Work Text:
In all of Jim’s life, he couldn’t remember a time where he felt quite so…so…well, he wasn’t sure.
It wasn’t the sadness he felt over Sarah, or the divorce from Diane. It wasn’t the teen angst he’d experienced during high school.
The last two years of his life had been something else. The Upside Down had quite literally flipped his world the wrong side up and it left him feeling empty. Not empty in the conventional sense - it wasn’t as if there was nothing. There was definitely something. But it felt like there was so much in his head that there was an odd sort of tranquility surrounding it. Like there was an epicentre and inside it every trauma and decision and feeling was trapped, and around it there was sort of just…quiet. Almost like the emptiness of a room when you turn the tv off and it’s just you, left in the dark.
God, Jim needed to get out.
He grabbed his coat and headed out the cabin door, locking it behind him as El was at the Wheeler’s for the evening - all the kids were getting together for a movie marathon; that is, until they all fall asleep and Jim goes to collect his semi-conscious daughter.
Daughter.
Woah. Well, that was a weird thought.
A good thought.
A good, weird thought.
Jesus, what was going on with him tonight. Cabin fever? He laughed to himself at the absurd thought as he closed the door of his Blazer.
He travelled in the silence of his thoughts and pulled into a space outside the local bar, jumping out of the driver’s side and locking the door.
His ears pricked slightly at the ding of the bell as he entered the duskily lit saloon. Taking a seat at the bar, he took out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, somewhat shakily (though he’d never admit it).
As he burnt through the stick of tobacco, his regular beer was placed in front of him and he nodded his head in thanks. He wasn’t on duty tonight but did need to pick El up around 10, so he thought one beer would do, just to try and take whatever edge he was on, off.
The bar was busy tonight. It was a Friday, so really there should be no surprise. That, and it being attached to a restaurant helped. There were tables full of couples and families, though Hopper didn’t lend himself to too long a glance, something pushing against that epicentre in his head.
Through the haze of the room and his thoughts - and nothing to do with the couples - his mind wandered to Joyce. After everything that had happened in the last 18 months, Jim couldn’t help but feel as though his relationship with his long-term friend had changed.
He’d always had a special place for her in his heart. Always cared, always there for her, and if he was honest with himself, he’d probably always loved her.
And though he’d tried to keep his feelings to himself, after everything that happened he couldn’t help but feel drawn towards her. He’d visit her at work, take her lunch, and he was sure people were noticing but he didn’t care.
And it didn’t seem Joyce did either. She always warmed at the sight of Jim coming to visit her or bringing El over for dinner and movies, or did Jim just think she did?
It didn’t matter anyway. Joyce had enough going on, with the boys and grieving Bob. The last six months can’t have been easy, and Jim just wanted to be there for her in whatever way he could. She didn’t need his existential, empty-yet-full brain pushing her, possibly, further away. So Jim decided to keep his feelings to himself. He loved her and though it hurt his heart to do so, he would keep his feelings to himself; he couldn’t lose her.
Jim was brought out of his spiralling thoughts by someone bumping his shoulder as they sat down.
‘Why, Chief Hopper, what brings you out here all on your lonesome on a Friday night?’
He sighed.
‘Karen Wheeler, shouldn’t you be at home watching the kids?’
‘Like hell I should. I’m out with my girls, and besides, Ted is watching the game so they’re perfectly fine.’ She snorted.
Jim hummed in agreement.
When she didn’t leave, Jim lifted his eyes towards her, expecting her to have a reason for the visit.
‘Something I can help you with, Karen? Thought you were out with your ‘girls’?’ He shuddered at that last phrase, sounding unnaturally sweet on his tongue.
‘Oh well, no, nothing in particular. I was just coming over here to order another bottle of wine and ask why you hadn’t said hello to Joyce this evening?’ She gestured behind her, over her shoulder.
At the mention of her name, Jim’s head snapped up. He hadn’t noticed their table tucked away in the corner during his brief glance earlier, but he couldn’t miss her this time.
Joyce was sat round the table with Dustin and Lucas’ mothers, her hair naturally curled around her shoulders, a soft black dress framing her body. She was laughing quietly and looked happy. Jim was suddenly reminded of the Joyce he knew in high school - care free and light. His heart squeezed a little tighter.
‘She’s sitting right over there, why don’t you go and speak to her?’
He knew Karen wasn’t stupid. He knew she could see him pining over Joyce. But he couldn’t bring himself to face her. The last thing she needed in her life was another destructive force like Jim. He had years of baggage, something she didn’t need anymore of.
‘Also, I totally know you’re into her so don’t try and fool me, Hopper.’
Jim rolled his eyes and took out another cigarette.
You know what, fuck it. He knew she knew and at that moment he just needed to get it off his chest.
‘I wish I could. I want to tell her how I feel but, I can’t. I don’t know where to start.’
