Archive of Our Own

Tyler wished he could have predicted the pain. He wished there would have been someone at some point in his early teenage years that came up to him and told him: this is gonna hurt. And it is not just magically going to stop.

Instead it had been just an infinite cascade of bystanders, trying to cheer him on.

“You’re gonna get through this phase!” “Just try harder”

There was a satisfaction to proving them wrong some days. Today wasn’t one of those days.

The PVC flooring was cold and unforgiving under his body as he stared up at the ceiling. Maybe he would’ve screamed if he could have. But who would’ve heard? The neighbors? The couple from upstairs would. They probably wouldn’t have minded too much though, they knew that they kept him up enough times in the past to excuse a little screaming.

A twitch went through Tyler's finger. And another. There probably could’ve been a star born somewhere else in the galaxy with the amount of focus it took him to move his hand, his arm, to roll over.

He had hoped on being able to get up, to have it be *over* at some point but that was naive thinking. He never managed to get up in one go when he felt like this. The exhaustion washed over him as he laid on his side, staring at the legs of his bed. It was never going to be over. He let out a deep breath in acceptance.

A sudden wash of energy jolted Tyler’s whole body upwards. It could’ve been surprising but he had seen it coming. In moments like the'se knowing what he needed was easy.

His footstep echoed through the little hallway as he hurried towards his bathroom. Body jittery, on fire, the complete opposite of what he had just experienced moments ago. Again, it must’ve been surprising to him one day. Maybe that was the day he would’ve wanted to hear it was going to be over at some point.

There they were. As Tyler took out a tiny blade from the package in frantic movements, fear and excitement rushed through him at the same time.

He couldn’t wait any longer. There has been a time where his arms might have been enough. There was a time where a shallow cut might have been enough. He didn’t remember it. Maybe he didn’t want to. He probably should have.

The sting of the razor blade rushed through him already as he tugged off his shirt too fast, too inconsiderate of his clumsy movements. He felt alive. There was no time to waste before he dragged the blade over his stomach.

He had planned on stopping, he really did. He had planned on less pressure, he really did.

But he finally felt something as he cut that vertical line. After washing the blade Tyler placed it on the counter, no use in hiding it when there wasn’t anyone around to see it.

Then he sank down on the floor, trying to calm his labored breaths and savoring every second of the pain. Every single throb reminded him of what he was going through, brought him back into reality as the world was in color once again.

It took a few minutes to notice that something was wrong.The bleeding didn’t stop.

Of course it didn’t. Now that he thought about it, it was incredibly obvious that this cut was too deep. The pain wasn’t favorable anymore. The blood gushed out of him in a light red flow, already soaking into his pants and the air didn’t seem to stay in his lungs. He grabbed for something, anything, but there was nothing there.

There was only the cold sink under his palms as Tyler dragged himself up while keeping his head down, trying to regain he breath. The blood was flowing steadily, not in bursts, not synchronised with the impossibly loud heartbeat in his ears. That was a good sign, wasn’t it? He could just wait. He could do it again, even.

But his body moved without his permission, then. Walked towards the medicine cabinet and looked for some clean gauze. If he had truly nicked an important vein, it was already too late but maybe he could stop the bleeding with pressure. And were there even any important veins right there? Tyler had never been good at biology.

The medicine cabinet was unlocked, but also unstocked. There was nothing but a few sorry bandaids and an ungodly amount of Tylenol threatening to fall out at every moment. Tyler banged the door shut and reached for a towel. He steeled himself and pressed it onto the wound. Black spots appeared in his vision as he fought to breathe and stay upright. Just stay upright.

He sank to the floor.

It felt like ages until he could calm down enough to lift the towel again. It was badly stained and there was still a lot of blood but it seemed to have stopped flowing as rapidly.

Every cell in his body screamed as he stood up and limped out of the bathroom. All he could do was throw on one of the shirts laying on his bed and the hoodie from where it was next to the door before turning to leave.

The drive to the next pharmacy was only a few minutes but the step outside his door felt like climbing the Mount Everest right then.

Only the pain in his stomach kept him grounded and focused enough to keep going. He would’ve made an effort to look like he wasn’t injured as he limped towards his car, eyes squinting against the sun, but he doubted anyone would care if they saw him like this.
As the pain in his stomach changed to a throb, he drove to the pharmacy on auto pilot. It was right next to the cinema where Jenna sometimes dragged him, mostly when a new Marvel movie has been released.

The sting of a tear forced its way into his eyes. He hadn’t even thought about her in days. Had she called? Probably not, but even if she had he wouldn’t have seen it. His phone had been turned off for almost the entire week.

If only she could see him right now. If only his parents could see him right now. A bloody mess.

There were enough parking spots next to the cinema so he didn’t have to parallel park at the side of the road in this state. That would’ve probably led to a crash and a lot of awkwardness.

It took a while but he managed to wrap his coat over the bloody shirt but didn’t bother to zip it up. He could have, probably should have, but somehow he felt safer having it wrapped around his body like a protective shell.

The tips of his shoes sometimes dug in the concrete a little.
It was sticky from the sun that’d been blasting down for weeks now.

He should’ve seen the boy, sitting between the parking spots and the movie theater as he approached the pharmacy. He should’ve seen him get up. Instead, he crushed right into him and couldn’t prevent the gasp that followed the pain welling up from his cuts again. The wound must’ve started bleeding more heavily again at the impact.

Tyler looked up and saw the boy. He expected to hear an apology, or harsh words, or nothing, even, but he didn’t expect the boy to look like this. He was shaking, dark rings under his eyes. He was taller than Tyler but his slouched shoulders made him look smaller.

“Do you,” he tugged at his hair, “do you maybe have cigarette?”

Tyler could barely noticed the way the boy’s hands shook when he brought them down before he collapsed right against Tyler.

