Chapter Text
It’s been quite late and Zen still hasn’t come back from his rehearsal. It’s been like this for some time - you waiting for him till late, worrying and just feeling sad and lonely. You’ve been in a relationship with him for 3 months now and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t happy with him…. But now it’s started to be so hard for you. And it wasn’t only about his late till night rehearsals. You understood that it was his work and passion.
You were sitting on the couch in the living room and opened another can of beer. How many cans have you drunk already? Three? No, four. You sighed and opened RFA messenger to check if anyone has logged in. Noone…
You fidget on your spot, thinking about something. Maybe you should try and call someone. You were so bored… and lonely. And before you realized you were calling Jumin… Lately, you were talking quite a lot and you found it felt nice and…
“It’s you,” Wow, he picked up right away.
“Um… Hello, Jumin. How is your evening?”
“Evening? It’s past midnight.”
“Right…” You answered, embarrassed. “Sorry for calling this late at night.”
“Is something wrong?” He asked, concern in his voice.
You smiled. He was always so caring. You couldn’t understand why everyone was calling him a robot. He was always kind to you and after some time you spend on talking together, he opened a bit. You were sure he wasn’t coldhearted like everyone thought.
“No, nothing wrong happened. It’s just… I just can’t sleep. Zen hasn’t come back from his rehearsal yet,” You sighed. “I know I should be more forgiving. It’s his job and… But it started to be so frustrating. And it’s not like he is always this busy, but… but there’s more.”
“What is it?” He asked calmly.
“I… I just can’t stand it. These fans of his, all these girls approaching him, taking pictures with him… Argh… I must sound so pathetic right now,” And you felt pathetic, being so jealous and angry about such small things.
“You’re not pathetic,” Jumin reassured you. “For me, you’re quite a unique person.”
You blushed a little. It wasn’t the first time when he made you flustered.
“You really think so? I was aware of what it will be like… dating an actor… and now I’m complaining. It’s not fair. Zen-”
“Zen should be more appreciative that he has someone like you,” Jumin said, interrupting you.
“I’m not so sure. I’m not such a good person as you might think. Like… What am I doing right now? Frustrating over his fans, drinking and talking with you late at night.” You giggled, not really sure why.
There was silence for quite a moment. You felt your cheeks getting hot. Why?
“Are you drunk?” He asked with his straight voice.
“Well… Maybe a little,” You answered shyly. “But does it matter?”
“That is why you’re so bold with me.”
“Bold?”
“You act as if it was something bad to talk to me at this hour when Zen is not there. Are you really feeling this way?” He was still calm as always, but there was something in his voice… Something you failed to name.
Your heart skipped a bit. You giggled once again, “Jumin Han, what are you suggesting? I’m just talking with my friend, don’t I?”
Silence again.
You gulped. Was it really okay talking with him like that? It started to feel… vicious. Even if you were not happy with Zen lately, it wasn’t fair to acting like this. But on the other hand… you were just talking with your friend. You… weren’t flirting, were you?
“Is there something else worrying you? About your relationship with Zen, I mean?” He asked suddenly, breaking you out of your thoughts.
“To be completely honest with you… I don’t think I can deal with this. With his work. I thought I can… But… You know, sometimes he needs to kiss or touch another girl… And I know it is only acting, but… It’s so hard. Am I being too possessive?” You babbled nervously and took another sip of beer.
“I don’t think you are possessive,” He answered. “It is completely understandable that you feel uncomfortable. But I’m sure Zen thinks only about you. I hope so. I would like you to be happy. Even with him.”
You couldn’t help but smile again, “Jumin Han, are you drunk as well?”
“I had a few glasses of wine. Why are you asking?”
“That is why you’re so bold with me.”
“I’m just honest with you,” His voice somehow changed. Was he nervous?
“It is so sweet of you to think about my happiness,” You were really touched and your heart started to beat fast again.
“Are you happy with him?” There was another long silence before he asked that.
“I…” You thought about it and it occurred to you that at the beginning, yes, you were happy with Zen, but now… “I don’t know anymore. But I know he loves me and I don’t want to hurt him.”
“But do you love him as well?” In his voice, in his question … there was something strange. It seemed that he held his breath, as if in anticipation.
“I…” And again your realization struck you- It seemed like love at the begging, but now, after a few months, you started to understand. It was more of a fascination, you for sure had a crush on him, but… It blinded you, it is always like this when a relationship started. But now? “I don’t know anymore…”
You can swear you heard Jumin catching a breath, “Maybe you need more time. To get used to his work and-”
“You really think I can get used to it? I don’t think so…”
“Y/N, if you are so unhappy… I… ” He stopped and went silent again.