The epicentre in Jim’s mind exploded and every thought and feeling he had, about Joyce, about the last two years, everything, came to the surface at once.
The sad thing was, the only person who he knew would understand was the one person he couldn’t bring himself to tell.
The bartender placed a bottle of red in front of Karen and she pulled it towards her, she turned on her heel, giving Jim a heart-achingly sad look, but before she went Jim reached out and touched her arm, grabbing her attention.
‘Don’t tell her I’m feeling like this, spiralling or whatever. That’s between you and me. Don’t tell her I’m thinking of her, just…just tell her Jim said hi.’
Karen smiled softly and walked back towards her table.
Without so much as one glance at Joyce, Hopper finished his bottle of beer, stubbed his cigarette out and left the bar.
What he didn’t see was Joyce looking at the door with his name on her lips.
******
It was ten to ten and Hopper arrived outside the Wheeler household to collect El. He made his way to the front door and knocked, waiting as he heard running up the stairs and then the door handle softly turn.
‘Hi.’
Hopper smiled and ruffled his daughter’s hair.
‘Hey, kid. Ready to go?’
El frowned and looked behind her.
‘Yes, I fell asleep but Will woke me up when he heard knocking. I think he’s upset.’
Jim frowned, he’d grown fond of the kid and didn’t like the thought of something happening to Joyce’s son.
‘What’s wrong? Did something happen?’
‘Jonathan is supposed to be taking him home but he wants to stay with Nancy for longer, but Will is tired and wants to go home.’
He knew he’d regret this and yet the words still left his mouth.
‘Tell Will to let Jonathan know we’ll drop him home on our way back now.’
‘Yay! Thanks, dad.’
El went running off and Hopper stood on the porch as he heard the commotion of plans being organised. His mind wandered to earlier in the evening and he sighed at his stupid confession and hoped Joyce wasn’t home when he dropped Will off. Although she kind of needed to be for Will to be left alone. Great, this’ll be fun, Jim thought.
‘Thanks again, Chief.’ Will spoke as the three of them made their way towards his Blazer, waving goodbye to Jonathan. Jim smiled his acquiesce and started up the car.
******
As they pulled up to Joyce’s home, the lights were on and Jim’s chest tightened.
It would be fine. He’d walk Will to the door, say goodnight and get straight back in the car and drive home. Minimal chance of an awkward encounter.
The three of them made their way towards the front door and as they did, the door opened, revealing Joyce as he’d seen her earlier, only a little more relaxed, as if the atmosphere of the bar wasn’t quite her scene.
‘Hopper, I can’t thank you enough for bringing Will home. I would’ve come to get him but I went out with Karen and there was wine, you know how it is with her.’ She laughed nervously.
‘I saw you there earlier, you looked great by the way - look great. Um, but yeah, no, it’s no problem.’ Jesus, Jim, get it together.
A flush rose up her neck to her cheeks and she looked at the ground briefly.
‘Dad, can Will show me his new records?’
Jim looked to Joyce for approval and she shrugged her shoulders.
‘Sure, kid, but don’t be too long, okay?’
El squeaked out a ‘thanks’ and ran inside with Will, leaving the two of them outside, alone. Joyce pulled a cigarette out of her cardigan pocket and offered it to him, before sitting down on the porch step.
‘So, you were out tonight, at the bar.’ She said carefully.
‘Yeah. I just needed to get out of the cabin, you know? Get some fresh air, if you can call that smoke filled stuff ‘fresh’.’ He laughed before handing her the cigarette.
Joyce paused for a second, taking a moment before speaking again.
‘I miss you, Hop. I feel like even though I see you, I don’t have you. That probably sounds really weird, sorry - uh, forget it.’
And that was exactly how he felt. He just wasn’t brave enough to get it out.
‘I miss you too. More than I think I should. I just didn’t want to crowd you or push you away.’
Jim felt Joyce’s thigh press up against his and their shoulders touch.
‘I’ve been distant in myself. I feel like there’s so much going on in my head, you know, and even though there’s all this stuff, it just feels kind of -‘
‘Quiet?’ Joyce provided.
‘How come you’re the one person I felt like I couldn’t say this to, yet the one person who entirely gets me?’
Joyce leant over and took his hand in hers, hesitantly linking their fingers.
‘Because I feel exactly the same.’
Jim turned towards her, locking eyes with her for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. They shared the moment together, the quiet - although this time the quiet was good. It was exciting. Neither could say who but suddenly they were a breath apart, and Jim pulled back.
‘Wait, Joyce. I want this, more than anything. But I don’t want to fuck it up. I have to know you’re sure.’
Joyce ran her thumb across his cheekbone with her other hand.
‘Hop, I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.’
And it was that simple.
When they kissed, Jim felt like a tidal wave had washed over his thoughts and when it settled, there was peace.
At last.