He had to unclasp his hands from his jacket to catch the boy as he fell and couldn’t help but look around. Was anyone seeing this? Anyone who could help? He lowered the boy to the ground and was reminded by the furious throbs from his torso, what he came there to do.

Was the boy alone? He couldn’t be much older than Tyler himself.

He didn’t see anyone. There were some people on the other side of the street but it was a quiet sunday afternoon. And it wasn't like the shabby movie theater was showing anything right now that would attract crowds. It was only then that Tyler’s eyes fell on the pile of things right beside them - a few blankets, a pillow, a backpack. The tiny cup with some change. This was where that boy came from. He had to live right there.

Tyler could feel his che'st tighten again. What was he supposed to do? Leave him? There was no way he could just leave the unconscious boy on the concrete. He could call an ambulance but there was no way the boy had good enough insurance to pay for any kind of medical care right now. He had a feeling that getting him to a hospital was the only sane thing to do but somehow, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He didn't want to be responsible for this boy’s debt.

All he could do for the moment was drag the boy to his things and lay him down as gently as possible.

There was some movement when he laid him down “Can you hear me?,” Tyler asked, voice shaking. “Hello?” he gently touched the boys shoulder. “Are you there?”

All he got was a hum from the boy’s lips. Tyler shook him again.

“Yeah ‘m there,” he heard the boy slur and Tyler forced himself to take a deep breath.

“Can I do anything?”

“Jus’ a cigarette, if you have one.”

Tyler sighed and stood up. “Okay, I gotta go for a second but I’ll be right back.”

He practically sprinted into the pharmacy, before abruptly stopping to open the doors, forcing himself to look normal. He didn't need the man behind the desk to press a panic button.

He got what he needed and hurried back out. Maybe the boy would be gone by now? Maybe a friend picked him up, maybe someone dragged him away, maybe-

The boy was still there.

Tyler kneeled down beside him and saw that the boy was conscious enough to even look at him.

“Go ‘way ," he even managed to slur.

What should he do now?

“Should I call an ambulance?”

“No!" the boy said with more force than Tyler had predicted, looking at his glazed eyes.

“Okay, okay well…”
He could take him home. He could take him home and try to find out what was even wrong with him. Probably, he had overdosed. Maybe he was just exhausted. That thought Tyler crossed right out of his mind. There was no way this boy was just exhausted.

“Do you need Narcan?" he asked.

“I have some," the boy managed to answer “just tired, though. Don’t need it.”

Tyler ran his hands across his face in defeat. “Can you walk?" He almost hit himself for his stupidity. Clearly not.

He took the boy by the shoulders and tried to get his limp body upright. What was he supposed to do? Maybe it was a heatstroke? The boy was still responsive. Would it be wise to take him home?

Probably not.

Tyler sighed and braced himself for the pain as he pulled the boy up slowly, heavily supporting his body. “You’re coming with me, okay?”

“No…” the boy tried to protest but didn’t manage to say anymore, eyes unfocused.

“I’m not gonna hurt you," Tyler tries to reassure him, but the boy only scoffed.

“What’s your name?" he tried to ask as he half walked, half dragged the boy to his car.

He could feel the boy tense up “Uh...Cheetah," he says, one foot catching on the concrete and almost dragging both of them down.

“Okay," Tyler just answers as he opened the door of his car. He mentally scolded himself. What was he doing? Oh, just letting this strange homeless person get into his car. No big deal.

Jenna would kill him.

They somehow managed to get Cheetah settled in the passenger seat and he got in the driver seat himself after collecting what he assumed to be Cheetah’s belongings.

He couldn’t help but look over to the strange boy, hunched over in his car as they drove back to his place. He almost forgot about the pain of the cut as they drove.

Of course, that came welling right back up as he helped Cheetah out of the car and up the stairs of his apartment complex.

Why was he actually letting someone in his apartment right now? There was blood everywhere, he didn't- he didn't put away the blades. He hadn't cleaned in weeks.
No one should enter his space anyways. But where else was he going to go? Jenna? His parents? There was no way they were going take in a stranger. Especially a homeless boy, barely conscious.

Said homeless boy was currently sliding down the side of his door as Tyler tried to unlock it with shaking hands.

They somehow managed to get to the first floor and get Cheetah on the sofa in Tyler’s living room. He obediently laid down as Tyler put a blanket on top of him.

Half of the contents of the glass of water Tyler got for Cheetah were spilled before he reached him but it didn't matter, Cheetah didn't seem like he was up to drinking anything.

“You still with me?" Tyler managed to ask.

Cheetah nodded weakly. “What are you gonna do now? murder me?" he asked weakly.

Tyler was taken aback by that. “No I’m just. I’m trying to help you. Just get some rest, please.”

He almost fell over the edge of his carpet as he bolted out of the room. The blood stains on his bathroom tiles were still somewhat fresh but Tyler should've probably still tried to clean them up with more than just a dry towel, he thought, as he hastily scrubbed at them.

His blade from the counter goes back into the cabinet. When he came back to the living room, he found Cheetah fast asleep. Now that he had finally given in to it, there was a struggle gone from the boys face that Tyler hadn't even noticed before. He seemed almost peaceful.

If he was alone, Tyler would have probably just eaten dry bread as he had the days and maybe even weeks before. But now that Cheetah was there he felt compelled to actually cook something warm for once. It was just some simple pasta but he didn't feel like he could do much more.

Taking some of the advil had helped his pain but they didn't help his energy level. He could almost feel himself slip away, so he got the razorblade from earlier and cut across his ribs. The sting brought him back to reality and overboiling water. Nonetheless, the pasta was ready and Cheetah was awake when he brought it to him in the living room. He looked at Tyler cautiously, like he half expected Tyler to throw the pasta away and lunge for him. He couldn't really blame Cheetah as he probably looked at him the same way.

“I made some food. do you want any?” Tyler asked.

