Work Text:
"you don't understand, do you? this is important, more important than anything else going on in your life right now. i don't want to hear a word, you go up there and you don't come back down until i ask you to. understand?"
"okay."
and with that, jaemin finds himself trekking back up the stairs, straight to his room. he doesn't let out a peep as he closes his door, only lets out a stuttering sigh when he sits down on his desk chair.
he wills his heartbeat to calm down before he picks up his phone, fingers feeling clammy as he clicks on the contact he wants to call.
"hey! so i was thinking maybe we could—"
"i can't go out today."
silence fills the air around him, all he can hear is jeno's breathing on the other side of the line. he's waiting for an exasperated sigh, and of course, that's what he receives not too long after.
"it's fine."
"i'm sorry—"
"i know. it's okay. have fun."
and jeno hangs up before jaemin can get another word out.
he's frustrated, at this point.
so frustrated that he throws his phone away on his bed, so frustrated that he feels the tears well up in his eyes.
but he doesn't have time for this.
because he's supposed to be studying. college exams, they were in a month, and if jaemin isn't in the top percentage needed to be qualified to apply to the best university in all of south korea, he knows he won't be able to see the light of day.
so yeah, he's frustrated beyond relief, tired beyond relief and his back is starting to kill him because of how long he's been stuck sitting at his desk, but he's na jaemin.
and he has to get into that top percentage.
for his mother's sanity, and for his own.
it's 3:03am when jaemin decides that he can't do this anymore.
he's been staring at his textbooks for hours, and all the words are blurring into one, all the numbers don't make sense, and all the information isn't sticking to his brain.
he feels fried, his eyes burn every time he blinks and his bones ache in every possible way. however, he told himself that he'd get through this chapter before calling it a night. he's halfway done, but he just can't find the motivation to finish the other half. it's killing him.
he thinks he's delirious.
he thinks he's delirious because he's definitely not in his right mind when he decides to climb out his window. he's shaking as the autumn night breeze grazes his bare arms, but he's not thinking about that when he descends using the outdated fire escape on the side of his house. his phone is pressed against his ear once he's on the ground, and he finds himself running down a path he knows like the back of his hand.
he gets sent to voicemail, once, twice, thrice— a total of five times. and he knows that jeno is mad at him, he's been cancelling dates for the past few weeks but it isn't his fault. his mother is breathing down his neck and he'd be damned if he let jeno deal with the burden of his home life.
but he can't take it anymore.
he can't take it, which is why he finds himself running up the steps of jeno's front porch, ringing the doorbell frantically and he's so glad that his boyfriend's parents are out for the weekend.
by the nth time he's rung the bell jaemin feels all the sleep he's missed out on catch up to him, and he feels the adrenaline which he used to run all the way here drain from his body as he leans his forehead against the cold, white front door.
his breathing is laboured and he feels absolutely dejected. he's about to turn around and head back home, but he hears the faint sounds of footsteps coming down the stairs. he doesn't know if jeno is going to open the door, but he can hope. jaemin knows he can use the spare key jeno had gifted them for their one year, but he doesn't want to burden jeno if he genuinely didn't want to see him.
however, the door opens and jaemin forgets everything else that's been running through his mind. instead, he runs into jeno, hugging around his shoulders.
and jeno, who's now wide awake, swears it's just out of habit that he brings his arms around jaemin's waist, but that's all it takes for the latter. he melts into jeno's arms, feeling his bones ache and his muscles screaming at him. he feels his heart warm up for the first time in days and he can't help but the stupid wave of emotions which crash over him.
"jaemin—"
and jeno doesn't even call him jaem. or nana, or min or jaeminnie, or anything which he normally calls jaemin with the most endearing tone.
and jaemin hates it.
jeno's eyes widen when he hears jaemin let out the most heart wrenching sob, when he feels jaemin tighten his arms around his shoulders, when he feels jaemin shaking in his arms.
