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He was crouched over something at the edge of the water as the waves lapped at his feet. God, he was weird. Yesterday it had been a starfish at Railay beach. He’d made a whole scene and freaked out that poor Indonesian family because he thought the little boy stepped on a tiny starfish. That mom in the burkini looked about ready to punch him in the face. What a tragedy that would be.
Ok, that was a bit unfair, it’s not like Seokjin hated the guy. It’s not like he knew anything about him really. He was just...odd. At the office, he was usually in his own world, when he wasn’t breaking equipment that is. How had he managed to break the printer and the tea kettle in a matter of three months? Was he that awful at making first impressions? Or was he just spatially challenged?
Either way, Kim Namjoon was just peculiar.
Seokjin went back to his book. He had groaned when he saw Namjoon strolling down the beach towards where he was sitting. All he had tried to do was find one secluded spot on this island away from the madness of the rest of the staff. There were only so many team-building games he had the patience for - regardless of the fact that at a week-long company offsite, that was the entire point.
But this was Krabi . Thailand. They were 3000 kilometres away from Korea. And he saw these people everyday at work anyway. So when Jimin and the HR department had said they would have the afternoon free on an island, he’d taken the first chance he got to slip away from the rest of the group and find a quiet spot for himself, despite Hoseok insisting he stay for beach volleyball on the main part of the beach where they had docked off the longboats. On his one afternoon away from the group? Uh, no. He had managed to excuse himself while Hoseok and Jungkook argued over the teams, and escape, away from all the chaos.
Poda was one of the many small islands just off the coast of Ao Nang, Krabi - hardly a 20 minute ride by longboat. It was small, with a single one of Krabi's limestone hills - jutting out of the sea like a rock. While it wasn’t a tourist favourite like Phi Phi or Lanta, Seokjin figured they’d probably picked it for its attractively low admission fee. Which was probably why when they got there that afternoon, they'd realised there wasn't a whole lot to do on Poda, except sit on the beach, swim or explore the rocky caves in the hill if you were so adventurous (Seokjin, decidedly, was not). There weren’t really any cafes or restaurants unlike Krabi town where they were staying, which was always busy and teeming with people (seriously, it might as well have been Itaewon) or even any of the other crowded beaches that they had been to on the mainland. Quiet, secluded and beautiful - all in all, it was a pretty good choice for an island day trip. Seokjin would rather not spend it on organised sports for which he had neither the interest nor the hand-eye coordination.
He had decided on a walk initially. That’s what you did on beaches right? Take long walks? It felt strange being in this slow tropical paradise, so starkly different from the fast and crowded stress-fest of Seoul.
When they had announced that they’d be going to Krabi for their first ever international offsite trip, everybody had been so surprised that they thought it was a joke. Did the company finally have the money to take the whole team abroad? Or was this some cruel prank, only for them to later be told that they would be going to Jeju for the weekend… again? But apparently it was for real and they were indeed going to Krabi for a whole week. Seokjin knew he should be more excited but, honestly, he hated that his first thought had been about all the work he’d have to make up for in the following week. Millennial burn-out was real and imminent, apparently. Sigh .
But this was an actual afternoon off - one without work, or trust-games with his co-workers. An afternoon off felt like all the time in the world. So he would take his time. He’d even brought a book with him - though he couldn’t remember the last time he’d read an actual book. Then again, that’s what people did on holiday, right? After walking for what felt like an hour along the beach away from the dimming noise, he'd found something.
It was safe to say it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen - a long, low shelf of crystal clear water that then dipped into the Andaman sea, creating two completely different, magnificent shades of blue flanked by a long, empty beach. It was something out of a dream. He had taken a moment to take it in, this fable-like natural beauty he would never see back home. He smiled to himself, breathing in the cool ocean breeze, before settling into a spot on the sand. He liked being by himself, it was nice.
So you could imagine his annoyance when he saw Kim Namjoon chase what he was sure was a baby mud crab or something down the beach, right in his direction.
His history of interactions with Namjoon was limited to the week Namjoon had joined the company. Jimin had tried to introduce some sort of buddy-system orientation model as part of the HR induction for new joinees. Because what’s a better way of getting to know your new workplace than by forced small-talk. Seokjin really wasn’t trying to be an asshole about it when Jimin had assigned Namjoon to him - it was just that the prospect of spending a whole afternoon babysitting a new employee who wasn’t even on his team seemed like a huge waste of both their time. Seokjin was in business development (exciting), Namjoon was a designer, there was really no overlap whatsoever. Seokjin bit the bullet and agreed because that’s what you did as a “team player”, but could you blame him for being annoyed when Namjoon showed up thirty minutes late, eating into Seokjin’s deadline for an important pitch, because he had spilt tea all over his shirt? The guy was a calamity on legs as he would soon discover, given his run-ins with the printer and their one functioning kettle.