Cheetahs line of sight gave it away and Tyler couldn't help but smile a little as he sat the bowl in the boys lap and took a cautious step backwards again.
“Anything else i can do right now?" he managed to press out as he watched Cheetah devour the meal like he hadn’t had anything like that in months. That was probably exactly what was happening.

Cheetah paused and tried hard to not look Tyler in the eyes. “Actually," he stopped.
That’s when Tyler saw the sweat on Cheetahs forehead. He might be more rested but his fever seemed to have risen even higher.

“I might," Cheetah paused again “I might need some medicine.”

There it was. Tyler should’ve seen it coming “I’m sorry, but i don't have any mon-”

“No!" Cheetah interjected “not that kind of medicine. Actual...medicine.”

“Okay?" The end of the words rising upwards in Tyler's throat without his consent.

Cheetah wordlessly set the almost empty bowl to his side and started to fiddle with the button of his pants.

Tyler tried not to stare or look uncomfortable or do anything really as he watched Cheetah struggle out of them.

And that's when he saw them. Long, purple cuts. They were deep and they were oozing.
They were clearly infected.

“Oh," Tyler only managed to choke out.

Cheetah just stared at him, ready to pull his pants up and run away, as it seemed. Not that he could’ve with legs like that. No wonder he hadn't been able to walk properly.

“You need to...” Tyler was at a loss for words “We need to clean them. You need antibiotics.”

He couldn’t look away from them. “I’m gonna get some”. As he looked back up at the boy’s face he noticed his glistening eyes.

“Hey," Tyler said softly. “You don't need to worry anymore, we’re gonna get this sorted out.”

The boy just nodded and turned his face away. “Thank you,” he whispered and Tyler took that as his cue to get up and get the antibiotics.

The ground seemed to tilt a little, the moment he stepped out of the room.

Everything went out of focus and then came back more sharp than it had in months. He knew that there were no antibiotics at the house and he wasn't going to leave the boy here. There was no way he was going to rob him with those legs but that just wasn't an option. He could call Jenna, though. She had a car and it was her day off. She was probably going to be with her boyfriend, but she had told him a thousand times that he could call if there was a problem and this seemed like a problem. A huge one, actually.

He reached for the phone without even thinking about it, turning it on and ignoring the few messages he had gotten. They were mostly from Jenna anyways.

She picked up the phone after the first dial tone. “Ty, everything alright? what's going on?”

Tyler started pacing along the hallway “I need a favor. there is - there is….someone in my house right now and they need antibiotics. Fast. I don't want to leave them and I thought maybe-"

She cut him off before he could finish the question “Yes, I’ll do it! Chris?" Her voice got quieter as she called for her boyfriend. “Chris, Im gonna get something for Tyler and I’m gonna be back in a second.”

Tyler looked at his hands and stopped pacing.

“Yea he's alright," her voice came back righto the receiver. “I’m on my way, Ty! See you in a second”.

He couldn't say anything before she hung up and resumed pacing. Was this a mistake? Jenna would want to know who this stranger was and she wouldn't be pleased with the answer.

He shook those thoughts off as he stepped into the kitchen to get a glass of water for the boy. It was necessary that she came.

He set down the glass in front of Cheetah when he went back into the room. The boy was lying on his back, clearly exhausted and sweating from the pain. Tyler thought he might be too far gone to even recognize him but was surprised when he he heard him.

“Why are you doing this for me?" he asked quietly.

Tyler froze. Why indeed?

“I’m just- I don't know. I-," His hands were sweaty in his hair. “I couldn't have just left you! You need help.”

Cheetah just looked at him. “Most would’ve just left me there.” And Tyler's heart shattered in a second

“You would've died out there. I’m taking care of you now," he turned around and didn't wait for Cheetahs response.

He had never had done or said anything like that. Could he even do it? Most days he couldn't even take care of himself but this boy had no choice and he didn't either.

Jenna’s car pulled up just fifteen minutes later and Tyler opened the door for her before she could ring the doorbell to not wake up Cheetah who had fallen asleep on the couch again.
She was at his door before he could go out to meet her outside, so he had no choice to let her in.

“Hey, Ty," she said, overly cheery and Tyler shushed her. “Is there someone here?"

He tried not to look her in the eyes and shrugged “Yeah." He crossed his arms in front of his chest and tried to look anywhere but her face “He’s asleep.”

He didn't see the look on her face, only the tip of her shoes, but he could feel the energy in the room shift slightly.

“Is he the one," there was a pause as she tried to look over his shoulder into the bedroom. “Is he the one who needs the antibiotics?”

“Yeah," Tyler just answered again, hoping that she would leave it alone. She seemed to have picked up on his reluctance to talk about it. For now she just nodded and left fairly quickly after Tyler gave her the money.

There was no way though, that he wouldn't have to answer a million questions later on the phone or if they hung out again at some point.

When he walked back into the living room, a wide eyed Cheetah stared back at him. He seemed to be quite a light sleeper. “I’m so sorry for waking you up," Tyler said, mentally scolding himself for not doing the whole thing outside the flat. Cheetah clearly needed the sleep.

“No, its fine," he tried to get himself upright but couldn't quite manage it.

“That was my friend, Jenna," Tyler tried to explain. “She brought your antibiotics.”

He set them on the coffee table, while still staring at Cheetahs efforts to sit up. Should he help? Instead, Tyler decided to bolt out of the room with a mumbled “Take one now and one before you sleep. Two a day, I think. I’m gonna go.”

How stupid. Of course Cheetah knew that if he said to take one now and one later that it was two a day. He almost thumped his head against the hallway walls as he walked towards the basement where he had his little home studio. It was only when he shut the door behind him that he could take a deep breath again. There was a homeless boy on his couch. Jenna was going to kill him.

Pacing the room, he couldn't stop the thoughts from flooding in. How long was he going to allow Cheetah to stay? What was even going on? Just a few hours ago his life had been the most boring thing he could've ever imagined and now he had to take care of an actual human being. Who might be actively dying. Oh god, what if he woke up and there was a dead boy on his sofa. Tyler bit his hand to try and calm himself down. He had to stop himself before he spiraled into a full on panic attack, so he sat down in front of the piano.