"oh my god jaemin," jeno gasps. he tries to pull jaemin off of him so that he can see the younger at arm's length, but he seems to get the wrong idea, as he only grips onto his boyfriend tighter, sobbing harder into the crook of jeno's neck. "you're shaking."
jaemin's only wearing a t-shirt, for fuck's sake, even if jeno had told him countless times to take care of his health. he's glad that the younger is at least wearing sweatpants, but he's more concerned over why jaemin is crying his heart out in jeno's arms more than he's concerned about what clothes jaemin is wearing.
jeno tries to move forward a bit just to close the door behind them, since he knows that the cold air is irritating the both of them, but jaemin is holding onto him so tight that jeno can't even get a step in without jaemin holding onto him tighter, if that's even possible, and frightening the elder with how he cries harder.
"no, no, please i'm sorry!" jaemin sobs, exhausting himself by trying to speak amidst his tears. "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, please don't go." he pleads, and jeno can feel how bad he's convulsing against his chest. "don't leave me."
and that shocks jeno the most, since he'd never, ever think jaemin could sound so insecure with him. if anyone, jeno's always been the one who felt out of place in their relationship, with jaemin always kissing his insecurities away and reassuring him with the sweetest words. to hear jaemin speak so vulnerably... jeno's heart aches for the younger.
"jaemin—"
"no!" he yells, almost violently. jeno is afraid that if jaemin continues heaving the way he is, he's going to cry himself to the point where he's gonna puke. "not jaemin! please just anything but jaemin, jen you can't do this."
"nana," jeno says softly, and he can practically feel jaemin melt at the words. his body immediately relaxes a bit, and he sobs out in relief. "nana, let me close the door, okay?" he continues, keeping his tone soft and soothing against the younger's ear.
jaemin doesn't say anything, but when jeno tries to take a forward and he's capable, he waddles the distance to the door, closes it and locks it.
jeno decides that they can't waddle their to the living room, so his hands move lower until they have a grip on the younger's thighs, hoisting him up and wrapping his legs around his waist. he walks them over to the couch, sitting down with jaemin in his lap.
thankfully, to jeno's relief, jaemin's heaving has calmed down, however his breathing is still heavily laboured.
however, when jeno brings a hand up to run soothingly down his head, jaemin feels new emotions wash over him before a fresh batch of tears starts to spill from his eyes, because he's missed this. he's missed jeno, so, so much.
"hey, hey, hey. i've got you, baby. i've got you." jeno whispers, and oh, how jaemin's heart stutters at those words.
finally, after what feels like hours, jaemin stops sobbing against jeno, bringing his face out of the elder's neck. he probably looks like a mess, with snot and tears all over his face, cheeks and eyes swollen, and by the way jeno looks at him, he knows he looks deranged.
"oh jaemin," jeno sighs, reaching over to the coffee table and taking a kleenex out of the box, ignoring the disgruntled noise jaemin makes at being called his full name. he brings the kleenex up to jaemin’s face, wiping away at all the saline on his face. jaemin simply watches with trembling lips, and jeno tries his best to send him a smile.
he doesn’t know what’s going on with jaemin, but he does know that he doesn’t need all the details to be there for his boyfriend.
“you’re shaking, sweetheart,” jeno notes quietly, rubbing up and down jaemin’s arms. not too soon after, jeno’s taking off his white sweatshirt, pulling it over jaemin’s head. the latter doesn’t complain, grateful for the warmth which finally encapsulates his body. he feels his body finally give out, all his adrenaline and energy leaving him as he slumps against jeno’s chest.
“i’m so sorry jen,” jaemin whispers hoarsely, voice shaking the slightest bit. “i’ve been the worst boyfriend lately.”
jeno tsks, not liking the sound of that at all. jaemin hasn’t been the worst boyfriend, hasn’t been the worst at all. jeno’s sure there’s more to it than jaemin’s been telling him, especially since something at home must’ve prompted him to come running to his front door at 3:30am in nothing but a thin t-shirt.
“you’re perfect,” the elder assures, and he means it. despite whatever has been going on between them the last few weeks, jaemin’s still perfect, he’s still more than everything jeno could ask for. “you’re perfect jaem.”
he doesn’t hear a reply, and that’s when he notices that jaemin has fallen asleep.
he smiles a bit, jaemin must’ve exhausted himself after all that crying. he doesn’t make any move to get up though, simply covers them both with the throw blanket at the end of the couch and lets himself to go to sleep as well.
whatever happened, they could deal with it in the morning.