The other thing he’d learned about Namjoon was the guy just would not shut up . One of the things Seokjin was supposed to do as part of Namjoon’s orientation was to introduce him to everybody and Namjoon had taken this as an invitation to talk at length with whoever he met, about the most random things. On his quest to be chatty with everybody, he had even got resident tech-hermit Min Yoongi to talk to him about the history of underground hip-hop in Hongdae for a good twenty minutes, while Seokjin just stood there thinking about all of the work he could have got done in the same amount of time he had to spend hand holding this new guy. So while Seokjin didn’t particularly dislike him, Namjoon hadn’t really made the best first impression.
Right now, he was still out of Namjoon's sight, thank god. Not that anything could take the guy's attention away from the creature scuttling in the sand. He was bent down over the water, probably giving it a poetic send-off into the sea. Seokjin could vaguely see why this could be cute - Namjoon crouched over in the sand making friends with little sea critters. In the way Instagram videos where kittens play with knitting yarn for the first time were cute.
But could he please go be cute somewhere else? Seokjin was trying to be tranquil.
The sun was starting to disappear slowly behind a thick tuft of clouds in the afternoon sky. Seokjin appreciated the shade, and the breeze was cool. He tried to remember the last time he had felt this much at peace. Probably the summer he’d spent at Oojeon beach with his family when he was seventeen right after high school. That was a good summer. It hadn’t been sunny then either, just overcast and windy, with a light drizzle. He remembered the buzzing of the dragonflies and the smell of his mother’s samgyetang. There had been nothing to think about - no school, no work.
Wow, that was so long ago. That was also the last real summer holiday he’d ever had. Between university and summer jobs and business school and working non-stop over the past seven years, he had never once stopped to take a real break. And no, trips home to Gwacheon didn’t count. He didn’t really know why though. It was just not something he’d thought about. That summer felt like a luxury he had as a kid which he didn’t anymore.
He looked up from his book to check the time. 4.30PM. He would have to get back to the group in another hour. Sigh. He gazed out towards the horizon. The little tuft of clouds from earlier had grown larger, casting shadows on the vast, unending expanse of water creating splotches of different blues. The breeze grew cooler as the blue of the sky disappeared behind thick clouds. Great. Rain was just what he needed right now. Soon the breeze had picked up into proper wind, blowing his hair out of his face. He put away his book and got up to head back towards the boats when he saw a figure out in the water.
You had got to be kidding him.
What the hell was Kim Namjoon doing so far out in the sea?
He contemplated heading back alone. Namjoon was an adult with significant cognitive abilities, he imagined. He would know that it wasn’t safe to swim out into the sea in the rain. The waves were getting faster as they lapped against the sand. Surely he would know he needed to get back to shore right away. Right?
Well then, why the hell did he seem to be moving further and further into the water?
God damn it.
“Hey!” Seokjin yelled over the crashing waves, “Hey! We should head back to the group!”
Namjoon was now chest deep in the water, facing the beach but he was too far out to be able to hear Seokjin. He looked like he was swimming but he didn’t seem to be moving in any direction. Seokjin couldn’t tell because of the waves.
“Hey! Can you hear me? We have to go!” Seokjin waved his hands frantically, hoping he’d at least see that and wave back. Namjoon seemed to notice but wasn’t responding. It wasn’t long before Seokjin realised that he wasn’t responding because he was struggling. Seokjin froze. And Namjoon disappeared under the water.
Fuck.
Without a second thought, Seokjin threw his bag in the sand and ran into the water. His heart was pumping hard in his chest, almost painful. He kept his eye on where Namjoon had been, it was not too far off, but the waves were getting stronger. As the sea shelf grew deeper, he dove in. Adrenaline swallowed any fear he might have had as he was fully submerged. The saline water filled his mouth as he sputtered up to take a breath, his eyes stung from the salt. Fighting against the current he swam further into the sea. It was hard to see where he was going, and even harder to lunge upwards to take a breath, but he pushed forward.
It had started to drizzle. He couldn’t see anything under the surface except a muggy blue haze. He was now sure the depth of the shelf had receded to more than six feet - that was more than neck deep. This was probably where Namjoon had gone under. Drawing a sharp, deep breath he dove. He scanned the water beneath the surface hurriedly, looking for any sign of movement. He was now actually starting to freak out. Forget about finding Namjoon, if he didn’t swim back to the beach now, they would both get swallowed by the sea.
His limbs were getting tired and he was falling short of breath. With another deep inhale he dove again. His tired, strained eyes squinted to see through the blue-green water. Where the fuck was he?!
Suddenly he heard a loud gasp and violent splashes behind him. He whipped around to see Namjoon had emerged above the surface, fighting to stay afloat as he sputtered out water. Darting towards him, he grabbed onto him by his waist.
He felt heavy, exhausted - like dead weight. Heaving him by the waist with one hand, Seokjin pushed with the other as hard as he could. The current was getting stronger now as the rain picked up speed. He had to get them back to the beach fast. His muscles were weak, but sheer adrenaline and will power pushed him forward. The waves were getting heavier now, hurling them forwards towards the beach, but then pulling them back with equal force. Seokjin fought against the pull-back with every ounce of energy he had. He couldn't let himself even consider the possibility that he could just pulled into the sea and drown here today. No, he pushed ahead.