He wasn't able to play anything in the state he was in but just hitting a few key helped him calm down already. There was a strangely soothing quality to the notes. He was going to figure it out and he was going to take care of this strange, scared boy, whatever his friend might think.

He let his head rest on the keys of the piano for a second, remembering with a hiss that he still had to work on one of the mixes he had been commissioned for a few weeks ago.

He knew that he had to calm down before starting to work on that, though. He could never do his best work while being unravelled like this. Extreme emotional states had never been a possibility for him to work with.

Instead of wallowing about having to work later and letting himself spiral downwards again, Tyler decided to go upstairs to check on Cheetah again. The boy should probably have a shower and clean those cuts before doing anything else. No use in Tyler sitting down here, banging on a piano when he was up there on his own.

Cheetah had managed to get in a sitting position when Tyler came back into the room and had his head leaned back against the sofa. As soon as he saw Tyler, he looked up through heavy lidded eyes.

“Ready to clean the wounds?" Tyler asked, voice shaking.

Cheetah must have noticed how he had almost lost it in front of him earlier. The thought was terrifying.

This time he held a hand out for Cheetah to grab and helped him into the bathroom.

Arranging the towel and clothes while Cheetah was staring at him uncomfortably was awkward and he bolted out the door right after.

“Call me if you need anything," he just said before bolting out the door once again and sliding down the wall of the hallway.

He heard the water start soon enough and occupied himself by making tea for both of them. Jenna had gifted him some last christmas that he had never opened before.

He heard the water stop after a while and tried to listen for any sounds that might indicate that Cheetah was in trouble.
It took a while but Cheetah came out of the bathroom, out of breath and looking like he might keel over at any time. Tyler wanted to tell him that he could’ve said something but he knew that wasn't a possibility. He just silently offered an arm for him to hang on to, that Cheetah gladly took.

“We gotta disinfect the cuts,” Tyler said quietly when they had managed to get Cheetah sitting on the sofa once again.

When Tyler came back to get the supplies from the bathroom, he was greeted to the sight of Cheetah struggling to pull off his pants again. Tyler took a deep breath and set the supplies aside.

“Wait, im gonna help you," he said and went over to the sofa.

Cheetah didn't look him in the eyes as he stood up, supporting himself on the arms of the sofa as Tyler carefully pulled down the pants, inch by inch. Even though he tried to be as careful as he could, he still saw Cheetahs hand tremble. Afterwards he grabbed the supplies again as Cheetah lowered himself down.

The disinfectant made his eyes water but they both knew how badly this had to be done. The wounds were already oozing pus and liquid again, the surrounding area dark red. When they had wrapped the wounds up and Tyler had helped Cheetah dress himself again, he laid down on the sofa.

“Why are you doing this?" Cheetah asked, voice rough.

Tyler didn't know where to put his hands again. “You needed help," he simply said.

“Thank you," the boy said, looking Tyler in the eyes what felt like for the first time.
Tyler was overwhelmed by his sudden intensity. All he could do was nod and back out of the room.

Tyler fell into bed after just a few minutes. He was exhausted. Of course, sleep wasn’t going to come that easily. It never did. And even if it would’ve, there was no way he was just going to fall asleep with a strange boy in the room right next to him, possibly desperate enough to burgle him. Although Tyler had to admit, he didn’t seem like the type. But did they ever?
It was only under the heavy blanket of the nighttime that Tyler permitted himself to think about Josh's cuts. They were deep. They looked the same as his did.

Not once in his life had Tyler ever entertained the possibility of actually meeting someone who did it, too. He knew there were people like him, of course, he wasn't that stupid, but it was an entirely different thing, seeing someone with those gashes right in front of him.

There was a sound coming from the living room and every nerve in Tyler's body responded immediately. He knew it. That was it. But he couldn’t hear anything after that soft little thump that had set him off originally.
He strained his ears and put his head against the door but couldn’t hear anything besides the odd ruffling of the sleeping bag he had gifted Josh.

There was an odd sense of shame about the way he couldn’t trust the boy. Objectively, there was nothing wrong with being wary. Most people wouldn’t have even let the boy stay with them in the first place, let alone approach him.

But still. Tyler felt the shame creep up on him as he stirred at every sound. It didn’t feel right.

Morning came and Tyler got woken up by the sound of soft footsteps on carpet. Dread came right back to where it had been replaced by something resembling sleep two or three hours earlier.

When he opened his door, the boy was already gone. It looked like noone had even been there, save for the med kit next to the couch. The pillows were arranged the way they had been the day before. Everything was the way it had been.

Tyler sat down on the couch leaned back when a huge wave of relief washed over him, followed by a huge wave of guilt. The boy was just a scared, sick kid, how could Tyler have ever thought that badly about him?

Because he hadn't bothered to undress last night - as usual - he only needed to make himself breakfast to be ready for the day. Whatever that may mean.

While he got himself some bread, he grabbed his phone and looked at the screen. He almost put it right back when he saw the amount of messages he got from Jenna, but decided he had to deal with them at some point, anyways and took the fall.

He agreed to come meet her for a coffee to answer all her questions.

The dread crept in way before he turned up to the coffee shop but it followed him in. He didn't even know what he was so afraid of. Her questions? Her judgement?

Jenna was always gonna assume that every boy that Tyler talked to was going to be a potential boyfriend because he just talked to too little people. and she did tend to be a little nosy.

“Tyler, you’re here!" she exclaimed as Tyler walked up to her in the shop. He just smiled and nodded in response.

“Chris bought me tulips today. Can you believe he remembered that they’re my favorite?”

Tyler wasn’t quite sure what the appropriate answer to that was so he just stuck to a simple “That's great.”

Jenna smiled at him as he sat down. “So how are you doing?” She sounded genuine.
“Good. I got a new project coming for a local band.”

