’t really know how to take that. Either Tyler is just finally ready to talk about his break up, or - well, Josh isn’t inclined to believe that it has anything to do with him, but maybe…
His thoughts are interrupted by Tyler’s lips pressing against his, and oh . Maybe this does have something to do with him. Josh does the only natural thing and kisses him back, letting his eyes flutter shut and relaxing underneath Tyler. It’s everything that kissing Tyler always has been - soft and gentle and just all around good. It lasts for what feels like hours, but sooner rather than later it’s over and Tyler is pulling back just enough to be able to look at Josh.
“I’m not sure how to say this, so I’m just going to come right out with it,” Tyler starts, and Josh nods, waiting for Tyel to speak and trying not to let himself hope too hard for what he wants to hear. “Ever since we’ve been best friends, we’ve been close - way closer than I’ve ever been with anyone else. And I can just be myself completely with you. And… we do things that I’ve never done with anybody else. Like what’s happening right now. I don’t… I know I dated Jenna but it was different than anything that goes on between us, and--”
Josh holds up his hand so that Tyler will hopefully stop rambling. It works, luckily, and Josh reaches for his notebook. He’s pretty sure he knows where Tyler is going with this, and he needs to express himself before Tyler starts going on about something else and they get side tracked. He writes with the paper tilted away from Tyler, only turning it around for his best friend to read after he takes a deep breath and forces himself to stay calm instead of letting his anxiety take over.
look, you’ve never made a big deal out of the fact that i don’t talk. you make me feel normal and special in a way that nobody else ever has. that’s why i like you.
Tyler reads his handwriting and then looks up at Josh, biting down on his lip again. “I mean, I get it. And that’s cool, we’re best friends and that’s fine, I just--”
Josh waves to get Tyler to stop talking again. He’s pretty sure that Tyler is reading what he said as a rejection, like Josh is forcing him into a friend zone area. That’s completely the opposite of his intentions, and he needs to make that known now.
that’s not what i’m saying
i’m in love with you, tyler
Tyler’s eyes go wide when he reads this time. “I… with me? Really?” Josh nods, knowing that he’s blushing at least a little bit.
pretty much since we met, yeah
Josh doesn’t think he’s ever seen Tyler smile so brightly. Then Tyler is taking the pen and paper, setting them aside. Josh gets it - no need for talking any longer.
“Hope you know I’m in love with you too,” Tyler says softly before he’s reaching to slip a hand into Josh’s hair and pressing their lips together again softly. His other hand stays right up Josh’s shirt, and the kiss stays slow and delicate feeling.
Josh’s hands move back under Tyler’s shirt to touch his skin, spreading his fingers out and touching like he’s finally got permission to do so. He never thought that Tyler would feel the same way, that he’d hear Tyler say out loud that he’s in love with Josh too. But here they are, making out again - except it feels different now, everything is softer, every touch feels electric and Josh feels more alive in this moment than he can ever remember feeling before.
It doesn’t escalate from there - they just keep kissing and touching each other’s skin slowly. It almost feels better now, like having feelings out in the open is enhancing the experience. His mind wanders to what else possibly could happen between them. He doesn’t have any experience beyond making out - nobody has really ever wants to try anything else before with him, and truthfully, Josh had been hesitant before in case people got weird when he didn’t feel comfortable. But things with Tyler are - as always - completely different.
Josh lets himself relax underneath Tyler - the weight is comforting on top of him, and having Tyler’s hands on his skin is a comfort in itself. They kiss for awhile longer before Josh finally has to pull away and catch his breath. It’s times like right now when he almost wishes he could just speak, just put into verbal words the exact way that Tyler makes him feel. But at the same time, it’s almost like he doesn’t have to - Tyler is smiling softly at him like he just knows without Josh even needing to write anything.
“Guess it was worth it to break up with Jenna,” he says, and Josh just nods and smiles too. “Glad I came over tonight,” Tyler adds, and honestly, Josh couldn’t agree more.
*****
They fall into an easy routine after that - either Josh or Tyler will pack an overnight bag and head over to the other’s place for the evening. Games and movies are common far for the night, along with take out food. But more than that, a majority of the time they end up falling into bed and making out slowly until they finally fall asleep wrapped up together.
They kiss slowly and softly, like they’re still figuring things out together - which in all reality, they are. Maybe they’ve been making out for a while, but it still feels brand new. It’s unfamiliar territory for them, working out exactly how they fit with each other and into each other’s lives.
Josh realizes that they never actually established what their relationship consists of. Are they dating? Friends with benefits? Or just in love and content with making out every chance they get? He wants to know but at the same time it feels wrong to disturb the routine that they’ve fallen into.
On the side of that though, he’s been working on the way that he communicates with Tyler. He still relies on his notepad mostly, but Josh has been able to teach Tyler a few basic things in sign language. So far it’s a couple simple signs and the alphabet so he can spell things for Josh if he wants to. Josh is delighted with the progress Tyler is making - it’s coming along at a slow but steady pace, yet Josh is happy with that speed. Every once in awhile he catches Tyler practicing the alphabet or slowly spelling something out for him, almost like he’s testing himself to make sure he can actually sign the correct letters to Josh.
One day it all comes together when Tyler shows up unexpectedly with dinner - alright, it’s Taco Bell, but still - and a nervous smile on his face.
“I have something I want to ask you,” Tyler says while they’re busy digging in to tacos and various sides that Tyler brought with him. Josh nods and waits for Tyler to continue talking, but he doesn’t. “Need you to look at me, Josh,” Tyler prompts, and only then does Josh look up and give Tyler his full attention. “I’m probably going to mess this up, so bear with me.” Josh notices that Tyler seems nervous, and he’s confused until he sees Tyler moving his hands to form signs he recognizes.
Tyler takes his time, almost looking to Josh for confirmation that he’s getting it right. Josh just nods encouragingly, letting him know that he’s doing just fine. When Tyler sees that, he smiles softly and keeps going. Josh realizes immediately that he knows what Tyler is asking, and he has to smile and try not to melt inside at the thought and detail Tyler put into this.
Plain as day, Tyler signs: will you be my boyfriend? To Josh, and all Josh can do is nod and grin a little wider. Instead of signing back, Josh just pulls Tyler in to kiss him soft and charged with emotion - a response that needs no interpretation.