Finally he felt slippery rock under his feet. Yes! They were close now. Squirming, he continued to lunge forward, pulling Namjoon's weight along with his arm. Namjoon's skin felt cold, but he could feel him breathing heavily. That was a relief.
As they reached the shallow part of the sea shelf, Seokjin switched his position with Namjoon, moving him out from under his arm and swinging his arm over Seokjin's shoulder. They could walk through the water to the shore now. Namjoon was taller than him so his arm swung over his shoulder easily. Grabbing his waist with one hand and his arm with the other Seokjin dragged him through the water across the sea floor. Namjoon was conscious, though barely, and limped forward himself, drained of energy.
Soon they were wading through knee deep water, then ankle deep. As they stumbled onto the beach, Namjoon's legs gave way as he tumbled onto the sand and coughed, crouched down on all fours. Seokjin set him down haphazardly and collapsed beside him on his back.
His limbs were on fire, there was water in his ears and sand in his mouth. He couldn't move, fatigue seeping into his bones. His breath steadied slowly. He was fine. He was safe.
He lay there for what felt like hours before the rain started pelting down on him. He heaved his body up, steadying himself. For a moment he was just lost - like his mind had to reboot. The island, the beach, the clouds, the wind, the waves, Namjoon.
Kim Namjoon.
He turned to look at him. He was still crouched on his knees, steadying his own breath. It took Seokjin another couple of seconds to remember why he had risked his life and swum into a gathering storm.
"You," he said, "Are you OK?"
Namjoon didn't look at him, but he gave him a small nod, still panting. From panic, Seokjin imagined.
"Why the hell were you out in the sea if you couldn't swim?!" Seokjin didn't want to yell at him in this state, but given that they had both almost died, he thought he also got some leeway with losing his temper.
Namjoon mumbled something between heavy breaths but through the noise of the rain and the waves, Seokjin couldn't make out what he was saying. "What?"
"S-sea turtle," Namjoon croaked, slightly louder.
Seokjin froze. "What?" He asked again, not because he didn't hear him, more because he hoped he'd heard him wrong.
"Infant sea turtle," Namjoon panted, "...I followed it too far…"
"Are you telling me that you and I both almost drowned because you chased a sea turtle into the sea without knowing how to swim?" The question sounded so ridiculous coming out of his mouth that he couldn't even get himself to say it angrily.
Namjoon turned to face him. He was still breathless, but Seokjin could see the fear in his eyes slowly dissipate as he looked at him. "Thank you," he muttered in a small voice.
There was something childlike in his eyes that Seokjin couldn't figure out. A hint of gratitude but also wonder. Like he'd just ridden a roller coaster for the first time. His wet hair was plastered against his forehead, dripping into his eyes. Seokjin even thought he saw a small smile, warm and subtle. And in that moment, just for a second, he forgot that he'd escaped certain death and they were sitting drenched on a beach in the rain, and he wondered. What was Kim Namjoon?
It didn’t take more than a moment for him to snap back to reality. They were alive, yes, but they were sitting in the rain on an empty beach on an island. The group. Shit, they had to get back to the group.
Scrambling to his feet Seokjin scanned the sand for his bag. It was lying a couple of feet away from where they were, but thankfully it hadn’t opened up. Grabbing it, he turned to Namjoon, “Come on, we’ve got to get to the group!”
Namjoon still looked a bit lost, but nodded in agreement and got to his feet. As they ran along the beach, Seokjin got his phone out - thank god he had bought a waterproof bag for this trip. 17 missed calls from Jimin’s emergency Thai number. He kept trying to call him back, but only got a busy tone. What the hell was the point of an emergency number if it didn’t work in an emergency? They had to still be on the beach, right? Where were they going to go in this storm?
The rain was really pouring down on them now, the sky an apocalyptic dark grey. The waves crashed against the shore as the strength of the wind swayed the trees violently. They were so lucky to get out of the water when they did. In this weather, the sea would’ve swallowed them whole.
They weren’t far now. Seokjin tried not to think about what a complete 180 this day had done since they had arrived on the island only 3 hours ago and how completely rotten his luck was. But it looked like things were about to get even worse. He skidded to a halt as they reached the main part of the beach. The boats were all gone. So was the group. And so was every other person that had been on the beach.
Seokjin froze.
Namjoon finally caught up with him and scanned the beach himself, tired and confused. “Uh...where is everybody?”
“I’ll try Jimin again,” Seokjin said, reaching for his phone again. It was already ringing. Jimin, fucking finally.
“Hello? Seokjin sunbae?! Oh thank god you picked up!” Jimin yelled on the other end.
“Where the hell are you guys?!” Seokjin yelled right back, hair dripping onto his phone.
"Where are you guys!? We searched for you and Namjoon for ages! You didn't take my calls!"
"I was in the middle of trying to make sure Namjoon didn't drown so I was a bit busy!" He didn’t look at Namjoon but he could feel him look away. He felt his ears warm up slightly.