“That’s so great, Tyler!”

An awkward pause ensued as she fiddled around with the sunglasses on her head.

“So ," she looked out the window for a second, squinting her eyes, before turning back to him. “Who was I buying the antibiotics for?”

There it was. Tyler sighed and looked down at his hands, which were currently shredding a napkin into bits and pieces. “Just a boy I picked up.”

“Picked up? What do you mean by that?”

Tyler sighed. “He was...homeless.”

He didn’t need to look up to know what her reaction must’ve been.

“Tyler," voice a lot softer than he would’ve thought “How did you meet him? You haven’t been...losing control again, haven’t you? You know you can always go to our place if-”

“He needed medical help," Tyler interjected quickly.

She sighed. “And you couldn't just call an ambulance?”

“There was no way he had insurance! He was passed out and he needed my help!”

Jenna put her head in her hands “This is so much worse than I thought ," she sighed. “You know, when I said ‘get out there and meet people’ I didn't mean random homeless kids, right?”

Tyler looked down on his hands again. This is what he had been dreading. “He needed my help.”

“He could’ve robbed you! He could’ve faked to be passed out just to get people like you to take pity! Did you check all your belongings, Tyler?”

He felt the shame rise again as he looked up to see her concerned face “He was really sick, I swear," he just said.

“Sick HOW, Tyler”

“He had like a fever and," he paused.

“And?”

“And some infected...wounds.”

He heard Jenna gasp as he kept shredding the napkin. “What, like track marks?”

“No!" Tyler hesitated. How was he supposed to know if Cheetah took any drugs. It was not like they knew each other for long.

“He doesnt- he doesnt take any drugs.”

Jenna scoffed. “He’s homeless. What else would he do.”

“Even if he would, That wouldn’t make him any less worthy of my help!”

Jenna seemed as taken aback with the sudden outburst as Tyler was. “No, but it does make him way more likely to kill and rob you! Why are you trying to defend him now anyways?”

Tyler finally looked up again and was surprised to see no anger on Jenna’s face, only concern. He ran his fingers through his hair and breathed out, tiredly.

“If there is anything you want to tell me, you can Tyler," Jenna said “You know that.”

Tyler just nodded. Yes, he did know that. What he didn’t know was why he had never taken her up on her offer. He was terrified that he might want to at some point.

The rest of the conversation was more normal, which was a relief for both of them. Jenna talked about Chris and Tyler listened. He sometimes felt like he knew more about Chris than he should, but he didn’t mind too much. That was just what Jenna did.

She payed for his coffee even though Tyler insisted she shouldn’t and they parted ways again. There was no energy left in him as he drove home apartment. The cut on his stomach stung with every step and his head hurt. Despite all that he was glad that he had gone out to see her again. It had been a while and the fact that she checked on him every once in a while was a nice gesture.

Thinking about it, he was a little surprised, though, that he ended up meeting her today. Usually he would’ve tried to reschedule after such a big breakdown the night before. He stopped dead in his tracks when he arrived at his apartment complex.

On the steps in front of the building, there was a hunched figure with bright yellow hair.

“Cheetah?" he exclaimed and lunged forward, stopping himself when he saw him flinch.

Instead he sat down next to the boy and tried take in what happened. Both his eyes were blackened and there was dried blood smeared all over his face. He must've had a nosebleed. “Is your nose broken?" Tyler asked. Cheetah shook his head in reply, taking another drag off his cigarette.
Tyler didn’t know why but he took the cigarette out of Cheetahs hand and took a drag before passing it back.

“I didn’t know where to go," he heard from next to him, almost inaudible.

“They robbed me. Have nothing," Cheetah put his face in his hands and Tyler didn't know what to say.

“Come inside ," he just choked out. Cheetah let himself be pulled up and half carried inside. How did he manage to come all the way to Tyler's apartment? From the looks of it it took all the strength he had had.

It took them a while to get him on the couch, now almost a familiar sight to Tyler. He left and took a deep breath while gathering everything he needed in the bathroom. Here he was again.

What would his parents think if they knew that he was this generous towards a strange homeless boy? Not something he had expected to think about as often about in his life just two days ago. He couldn't think about it for too long to not let Cheetah wait and hurried in getting the water and towels he needed.

Entering the room was sobering. Cheetah was sitting on the couch, tears streaming down his face, staring into nothing. His arms crossed over his torso, his hair messy and bright as ever. His hair was a lot more curly in his neck than Tyler remembered.

Tyler went up to Cheetah, touched his shoulder for just a second before kneeling down next to him and started to wash his face of the blood, trying to be as gentle as possible at first but quickly realizing that the blood was not gonna come off that easily.

He tried his best but there was no way he would get it all off without hurting Cheetah, so he decided to leave some on. it was gonna flake off overnight and it wasn’t like his couch was precious or nice.

He probably could've gotten the blood off anyways though, because Cheetah didn't seem to feel anything at that moment, still staring into space, a thousand miles away.

Tyler knew this feeling way too well and he knew there was nothing he could do about it. He just kept washing Cheetah’s face, leaving the blood on where it didn't want to come off with a gentle approach. He didn't want to hurt Cheetah more than he had been already.

Cheetah sighed and there was a tiredness to the boy’s eyes in that moment that Tyler knew too well to ignore.

He tried to look away but couldn't. Instead he could feel his hand moving almost, as if on his own accord, laying against Cheetahs cheek in an instant.

He turned Cheetahs face towards him, his unfocused eyes now laying on Tyler's face.

They were a light brown.

Tyler gulped, he had lost his train of thought but managed to choke out. “You’re safe now, ok?" before dropping his hand and taking a step backwards.

Cheetah was still looking at him. It felt as if Tyler was the only thing he could focus on in that second and he shifted under the intense look.

He forced his eyes away from the other boys face “What are your cuts doing?”

“Better," Cheetah choked out, voice raspy.