“You what, Jumin…?”
“I just wanted to tell you, I’m always here for you. If you feel like you wanted to get something off your chest, I’ll listen.”
“Thank you, Jumin. You’re so kind… so sweet… so…” Ok, you were drunk. You shouldn’t say such things to another man.
“You wouldn’t be so unhappy if you were with me.” He said suddenly, quickly.
Your heart stopped. You felt hot, “Jumin…”
“I would always find time for you, no matter how much work I have. I would never touch another woman, I would never make you feel like you are now. I would make other women jealous of you.”
You were truly speechless. What was he saying… This was… This wasn’t right, “Jumin… Jumin, I think…”
“I’m telling you the truth. I would make you the happiest woman in the world.”
“I think you have enough wine for tonight,” You said, your voice shaking. You can’t… If you let his words get to your heart… You can’t do this to Zen.
“Maybe you are right,” He sighed and as if nothing happened, he continued: “But I would like to have you here with me.”
“Jumin, please, stop this… This isn’t right,” You murmured and took another big sip of beer. You said you want him to stop, but… You were quite intoxicated with his words.
“I am aware,” He said. “But I can’t stop myself. May I have a proposition for you?”
“Proposition?”
“You can always come to my penthouse if you like. Just inform me before you decided to do so. If you feel lonely, I can… find some time for you. You don’t need to be alone at every evening.”
“Jumin…”
“You would come as a friend, of course,” He reassured you.
“Of course…”
There was this silence again. It was so awkward.
And suddenly you heard a door opened. It must be Zen.
“Baby~! I’m back!” Of course, it was him. You felt guilt filling your heart.
“Sorry, Jumin, I’m hanging up”, You informed him as seriously as you could and you hung up. Zen approached you, his face tensed as empty cans caught his eye.
“Have you been drinking?”
You frowned, “Am I not allowed to?”
“That’s not it…”
“You were gone for so long again… I was bored, lonely, I…”
“Lonely?” This time it was Zen who frowned, “Is that why you were talking with Jumin?”
You shrugged your shoulders, “Am I not allowed to?”
Zen sat next to you. He looked very worried. You felt guilty again.
“I know that I have been busy lately, that I didn’t have enough time for you… but I will make it up to you, I promise,” He said, his voice somehow desperate. And suddenly, he turned his face to you, his eyes filled with anger, “Why, from all of the people, it has to be Jumin?“
"What are you implying?” You asked coldly as if you didn't know already.
“You two… Do you think I’m stupid? I saw how often you two were chatting, I saw all of yours sweet little conversations. And now, you were talking to him at this hour?"
You crossed your arms and looked him in the eye, "Well, I like chatting with him, he is my close friend, he understands me, he is kind to me-"
"Kind to you?” Zen almost shouted, “This jerk? Kind?"
"Stop calling him that,” you said, angrily, “He’s not a jerk. To be completely honest, it is you who are a jerk most of the time. You can be so mean to him, without a reason.”
“Well, now it seems I have a reason!” He burst out, standing up. “As you start to grow very fond of him! Really, from all of the people… He is not kind!”
“You know nothing about him! And this conversation is over!” You also stood up and rushed to your shared bedroom. When you fell on the bed, you heard the door slam shut. Zen probably came into the bathroom. Maybe he can calm down in the shower. But it will be a very awkward night… Then your phone vibrated. It was a message from Jumin. You pressed your head to a pillow and took a deep breath.
I’m so terribly sorry for everything I said. It was not appropriate. Let’s forget about this. I hope you can manage your problems with Zen, as I wish you to be happy.
You let out a loud sigh. That’s it. You must forget that conversation. You were both drunk.
After some time Zen joined you in bed. He hugged you and whispered a quiet “sorry”. You also apologized to him and returned the embrace. Everything had to be sorted out somehow. But how? So that you would be happy so that Zen and Jumin would not suffer… You fell asleep with those thoughts that occupied your mind.
***
Jumin leaned his forehead against the cold surface of the table. How much did he drink? He lost count. But no matter how much he drank, he could not get rid of this terrible pain in his chest. This feeling of emptiness. Elizabeth the 3rd meowed and he looked at her, sad. She sat on the other side of the table, next to one of the empty bottles of wine.
“I think this time even you can’t really understand me,” He said to her. She meowed again as if she tried to talk back to him. Her presence always makes him relax, but not this time…
“What was I thinking?” He buried his face in his hands. He considered Zen a friend. He couldn’t do this to him. But she really seemed so unhappy lately… Was he really thinking about her, about her happiness? Or maybe about himself?
“Maybe I am a jerk…” He said to himself and he poured himself yet another glass of wine.