" What?! Is he OK?!" Jimin squealed.
"Yeah he's fine, we both are. Where-?"
"Thank god! Oh my god I would be so fired if one of you got hurt on my watch!"
"Yeah because that would be the real tragedy!" He was going to punch Jimin when this was over. Wait. "Where the hell are you guys then?"
“We had to come back to Ao Nang, they told us we had to get off the island because of the storm warning!”
“So you LEFT US HERE?!”
“I’m sorry! We searched the whole island but we couldn’t find you! We thought you were in one of the caves! The Thai coastguard told us they would send a search party for you guys!”
“Well then where are they? Tell them to come get us!”
"I'm with them right now, hold on-," there was muffled sounds of movement and chatter. After a few seconds Jimin came back on the line, "Uh sunbae, you might have to wait for a bit."
"Wait? Why?" Seokjin said, exasperated.
"They're saying that now that they know you're safe, they'll send a boat to pick you up when the storm clears-"
What?! "Jimin you literally just said they were ready to send a search and rescue boat for us!"
"I know! But now they're saying they only send out search parties in emergencies-"
"This IS an emergency Jimin! " Seokjin seared with anger. How was this happening to him?
“I’m sorry hyung, they’re saying if you’re already accounted for and safe, they can’t risk sending a boat in this weather! The water is too choppy! But I’ll try and figure something out!” Seokjin could feel Jimin’s desperation in his voice, “Look, the coast guard says there’s a small security station there - it should be right off the beach towards the north. There’s two officers posted there right now. Just find it and wait there, OK? They’ll send a boat for you guys as soon as the storm clears.”
Seokjin looked at Namjoon. He could see the exhaustion written on his face as he shrugged. What choice did they have?
The cabin wasn’t so much a cabin as it was just a tiny room with a small porch covered by a plastic awning. Thankfully the coast guard officers stationed there knew they were coming and were waiting for them with towels and blankets. After semi-successfully communicating to them in his broken English that neither of them was hurt or needed medical attention, Seokjin stepped out and sat on the porch, draped in a blanket, dripping onto the floor. Namjoon followed not long after holding two cups of coffee, and offered one to him.
Seokjin realised that as the adrenaline from the afternoon wore off and his mind cleared from the confusion and panic and crisis control, he now had the mindspace to actually be mad at Namjoon. And mad, he realised, he was.
Taking the hot cup from Namjoon’s hand, he looked away, afraid he might fill the silence with yelling if he looked at him for much longer. How was this guy this much of a disaster? There was breaking office machinery and then there was risking certain death chasing sea creatures into tumultuous water in a storm. What if Seokjin hadn’t been on that damn beach? He would have floated away, never to be found again! He could have fucking died! Seokjin had started this day, undecided on how to spend three hours by himself, but out of everything he could have done, sacrificing his life for a bonehead co-worker he barely knew definitely wasn’t on the list. How careless could you be? To not think about the consequences, the risk, the absolute disregard for-
“I’m sorry.”
He barely heard it through the racket of the wind and the rain. His voice had been deep and low. Seokjin turned to look at Namjoon, but his gaze was intently on his coffee cup. But then he looked up at him, determined, as if to gather up the courage. “I’m sorry this happened,” Namjoon said, speech formal and tone remorseful.
Seokjin thought of the million things he could say at this moment, but he could tell that the regret in Namjoon’s eyes wasn’t just genuine, it was pained, and embarrassed, and ashamed. And maybe it was the same childlike quality that Seokjin had seen in him back on the beach that stopped him from saying any of those million things. Instead he turned to look away again. He wasn’t going to yell, but he wasn’t going to let him off easy either.
“You put yourself in danger because of me, and I’m really sorry,” Namjoon continued, but this time ending with a full bow.
Seokjin froze, mildly horrified.
This had now gotten awkward. Trust Kim Namjoon to make a situation which was completely a consequence of his own stupidity, uncomfortable and put Seokjin on the spot. He flushed as Namjoon still remained bent over in a 90 degree angle. God, who was Seokjin, his grandmother? He needed to say something before this got worse than it was.
“You’re gonna spill your coffee,” is what he decided on. It was the perfect innocuous response by which he could still efficiently convey his irritation without actually having to react to that dramatic apology. It worked though. Namjoon straightened up and looked back at his coffee cup to check whether he’d spilled any. Then he took a seat in the chair across from Seokjin.
Seokjin sighed, exasperated. He guessed he was going to have to ride out this storm with Namjoon, whether he liked it or not. Where the hell else was either of them going to go? Even the inside of the security cabin wasn’t big enough for four people to sit in comfortably. The storm was not helping his plight either. Curtains of rain continued to pour down on the beach in front of them. They could barely see the mainland anymore through the grey haze of rain. And it was now starting to get dark. Yeah, they would be here for a while.