Tyler looked up again, noticing the bruise on Cheetahs throat. “You need ice for that?”

He didn’t need to wait for an answer before turning around to get an ice pack from the kitchen. He had quite a few. Had stocked up on them only shortly after moving into the apartment.

He also used the little pause to steady himself for a second. What was going on here?

He only knew Cheetah for a little over 24 hours now and he hadn't felt as calm with another person in years. If ever.

What if it was only him, though? What if Cheetah didn't feel that?

Tyler felt the need to walk back in there and just be with Cheetah again. He didn't want to be alone and that was a frightening feeling. It went against everything that he had felt in the past months or years.

He quickly got the ice packs and went to the couch again. He laid the packs on Josh throat and held them there, carefully pressing them there, mouthing a hushed „sorry“ at Cheetah’s flinch when he first made contact with the red skin.

He relaxed into the touch of the ice pack when his skin became numb against the cold.

Tyler slightly pushed down. “Do you want to lay down?”

Cheetah nodded slightly and maneuvered himself down on the sofa, laying on his back, slowly. Tyler kept his hands on the ice pack, as to not let it slip off.

“Josh," the boy croaked out. “that's my name.”

Tyler went stiff for a second and couldn't help but smile. “Its beautiful," he just said.
Tears ran down the side of Josh's face and into his hairline while they stayed in their position, one laying down, one sitting.

Tyler leaned his head back against the back of the couch and tried not to stare at Josh while he looked up at the ceiling. He didn't want to make him uncomfortable.

It felt like hours until either of them moved. Josh shifted slightly and looked at Tyler
“They saw me take an advil. Then they jumped on me right then and there.”

“Who?”

“The men in the group I was staying with," Josh's voice was still a hushed whisper. “I should’ve known they would’ve tried to take them. I didn't expect them to take everything, though.”

Tyler didn't know what to say but he didn't need to.

“Now I’m right back where I started," Josh continued, “I have nothing.”

Tyler gulped and looked at the ceiling again. “Do you have no family?”

Josh chuckled, closely followed by a flinch and a hiss through closed teeth. They must've gotten his stomach too. “I was in the care system. I never knew family.”

Tyler looked down and opened his mouth.

“Don't," Josh hissed out. “Don't say you’re sorry.”

Tyler nodded and focused on something else instead.

“Do you want some ice for your stomach?”

Cheetah - no, Josh - just nodded and Tyler stood up and got the rest of his ice packs.

When he came back, arms full of them, Josh raised an eyebrow and Tyler could feel the panic come up at the back of his throat already. How was he supposed to explain those?
But to Tyler's luck, he didn't say anything and just tried to get himself sitting up again.

“Don't worry about it," Tyler just said and sat down next to him again. Josh stopped and just laid back down, staring at the ceiling, holding the ice pack to his throat himself now. He probably could've done that the whole time.

“Can I see what they did?" Tyler said and Josh nodded after a slight pause.

“Is it really okay?" he asked as he brought his hands up to Josh's shirt. He didn't want him to feel like he was trying to do anything here.

He took the second nod as a cue to continue and lifted up the stained grey shirt Josh was wearing, right at the frayed seam. They clearly had kicked him in the stomach several times. It was already turning slightly purple and Tyler couldn't hold back the small whine. Josh stiffened under his gaze and Tyler could feels his head becoming hot.

He was probably blushing like crazy.

He tried to play it off by just softly wrapping up the packets in the towels he had brought with him and laying them on Josh's stomach.

He still couldn't believe Josh had shared his name with him. It felt like a bigger deal than it probably was. Or maybe Tyler just didn't understand the importance of nicknames on the street. Either way, Tyler felt like it was significant. It had felt like it was, at least. They didn't know each other for long enough to warrant that kind of honesty but somehow it felt right.

Tyler felt like he ought to share something personal now, too. He panicked at the thought of sharing about his cuts, that he could still feel burning, even under the fresh gauze. But he could start slower.

“The girl that came by yesterday to bring the antibiotics. Her name is Jenna,” he just said, almost whispering, still.

“She your girlfriend?" Josh slurred, eyes closed, hand still holding the ice pack to his throat.

“No," Tyler answered too short, too routined, in the same manner he had to answer to his parents any time he visited them. Josh opened his eyes at his tone and gave him a look Tyler couldn't quite place. Understanding, maybe.

“She's just a friend," Tyler continued. “She has a boyfriend. His name is Chris and she loves talking about him.”

That drew a small smile from Josh’s lips “I know the feeling," he said.

Tyler couldn’t help but smile, too.

“What’d she say about me being here?" Josh asked and Tyler looked away.

“I see," he said. “It’s probably for the best. What you’re doing is pretty insane." He let out a light chuckle, again, this time, not hissing as much from the pain and Tyler let out a little laugh as well.

“It might be but she's wrong. You need the help.”

“Thank you again," Josh said, for what felt like the thousandth time and Tyler responded by shifting the ice packs a little from where they'd drifted off of Josh's bruised tummy.

They continued sitting on the couch again, in comfortable silence this time.

Tyler would've loved to just continue that but he knew he had to go downstairs to work on the new mix for the band he had been working with for quite a while. He had been a producer for at least a year now and it was just now starting to pick up a little. It had been hard keeping up with the work in the past weeks, though.

He got up and Josh shot him a look. “I need to go work," Tyler said apologetically.

“Okay ," Cheetah just said, eyes shifting away from Tyler and moving his hand to take over holding the ice pack. Their hands brushed together for the briefest of moments and Tyler could feel the callouses on Josh's knuckles.

He drew his hand away quickly and got outside the living room and down the basement.

Tyler sat down on the table, laptop in front of him, but he couldn't quite get his head to the space it needed to be to work on the mix.

Cheetah was in his living room again. and he wasn't Cheetah anymore, he was Josh.

A real life boy with real life issues who needed real life help. How was he gonna handle this? should he just let him go?

That's what anyone who was sane would suggest to him but it just didn’t feel right. He could probably stay up there for a while until he got better but what would happen after that? Would he just live out in the streets again? He said he came from the care system and there was no family to support him. Could Tyler maybe help him get into a program? Or get a job? Did Josh even want that? Did he try that and failed? Tyler sighed and brought his forehead down on the slanted table in front of him.

He had no idea what to do.

What he did know though, was that he hadn't thought about cutting since Cheetah - no, Josh - had showed up. He hadn't felt out of control of his body. He had been making his own choices and it was all his choice what would happen next. And it felt good.

Tyler tried to push all the thoughts out of his head and forced himself to work on the mix.
The band was alright. He had been mixing their last album as well and they had started picking up a little steam in the industry with that one, so that had given him an in with the other bands in their league. They weren’t big but he got enough money to make a small living off of it. Not all of them were good but they were enough so Tyler could work with what they sent him.

He liked not having to communicate with anyone in person on what he was doing. It was all emails and sending audio files back and forth. It would be nicer if they were there but Tyler didn't want that and that just wasn’t how it was done. They couldn't be there all the time to carve out their sound, that's what they hired him in the first place.

Tyler knew that if it was his music he would be there all the time. No way would he’d give up control over the sound like that, even if it meant thrice the work.

He didn't know how long he'd been working on the track when he heard a sound behind him through the headphones. Tyler whipped around, startled by it, when he saw Josh standing in the doorway

“Sorry, I’m just-," Josh trailed off mid sentence and looked at the room.

Usually Tyler didn't let anyone into his little recording studio. It felt too personal to have Jenna or god forbid his parents snooping around in it. It felt different with Josh somehow.

Maybe, because he didn't really know him yet so the consequences of showing him this space weren’t big, maybe just because he had seen Josh in a far more vulnerable state already.

“Tyler?" Josh said, voice unsure and trembling. “I’m sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt, I’m just gonna leave…"

“No!" Tyler almost yelled, way too eager.

He hadn't meant to space out and make Josh uncomfortable. “You can come in if you want to,” Tyler offered and tried to smile to make up for his weird reaction.

Josh stepped into the dim light and Tyler sucked in a breath.

“What are you working on," Josh asked as he slowly walked closer to Tyler and his laptop.
Step by step by step he got closer to the table, eyes trained on the laptop, eyebrows creased tightly.

“Just one of my songs," Tyler managed to breathe out, as he watched Josh drag a chair next to him and sit down.

“You make music?”

“Yes. I’m a freelance producer but I also make my own sometimes. It’s just a hobby, nothing serious," Tyler said, averting his eyes back to the laptop, playing aimlessly with the mouse.

He hadn't expected Josh to be quite so forward but it all made sense when he snuck a quick glance at the boy beside him. His eyes almost glazed over, he was staring at the screen in front of him. When had been the last time he had been around a recording environment? Had he ever? He looked like he must’ve been and like he had missed it.

Josh must have noticed him staring because he saw him blush slightly, just at the ears.
It was almost cute, the way he leaned back, out of Tyler's peripheral vision again.

“Sorry," he mumbled and Tyler couldn’t help but smile a little. “I just didn't want to be alone ," he continued.

“That's okay," Tyler said quickly as not to scare Josh off “That's absolutely okay, you can stay. I’m stuck right now, though, so I can't promise you anything interesting.”

He locked eyes with Josh for a second and tore his gaze away after what felt like way too long but was probably only a tenth of a second. Maybe more, maybe less.

Josh seemed to settle down a little more now that he had the permission to stay, even though he still kept himself in the background, occasional glances from Tyler confirming what he already knew. Josh was staring at the screen again, eyes completely glazed over. Tyler should just be working but he had been fussing over this beat what felt like weeks at this point and eventually he pushed himself away from the table in his rolling chair with a frustrated huff

“What's wrong?" Josh asked.

“I’ve been trying to figure out the bass track of this beat for days now," Tyler just answered, standing up and starting to pace as he often did when he got really frustrated.

“Maybe I should just let it go. Just delete the whole thing. It’s obviously not meant to be.”
Tyler kept pacing trying to make a decision. Sometimes it was easy, sometimes he just threw it all away but he’d been trying to make this work for a long time now.

“Explain the song to me?" Josh suggested, not meeting Tyler's eyes when he searched for them. Tyler wanted to ask but didn't.

“It feels like it has potential but it just isn't cohesive. I’ve been trying to make this work and I like the feeling of it but its not coming together right.”

“It’s missing something?”

“Maybe. It feels more like it’s not where it’s supposed to be. Maybe it’s missing a piece that ties it all together but I can't think of anything. It’s just not flowing.”

“Can you play it for me?" Josh asked

Tyler hesitated “Sure," he finally said.

Tyler hit the play button and the music started playing. He watched Josh closely for the
reaction and could see him tapping the desk with the beat of the song.

“I like it," Josh said after it was over. “I know what you mean. It’s an interesting atmosphere.”

“I can't figure out a good bassline ," Tyler said sitting down again. “It needs to be counter intuitive to the melody to sell this but nothing fits.”

“Yeah," Josh said, eyes still trained on the screen.

“Do you know what it’s about yet?" Josh asked and Tyler raised his eyebrows, a little taken aback.

“No. it’s only a beat.”

“Maybe it'll be good if you know what it'll be about?” It sounded almost like a question.

Tyler nodded. He didn’t usually work like that but fuck it. Maybe the answer would come to him when he knew the lyrics. He didn’t have anything planned just yet but he had an idea. He’d been struggling with this creative drought for too long.

Tyler spun his chair to face Josh in a sudden bout of confidence “How much do you know about music?" he asked and watched Josh squirm at his sudden forwardness. Jenna had told him before that it could be a little intimidating when he started talking about music and the way he got “all intense” as she said.

“A little ," Josh finally admitted.