They sat there quietly staring out into the rain for what felt like hours. Seokjin’s hair was now not completely dry but damp, a little crusty from the salt and sand. He felt a thin mineral layer on his skin. His fingers had pruned up from the moisture, wrinkled and painful. His clothes felt damp and gravelly. He felt tired, he could feel the exhaustion in his muscles in his arms and his back. The cold, wet wind blew heavily through the trees still. The sky was completely dark now. As was the rest of the island, except for the lights in the cabin and the small lightbulb illuminating the porch the best it could. It was a bit eerie. The clock in the cabin read 7PM.
As he shivered slightly, Seokjin’s mind wandered to that summer in Oojeon. It had been raining then too, though that had been more a drizzle. It’s what brought the dragonflies out in the evenings. Korean monsoons were more often overcast skies and light spells of rain than windy storms. He remembered playing in the water till the sky went from grey to inky blue and coming back inside their rented pension, damp and sandy, like he was now - a sensory memory, so similar but so completely different.
“Why a sea turtle?” he found himself asking, breaking the silence. He looked at Namjoon, who blinked at him, slightly startled by the question. “Why were you following a sea turtle?”
Namjoon blinked again, as if to make sure he’d heard him right. “Um… because it was alone,” he said with a bit of uncertainty.
“So?” Seokjin asked.
“So well, Poda isn’t really a nesting beach for sea turtles,” Namjoon said, “And judging by the size of the little guy, he was maybe just a couple of weeks old. So it was weird that a lone baby sea turtle was on a beach and not in the sea.”
It was Seokjin’s turn to blink. “Aren’t sea turtles amphibians though?” He asked.
“Not really,” Namjoon said, “They can live both on land and in water, but they’re basically still reptiles not amphibians. That’s a common misconception,” he smiled, flashing dimples in both cheeks, “But I thought it was strange because once infant sea turtles find the sea from the beach where they were born, they disappear for nearly a decade before going back to the same beach, maybe to lay their own eggs.”
Seokjin listened intently, frozen in his seat. This was the most he had heard Namjoon say to him directly, probably ever. That was mainly because he hadn’t really interacted with Namjoon at work apart from that one orientation day.
“So a lone, infant sea turtle, that had obviously hatched on some other beach and found the sea, being on a new beach was unusual,” Namjoon continued, “It should have been somewhere in the ocean. Once baby sea turtles find the water they wander into the ocean for years.”
“Where do they go?” Seokjin asked.
“Nobody knows really. The patterns are hard to track. The time they’re away is called ‘the lost years’,” Namjoon said, beaming.
“So why did you follow it all the way into the water?” Seokjin asked, genuinely curious now.
“I-,” Namjoon started, but cut himself off. He bowed his head, his smile disappearing, “Nevermind, it was stupid. I’m sorry.” He looked a little crestfallen, embarrassed. Seokjin felt his cheeks flush again. He didn’t want Namjoon to stop. It was comforting listening to him talk - like his voice somehow drowned out the rain and the waves.
“No, tell me!” Seokjin said earnestly, “Really, I want to know.”
Namjoon looked up at him again, still a little embarrassed, but reassured by Seokjin’s tone. “I-It is quite silly now that I think about it but-,” he smiled again, “I was trying to protect it.”
“Protect it?” Seokjin asked.
“Well from predators - like vultures. It was alone and had wandered to a beach accidently. I thought I would make sure it was safe,” he ended with a small embarrassed laugh.
Seokjin felt something stir in his chest. A tingly, blooming warmth. He felt it in the tips of his ears too.
“But there are predators in the sea too, aren’t there?” he asked, “I mean, we saw a million jellyfish in the water from the boats on our way here. Don’t they sting?”
“Sea turtles eat jellyfish,” Namjoon chuckled. Oh god, Seokjin felt his ears go red again (What was wrong with him?). “Besides, the currents were too strong for jellyfish to have wandered close to the shore.”
Seokjin tilted his head to the side (partially so that Namjoon wouldn’t notice his bright red ears), “How does a guy who knows so much about marine life not know how to swim?”
“Ah,” Namjoon said sheepishly, “I tried to learn growing up, I did. My mom even sent me for swim lessons in the summers. Just never really got the hang of it.”
Seokjin looked out towards the sea again. The rain was starting to slow down slightly, but wasn’t completely gone. He tried to imagine, if he would ever have followed a sea turtle into the open ocean. To see a little critter on the beach and have his first thought be that it was probably lost. It was such a strange, bizarre thought. Namjoon had thought nothing of his own safety to protect it in whatever way he could, even if that meant mindlessly walking into open sea - so extremely stupid, so careless, but so kind. Kind in a strange, unimaginable way that would never even cross his own mind. Seokjin couldn’t help but smile to himself.
“What is your deal?” Seokjin found himself asking. Namjoon looked at him frowning slightly, utterly confused. The mist of the rain had formed droplets on his eyelashes, they hung like dew. His half-damp hair was messy and flopped into his eyes instead of sticking to his forehead like it had before. His mouth was slightly open, as if choosing his words to respond to such a vague question.
“What do you mean what’s my deal?” Namjoon asked finally.
“I mean, it’s not everyday you meet a guy willing to risk certain death for a sea turtle,” Seokjin said. “No I’m not making fun of you-!” he quickly added as Namjoon’s frown deepened, “Sorry, I just- I don’t know anybody else that would’ve done that. It was actually really nice. Extremely dangerous and idiotic-” they both laughed (Seokjin felt that warmth bubble up in his chest again), “but nice.”
Namjoon smiled sheepishly, biting his lower lip as he bowed his head down. There those dimples were again. Seokjin’s stomach tightened. Oh god. He was cute. Kim Namjoon was a cute and kind and Seokjin was in trouble.
“It’s just that-” Namjoon started, hesitantly, “The way I see it, as humans we can get so caught up in our own little existence on this planet when there’s so many creatures existing with us, and each of them have their own stories - some stories so much older than ours. All we have to do is listen,” he smiled. Seokjin drew a breath.
He was about to say something, but Namjoon continued, talking fast, “Like jellyfish. You think they’re these slimy blobs when you see them but jellyfish are the oldest multicellular beings on earth. Did you know that? That’s even older than dinosaurs! Sea turtles are ancient creatures too! They are so resilient and they live for hundreds of years! They travel thousands of kilometers in their lifetimes, across oceans! That’s amazing! And they’re about to be extinct and-” He stopped, his cheeks going a shade of pink. Smiling again he said, “I just love animals.”
Seokjin felt the warmth explode in his chest - it travelled to his fingertips, to the hair at the nape of his neck. He felt colour flood into his cheeks. Had Kim Namjoon jabbering about sea creatures really reduced him to a blushing mess?
“Thank you for saving my life today,” Namjoon said suddenly, his voice low and gentle, “I mean that. I wouldn’t be sitting here it weren’t for you.”
“You would have done the same for me,” Seokjin said, and somehow he knew it was true.
They sat silently for a while as the rain reduced to a drizzle. The grey haze was clearing up now, and they could finally see the lights on Ao Nang beach from across the water. The waves lapped against the shore, getting softer and lazier every time they did. The coast guard would send a boat for them any time now. Seokjin figured he should call Jimin and ask what was going on. But he looked up at Namjoon and found himself in no real hurry.
“Wanna hear a confession sunbae?” Namjoon said a bit sheepishly. Seokjin looked up, eyes wide. He could feel his ears burning now.
“I kind of thought you hated me, you know, when I joined. I was really intimidated by you,” Namjoon admitted, his cheeks pink. Seokjin’s mouth went dry. “To be honest, after what happened today I was sure, if you didn’t like me before, you definitely hate me now,” he laughed nervously.
“Why would you think that?” Seokjin asked, his voice shaking slightly.
“You know, that day we got off on the wrong foot,” Namjoon laughed nervously, “I thought it would be friendly to make you some mango tea but I put it in a plastic cup and of course, I had to go spilling it all over myself and get late. I could tell you were mad.”
Seokjin’s face fell. “You made me tea? You didn't even know me,” he said, in a small voice.
“Haha yeah,” Namjoon said, “Kind of like a ‘thank you’ for helping me settle in during my first week. My mom always says you should cook for somebody to repay them for their help. But I’m a total dud in the kitchen, so I made you mango tea. It’s supposed to help soothe your nerves, and you had that big pitch for Sinsa Group you were working on. But I had to go screw it up, I’m sorry.” He paused, looking embarrassed. “This sort of feels like a cosmic callback to that day - you helping me while I screw up,” he said, still smiling.
Seokjin’s stomach tightened with guilt. All Namjoon had tried to do was be nice to a complete stranger who was helping him out. He had brought him tea to help him prepare for the Sinsa pitch. He even remembered the client’s name. And Seokjin had been an asshole about it. That was great.
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way, Namjoon,” he said, sincerely, “I don’t hate you.” And Seokjin didn’t hate him. He didn’t hate him at all.
Namjoon stilled, his eyes wide and expectant. Seokjin didn’t break his gaze, he wanted him to know he’d meant it.
“I’ll bring you your mango tea this time,” Namjoon said breaking into a smile again, “I’ll put it in an airtight tumbler so it won’t spill,” he laughed.
“I’d like that,” Seokjin said, not even bothering to hide his flaming red ears anymore.
The rain had stopped completely now. Crickets and cicadas chirped in the trees, replacing the din of the harrowing rain from earlier. Water dripped down from the edges of the plastic awning. A cool breeze blew into the beach, sending shivers down Seokjin’s skin. The storm had passed. Which meant they would have to go back now.
If four hours ago, you had given Seokjin the choice of riding a longboat over choppy, dangerous waters back to the mainland over spending an evening waiting out the storm with Kim Namjoon, he would have taken his chances with the sea. Now he sat here, hesitating to get up and call Jimin again. He wanted to listen to Namjoon talk. About sea turtles. About jellyfish. About mango tea. About anything.
The soft hum of a boat motor cut through the noise from the crickets. They were here.