Tyler cocked his head to the side.

“I used to play the drums in a band.”

“What happened?”

“We broke up and I didn’t have a backup plan.”

Tyler nodded. “Me neither.”

Josh looked at the ground and smiled “Well, it seemed to have worked out for you, hasn’t it?”

Tyler nodded mechanically “I guess," he just said and Josh looked up to meet his eyes again.

“Do you want to play?" Tyler asked Josh to move along the conversation. He didn’t like
talking about his job these days.

“What?”

Tyler couldn’t help but smile. “I said: do you want to play.”

Josh’s smile could’ve lit up the entire night sky if they could see it down in this basement.

“You don’t have..." Josh trailed off as he looked around, slightly confused.

“I only have an electronic drum set for now," Tyler admitted. He wouldn’t tell his parents but he couldn’t afford a real one.

“I’ve never played on one before," Josh said, still smiling.

Tyler couldn’t help but let himself be swept up in Josh’s giddiness as he turned back to the computer to set it up. “I’ll teach you ," he said as he plugged in the track pad.

It didn't take long to explain the functions to Josh but Tyler knew from experience how different it was. Like learning a whole new instrument. It had taken him weeks to really feel like he got the hang of it when he had first started working with it.

That fact made it even more impressive to Tyler that Josh went from awkwardly trying to figure out the pad to getting creative with its functions in just about thirty minutes.

Tyler could only sit next to him and watch in awe, imagining what it must be like to hear Josh play on a physical drum set.

Josh played for a long time and Tyler assumed he was going to be hungry by the time he stopped, so he went upstairs to prepare dinner.

“Prepare dinner” meant putting a chilli from the freezer that Jenna had brought him a while ago into a pot and let it melt on the stove but it was better than nothing.

Josh was still downstairs, drumming when Tyler came back with the chilli, setting it on the little coffee table in the room. He tapped Josh on the shoulder and had to almost jump back at the speed at which Josh whipped around, eyes wide.

“I’m so-” Tyler started saying.

“No, I’m sorry, I just got distracted, I’m not used to this," Josh said and laughed a little, still giddy and Tyler couldn’t help but smile back as he felt the knot in is stomach disintegrate.

“I made chilli," he said, pointing to the coffee table and sofa “Well, my friend did but I heated it so it counts as making it, right?”

Josh laughed at that “Thank you, I’m starving."

As they ate, Tyler couldn’t help but think back to yesterday when Josh was terrified, looking up at him from the couch with wide eyes. He couldn’t blame him, Tyler had been terrified too. As well as unimaginably awkward about the stranger on his couch. Now, it was still awkward but it felt right, sitting in his basement, and it was almost as if Josh had a glow to him now that he had played music. He looked less tired. That made it all worth it.

“You’re really good," Tyler said.

Josh smiled, “Thank you.”

“You got creative with it so fast. It took me weeks to even feel slightly comfortable.”

“I used to play in stores when I was younger, and tried to recreate whatever was on my walkman." Josh looked down on his food and back up at Tyler ”I had to get creative really fast because I didn’t have that many tapes and no teacher. This chilli is really good, by the way," he said.

“Jenna is a master in the kitchen," Tyler answered. “Anything she makes is magic.”

They finished their food in comfortable silence and afterwards Tyler said “You can play more if you want to. I’m going to try to figure out my song on the laptop, if you don’t mind?”

Josh’s smile was instant as he nodded. “I’d love to!"

Tyler got his laptop from his bedroom and by the time he came back Josh was already enveloped in his music again.

He started opening the file he had and thought back to what Josh had said earlier. Maybe he should find out what the song was meant to be about and it would all fall into place. He tried to come up with an idea and played around with some stuff but got distracted by Josh, the yellow hair curling at his neck.

It was fitting that he had introduced himself as Cheetah. Tyler chuckled as he thought about the fact that he had a Cheetah living in his basement now. Or at last he hoped that was the case. Hopefully? He hadn’t thought about what was going to happen in a week or month or even tomorrow. Was Josh going to stay or go back on the streets?

It was a little weird to think about but Tyler realized he would love it if Josh stayed. He could teach him more. And then it clicked. He knew what the song was going to be about.
He wrote his thoughts down frantically and started fitting them together.

By the time he started recording the demo of the rap he had totally forgotten about Josh’s presence. It was a faced paced rap, faster than many of the songs he had written lately and when he looked up, he saw Josh staring at him.

“Damn that’s good ," Josh only said and Tyler smiled uncomfortably.

He had never really shown anyone and he hadn’t quite intended on showing Josh just yet. it wasn’t as uncomfortable as with his parents, though. He felt compelled to continue, so he did. He recognized Josh getting up and watching him from the side on the couch and when he was done with the recording Josh said “Pet Cheetah, huh?” and Tyler avoided his eyes.

He didn’t sound confused or hurt though. “I like it. Nice rhythm”. He started drumming softly on his thighs as Tyler copy pasted some more tracks in and started humming.

“What if that’s the bassline?" Josh said, all of a sudden and Tyler stopped.

“What?” he asked.

“What if you made the words the bassline? They have a good rhythm. I think that might be what you need?”

Tyler stared at him for a second before getting to work on doing exactly that.

He recorded a quick demo, pitched it down and as soon as he played it, they both knew it was going to work. What happened then, Tyler couldn’t quite comprehend. He barely registered turning and moving in before he felt Josh’s lips against his, and felt Josh gasp.
He was about to pull back when Josh reached for his neck and kissed him back.

It felt real. It felt like living.

Tyler couldn’t stop himself from smiling and pulling back to take a look at Josh. His cheeks were flushed.

“Would you give me the honor and stay?”, Tyler said, still breathless.

“Yes”, Josh said and stroked Tyler’s cheek with his thumb. “I guess you really do have a pet cheetah in your basement now, do you?”

Tyler laughed. “Don’t you dare think for a second that you’ll be staying in the basement”