“That must be the coast guard!” Namjoon said as he got up to check. Seokjin drew a deep breath as he pulled the blanket off his shoulders.
Bright flood lights from the boat illuminated the dark beach for them as they waded through the shallow water towards it. As Namjoon climbed in first, Seokjin scanned the dark island one last time, feeling like he had come down from the longboats onto the beach ages ago. His muscles stung with pain as he tried to climb onto the boat, every inch of his body worn out. His foot slightly missed the ladder and he started to fall backwards - but not before Namjoon swiftly caught him by his hand.
“Sunbae! It’s OK, you’re OK,” he said, as he gingerly helped him up into the boat. His grip was tight and reassuring, “I’ve got you.” Seokjin smiled weakly.
As the engine revved and they began to move away from Poda, Seokjin settled on a seat by the edge of the boat looking out into the infinite blackness of the sea. Seoul and work and deadlines seemed so distant and unreal, like from another life. He thought of the jellyfish under the surface of the water they were sailing over - they were here millions of years before him. And they probably would be around for a long time after he was gone. He looked over at Namjoon, who was sitting by the edge too. He had a smile on his face again, like he always seemed to. He wondered what it was like to be in Namjoon’s mind, to see the world the way he saw it, to care so much about sea creatures and want to make tea for strangers just out of sheer kindness. He wished he thought that way too. He wanted to.
“Sunbae! Look over there!” Namjoon chirped suddenly. Seokjin looked in the direction he was pointing in. There was a faint blue glow in a patch of water about 500 yards in the distance back near the coast of the island, strange and beautiful.
“What is it?” Seokjin asked.
“Bioluminescent plankton,” Namjoon said brightly, “I’d read about them. They emit their own light. They’re kind of like the fireflies of the sea. You can see them glow on the darkest of nights in shallow water.”
Seokjin peered curiously at the glowing patches of water. They danced around slowly, cutting through the darkness of the night.
“It looks like the island is giving us a send-off,” Namjoon said with a laugh.
How did Namjoon do that? How did he turn everything into magic, into wonder? Could Seokjin do that too? He wanted to try. He wanted to be excited and feel awed by things the way Namjoon was. He wanted to get out of his own head and notice the world around him. He remembered feeling like that at Oojeon all those years ago, but he had lost that the older he got and the more he felt like he needed to do. Maybe Namjoon was right and this was some sort of cosmic callback. Maybe this was a reminder for him to give himself room to explore what he didn’t know and maybe be amazed by it. And maybe he wanted to do it with Namjoon, while he babbled about plankton.
Namjoon leaned over the edge of the boat, looking down at the dark waves.
“Careful there, hoobae,” Seokjin teased slightly, “You might tip over and last I checked, you can’t swim.”
“I’m lucky I have you here then,” Namjoon grinned, flashing his dimples again. Yeah, Seokjin was definitely in trouble.
***
This was stupid. Was this stupid?
Oh God, this was really stupid.
Seokjin couldn’t stop fidgeting with it. He turned the box around in his pocket a hundred times, then switched it from his pants pocket to the one in his jacket. Then back to his pants. Jesus, how old was he? A whole office Christmas party going on around him and he was playing with a box of jewelry, trying to calm his damn nerves. He was acting like some hormonal teen. Trust Kim Namjoon to turn him into this.
They had been dancing around it for months - ever since Krabi. The afternoon smiles, the coffee breaks, the mid-workday excursions for tteokbeokki, the late night text conversations about favourite insects, the simul-streamed horror movies on weekends, it was all getting out of hand. Like a huge build up to something that neither of them addressed.
But there was only so much Seokjin could take. It had been months of watching Namjoon smile, hanging out with Namjoon, laughing with Namjoon, texting Namjoon, sharing food with Namjoon, talking for hours with Namjoon - and most agonisingly wanting to hold and kiss Namjoon through all of it. So tonight he was finally just going to ask him if he could.
He had spent way too much time considering how he should do this. He needed a gesture of some sort - anything to avoid actually saying the words ‘I like you quite a lot and would very much like to kiss you right now and generally all the time.’ So this is what he had gone with. He fiddled with the box some more.
Ugh it was so cheesy. It had sounded so romantic in his head a week ago. Maybe Namjoon was a romantic? But what if he wasn’t and this was all going to be a huge fail? What if these past few months Namjoon had just been nice and kind and sweet because he was just a nice and kind and sweet guy? What if all he wanted was to be friends? Seokjin reevaluated his life.
No. You know what? He would never know if he didn’t even try. It was time to get this over with.
Namjoon was by the food table talking to Jungkook. He was wearing a navy blue sweater with white snowflakes on it. His eyes disappeared into crescents as he threw his head back and laughed heartily at something Jungkook had said. Seokjin’s stomach tightened. Here goes nothing .
“Namjoon,” he said walking up to them, “Can I talk to you for a second?”
“Oh, Seokjin hyung! Hi!” Namjoon said, still laughing, “Sure, what’s up?”
Seokjin flushed as Jungkook turned to look at him too. This didn’t need an audience. “Uh...not here. Do you wanna come with me?" he asked, willfully ignoring Jungkook’s puzzled face. He needed to do this away from a busy party.
“Um OK,” Namjoon said, equally confused as he followed Seokjin.
He led him into one of the empty conference rooms, his heart pounding hard in his chest. In retrospect this must have seemed a bit creepy, leading him away from a crowded party into this dark and empty room. Wow, this was going well.
The city lights illuminated the room as best they could through the glass walls. Dim light danced across Namjoon’s form as he stood, looking out at the city. It reminded Seokjin a bit of that night in Krabi - the dark and stormy beach and the single lightbulb that had faintly lit Namjoon’s face. It was fitting, Seokjin guessed. He drew a breath.
His plan for this hadn’t really included what exactly he would say. He wasn’t good with words. Not like Namjoon was. Namjoon was lyrical and poetic and eloquent. He was so articulate and he cared so much. He could write whole songs about garden chameleons (and he would). How could Seokjin match that? How could he tell Namjoon that night on the island had been wonderful despite the fact that they had almost died? How could he tell Namjoon that being around him these past few months had made him happier than he had been in a long time? How could he tell him that Namjoon had given him perspective not just on his own life but also the world, by just being who he was? How could he tell Namjoon that all he wanted to do was try and make him as happy as he made Seokjin? How could he tell him all that without sounding like a complete lovestruck idiot?
“So…are you- uh- having fun tonight?” Seokjin asked stupidly. Smooth.
Namjoon’s brows furrowed in a small, confused frown. “Uh- yeah,” he said with a soft smile.
“Do you have any plans for Christmas?” Why couldn’t he just do it ?
Namjoon pulled a quizzical face as he laughed, definitely wondering what the hell was going on. “Not really? It’s such a couple holiday anyway,” he said, “I’ll get myself some of that fancy Christmas chocolate, I guess.”
“Well um- ,” Seokjin said, feeling himself going red in the face. Thank God the lighting was dim. “I- uh- I got you something.” He reached into his pocket and pulled the box out. It was small and covered in blue velvet. Namjoon’s eyes widened.
“Hyung…” he said, “Are you-?” His jaw dropped as he covered his mouth with both his hands.
Wait. What? Did he think-?
Oh my God.
“No it’s not what you-!” Seokjin said quickly, horrified, “That’s not what this-!”
“Hyung, we never-” Namjoon said, eyes still wide in shock.
“I know! That’s why - I mean - that’s what I wanted to-!”
“You never said-”
“Neither did you-!”
“What are you-?”
“Namjoon!” Seokjin said finally, “It’s not a engagement ring! Will you just open it?” His cheeks were on fire and his heart continued to pound. This had definitely not gone how he’d expected.
Namjoon’s fingers shook slightly as he took the box from Seokjin’s hand. His face softened as he opened the box, but the shock returned when saw what was inside. He took it out in his hand to examine it closely, before looking up at Seokjin. He blinked in disbelief, his mouth still slightly open, as he held the tiny sea turtle charm.
“You know - for the turtle you saved that day at Poda,” Seokjin said, looking at his feet, “And it’s silver so it won’t hurt your skin if you wear it in a neckl-”
Before he could finish, Namjoon’s lips were on his. His face burned hot under Namjoon’s fingers as he cupped his cheeks. He was soft and gentle and tasted of mulled wine and cinnamon. Seokjin felt winded, his knees faltered. He melted into the kiss, weak and elated. His own hands wrapped around Namjoon’s neck as Namjoon’s found his waist. He’d wanted this for so long. He guessed he didn’t have to worry about whether or not Namjoon liked him back.
Namjoon broke away from the kiss, but not from him. His forehead stayed rested against Seokjin’s as he smiled. “Finally,” he breathed into Seokjin’s mouth, his eyes closed.
“You were waiting for me to give you jewelry?” Seokjin teased, as he caught his breath.
“I was waiting to get to kiss you,” Namjoon said, grinning against his lips, “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to.”
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for months,” Seokjin said, swaying slightly into him.
“I’ve been wanting to kiss you since you pulled me out of the water that day on the island,” Namjoon said. Seokjin felt that familiar warmth burst in his chest again. He definitely didn’t have to worry about Namjoon liking him back.
“Did you really think I was going to propose?” Seokjin laughed as they still held each other, as if making up for lost time.
“Like I said, I was hoping to get to kiss you first,” Namjoon said. He pulled one of his arms away while still holding Seokjin with the other. “It’s beautiful,” he said softly, holding the charm in his palm. Seokjin wished they could stay like this for the rest of the night, nuzzled in each other. They had waited long enough.
“Should we get back to the party?” Namjoon asked, “Everybody’s probably wondering where we are.”
Seokjin tightened his arms around Namjoon’s neck pulling him closer, “Nah, they don’t need to worry,” he said, “Sea turtles always find their way back.”
Namjoon broke into the widest grin, before Seokjin kissed him again.